I Am So Upset With Myself. I Had To Vent.
Decorating By twindees Updated 31 Jul 2006 , 6:27pm by m0use
I have a friend that used to work with me and she is having a baby. She calls me one day and somehow the topic of her babyshower came up. She said" I know what your babyshower gift to me can be" I was like what? She said the cake. 
. Why are the people who you think should understand that this is a BUSINESS and NOT a HOBBY are the ones who are always trying to get something for FREEEEEEEEE. I AM SO UPSET I DID NOT SAY NO. WHY NO HOW DO I GET MYSELF INTO THESE THINGS.
O.K. i am doing the cake. Her mom had the damn nerve to as me if I can get to the shower a little early because she wants the cake there on time. I have 3 children (WHO BY THE WAY CAN"T COME TO THE DAMN SHOWER SO MY HUSBAND HAS TO DROP ME ALL THE WAY TO NEW JERSEY AND TAKE THE KIDS TO THE MOVIES OR SOMETHING)
tHEN TODAY SHE CALLS DROPPING HINTS " LAST NIGHT I WAS DREAMING ABOUT RED VELET CAKE" AS SHE DROPPED THE HINTS Mi DID NOT PICK THEM UP. THEN SHE SAID "MOM WAS WONDERING IF YOU WILL BE PUTTING FRESH FRUIT IN THE FILLING" Can you see the steam coming out of my ears. The DAMN NERVE of some people.
To tell the truth if she had asked me to do the cake for her I would have given her a super discount, but she would not have found out until the end but for her to come off the bat not asking but telling me to do the cake as a GIFT. That's just DAMN CRAZY.
NO RESPECT.
I am so upset and I can't take it anymore.
Then get this this outher lady who I have done several cakes for call me last thursday while I am getting onto the shuttle bus to go to the ICES conventions to tell me about her sisters baby shower on the 30th. I say well the 30 of Aug. that's good I have time. She said" no the 30th of JULY"
PLEASE HELP ME STOP THE MADNESS.
That's some nerve!!! What if you had answered, no I have the onsies set all picked out and wrapped already!! YEESH!! I feel your pain. At least you have the other cake to concentrate on now. (maybe the short lead time is a blessing to help you not think about the other "friend" !!!)
My opinion is if you really don't want to do the cake-- why don't you call her back and tell her, that you were thinking about the cake and you decided that you would rather give her something more meaningful than a cake. that is probably what i would do.
also some people don't understand that you also have a life. and that cakes are for business and not just a hobby.
I don't get why this chick was getting the cake for her own shower. Isn't that the hostess' job? Or maybe she doen't have great friends because this is how she treats them.
Has she told anyone else exactly what they are supposed to give her? She seems awfully rude to TELL you what you are giving her, and then to get picky about filling and flavor. 
I've only sold a couple cakes but my take on it is that if I offer fine but if you want me to do it I get at least cost even if you're family.
You could have told her that you'd really like to give her something she can use for the baby. If she didn't ask you to do the cake you may have felt badly also. Maybe you could shift blame onto your husband and tell her that he'll pitch a fit if you do anymore cakes for free now that you are in business.
The worst cake is the one you resent. Getting paid smooths all that out.
A lot of people pay a lot of money for the invites, the table cloths, paper and plastic wear, favors, etc. Geez, they can come up with a few bucks for a cake.
So you can still call her back and say 'I have a paid cake gig that came up for the weekend (even if you dont, just make it up lol) and since the cake thing is a business for me (and we need the money (this can be a lie- but then who doesnt need money lol) I have to take the paid gig instead. I'm sure you understand and I really do apologize, but I would be happy to get an outfit or something else for the baby) (smile sweetly all over this comment)
ANyway that's what I'd do- no reason you can't back out now- you said you USED to work with her? She's not even a close relative/friend/family who might justify a free last minute gig thing (but defnitely still not justify the rude treatment, blood or no blood).
If she wants to be snarky after you back out nicely that's her lack of character, not your responsibility! you have to be good to number 1 
This is my idea- if you come across a PAID gig and you're broke, you need the money, and the person you're dealing with is a rat, well as long as you get paid, you have to weigh how badly you need the money, right? In your situation there is no benefit to you to be treated like shit
If this was me, I'd back out. It's not like you offered to do the cake and now you're having second thoughts about it. Since this person is not really close to you I think it would be fine to make an excuse and get out of it.
I really dislike it when I feel that I am being taken advantage of.
Good luck
Personsally, I'd tell the lady where to get off, but since you probably have more tact than I do, tell her you can't make it to Jersy because you have a paid gig at home. Personally, if I were given an invite to a party and it didn't include my husband and/or children, then I wouldn't go. No, actually, you don't have to give her a reason, just tell her that for reasons you don't want to go into detail of, you will not be able to make her cake and that she and 'mom' should go to a bakery and order one just as soon as possible. Don't leave it to the last minute though, that would be oh so cold!!!
I don't know but I think I would be happy if someone thought enough of my cakes to ask me to do it for their shower.
I would much rather do a cake then go buy a gift.
I guess I understand you being upset because she just assumed she could get a cake for free. I know if it were for a friend of mine I couldn't charge her anyway so to me it would be saving money by not having her pay me. That way it was my gift and I could get off without buying a present.
But if she really isn't a friend and I was upset as you sound like you are then I would just call her up and tell her you were sorry but it turns out you won't be able to do it after all. You don't need to give her a reason.
Or you could just spit in her cake and smile as she eats it...........just kidding of course!
Sorry you are so upset and feel like she is using you. Just remember no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.
Joanne
I agree with debsuewoo! Decline (for whatever reason) and tell her to call a bakery.
And be sure and tell her that a bakery will be happy to make a red velvet cake with fresh fruit in the filling.
You don't need friends like this. When ANYONE calls me for a cake, I ask them to tell me the date FIRST, so I can "check my calendar" before I commit. That way I have an instant out when it is a person I'd rather not ever deal with again, and believe me, I have a list of those people.
They are the people who take your work for granted and will spend a fortune on everything else for the occasion, but want a free or next to nothing cost for the cake.
They are the people who refuse to ever recommend you to anyone else, because they don't "like to share" (or maybe they pretend they made the cake and would die if anyone found out) but they only order a cake once or twice a year.
They are the people who assume you don't have a job just because you work at home, and that you will drop everything to do their whatever it is they want right now.
They are the people who call and say, not ask, they SAY "I have put you on my list to bring the cake to the (whatever occasion)" when everyone else is bringing a bag of chips or a 2 liter drink.
You all know these people, don't you? And you have your own lists of selfish people, too.
In this life, there are givers and takers. True friends are givers, and when they ASK if you would like to bring a cake, or they order a cake, they will insist on paying (even if you will refuse it), because they know that the money is important, to everyone.
Sorry this was so long....this set me off, because I have dealt with so many selfish, self-centered people.
Well the shower is on saturday so I guess it's way to last to cancel. I just learned a valuable lesson. I will NEVER commit to a cake again I will always have to check my calendar. Even if I am invited to the event it does not mean I have time to make a cake. I HAVE 3 CHILDREN & A HUSBAND.
I recently got married on June 18 (Yes we did everything backwards. had the kids brought the house then got married) and she came to my wedding which was in Long Island. I feel that she thinks I owe her. She came from Jersey and she did give a good check. My husband said she came because she wanted the cake.
I don't know I look at each event different, because if she did not want to come to the wedding she did not have to but I just want to be respected for my craft.
I do not buy all my supplies to give away.
I just HATE THIS.
I agree with JoanneK (except for the spitting part..lol)
I would be honored if someone asked me to make a cake for their shower - but then again I'm a newbie and anyone willing to eat a cake that i bake gets a big smile from me...
ACHOO!!!!
COUGH!!!!
HACK!!!
BARF!!!!!!!
oooooooooooooo noooooooooooooo
lttle __ is sick!!!! and it looks like ____ is coming down w/ it too...and frankly, I don't feel so well myself.
sorry to cancel at such late notice!!! but I know you wouldn't want anyone to get sick...and we do have to think about "baby"...can't have you getting sick
I'm sure you can get at cake at.....(supermarket).
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no weddings and baby showers are NOT equal
and no one should ever go to a wedding expecting to get something in return.
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it's not the being asked, it's the presumptious way it was asked -- that she was expected to.
i don't know about your neck of the woods, but in mine, you DON"T tell the guests what present they should bring -- it is their choice, NOT yours.
I usually let them get no farther than I'm have a (occasiion) and want you to..
at which point I interrupt and OFFER to bring the cake as my gift. (lot cheaper than 90% of the gift choices available -- besides I HATE shopping for wedding and baby gifts!! if i can't make the cake, you're getting $$$ -- go pick it out yourself!)
[quote="JoanneK"]I would much rather do a cake then go buy a gift. /quote] I agree with JoanneK. But, I must say it is really nervy of her dropping hints about having dreams and all that crap! If she expects the cake to be the gift; then it should be a surprise.
having lived in NYC, in twins defense....
geting to Jersey is no simple task or expense what with the Hudson River tolls. (going to visit a friend in Clifton took me minimum of 50 min. one way ---oh please let the GW not be backed up!!!!!) on super (slow!) highway to go all of about 20 miles as the crow flies (note to self, get helicopter)
and as she pointed out...hubby and kids have to come along and then park themselves someplace else (baby showers, let's admit, are not for men and children)...more expense.
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i feel a summer cold coming on.
If I were in your situation right now, I would still make the cake, because it is tomorrow and that's just rude to cancel. However, I would make a simple but pretty cake and drop it off and say 'sorry I can't stay I have my husband and kids in the car, but at least you got your cake' and then leave.
We only have one car, so when I go places my husband will drop me off so he's not stuck home with the kids all day. I have to decline a lot of far things that they aren't invited to because he can't drop me off and they won't stay home all day.
when I have been faced with the "your gift can be the cake" line I tell them that just like if I were buying a gift for them I have complete controll over the finished product. I will decide the flavor, design, filling ect. I have never had a problem with it.
I feel for ya! I had a friend try to get a good deal for Saturday too, but I didn't back down on the price I'd already given her. I won't do cakes as gifts. I would much rather pick out something personal as my gift than to make a cake. I do a family and frinds discount of $15...no more. If the cake is a less expensive one, I tell them what the price is with the discount, and make them think that the cake was originally $15 more. Post a picture of the cake when you're done! Hopefully it isn't too bad making it! If I'm not excited about a cake, I hate doing it. Seems too much like work! Good Luck!
Okay- I'm sure no one is going to like my 2 cents- but I'll throw it in anyway.
First of all- a baby shower is tradionally all the women folk- no children or hubbies- at least thats the way it is in Long Island, Brooklyn & Queens- all where I have lived. So no hubby and kids should not be a big surprise- FYI- I have three kids (twin 4 year old boys and a 3 years old boy) and I believe that at a new mothers baby shower all the attention should be on HER- and having my kids there means attention is on them- not the soon-to-be Mommy. And all us parents know that once that baby comes- well you want all the attention on the baby and not you. I share a Birthday with my 3 year old- I haven't had a birthday cake of my own since he was born- why because his birthday is just so much more fun to celebrate.
As far as the cake- is it really such a big deal to bring a cake? Would you have been insulted if you went to Babies-R-Us and took the Mom's "hints" (ie registry) and bought a gift there? Either way she is telling you what she wants. In this case you have a terrific skill and you can share it (and maybe get some orders)- AND obviously this new mommy knows that your cake would be better than anything else she could get. So instead of buying it from you (where you'd still have to make it and then go out and buy a gift with 3 Kids in tow) she asked you to make it as her gift.
I don't know- maybe its just me- but it just doesn't seem worth getting upset about. Sounds like maybe you and this new mommy have a history which preludes you to feel this way...
Just my 2 cents
By no means did I want my children or husband to go I was just saying. She knows we have one car and I will need my husband to drop me to jersey. I hate going to jersey by myself. And I have never went to this part so I did not want to get lost. But I feel you have nerve to want a special order and want me there by 2 p.m. I have to come home from work start baking and have everything and everyone ready to leave the house by 12:30 to get there on time by 2. I feel this is a little much but that is what I get for not knowing how to say no.
I'm on the other end of the spectrum as well... I find it a compliment to have someone ask me to make a cake for them!! I can see how she asked would upset me depending on who she was.. If it's a close friend (seems like she would be seeing that she came to your wedding) Then it wouldn't bother me one bit to make the cake to her liking!! Trust me.. I would much rather make a cake then shop!! UGH .. shopping sucks!! THis way too..I could buy cake stuff that I really wanted and could tell the hubby that I needed the stuff for the cake and it would later pay for itself (and end up getting a present myself..cake supplies).. plus give me practice!!! AND may get future orders!!!
I don't know much about 3 kids in tow as I have one, but i do have 3 jobs, a house, a bf (who acts like a kid) and 3 pets!! So i'm pretty busy myself!!
As far as bringing the hubby and kids... you truly couldn't drive over there yourself or you don't want to? Could you ride w/somebody? I would tell the mom that you would get there asap but you couldn't guarantee the 2:00time. I think the mom and mom-to-be are just sooo excited about the shower and obviously LOVE your work that they want to show off the cake to everyone!!
Good luck!!
bo
I have been in this situation and I said I would be happy to do it but you will need to pay for all the ingredients explaining that the "labor and decorating" is the real gift! (I started doing this after doing a wedding cake for my nephews gift and then to find out the cake needed to feed 350 people. A gift would have been a lot cheaper) As far as the delivery, I would tell them that you wouldn't be able to deliver it early but they could gladly stop by and pick it up to take to the shower. If that is not acceptable for them, then tell them that you won't be able for do the cake for them.
I do a lot of so called "freebie cakes" but I always insist they pay for ingredients but if they are a real pain in the behind... I tell them the ingredients were more than they originally were.. LOL 
I think it's cheeky to assume a cake will be made and then to drop hints about what it will be like is pretty rude. It's like someone asking for an item of clothing for their birthday and then telling you where to get it from and what exact thing it is - why not just ask for the cash? I'm really hoping that when you give her the cake she's overwhelmed with your generosity and skill and everyone else says how wonderful you are - you need to feel better about this. Fingers crossed
You poor thing. I hate being nice enough to say yes when I really want to say No! Just got a call from my MIL.... "It would be really nice to have a cake for the get together tomorrow!"
Oh Twindees.... I like Doug's idea. So sorry... sooo sick.... 
It doesn't sound like this is a woman that you want a long lasting friendship with anyway.
Best of luck, and just know that after Saturday... you don't ever have to speak to her again if you don't want to! We love you and we appreciate you!
I just wanted to clear up the fact that I did not expect or want my kids and husband to attend the shower. I was just saying I would have to bring the entire family along. I can not deliver a cake and drive that far of a distance. I like to sit in the back with the cake just incase. New York streets are NOT the best and I am the only one coming from Brooklyn so I will have to drive.
So my husband has to take the kids to the movies or something,
I would not want any business from anyone at her shower because they all live in south Jersey. I will not deliver and for them to have to pick up a cake from me I am looking at waiting all day at home for them to get there NO THANKYOU.
Anyway thanks for you suggestions and comments.
I just will NEVER SAY YES AGAIN. I will be paying for this tonight. The last baby shower cake I did took 12 hours and I did NOT get any sleep.
why stay...
drop the cake, then head over to IKEA and the big outlet mall on I-95 by newark! -- at least you get to have some fun
and maybe get a bargain on back to school (oops sorry all you teachers out there -- I didn't say that!) clothes for the kids
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