Do Your Competitors Put You Down? - Long Vent
Decorating By LizzyB Updated 8 Jun 2007 , 2:02pm by Melvira
There is a lady? in my area that makes cakes which are completly different to mine. Generally, she makes rich fruit cakes and decorates them in the British fashion of marizan, RI etc. For a child she will do a sponge, layered with BC and jam with toys or novelties placed on top. They are very nice cakes. They taste good too - I have tried one. I, on the other hand generally make shaped cakes, star tip all over, the usual cars, teddies, dinosaurs etc etc. I have now just gained the confidence to make MMF cakes too. - Two completely different products. Room for both of us in this town you would think? If I get a request that I am either unable to fill or too worried to try, I pass customers over to this lady? in the hope that she will be able to help them. I have never met her nor have I ever discussed her work to anyone, other than to pass on her phone number. She is very expensive too but whatever floats her boat right!
Now I discover that she is passing bad comments about my work and get this, what is this all about, she states 'oh she makes those American things'. What? Ithink I know what she means - that I don't bake Victoria sponge or fruit cake - but really, how rude is this. It's sounds so bad! So now I am so angry I feel like never ever refering anyone else to her ever again. I don't think she is aware of the people I refer over to her. I feel that I need to speak with her about this but maybe I would do more harm than good?AARRGGHH I want this cleared up but don't know how to do it. Sorry to rage but AARRGGHH again.
Stay calm.......just carry on recommending people to her...I can promise you, she will loose out in the end. Just be nice try to get the ones you recommend to her to say, you name as the reference. You have nothing to loose and I promise you as long as you DO NOT put her down. You will win hands up in the end...Good luck.
She's very much in the wrong to put you down - you do great work, and my gut feeling is that she is jealous and worried that she will lose customers to you (those people who want 'those American things'!). There are very few of us in this town that do novelty type cakes (and bakeries don't do them at all!), and I'm lucky enough to be able to cover the whole spectrum - British & American style cakes are no problem for me - the thing that might keep some customers away from me is my prices, but I don't worry about that! Where did you get the info from that she is bad mouthing you?
Thank you guys for the advice, it is a good idea to ask people to let this person know that it is Me sending business her way. I will do that! I found out about her comments because a lady I know at school knows her.She had mentioned a cake that I had taken into the school bake sale to her. I will try try try to take the high road . I will try to just keep swimming, just keep swimming (or baking) thank you for letting me let off steam, feeling much better. Oh and Bonjovibabe, I hope The Netherlands gets better for you 
I agree... I would also continue to refer people to her. When I refer a customer to someone, be it a fellow caterer or another vendor (photog, florist, etc), I always tell the client "Be sure to tell them that Debi sent you" and explain that we just like to know what advertising is working for them. Maybe she is not aware of how professional you are being.
Shucks. Here we go... everyone is all about being nice, then Melvira shows up. Here's the thing... tastes differ from country to country, but also from person to person. She has no right to put you down, especially since you have been so good to her. I would face the issue head on. I would stop in for a polite visit some day and tell her how you always refer customer to her because she is so skilled with her methods, etc. then perhaps mention that you hear she's not a fan of your work, and you wonder why. I know it's easy to pretend it's not there and ignore the problem, but I can't do that. While I am not telling you to get in her face and start pulling hair, I am telling you that if you don't stand up for yourself, no one else is going to. Pretty soon you'll be know as that woman that does those horrible american cakes. (Sorry... what is so bad about our american cakes?) People need to learn to be tolerant of our differences, and apparently, she needs to be reminded of that. I do believe in Karma... but sometimes I'm not willing to wait that long. Just my humble hormonal rambling, please do not feel that I think I know best... just letting you know what I'd do! Good luck, and I am sorry you have been put in this situation in the first place.
Shucks. Here we go... everyone is all about being nice, then Melvira shows up.
Well Melvira, add me to the blunt group because I'm right there with you! I'm tired of being stepped on. I believe in being nice, but also honest and straightforward. I often find the "nice ones" are either stabbing me in the back or really don't feel as "nice" as they pretend.
LizzyB, if this woman is badmouthing you, I would do as Melvira suggets and stop by and ask her why she doesn't care for your cakes. Again, as Melvira says, a polite visit, mention how you admire her cakes for both flavor and her decorating skill, and often refer people to her. I think open and honest communication is your best bet. Since you both serve different needs in your community it seems as though you could be helping each other (as you already are helping her).
Kathi
::sniff::sniff:: wait what's that smell.....oh..yeah....JEALOUSY!! hahaha and as well as she should be...you have beautiful cakes....i get that too and i Feel bad sometimes too...but hey as long as they are talking about me that means they are thinking about me...jajaja...way to go and take it as a compliment..a great compliment!! see ya!!
What's wrong with you Melvira? Why don't you tell her to go put the "smack down" on her with a couple of paint rollers or something? Why oh why are you being nice? You are my hero of evil wit!!!! 
Come on, don't let us down!!!!!!!!! In"special" sample and have coffee with her. Maybe you could start off by admiring her work and let her know of things she does that's not done in the states that are very appealing to you. Become friendly with her and let her know you send people her way, then when she's not looking, beat her in the head with her own rolling pin. Take your sample and run!!!!!! I'm just teasing.
Amy
BTW Melvira, I wasn't being mean, I was disappointed that you didn't have something more evil in mind. 
I love that about you!
I'm in Melvira's camp. Being nice to a bully/back-stabber does not change their character. They see it as your weakness and will carry on as usual. That's why they keep doing it----no consequences or accountability. I certainly would not send my customers her way--it's just another opportunity for her to harm your business/reputation. You then become a contributor to your own destruction. I would have a polite chat with her, let her know how much business you've sent her way, and also let her know that you'll no longer be comfortable doing so. Normally though, back-stabbers deny saying such things and will insist that there's been a mis-communication, blame the other party, blah, blah, blah. I treat bullies as if they don't exist. If you have any interest/time, learn how to do HER style of cakes, thereby retaining your customer base. Otherwise, find another baker who will work with you and whose abilities you trust.
Hmmm... I'm just wondering why one comment has you so upset.
She made a comment to a friend of hers - she didn't take out an ad in the newspaper. If she thinks "American Cakes" are a bad thing, she's entitled to her opinion, right? Freedom of speech and all? However, is she said your kitchen was filthy and personal hygeine was atrocious, your cakes tasted like dirt and you consider arsenic an essential ingredient in your cakes - THEN I could you getting upset. But a comment made to a friend? Have you never expressed a negative opinion in confidence? I'd be more upset at the person who relayed the information to you - what a b*tch.
If it bothers you that much, don't refer any more customers to her. But personally, I think giving referrals is good for you. It shows you want to make sure people get what they want, and are willing to help them (not your competitor) even when it's not to your advantage.
Those who have never bad-mouthed someone else's cakes (i.e., Wal-Mart cakes) because they believe theirs are better, please raise your hand...
Being "nice" is one thing....... being walked on, is another....... This woman could be costing you business and money..... you do not need to lose either.....Not to mention your reputation....I would confront her.....NICELY........ and just say something like " I was sorry to hear that you told people that I am not a good baker, I would like to know, since you have never ordered anything from me, where you sampled my work".....Maybe even take her a sample cake.......
It is unfortunate that some people "get off" on TRYING (the operative word) to put others in a dim light...
continue to be a PRO and let her MOUTH OFF- apparently she seem s to have the TIME! 
You just continue to do YOUR THING missy...LIfe IS TOO SHORT.
PLEASE RESERVE YOUR ENERGY FOR YOUR WORK, FAMILY,etc. besides- let you work speak for ITSELF!
SO I say - Take the HIGH ROAD on this one... it's just not WORTH IT!
VIA LA BUTTER 
Those who have never bad-mouthed someone else's cakes (i.e., Wal-Mart cakes) because they believe theirs are better, please raise your hand...
Ummmm......I think bad-mouthing a corporation is a lot different from bad-mouthing an individual's work. Opinions are OK, but to slam an individual.....well, if I did that, I'd expect a knock on my door from the one I offended.
Those who have never bad-mouthed someone else's cakes (i.e., Wal-Mart cakes) because they believe theirs are better, please raise your hand...
Ummmm......I think bad-mouthing a corporation is a lot different from bad-mouthing an individual's work. Opinions are OK, but to slam an individual.....well, if I did that, I'd expect a knock on my door from the one I offended.
What part of "oh she makes those American things" do you consider a slam?
I have a real problem with people who are rude, but the fact that this comment was made to a friend of HERS and not directly to the decorator, AND it's not even insulting... well, I think somebody needs to put on her big girl panties, that's all.
I worked in the legal field a long time - and there is not even a HINT of slander in that statement.
I think the issue is not the 'American' comment... I think it's the part where she said this woman is bad mouthing her. I just mentioned the American part because I have seen several times where people from other countries have come on here and made 'American' slams and I think it's not right. It bothers me wholly because I don't sit here and say, "Those ignorant (insert nationality here) bakers!!" etc. I mean, in one thread someone said that all Americans are stupid and sue happy! That's really nice! Anyway, I'm not trying to start a new fight here over that... so let me shut up now!! 
But I agree from a legal standpoint, that one comment wasn't really bad, but who knows what else she has said.
As for me not being evil enough tonight... it's my baby's fault. He's got me all soft and fuzzy. I think he needs a spankin'!! Hahahaha! I will try to evil up for you guys when he goes to bed!
I would kill her with kindness and then remind her of a little thing called SLANDER. Her bad mouthing could potentially cause you loss of business due to her bad mouthing. Seems like she need to be reminded by someone that you didnt just get to tell people false statements because it makes you feel better. If she continues she should understand that she is impacting your future business and that is worth protecting.
Hey Melvira, I have 2 you can come have your way with. 13 and 3 both boys. I called calgon, but they won't take me away!!!!!!!!!! 
Won't take them either. Either one will work..
I can relate to your problem. I started decorating cakes just over a month ago and there is already a lady in town runnig her mouth about me. I have just sold my first cake to the public today!!!!!! The rest is just trying to get the word out. This lady messed up when she ran her mouth to a good friend of mine who is a well respected caterer in my area (she is no longer doing caterering and is sending all the business to me) As far as what to do.......... not sure. I guess it depends on what day of the week it is and how many drinks I had. Let me know how it turns out.
Well, I guess I'm in the middle of the road on this one. I try not to listen to second hand information. Some people try to start something.....Maybe the other baker didn't even say anything or maybe it was a misunderstanding. Who knows. The only way you will better this situation(I feel) is if you contact her and say nothing of the comment. Pretend as if you didn't hear a thing. Explain that you have seen some of her beautiful cakes and you realize you both do very different work, then try to set up a lunch or tea so that you 2 can sit and talk . It's called networking and I believe most small business owners are really into this.
At the meeting, compliment her work and ask about the people you have referred. Give her some cards, ask for hers and say something like, ' I hope this will make our live easier being able to refer overload and different orders to each other.'
Ask if she has any other ideas and be very friendly. Sometimes, it is easier for people to say nasty things if they are strangers. I bet you can start a lasting friendship as you both have something very important in common. You never know....it could work! And who couldn't use more friends??
Good Luck. I would love to hear the outcome.
to Brandisbaked: This is the poster's part that I consider a "slam:
"Now I discover that she is passing bad comments about my work...."
The "American cakes" comment is no problem. I'd be real interested in what her other comments were. And if she said it to just one person, I'd be surprised.
I, too, have worked in the legal field for a long time, and married into a family of judges and lawyers. I assure you that the lady is well on her way to a slander/defamation/libel suit, if she is slamming someone's work/reputation, depending on the true nature of her comments.
to Brandisbaked: This is the poster's part that I consider a "slam:
"Now I discover that she is passing bad comments about my work...."
The "American cakes" comment is no problem. I'd be real interested in what her other comments were. And if she said it to just one person, I'd be surprised.
I, too, have worked in the legal field for a long time, and married into a family of judges and lawyers. I assure you that the lady is well on her way to a slander/defamation/libel suit, if she is slamming someone's work/reputation, depending on the true nature of her comments.
Having legal experience yourself, you should be able to interpret the facts and know that "reading between the lines" has no place in law. You are making an assumption, while I based my comments on the facts presented in the original post. The "negative comment" she referred to was clearly spelled out ("American things")... and if that's the worst that has been said, anyone claiming slander (verbal remarks) or libel (published or written remarks) would be laughed out of court. LOL!
Any claim of libel or slander has to show that the comments made were untrue... and as far as I know, she admitted that her cakes were "American".
Well, I'd like to put my 1 cent in. LOL.
I agree with LeeAnn: Quote: "Stay calm.......just carry on recommending people to her...I can promise you, she will loose out in the end. Just be nice try to get the ones you recommend to her to say, you name as the reference. You have nothing to loose and I promise you as long as you DO NOT put her down. You will win hands up in the end."
BUT, as much as we would like to go over there and confront her and give her some words she would understand, I would not waste my time. It seems to me that she is very JEALOUS and hates the fact that the customers are coming to you first and wanting the "American Things"! While she gets leftovers, so to speak. LOL.
She is obviously trying to make some friction, and ya'll have not even met. So, I would not waste my time even trying to talk to her or try to be friends. I would still refer customers to her and make sure they state they were referred by you. Oh, the Power of Kindness hurts!
Don't worry, like others said, you will come out on top. And you definitely have it to make it there. This is just one of those little bumps in the road!
Keep making those beautiful cakes!
Thanks for reading!
Josie
Oh boy, thanks to all you guys who have taken the time to respond..let me first of all say that this 'lady' has made more than just one silly remark about my work. I wasn't reacting on only one. They really are just mean words. 'those things are so sweet noone can eat them' - 'anyone can throw stars on a shaped cake pan'. Just silly comments that surely are meant to hurt. (and did). I did want to go see her and get this straightened out but I am not very diplomatic. But now I am not so angry and CC let me rage on and on too, which helps truly it does - I have come to the conclusion that she is simply being mean and that I will have to rise above it all - for now - and just get on with it all. I will ask people to let her know I am sending them to see her in future though, that was a good idea that had not occurred to me. I will see if the future brings anything else to my attention, then maybe I will need to give her a ring. I really just wanted to rant and rave at someone and CC was a good place for me to do it. I appreciate it. And you know what? There is plenty of room for a hundred home bakers here, all living in the same street - thousands and thousands of expats customers from everywhere liking ALL kinds of cake! There was just no need for all this nonsense in the first place, which is what got me so angry. There was just no need for it at all. I am putting it in a bubble and blowing it way now. If it all comes round again and bits me in the behind, I will have a word with her.
Thank you to all for the advice, from suing, to doing time, to turning the other cheek. Thanks! MyDH gave me this advice....sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me
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