What Would You Do If You Child............
Lounge By mmdd Updated 8 Aug 2006 , 11:27pm by karmicflower
Petitesweet- Don't tell me it's going to get worse! I thought we were getting better, but it sounds like the more they know the better they get at getting into trouble!
Does it ever end? I'm sure Doug would tell me no! I went to College to teach high school History. I did an internship my Freshman year and changed my major after three days!
Can I send my kids off to someone else for the teen years and get them back when they are in college? Any volunteers? 
(and for the soap users out there--- you go! tho' in our family the punishment of choice was: a 1/2 tsp of pure horseradish!!...doesn't kill, not poisonous but OUCH!!!!! does it sure burn the mouth!
Around here we used cocoa powder. When my nephew went through the biting phase we did this and it stopped. Had to do it one other time for something else and that was it. He doesn't want the nasty stuff any more.
maybe not more strict but maybe more consistant
maybe i missed it but why did he spit at you in the first place???
i am not one of those who looks a a parent when they pop a hand or bottom in public like 
im more of a 
one time in target i saw a little girl running crazy through the store and i was like 
cause she was running and screaming like crazy then out of no where someone who i assume was her mom grabs her by her pony tail and slaps her across the face so i go from at the kid to at the woman luckily before i could say anything from pure shock an employee went over to the woman and said something to her.
there is a big difference to a pop on the hand to a slap in the face. and come one now grabbing a kid by their hair and yanking them back is always a no no if you are at home or in public there are somethings you just dont do to kids.
for lemon juice!!!!!!!!!! are you freakin kidding me?!?!?! 
see things like that make me nuts people are out there actually hurting kids and you get in trouble for lemon juice!!! 
but people like andrea yates kill their kids and all she is getting is sent to a mental hospital until she is well enough to be in society again!!!! please in my mind the whole insanity plea doesnt work for me. i mean you killed your kids we kind of get that your crazy!!!!!!! seriously anyone who kills their kids or just anyone who murders anyone isnt it kind of obvious that they are nuts!!!!??? or is it just me who thinks so?
well, my son is only two and half.....but when he acts up in a store we don't play around and wait until we get home (at 2 he just doesn't understand he is being punished for something he did hours ago)..... so we either go the bathroom and he stands in the corner there or we find a corner/wall close to where we are standing and his nose touches the wall!! He has to stand for at least 2 mintues w/o crying.
for some reason he doesn't like the vegetable isle too much!! he's heard "nose touching the green beans" a little too many times. 
I usually get a few dirty looks and even had someone say something once....I just told her to keep on walking and mind her own business!! but this works for my child......lately he can walk next to the cart....w/one hand at his side and the other touching the cart w/very little problems....but he is only 2....so lately is like 2 times outta 10 or so visits!!
i'm sure it's a sight to see though....and of all the times I've had to do it...only had one person say something...lots and lots of dirty looks....but now, even at two and half....he knows I can find a corner ANYWHERE and he WILL stand it for 2 minutes!!
i'm hoping he won't remember this though 
....once I can say...."when we get home" and he'll understand what that actually means...then we can take him home!
The only time I've ever spanked him was a couple weeks ago when he literally ran off from me in a store. I had only went in for one thing so didn't grab a cart....and he thought it would be fun to run ahead of me (well the little S!$& is fast and by the time I got to the end of the isle and turned the corner...he was GONE!!....was less than 30 sec b/c I was running after him...but he was just GONE!! It took EVERY employee and every customer in the store about 15 min. to find him b/c he was 'hiding'!! Boy I'd never been so scarred in my life!! I was crying by about minute 3 and I was pretty hysterical by the time they found him!! But when he saw me he was happy until he saw my face!! I grabbed him, kissed him, said I loved him....and then spanked him on the spot. Then took him the bathroom and spanked him again!! But man oh man....I've NEVER been so damn scared!! I can't even think about what was going through my mind at the time.
Well, she said to me I am getting it anyway, and she opened it very quickly and took a bite out of it!!!
The lady in front of me just started to laugh! I am sorry, I felt really stupid and I wanted to kick that lady!that child's hand would have been so sore so fast after I had slapped the candy out of it.
the women would be red-faced from me telling her what-for
and as soon as we were home, any money that child had in any kind of bank would be forfeited --you wanted, then YOU have to pay for it!! -- and then to time out!
That is a great idea! I never thought about that! Every day when I come home, she says to me, can I have my change now. (I always give her any change that is in the bottom of my purse to put in her piggy bank)
I am going to have to start taking away!
She has done this to me quite a few times in the store!
Why must these stores have candy RIGHT THERE FOR LITTLE HANDS TO REACH?????
I even went to a clothes store(fashion bug plus) with her last week and they had a rack of candy sitting there! What is that for? Come on! I am already shopping for plus size clothes! Are they trying to make sure they stay in buisness?
I was thinking about posting a question about this same topic. My 2 yr. 11 month old daughter is driving me crazy!!
It started when my son was born which was also two months before she turned 2. So...terrible two's + getting used to a new little one in the house.
He is one now...but she can be such a bully to him. Temper tantrums probably 3-5 times a day. She is so dramatic. Does not listen to me at all. She listens to my dh a little better than me, but still not good enough.
Punishments=more frustration for me. Time out= her crying and screaming while sitting in a chair in the middle of the kitchen so she can't reach anything. Stern talking=I think she really can tune me out. Like Doug said with the hand popping....she just looks at me like...'okay'...doesn't phase her.
I have seen kids in stores that act worse than her, but to me, she is sooo bad. I don't know where we went wrong. My sister thinks we spoiled her too much as a baby. ??? I need supernanny!!
My son is so opposite of her. He is mellow and loving and calm...he has his moments...but nothing like her.
Long post....sorry....HELP!!
My daughter used to be peaches and cream out in public....until the day she discovered she could scream bloody murder and get everyones attention. Then that was the "end" of going out and having a decent trip. EVERYWHERE we went she'd turn into Mr Hyde and have 1/2 the store looking at us. Now, not to catch any flack, but we do spanking in our house, but I've kinda been leary about doing it in public because of unwanted attention/comments. Then came the day that she wouldn't stop screaming and I told her I would take her to the bathroom and she would get a spanking. I followed through and after doing that the next few times we went out she realizes that she's still going to get disciplined out in public and she is back to peaches and cream. I guess the point is, those little precious angles KNOW what they can and cant get away with with you and by golly, they'll do it! So sick to your guns, it doesnt make you a bad person, it makes you a parent that wants a well mannered child they can take in public.
My boys are two and four. The two year old is my busy, into everything, misbehave one. Every child is different, but I would have to stress being firm and consistant. My Dr. told me...."it's easier to bend a small stick than it is a big tree". Meaning better get them while they're young, cuz at 13, 16, 18, etc....it's going to be too hard to try to make up for all those years!! Good luck.
You people are scaring me....my DD is 17 months and I have not experienced any of this (yet?), God willing....??
OH zamode...I have a PRETTY good feeling....your mischief is inside that child...BRACE YOURSELF!!!
I have a master mischief of my own!! he's only 22 months! ....but his started wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back at 6 months!!
OMG! Mine started the day before she turned 2!!!
Stupid me thought oh, everything will be fine once she turns 3----WRONG!!! I thought, well terrible 2's is over right! NOT QUITE!!!
Last night I said ok, lets clean up your toys now, she said, no, you do it!! She actually screamed at me!!!!!
I said (what my mother used to tell me!) I will throw your toys is the garbage if you do not help mommy pick them up. This child went and got the garbage can and said, here you go mommy.
I looked at her and thought 
OMG! Mine started the day before she turned 2!!!
Stupid me thought oh, everything will be fine once she turns 3----WRONG!!! I thought, well terrible 2's is over right! NOT QUITE!!!
Last night I said ok, lets clean up your toys now, she said, no, you do it!! She actually screamed at me!!!!!
I said (what my mother used to tell me!) I will throw your toys is the garbage if you do not help mommy pick them up. This child went and got the garbage can and said, here you go mommy.
I looked at her and thought
and then you follow through and toss them out!
and when she asks for a new toy --
NO, you don't need it, all you do is throw it away. I'm not wasting money on that! If you want it, YOU buy it with YOUR money!
and make her EARN her money -- don't just give it to her -- connect it to work down around the house.
I really just can not believe these kids now a days!
When I was a child my mother would knock me out if I said or did anything wrong! She used to have this board thing called the board of education and she used to whack us with it! Or, she used to grab a belt or an extension cord to hit us with!
Now, you have to worry about your kids or anyone else screaming child abuse!
What happened to the good ol' days?????????
ooooooh qtkay...DOUG IS RIGHT!!! you have to follow through and throw those toys out!!! ....I myself had a horrible time with this one....my husband still does!! ...if he can he digs it out and hides it in the closet!!!! ....I dont (now)...I throw it away!! ...Ive seriously had to throw things with kids kicking and screaming " ok ok Im sorry....I shouldnt have said that"....but I had to teach them the consequence of their words!! and that sorry doesnt fix everything....watch what you say BEFORE you say it.......
my mil and I have had many many arguments over toys... her defense for the kids is...SHE cant afford to keep replacing them....UMMMM, HELLO...DON'T!!!
now that my kids are older...I make them take their toys they lost....to a child who doesn't have one or have toys.....to show them they should be grateful for what they have.....Ask my oldest about his Playstation2.....and the 60 games he had with it...and the 5 miute smack talk he gave about it.....ask him where it is now..... 
.....I guarantee he doesn't make ugrateful remarks like that anymore.....and he sure has to eat those words when he goes to visit my brother and their 4 boys playing the PS2!!! 
What happened to the good ol' days?????????
1) ohhhh you shouldn't make the child upset...you should reason w/ him/her...they deserve to be treated like adults (the experts..aka Dr. Spock et. all) ---- that's a bunch of cow pasture droppings!!!
2) parents giving in, trying to be "friends," "pals," "buddies" instead of parents--authority figures.
a home is NOT a democracy! a home is more like the military...and growing up Mom was a 5-star general crossed w/ drill instrustructor...dad I think made it to 1 star and my sis and I were low level pfc's on the best of days and mere raw recruits the others.
DISCIPLINE -- it builds the military -- it builds good citizens and it starts when their children.
as the bible says -- Train up a child in the way he would go.... and anyone who's ever trained a dog or a soldier nows....that comes with discomfort for the trainee and unwavering stern, strict discipline.
(and think...no DI has to touch a soldier really but boy they get them to tow the line!)
so get out there and welcome that child (and hubby too if necessary) to Mom's Boot Camp!
mmdd.. so sorry girl.! my son is twelve and luckly I never had too much of a problem with him like that! I do remember once when he was little he learned how to bite!! 
and we were in a store and out of nowhere he bit me...It shocked me so bad that I bit him back (not hard of course) but he NEVER BIT AGAIN!!! As for temper issues in stores... I would always ask him if he'd like to go to the bathroom with me... I always told him that I would take him in the ladies room give him a good spanking cause nobody would see in there...funny thing was I NEVER had to do that!! It was just a scare tactic that worked!!!
When were outside and wouldn't stop doing things that may lead to him getting hurt.. I used to tell him to stop cause the emergency room closes at 5pm and he'll have to bleed until 8am the next day!!!!! (that was an awesome one!!!! i use it on other people's kids.. IT"S GREAT) I've had some parents come right out and agree with me and then when the kid walks away they are like "can I use that from now on..do you mind if i borrow that idea?" NO PROBLEM!!!
I haven't read through all of the posts.. so I hope this will help ya!
bo
What happened to the good ol' days?????????
1) ohhhh you shouldn't make the child upset...you should reason w/ him/her...they deserve to be treated like adults (the experts..aka Dr. Spock et. all) ---- that's a bunch of cow pasture droppings!!!
2) parents giving in, trying to be "friends," "pals," "buddies" instead of parents--authority figures.
a home is NOT a democracy! a home is more like the military...and growing up Mom was a 5-star general crossed w/ drill instrustructor...dad I think made it to 1 star and my sis and I were low level pfc's on the best of days and mere raw recruits the others.
DISCIPLINE -- it builds the military -- it builds good citizens and it starts when their children.
as the bible says -- Train up a child in the way he would go.... and anyone who's ever trained a dog or a soldier nows....that comes with discomfort for the trainee and unwavering stern, strict discipline.
(and think...no DI has to touch a soldier really but boy they get them to tow the line!)
so get out there and welcome that child (and hubby too if necessary) to Mom's Boot Camp!
it is sooooo funny you should say "military style home" My son actually looked at me one day and said "mom.. you should have been a drill sergeant" IS that TOO FUNNY or what????
My dad was in the korean war (he's 75 now) , he was mp, he was in the navy and actual army. (he did everything) I remember one day as a pre-teen I thought I was cool and said one choice word to my dad!!! WELL... let me tell ya.. that man can run (he was NO spring chicken either) He chased me down the road and dragged me home and I saw my room for a few days w/blank walls and no tv!!!
bo
maybe i missed it but why did he spit at you in the first place???
He was starting to jump up & down and was singing this song he made up really really loud.....he likes to yell it. He'd been doing it throughout the store and I reminding him that he's in a place where lots of other people are and you need to walk and be more quiet........thats using your good manners and manners help people get along with each other. And, that this isn't the time to do those things.
But, I guess he didn't care and just kept doing it and kept getting louder & louder. I would get down on his level and that last time he just turned away from me, so I'm thinking Oh great! he's ignoring me again. when I stood up is when he did what he did & said what he said. I told him not to do that and he even spit at me again. Thats when I got on hislevel again and told him what I've already typed in this thread earlier and luckily he didn't do it anymore.
We have went over and went over the way you should act when & where; and that good manners are important; and that you should behave & listen, etc., etc. But, he just acts up & up & up til I'm ready to pull my hair out.
I'm starting to think that he acts up so much because we pay him so much attention for it. But, when I praise him for doing good, he turns it to bad almost immediately.
He sees that we are pleased with him and his actions, so he turns that strong will on again.
I just wanted to add that our 4 yo has been made to throw his own toys away.
I would tell him to pick his toys up (this is something we started at a very early age) and at age 3 he was very persistent that he was NOT going to pick them up; so over & over I told him that if he didnt pick them up, they'd get thrown away. I'd bag them up , they'd be put in the closet and eventually put back in the toy box.
Well, the last few times he didn't clean his room , I handed him the trash bag; told him to put them in there and made him put them in the trash can.
He did it once more, but that was it.
I dont even want to start on how he behaves in church.
Does anyone just ignore their childrens bad behavior? Has that worked with anyone?
As for dr. Spock, I'm not a fan..........have you read his chapter on potty training? Ugh!
yes the ignoring does work. when we are at home if my youngest tries to throw a fit i go into another room if he follows me i will come tot he computer and just ignore him for a while he would just cry and cry now as soon as the fit starts all i have to do is look at him and walk start to walk away and he will say mommy im done im done.
i have also told all three of my kids if you feel like you need to throw a fit or scream and cry do it somewhere else because i personally do not want to listen to it and when they are done they can come back to where we are or play with us or whatever it is we are doing. that works really well too
oh yeah and when we go to a store before we get out of the car i will say to them ok this is a store not a playground . when we go in this store you will use your library voice. also we do a rewards system. the boys have to be good for 10 trips to the store and they get a small toy or candy. if they mess up even once then they start over from one. once they get to 10 if they want they can save that treat and combine it with the next time they earn their reward and get a larger toy. if once i have bought the toy and i need to go to another store and they misbehave the toy is mine and they dont get it until they earn it back. i also have a list of daily chores for my oldest ones. this just started this year. they are much more appreciative of the rewards now. we have a dry erase calendar on the refrigerator and each good day or trip gets a smile and bad behavior is marked with a sad face. this helps to keep the boys excited about being good. i go to more than one store normally at a time so each store goes toward the 10 not just one days worth of being good.
another idea that i saw on the super nanny lol is let him help you give him something to do while in the sotre and he is more likely to behave. if you have a list of things you need you can tell him ok we need milk and break and flour and whatever else it is you need. he can help you get it and put it in the basket. that way he doesnt have to just sit there.
My daughter just turned 3 and she is very indipendent and strong willed. When she was in her 2nd year everything was a battle. At times it was unbearable. I found myself crying along with her. Going to preschool few times a week was very helpful. Time outs didn't work very well at that time, but since she turned 3 they've worked very well. Consistency has been the key.
There's been times when she wouldn't get in the car where I couldn't phisically bend her to get her in the car seat, while she was throwing her shoes at the dashboard and screaming. She weights 41 lbs and I wonder why my back goes off sometimes? Or screaming at the grocery store as if someone was killing her just because I wanted her to sit in the cart and did not allow her to run away from me in the lanes.
Both times I reminded her that if she doesn't behave as soon as we get home she's going for a time out. And that's what I did. Lately, I only have to count to 2, and she does what she's asked.
Emi
Just my 2 cents.
My kids pediatrician commented that by leaving a place when they act up, you're actually doing what they want. So I think you handled it correctly by staying in the store and after.
There's a book we read, which is lots of common sense, but might have a few things you could use. It's called "1, 2, 3 Magic" and it is all about time outs, but it also has situations and how they should be handled. It's an easy read, but it helps you identify where the inconsistencies may be in your discipline.
Having said that, some kids are just really hard to discipline, and you are going to have to just keep at it. As I put it "sit on him" until he gets it.
Good luck!
My brother did the same sort of thing until he was 6. He's 9 now and his teachers always say how considerate he is to others. I hope your son grows out of it too. *hugs*
Not one stratigy works with every child. My 6 year old tests me daily. I run a military style home, but with love. I try to talk to my children as equals, not down to them, but let it be known I'm in charge. Somedays it works other days it doesn't. I've gone without milk, bread eggs and other essentials when my kids misbehave, because I pick them up and head straight to the car. When disciplining my kids I step back for a breif moment (so the thoughts of yelling and spanking them get out of my head! 
) I get down to eye level ALWAYS and then have a talk with them. when they yell to explain I tell them to say it calmly because I can't understand them using that tone. We then have a brief talk and I listen to what they say and I explain quickly why I was upset and my thoughts. I ALWAYS make sure to say "no matter how mad I get that I love them and always will. (I may say it through gritted teeth but it gets said) Like I said sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. My 4 year old is learning behavors from his older sister and now he's trying to see how far he can test me.
the above works also with my 9 yr. old niece whose a real demond. MY Dad and I are the only ones who don't put up with her mouth or behavoir, but yet we are the only ones she actually listens too. Her mom calls me all the time asking me what to do. (ignoring her works also.)
Good luck, being a mom is hard work and I'm sure you are doing a good job otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advise. this is a hard one because no 2 kids are alike.
just thought I'd ask Doug if you were in the USMC since you mentioned drill instructors as DI's, other branches don't. By the way, I'm trying to raise my kids like my DI's helped me, not as my parents raised me so my ideas may not be perferct for everyone.
Wow! Just came across this thread, and boy are people PASSIONATE about correcting their kids!
Notice the word is "correcting." That means "to make something RIGHT."
I believe in liberal beatings, myself. (Joke.) My two boys are 18 and 13. I've been through situations similar to the spitting thing. But I don't think they ever said the hate thing.
Were it me, I'd just yank 'em up right there and bust butt in the store. My husband would do the same. And I dare somebody to glare or say something. My kid, my life, their future. Bring on DHS, bring 'em to my house.
I think what's happened in today's society to a large part is the "relaxation" of morals and values. There's no question in my mind about what my Mother or Father would have done. But today, my parent's style of "parenting" would be labeled as abuse!
And, I agree with Doug--there's a difference between "abuse" and "correction." I see enough real "abuse."
I think everyone has different beliefs and all when it comes to parenting. You're entitled to that as a human being.
I guess it all comes down to having the patience to stick it out for a few years, and be consistent in your practices.
--Knox--
Oh my goodness , have i struck gold or what, i've been reading this thread, and i share what many of you moms are going through.
I have two girls, a 3 yr old and 7 month old, and my children are like day and night. My first born had colic for the first 5 months of her life, and even though the colic went away, her moodiness, crying, strong will never left. Many a times, especially when she was younger i would find myself crying along with her. Finally now that she is 3 i am MUCH better at dealing with her and found tactics that work (most of the time). My family always says my 3 yr old is an aspiring dramatic actress, and when she starts acting up my MIL says "and the oscar for best dramatic performance goes too..". I have found through trial and error what works for her, like talking to her calmly when she starts screamingand if she keeps on screaming, I raise my voice slightly and say "im trying to talk to you nicely, Im going to count to 3 if by the time i get to 3 your still crying for no reason i will not hesitate to pick you up and plant you in your crib till you settle down"(or if we're out, I tell her i'll put her in the car and we'll go home). For some reason, the number 3 stikes fear in her heart
I have lots of trouble with her sharing with her sister, she loves to take the baby's toys away. Luckily, like i said before, they're like night and day, my 7 month old is the calmest, most laid back baby ever, she could care less, she only gets upset when finally all the toys are gone, or when her sister yanks the toy out of her hand.
When the older one won't share, i ask her nicely to share or i will take the toy away, and if she doesn't take head to my threat, i take the toy away.
If she misbehaves in public, i take her for a walk and give her a talking to (usually consisting of the number 3..hehe) that usually works. But i also pop her hand if necessary, that candy rack at the checkout is EVIL!!! And sometimes when she is inconsolable and won't stop crying i also tell her that if she needs to cry to go to her room and do it, and when she's done to come and join the family again.. that works too. I think the most important thing is to be consistent, always follow through as others mentioned.
It's funny because not that long ago i took the both of them to do the groceries and my older girl started screaming because she didn't want to sit in the shopping cart i grabbed, but in another her sister couldn't ride in, and she had a tantrum and threw herself on the floor in front of the store, i tried talking to her nicely, didn't work, she wouldn't get up from the floor i had to pull her up by her arm and physically insert her into the shopping cart, she wouldn't stop crying, i went over to the side and tried talking to her again, nothing, so i told her that if she didn't calm down "right now" i was going to put both of them in the car and go home, and that i would later do the groceries w/o her, she continued, so i grabbed them both (at this point i was so embarrased, everyone was looking at us) and headed for the car, and in the middle of the streets she starts saying "im sorry, im sorry, i don't want to go home" but i said "it's too late, you had your chance, now we're going home". Needless to say she cried the whole ride home, and luckily for me her dad was home by the time i got to the house and left her with him and went back to do my shopping with the baby.
Wow, i was so upset/embarrased that day, but the following week the baby had a appt with their pediactrician and i happened to mention to him what happened, and he said that i did the right thing. He said "you give them their options, and if they don't listen you follow through, you don't give in no matter how much the apologize. That way they learn that behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and don't do it in the future". He also told me that the worst thing you could do is try to be your childs "friend" he said my job was to be her mother, to teach her right from wrong and raise her to be a civilised member of society, if she gets mad about it too bad. Like mhill91801 mentioned "it's easier to bend a small stick than it is a big tree".
I also agree with doug, people now-a-days don't know the difference between "discipline" and "abuse", i know many parents who are big sissy's when it comes to their kids, and their kids walk all over them, and are an embarrasment to be around in any social situation... my daugher has her temper, but she knows mommy isn't going to put up with a tantrum in public... like my husband says "you have to put the fear of god into them... its a joke, but you have to let them know who's boss".. and well those are my 2 cents.
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