What Would You Do If You Child............
Lounge By mmdd Updated 8 Aug 2006 , 11:27pm by karmicflower
Told you that he hated you and spit at you in the grocery store???
I'm talking about my 4 yo son! He is very independant and doesn't ever want to do the same thing as anyone else. He chooses the opposite from everyone else.........like he's trying to prove himself or something. ?? I don't know.
He's SO stubborn and never listens to me, he gets timeouts and lots of privileges taken away. He doesnt care. He doesn't ACT like it doesnt bother him, it really doesn't bother him.
Idon'tknow how to get him to change and behave. I want to cry. 
I didn't know what to do but I told him that he shouldnt do that stuff to anyone, especially not mommy or daddy.
Can anyone offer some valuable advice? Pretty please!!!!!
Have you tried ignoring the negative behaviour, when it is safe to do so and over the top praising the positive?
Does he enjoy helping out? My children love helping around the house and benefit from a bit of responsibility. I know it is easier said than done and everything is a battle but eventually they grow out of "the stage".
Some children have a strong will and it does get better.
Have a great birthday. 
Panda
x
That is a really tough situation to deal with. One of the biggest things that I find helps is consistency. I was guilty of not following through with punishing my difficult child. Sometimes it seemed as though it was easier to give in. Maybe your little one needs different outlets for his energy. Think about why he told you that and discuss it with him. Does he attend a preschool? That helped a lot with my daughter. Maybe he wants more time with mommy. Not the best way to get it but.....
On a side note, I vividly remember the one and only time my father spanked me.....it was the time I looked my mom in the eyes and told her, very seriously, that I hated her. Never did that again!! lol It was all because I didn't want to have to stay with a babysitter. Yes, I was a spoiled she devil! 
I will be thinking about you!
I'm sure I will catch it for this...but without a doubt if it had been my kid...I wouldve yanked his rear right out of that store and take him home to lather up that mouth!!!!
My kids have tested me just a few times in the grocery store...that is one place I will not hesitate to walk away from that basket and drag that butts home!!! I guarantee that is one silent trip home!!
Some more info. is that he's been with me only since he was born....we also have a 5 yo...both boys. Act nothing alike.
He only likes doing something if it's what he wants to do and when he wants to do it.
Thank you, panda, "strong willed" is exactly the words I was looking for.
I'M WITH TWINSLINE...when they act up, make sure they know who's the authoritative figure in the situation...
I'm sure I will catch it for this...but without a doubt if it had been my kid...I wouldve yanked his rear right out of that store and take him home to lather up that mouth!!!!
My kids have tested me just a few times in the grocery store...that is one place I will not hesitate to walk away from that basket and drag that butts home!!! I guarantee that is one silent trip home!!
He only acts up in certain places. And, this is one of them. Maybe thats why.....he's learned to because I've just dealt with his actions in the store and never followed anything up.
They're both very good about staying right beside me and they never run off, but he just acts up so badly. It's funny, though, my 5yo listens right away pretty much........especially in a store.
So, what do you do, twins, when there's something that you desperately need........like milk or something and you just leave? I've thought about leaving the store, but sometimes there are things I really need.
well I'm sure he had a very good reason for doing that. 
cause us mommy's are just so mean.
OK i am obviously joking its not a bad thing that he wants to be different and i think you should make that clear to him. however spitting at you and saying hateful things is not OK. perhaps you can sit him down and say i understand you get upset with mommy when i wont buy you candy but spitting at me and telling me you hate me is not going to make me change my mind. i tell my kids all the time that i don't reward bad behavior and if they want a toy or candy or movie or whatever it is then they need to earn it. you can even ask him how would you feel if mommy spit at you and told you i hate you?? depending on the child he may say he wouldn't care or maybe he doesn't know or perhaps he would be sad. explain to him that those things aren't nice and hurt peoples feelings.
if he were older like my two oldest ones and he knew how to write well enough i would make him write sentences.
but believe it or not the absolute worse punishment for my boys is making them sit at the table!!!! oh the horror!!!!!!! 
you would think we had just beat them the way they act when we say you know we don't climb the bathroom walls at school now you get to sit at the table for your choices. omg they are 8 and 9 now and the oldest has asked for a spanking so he wont have to sit at the table!!!!
oh yes i have also soaped up my kids mouths for inappropriate things. the first time i did this i was so scared they would get sick. so i let them rinse their mouths out pretty much right after wards 
after speaking with the dr a few months later he reassured me as long as i didn't pour the whole bottle of soap in their mouths and as long as its is just soap and not that hand sanitizer it would be fine. a few years had passed since the first time and just this past year both boys again got in trouble for inappropriate words so to the bathroom we went and they were thinking well this sucks but at least we get to wash it out. so the oldest says can i rinse my mouth out now and i said no then it started kids know we get upset. they are smart its like they are born with the instructions for pushing buttons!!!!!!!
I have a question.... how did you handle the situation??
I squatted down to his level and told him that he shouldn't ever say that or spit at anyone...especially mommy & daddy. He apologized to me and said he was sorry. (but does he really know what that means at 4?) I then told him that he was behaving very badly and that he would go to time out when we got home.
In the car, I took away his toys that he had brought along and told him that he was gonna have to sit the ride home w/o them.
Much to my surprise, he immediately went to his usual time out spot as soon as he walked in the door.
Now..........do you want me to tell you what I wanted to do????? I'm just joking!
He only acts up in certain places. And, this is one of them. Maybe thats why.....he's learned to because I've just dealt with his actions in the store and never followed anything up.
They're both very good about staying right beside me and they never run off, but he just acts up so badly. It's funny, though, my 5yo listens right away pretty much........especially in a store.
So, what do you do, twins, when there's something that you desperately need........like milk or something and you just leave? I've thought about leaving the store, but sometimes there are things I really need.
He knows he embarrasses you in the grocery store.....he also knows he has you where he wants you......mine picked that up very early...but I had to shock them into realizing they were MY kids...not the woman at the store lookig at me funny because I had to get after my kids.....it really did only take twice leaving the store before they realized I was serious...and would do it regardless of how bad I needed something......fortunately for me with 5....they get the guilt of "the boys don't have milk now"...or "there isnt any milk for breakfast"....I honestly had to go without those things...in addition to they did too....to show them there is a reaso for goig to the store.....which means there is a reason for them to behave in it
speaking as an uncle who has had to do lots of "child minding" duty for the rest of the family...we're talking full days and nights, two weeks at a stretch and up to months
little miss molly knows NOT to cross Unka Dug..or that's it. I've only had to do it twice -- once in the grocery store and once in the mall....
just pick her up, she kicking and screaming, and carry her to the car, plant her tooky in car seat, buckle her up and then off to home and time out in the corner! (10 sec per month of age)
it's now a simple--- and am I taking you to the car?
you're the mommy not the friend, not the pal, not the buddy, the playmate...the mommy
and if mama ain't happy, ain't' NO body happy.
say what you mean, mean what you say and carry through on every thing you say you will do.
(and for the soap users out there--- you go! tho' in our family the punishment of choice was: a 1/2 tsp of pure horseradish!!...doesn't kill, not poisonous but OUCH!!!!! does it sure burn the mouth!
oh and another trick for smart lips....know how you can flick something off your thumb? flick the child's lip real fast....no major harm or abuse, but OUCH...gets the attention and is swift punishment on the spot that reminds them that whatever they said was UNACCEPTABLE!)
Let's put it this way.. when you figure it out... let me know. 
My 5 year old has good days and bad days. He is definitely my most strong willed boy and my 2 year old is the most strong willed girl. They are in a constant battle for everything! It drives me nuts! Yes... Max (5 yo.) has spit at me and told me that he hates me.
We are the time out freaks and like Susan said... they hate it. They act like I just stuck them in jail for 10 minutes! I have a list of rules, and I am very strict, but my battles seem to be less and less these days. I have stuck to my guns. When they act up in public, I leave my cart in the middle of the store and we leave. They have learned that when I warn them in the store... I mean it. All of this has been a major inconvience on me, but it has been worth it.
PM me if you ever need someone to cry too! I so know what you are going through, and I'm learning that the older they get .... the easier it gets. In the meantime, take lots of hot baths and cry to anyone who will listen!
lol doug!!!!!
once we tried hot sauce and guess what the child 3yrs old says oh thats good can i have some more now im not talking about want to be hot sauce i mean hot hot sauce.
i hate it that kids pick up so quickly on the bad things. but its because the bad gets the quickest reactions from us!!!! like i said kids are born with instructions on how to push the parents buttons!!!!!
Okay, this is how it goes around my house:
The punishment fits the crime. Their discipline varies according to the offense...so
mouth washed out for spitting and dirty words.....
for writing on things like walls, tables,etc 500-1000 sentences over and over to the effect of "i will respect other's property" blah blah blah
fighting over toys, etc : toys are taken away, they are separated & then made to say sorry to each other & then hug and kiss - they hate that 
So for spitting in the store and the hateful words, i would have yanked mine out of there...drove them home, washed the mouth out with soap while I lectured why it was wrong to do that and then made them apologize.
mommy dearest move over...
[quote="susanmm23"]lol doug!!!!!
once we tried hot sauce and guess what the child 3yrs old says oh thats good can i have some more now im not talking about want to be hot sauce i mean hot hot sauce. quote]
I have one that likes hotsauce ...so we use soap......and another who likes soap...so we use hot sauce!!!
Discipline is NOT child abuse...
somewhere somehow a lot of people forgot that.
and as one who has to deal w/ the results on a daily basis when I have them in HS....
if they don't get it before I get them...practically no hope.
--------
mom could threaten me with: soap, horseradish, black licorice or....Fletcher's Castoria (GAG!)
lol twins sounds about right. what do you use watermelon scent soap????
now i put my 3 yr old in time out and he hates it just as much.
ok so i am babysitting my friends son and guess what he dropped the GD bomb yesterday!!!!! 
a big big big no no to me thats the worst ever. so today he has sad the darn it but not so clean!!!! he is 2!!!! and he is getting this from his dad and his grandpa. i have called my friend so far he has said it 4 times. first he got the soap next time he got time out the last two times was one right after another. so now my hubby has him in our bedroom once i feed him and bathe him its off to sleep he goes!!!!!! i know i know consistency but not my kid i am doing what my friend says to do i called her at work and was like guess what!!!! so we will see what happens i told her if he said it againhe was getting the soap from now on. i dont need my kids saying that!!!
Told you that he hated you and spit at you in the grocery store???
I'm talking about my 4 yo son! He is very independant and doesn't ever want to do the same thing as anyone else. He chooses the opposite from everyone else.........like he's trying to prove himself or something. ?? I don't know.
He's SO stubborn and never listens to me, he gets timeouts and lots of privileges taken away. He doesnt care. He doesn't ACT like it doesnt bother him, it really doesn't bother him.
Idon'tknow how to get him to change and behave. I want to cry.
I didn't know what to do but I told him that he shouldnt do that stuff to anyone, especially not mommy or daddy.
Can anyone offer some valuable advice? Pretty please!!!!!
I think you were with me in the store yesterday!!!
My 3yo daughter thinks she is 10!!!
I deceided last year when things got out of hand that she would no longer go to the store with mommy. Well, that did not work for long because mommy is a single parent and Nana is not always up for babysitting.
I took her with me yesterday and she started screaming because she wated candy at the checkout! I thought should I just give in because I am very embarrased right now but I did not! I told her no! After all, I do not have extra $ to be buying things that are not in my budget! Well, she said to me I am getting it anyway, and she opened it very quickly and took a bite out of it!!! The lady in front of me just started to laugh! I am sorry, I felt really stupid and I wanted to kick that lady!
Well, she said to me I am getting it anyway, and she opened it very quickly and took a bite out of it!!!
The lady in front of me just started to laugh! I am sorry, I felt really stupid and I wanted to kick that lady!
that child's hand would have been so sore so fast after I had slapped the candy out of it.
the women would be red-faced from me telling her what-for
and as soon as we were home, any money that child had in any kind of bank would be forfeited --you wanted, then YOU have to pay for it!! -- and then to time out!
seriously she laughed at you!!!!!! i would have said this lady said she will pay for it!!!then perhaps tell your dd well mommy doesnt have the money for that so i guess you will have to stay here and work to pay for it!!
OMG SUSAN THAT IS HILARIOUS!!! I DID THAT ONCE!!! I had to with my oldest...he was then 5.....insisted he was getting something....I said thats it I cant take it anymore....you want it that bad...work for it..stay here I will pick you up in an hour!! omg...he freaked!!! put it down grabbed hold of the basket and didnt say another word through the checkout!!!
and yes....my 2 yr old twins try that grab something off the shelf...and even they get their hand "popped"! And I dont hesitate either to tell ANYONE looking at me cross eyed "what for"...Ive asked many many looking down their noses....you wanna do it?? think you can?? ...did you birth him?? Im sorry is he going home with you??
For my 4 yo I use vanilla, just because the soap thing can cause the runs (and who wants more work.) Sorry mmdd. The fours were always harder for me than the twos ever were.
ok did any ones kids go crazy while i was gone??? i hope not.
4 is worse because they know better by then!!!! well we like to think they do. from four till 6 although i will say my dh's nieces and nephews are just awful all 7 of them. ok maybe not 7 seeing how 2 of them arent even 1 yet but seeing how the others turned out there isnt much hope for them either!! every time we go visit i am more thankful for my 3!!!!
it helps to ease the pain and embarrassment thinking somewhere some ones kids are so much worse than yours!!!!!
not sure you could do this with a 4 year old but one day i asked my 8 year old to help me and get his little brother a drink of water. he says to me why do i always have to help why cant ethan and i said well you just walked in an i saw you. keep in mind i am in the middle of changing a diaper. so a few days later my 8 year old asks me to get him a drink since i was in the kitchen. so i say to him why do i always have to get you a drink why don't you ever ask your dad and kind of pout. he looked at me like i was crazy!!!! then he says ok ok i get it!!! sometimes if you show them how crazy they look or sound they wont do it any more.
oh and for all you parents with older kids around 8 and up my dh is a firm believe of bootcamp style discipline. when our boys would get in trouble for certain things in school or at home they would do either squats or push ups or what dh calls holding up a wall. it really does work.......dh actually had to go through a bootcamp for bad kids. he was a very very bad preteen and teen!!! thats right any pain i suffer from these kids is his fault you know how ever much trouble you give your parents you get like 10 times worse!!!
Told you that he hated you and spit at you in the grocery store???
I'm talking about my 4 yo son! He is very independant and doesn't ever want to do the same thing as anyone else. He chooses the opposite from everyone else.........like he's trying to prove himself or something. ?? I don't know.
He's SO stubborn and never listens to me, he gets timeouts and lots of privileges taken away. He doesnt care. He doesn't ACT like it doesnt bother him, it really doesn't bother him.
Idon'tknow how to get him to change and behave. I want to cry.
I didn't know what to do but I told him that he shouldnt do that stuff to anyone, especially not mommy or daddy.
Can anyone offer some valuable advice? Pretty please!!!!!
I think you were with me in the store yesterday!!!
My 3yo daughter thinks she is 10!!!
I deceided last year when things got out of hand that she would no longer go to the store with mommy. Well, that did not work for long because mommy is a single parent and Nana is not always up for babysitting.
I took her with me yesterday and she started screaming because she wated candy at the checkout! I thought should I just give in because I am very embarrased right now but I did not! I told her no! After all, I do not have extra $ to be buying things that are not in my budget! Well, she said to me I am getting it anyway, and she opened it very quickly and took a bite out of it!!!
The lady in front of me just started to laugh! I am sorry, I felt really stupid and I wanted to kick that lady!
I really hate it when the cashiers just stand there and laugh! I've never really had any other customers do anything, but those cashiers just laugh. Ugh!!!
That's what thing I'm afraid of , twins, smacking their hands, etc. in "public". There's so many people out there that will glare at you, etc.
I want my children to learn that they can be their individual selves........that's great 
BUT.........some people think children climbing the walls is ok. I don't get it!
Thanks for letting me vent, guys! As of right now, I'm kinda looking forward to "daddy" time, lol!!!!
Another thing.......................my 4 yo likes to get down in the floor, etc. at church. 5yo doesn't do anything like this, he actually says: you better stop doing that, mommy's gonna get mad.
I guess I really need to get more strict.
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