omg! kayday, that is hilarious! I could visualize the whole thing! Had me rooting for him!

If you're husband tries to get a little frisky with you in the kitchen - don't do it! I got pressed against the front of the stove once, which turned on one of the burners. My hair is very long (and was almost down to my waist at that time) and ended up getting singed. I had to cut a lot of it off... *sigh*

I've been burned, cut, etc... but nothing compares with catching your hair on fire because your husband is feeling a bit friendly.

Edited to add: I don't know why I feel compelled to clarify that there was no nudity involved... because not that any of you were thinking that, right? Right.

I worked in my best friends resteraunt back in the early 90's. I had to open up get everything going (6:00 am)....that meant getting coffee going, making homemade biscuits & gravy, putting salad bar together, and start the lunch special for that day (which was all homemade), plus do any orders coming in (I work this shift by myself)....this also meant putting the ice cream machine together and getting it started.

So got the ice cream machine together and up & running, I am in the kitchen getting all the stuff ready for the lunch special & fixing what ever orders there where. About 15-20mins. later I step into the area where the ice cream machine is......Oh my goodness ice cream is going every where it's on the counter, the floor, all over the machine.....I start getting buckets, cups, bowls. I am trying to catch what ice cream I can and trying to turn the machine off at the same time and trying not to slip....I get the machine turned off, but ice cream is still coming out.....Now I swear the whole time this is happening all I could think of was "The I Love Lucy Show" where she is doing the candy and the candy line is going so fast she can't keep up, and she is stuffing candy every where she can . But there was no way I was going to stuff ice cream down my shirt .

What went wrong, I left out a part of the machine that would keep the ice cream from just coming out on it's own. Lesson learned, I had to redo everything all over again....clean everything then put it back together.

The other thing I did, was I had gotten a dish washing machine...I didn't know anything about them never haven't one before. I run out of the dishwashing liquid for the machine and thought I could use some dawn WRONG! there were soap suds every where coming out of the machine....but the bright side to this....The kids had a blast playing in them and I had one heck of a clean kitchen floor .

God Bless,
Sharon

All I can say is don't ever put styrofoam in the microwave. It's not a good thing to do. I wound't say it melts, more like evaporates. Needless to say it doesn't seem to hold what it was supposed to be holding anymore.

When I was about 10 , I decided to make microwaved peanut brittle..I followed the recipe exactly - well sort of I put a whole cup of baking soda and 1 tsp of sugar!! It was a blackened mess and we had to throw the pan away.

When I first got married ( couldn't cook at all) I burnt instant pudding. Yes, I said instant!!! I didn't read the package..thought I had to cook it.
My husband just LOVES to tell THAT story.

Just recently I had cheesy potatoes with lots of butter cooking in the microwave. Well, I'm short -so my microwave is a bit higher than I am..actually, I can't see in it without standing on a chair! Anyway, I pulled the dish out of the microwave with one hand..it turned out to be quite heavier than I thought and I almost dropped it-I didn't tho, I held on but I did manage to spill ALOT of the melted butter on my shirt and burnt my boob!! Poor boobs take a lot of beatings, don't they?

This is on my fridge door. Maybe it should be my avatar.

Someone mentioned a flat top stove. I have one too. And it even has little lights that tell you if a burner is hot, but it's another surface to use and I use it like a countertop and sometimes you just don't even see those litle lights. Well, I set down a plastic container on the hot burner and made a big, stinky mess. Do you know how hard it is to get melted plastic off one of those stove tops?!

Just remembered one from when I was about 9. ( I swear to you, I am not making this up!) My cousin and I wanted to make oatmeal raisin cookies so my mom let us, she forgot to tell us that her mixer was on the fritz.

We put in the ingredients and tuned it on low to start mixing. The sucker went on warp speed and food started flinging out everywhere. When I say fling it out that's exactly what happened! It was throwing food 6 ft away and up to the ceiling. The whole mixer was bouncing up and down on the counter and my mom, Stephanie and I were all screaming. Stephanie was hidding behind me.
So what does my mom do? She hides behind Stephanie! I was used as a human shield! So it was up to me to turn the psycho mixer off. Easier said than done. I felt like I was in a horrible snow storm trying to walk forward while trying to sheild my eyes. Well, the speed of the mixer was insaine and it was whipping the raisins out at 90 mph. I started yelling " I'm getting hit" and slowly managed to make my way to turn it off. I flipped the switch and nothing happened--it refused to turn off! A glob of oatmeal slung out and hit me in the neck--really hard as I unpluged the vile beast.

My mom and Stephanie were dying laughing as I turned around. I had welts all over my face neck and arms from the blasted raisins hitting me so hard. I checked the mixer to see if there was anything left and nothing was in the bowl. Not even enough to make one cookie.

Then the worst thing happened--we had to clean the kitchen.

lynda-bob wrote:
brilliant idea!!! I don't have any clean underwear so I'm going to wash a pair in the sink and put them in the oven to dry while I shower I come out of the shower to find the apt. full of smoke and smelling like burnt plastic!!! (My undies were some cheap shiny poly-something material-even more lol). I wound up having to wash another pair and dried them with the hair-dryer!

Dolfin wrote:

iHay Dolfin, No me digas! This one is not kitchen related but the whole panty fiasco reminded me of this one time I had to ride the bus home from work. I was sitting up front where there are benches facing each other... I could not figure, for the life of me, why this woman kept staring at me. She'd look me up and down, up and down I was getting mighty perturbed Finally, got off the bus at my apt and just took one final look at the rude woman without having said one word! Hmmph...the nerve of some people. I'm kicking off my shoes inside and they are two completely different shoes!!!! I started howling, had to run to the bathroom before I had another embarrassing story to tell! What had happened was that my now XH had worked all night and I didn't want to wake him at five in the morning, so I got dressed in the dark! Ridiculous!!! That's me

mkolmar, I'm sorry the nine yr old little girl mkolmar got slightly injured but MAN, LFMAO! That was a good one!

That's it, I am going to have to move the computer in to the bathroom I almost didn't make it this time.
You ladies are to funny!!!

I will start htis by saying I am a clutz..... I also love to cook (don;t like baking, just the decoratng part).
Lets see the most recent ER visit.... I was making bread and thought the KA was off, so i stuck my hand in and the KA went on..motor is dying. Well I ended up with a a broken wrist.

I used to do pampered chef, at a party for a bunch of 75 and up yr old ladies, i sliced opened my finger on the Apple/peeler/corer/slicer. Stuck my hand in a towel and then in my apron and finished the show, ran out of there and headed to the ER, 7 stiches on my pinky finger....

I sliced the top of my thumb of on a PC Mandolin.... my finger is still crooked.

Well this happens in all my pregnancies (having my third soon), My belly gets so big that I turn on the gas to my stove top all the time and don;t realize it for hours....

MKOLMAR...that one got me....Guys these are GREAT stories..!! I almost didnt tell mine cuz it was so long ( and I actually omitted a little to save time) but picturing Leah with her head being eaten by her mixer paddles had me laughing till I cried...and figured I owed you guys my best one. I have made many pots of coffee w/o the pot under the drip basket (before the days of pause-n-serve).....turned the oven on with things in it that should have NEVER been there. So many crazy ones, but the one with daddy is unforgettable....You had to know how dignified he was to TRULY appreciate how great it was to see him skid all over like that. Folks that was in the 80's as I will be 40 at the end of this year...and I still laugh till I cry when I think of it.

(also I believe that I misspelled BOWL in there somewhere in the last post)

Ths stories are hilarious!! And it makes me feel lik I am not alone.

When I as about 13 I found a great recipe for sugar cookies. I mixed everything together and put them on a cookie sheet which I put into my preheated oven. Now it was summer vacation and my mother was at work and I did not know how to use the oven. I had accidently put it on broil instead of bake and 350 degrees Celcius instead of 350 degrees farenheit. Needless to say that my "hockey puck" cookies did not get eaten.
My other story is I was 16 and my mom asked me to mix up the meatloaf and put it in the oven. ( I had learned by that time to work the thing) I got it all mixed together into the loaf pan and intothe oven. Then I proceeded to accidently turn the oven on self clean and the door locked and I could not get it open. My mom did not let me cook after that for a long time. My DH still wonders how I can bake wonderfully but can't cook dinner if my life depended on it. I started baking at 17 and only when my mom was not home at first until I finally figured out the new stove she had to buy.

I do some silly things too, but my sister...well she is in a class by herself.

The one I remember best happened a few years back. She had cooked something (in it of itself a bit rare) and burnt it in her pan really, really good. But as luck would have it she had seen at the grocery store these little tablets which you are supposed to put in the pan with water and it will loosen the stuff off the pan. So she goes and gets one of these tablets and puts it in her pan with hot water and lets it sit overnight. Next morning gets up, looks in the pan. Nope still stuff in the pan, and throws it out. No scrubbing, no rinsing. She expected all the food in the pan to somehow dissappear.....

The other thing I remember her doing is one Christmas I was coming home from college and she was dissappointed because her and mom hadn't remembered to buy a cake mix to make a Christmas birthday cake. I said that is okay, Mom has flour and sugar and things, and she was surprised. "You mean you can make a cake from those things, I didn't know you could do that." Yes, you can tell, my family didn't bake alot.

I was laughing so hard I cried at this post - these are very important safety tips here - a list must be made.

Mine (recently) was the exploding eggs on the stove - very smelly and not good to use for anything but a lesson for daughter.

Another important tip is never, never put your hand in the bread maker while it is running - fingers do not kneed well into dough and blood is not a great addition to any type of bread.

One of my favorite laughs happened when my mom and I were making cookies and mixing powdered sugar & food coloring for colored coating on wedding cookies in the blender - the blender stopped, the knife went in to dislodge the blade, powdered sugar came out all over everything. The look on our faces was We laughed until we cried.

Keep them coming ladies we need to know we are not alone in our moments of ummm shall we say....

OOh, I have another one that my aunt told me about not too long ago. My aunt had just bought a new blender, and my uncle decided they were gonna use it like a food processor to grind some walnut into small piece for a nut crusted cheese cake (Normally, very tasty I might add). Unfortunately, my uncle did not realize that in order to use the walnuts, first you have to crack them open and dig out the insides. See where I am going? He adds the WHOLE walnut, shell and all, into the blender, turns that bad boy on, and a walnut comes shooting out at him through the front of the blender! Luckily he gets the machine off, but unfortunately, he is left with blender with a walnut sized who in it. I never asked to see if they tried to take it back. lol try explaining that one!

omg these are hilarious! I seriously cannot stop laughing. DS keeps coming to ask me whats so funny.

I've got a couple:

When I was about 12, I thought I'd make some frosting, just because. Flipped through mom's big red Betty Crocker cookbook and decided those looked too complicated so I would just make it up. I remember sugar, milk and LOTS of flour went into that bowl, as well as some red food coloring so it was a really pretty pink color, and VERY yucky!

A few years ago I tries a new recipe that was, in basic, grilled spicy beef kebabs. I couldn't find the... specialty chile powder it called for, so I figured I'd just substitute ground red pepper, cause all chile powder is pretty much the same, right? Yeah, not so much. Put the meat on the grill pan (didn't have an outdoor grill yet) and soon DH's and my eyes are stinging, and we're coughing from the chile.... DH ran our then months old DS to the back room, threw all the windows open, and went to get dinner at Micky D's. He hasn't let me live that one down since.

I once thought it was time to put the oven on the self clean cycle after I had made Paula Deen's French Toast Casserole, of which, some of the sugary syrup had bubbled over onto the oven door. Yes, I forgot to put a pan underneath it. An hour or so in to the cycle, I'm sitting at the table with my mom and a 4 year old DS when the smoke really starts getting heavy, and flames erupt! DS was so scared, but he ran outside and grabbed the water hose and had it turned on heading back to the house to put out the fire by the time my mom got out there to stop him. He was so cute, and I was so proud of him.

My ceiling too is decorated with cake batter, Jackson Pollock style.

ok these stories are so funny! I have only gotten through 2 pagesand decided i have to add a story in for myself haha.

I was 18 had just moved out of my parentshouse, had some pyrex baking bishes but no pots, so I wanted to cook some pasta and I took theround pyrex dish and put it on the eye with water in it, turned the eye on and well, the entire dish cracked and when I tried to take it off it broke to pieces and spilled everywhere.

There are some truly great ones here...(*Stepping down with my runner up ribbon happily*).....keep em coming....I am loving it!!!

OK, so I know I have a million of these stories I could tell about me, but I'll tell you about one my brother did...

He called and asked me how I make my cheese sauce for homemade mac 'n cheese. I told him how to make a rue with butter and flour and then add the milk...

He set out to cook and finally got it completed and set it down with a flourish in front of his 4 yr old daugher and 5 yr old niece and proudly wached as they each took their first bite. They looked at each other and promptly spit it out. He and my SIL were like !
So, they tasted it and thought it was pretty good until the sweetness hit them. He couldn't figure out what was wrong. He saved it and had me try it. YUCK! I told him he didn't use flour. He said that he did and brought the unmarked contaniner to me - it was powdered sugar!

His swagger in the kitchen is a little less obvious now and they label their containers.

O forgot another one. I had to be 5 or so & my best friend had spent the night. We got up early thenext morning & had decided we were hungry. We thought we would be nice & make breakfast for myparents & little sister. WE wanted to make pancakes & cinnamon toast. All I can remember is blackened toast with half a tub of butter & about a pound of sugar & whole bottle of cinnamon. For the pancakes water, flour what does that equal a big gooey mess. Needless to say the kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off. My mom found us covered in flour & eating out pancake grinning like the cat who swallowed the canary. We tried to serve my family breakfast but I think they opted for milk & ceral. Can't imagine why.

My mom never lets my dad live this one down. About 30 years ago my dad made some gravy. Well he was so proud that it was the smoothest gravy that he ever saw. He forgot to tatste test though. This was for their first Christmas dinner after they got married. Well everyone put it on their potatoes and their turkey and took bites. It was really sweet. My dad had used icing sugar instead of cornstarch. To this day my mom keeps the icing sugar and the cornstarch in labeled containers and buys mix for gravy.
When my youngest daughter was about 2 months old. She was still getting up through the night. I reached into te fridge to get her formula and no ticed that there was none made up. So at 3 am I ammaking formula. My eyes are barely open and I am not even thinking. I boiled the water and proceeded to use instant coffee in the formula container instead of a can of formula. It was a great big coffee but it did me no good as formula. I quickly made another batch of real formula this time and my DH never lets me live down the big coffee instant.

these are great stories..
when i was about 17 ( 19 now) i wanted popcorn. my mom had bought these weird new micorwave bags... i figured whats the worse that would happen and threw the thing in there and when back to watch tv... i hear the beep and go to get my popcorn... oh my the microwave was on fire!!!!!!! the bag somehow ignited and the whole inside was now on fire... luckily it put itself out... but the microwave itself wasn't good... the whole inside was melted and the door was black... the funniest part was i didnt tell my mom and when she came home she asked what happened i innocently said i had no idea... maybe it was a fuse or something.. she didnt believe.. i don't make popcorn anymore lol..
the next story i think is even funnier... i wanted to make my bf hamburgers for lunch so i go outside to turn on the grill... i turn on the propane and go to light it.,... our light button is broken so i ( never do this) stick my head in the bbq and light... it blew up in my face... thanks god it wasnt serious... i ran inside crying and kepy insisting to my bf i can't see and my skin is burnt... well needless to say i am a drama queen. i had half and eyebrow, no eyelashes ( good thing for false ones) and no nose hairs...i was smelling charcoal for weeks... my got a new bbq a week later... and i am scared silly to use the darn thing

Ha! The one with the grill is funny. I've done that before too when the igniter button wasn't working properly. I still had my eye brows and arm hair and they looked normal unless you touched it and then they felt like melted plastic.

OK...Got a new one...No, its not a contender....but is slightly amusing. Flash back...this past Saturday ...working a wedding at the local Courtyard marriot Hey it doesnt have to me MY kitchen...does it?..). I was only doing cakes and flowers. All the bouquest and bouts. and the large arrangements as well as cake and punch fountain arrangements were all nestled safely in my floral cooler the night before. The cakes iced to perfection...smooth and just like the bride wanted. I was pretty damn smug about my competency and how I was ahead of the game. The bride was a mom of my dd's friend. So was gonna be all dressed up...no rushing about in the Alabama heat...just gonna pull up at the hotel in my dressy clothes...set up the cake and dazzle everyone with my flowers...right? Yeah......

NOT! The bride was distraught as the "friend" that was going to set up her food for her couldnt make it. She has all prepackaged foods from samsclub and I dont EVER set up anything I didnt buy/prepare...(now I have great testimony other than not wanting blamed with some bad food to NEVER do this) but as I know her fairly well and felt really bad for her I agreed to put the stuff on platters for her ...we were done with flowers/cakes 15 mins before the wedding started and it was to be a 20-30 minute service...plenty of time ... NOPE. Mt assistant and myself were chugging along throwin the food together on trays platters stands etc... when we realized that she had about 6 coolers the size of small coffins to dig thru to find everything and how some of them were frozen SOLID inside Ill never know. Plug in punch fountain...8 gal. of punch FROZEN SOLID. We literally hade to chisel much of the food and punch containers out of the ice...( took forever)Ok...we will sit ithe punch in the hotel kitchen sink with hot water and itll be ok in a few minutes...while we microwave one into slush and get the punch fountain sorta flowing. Assistant comes up missing... I am trying to melt chocolate for the choc fountain in tiny cups....and things as the hotel micro. is small.... and the one bowl I was using melted...(another mess and story on its own)....and running back and forth from kitchen to reception area with these tiny bits of chocolate and finally get fountain somewhat flowing....I am still tearing open pinwheel sandwiches and crackers and things and cursing asst. to myself....

The bride and groom come in and see me dripping sweat and keeping it blotted as I dont want to drip in the food and she looks scare...I musta looked a little crazy by now. Guests are wondering when the hell they are gonna get in the rec. area...and giving me dirty looks... I finally get it to where there is a little of everything on the table ( she was gonna SAVE $) by doing this herself and with the help of family and I wind up saving her @zz. SHe spend a couple of hundred on stands candelabra and a tiny choc fountain ...plus bought WAYYYY too much food. She would have saved money by using us for the whole thing..and her guests wouldnt have waited and things wouldnt have been frozen...as I did tell her after it was all over.
I exit the rec. area to gain my composure and catch my breath....wipe my face and look down the corridor to see my asst. coming towards me almost in tears... and before I was able to get my hands around her throat ( hehe ) she manages to say...I FLUSHED YOUR KEYS! I really had to pee....keys fell in...I ve been trying...the hotel says they are gone...It double flushes....I am so sorry....at this point ...the whole thing came into perspective fromthe point of view of a bystander and I laughed till I cried.

KayDay - sounds like you not only did an awesome job, but you were an awesome friend! You should make this bride put your card in everyone of her thank you cards!!!