Help From Moms Of Teenage Daughters
Lounge By navywifetrat Updated 9 Jun 2007 , 4:55am by eagerlearner
I am so tired of all the drama that come with teenage daughters. We moved to a new area this past summer. Our DD has made some friends, one who lives around the block from us (I will call her Amber so it isn't so confusing). She has also made friends with some other girls (one of them I will name Dawn) and now I am hearing things about Dawn from Amber's mom.
The Amber's mom called me today and said that her daugher wasn't coming to my DD's b-day because of Dawn. She said that she was on line while her DD was in the shower and Dawn came on and started chatting - using all kinds of foul language and actually called her a B*****. Her mom told her that she was the mom and not the DD but Dawn didn't care. She asked Dawn if her mother knew she was talking like this to an adult and she said "yes, she is looking over my shoulder. If you don't believe me, here is my number, call her." Well she did call her today and the mother was looking over her shoulder the entire time. I have met Dawn's mom one time and I didn't get a very good impression and could see her not caring what her DD says. This isn't the only reason that she isn't coming - she has had problems with this girl in the past. Now this poor girl is being threatened at school by some other friends of this girl. Amber's mom also told me that this girl has been suspended from school for bullying.
Now I don't want Dawn in my home and the party is tomorrow night. What do I do? I know that I can choose my DD's friends but I am starting to wonder what kind of "friend" this is. Dawn seems nice but Amber's mom said the same thing when she meet her and it wasn't until several months later that she found out some other things. Amber's mom didn't even want to call me because she didn't want me to think she was sticking her nose into my DD's business. I can appreciate that but need to know what is going on with my DD. I don't want my DD to know that I talked to Amber's mom.
What would you do? I am so sorry this is so long but I just don't know where else to turn.
I'm the harda$$ mom on here so feel free to disregard anything in this post. You are right, you CAN pick your kid's friends. My oldest is 28 and my youngest is 14, so I've been doing it for years.
You are a mom first and your first priority is how it affects and influences your daughter. I've banned more than one kid from my house and have zero feelings of guilt about it.
Error on the side of caution. Do you really want your daughter caught in the middle, do you really want her standing next to Dawn when the threats from school come to fruition?
Do you really want your daughter caught in the middle, do you really want her standing next to Dawn when the threats from school come to fruition?
No, I don't but now I am also worried about what Dawn may do to my DD. So how do I get out of this girl being invited to my house for an overnighter w/o my DD being totally mad at me.
How old are the girls? I would tell her she couldn't come. That there is too much going on with the 2 girls. That you don't want this in your home. Be honest with your DD about the way this girl is acting. You are worried she might start treating your DD like that too. Oh & by the way... you CAN pick your kids friends! If they are no good & getting in a lot of trouble at school & at home then they don't need around your DD. You have that right. If this parent is like this there is no way I'd allow my kids in their home.
Good Luck! You WILL do the right thing for your daughter~ 
That got a laugh out of me! Are you telling me this is the first time your kid has been mad at you? 
Oh, honey, it's a kids JOB to be mad at their parents! They get kicked out of the union if they're not mad at you for SOMETHING!
you are not your child's friend .... you are her parent. She's mad at you. Big. Whup. She'll get over it. Dont' stand there and wring your hands trying to decide if you want her to always "like" you or if you want to keep her safe.
This is her life lesson on how to make good decisions. The first date my 16-yr old daughter had ... he was a nice guy. Brought ME a rose when he picked up my daughter. She found out later that he had previously been arrested for gun use. Because of the way she was raised and because of the life lessons we had taught her, I didn't have to tell her to drop him. She made that decision on her own.
She could have not told us. She could have continued to date him. She could have got caught in a gun situation while she was out with him.
What kind of decisions do you want your daughter to make when you're not there to protect her? Do you want to to do the right and safe thing? Do you want her to be able to select friends based on their character and personal actions and their morals?
Or you do want her to "like" you all the time?
It's a no-brainer to me.
(I TOLD you I was the hard-a$$ mom on here. 
)
No, this isn't the first time that she has ever been mad at me. I guess part of my problem is because of her birthday last year. She invited 20 friends and they all got together and planned on not coming to her party. So no one showed up. She has only invited 3 girls to sleepover and now this means 2 of them won't be showing up.
sorry, but it sounds like she needs to re-evaluate what she defines as "friends".
I can understand how you don't want to see her hurt again. Believe me, I do (my youngest is not built like Paris Hilton and being a heavy teenager makes her the subject of insulting comments.) But she can have a great time with one GOOD friend spending the night as she could with 3 "sorta" friends spending the night.
My sister allowed her sons to hang out with the crowd of kids that the sheriff's dept was always watching. Her reasoning? "Well if they don't hang out with them, they won't have many friends." WTF????????? She was more concerned with how popular her kids LOOKED than she was concerned with them hanging out with vandals and drug users.
So tell me why HER oldest son had a couple of felonies hanging over his head by the time he was 19 and MY son at the age of 19 had a couple of medals for heroism hanging off of his Marine uniform? (I also had a daughter who was in the Army). 
I can tell you the difference .... her kids had a "friend" and my kids had a "parent".
Yes, you are right, she does need to pick her friends wisely. We thought she had learned that lesson after last year but I guess maybe she hasn't. She wants to be one of the "popular" kids. We have tried telling her that being popular isn't everything. We have even told her how some of the "popular" kids ended up after graduating high school and where they are now. (Not that all popular kids end up like some of these did.)
She is a very smart girl, in National Junior Honor Society and a very pretty girl. (Of course, what do I know - she is my DD and I am very prejudice!)
She is due home from school in about 45 minutes so I am going to sit down and talk with her and try not to let her know what the other girls mom told me. I don't want her to think her friend's mom sold her out.
Please tell your children thank you for their military service. My DH is in the Navy and they don't get told that enough.
Judging by your screenname, I bet you have moved around a lot! It's hard on 13/14 year old girls to start up in a new school, etc. She has to get to know these girls in order to know who's a bad apple and who is nice. I bet she can decide for herself when all these girls reveal their true colors.
I wouldn't "uninvite" somebody who has been invited. But, knowing what you now know, keep an eye on her at the party. If she starts picking on anybody, uses foul language, or anything you disapprove of, tell her you're going to call her mother to pick her up.
I would also encourage the girl who is "not coming" because of the bad girl, to "do come" because of the nice girls who will be there. and tell her that you will not tolerate any BS from the bad girl.
Judging by your screenname, I bet you have moved around a lot!
Yes, you are right, we do move around a lot - every 3 years.
I am going to go ahead with the party and just watch the girl really close. I will not tolerate anything like that going on. They also won't be allowed on the computer while they are here.
Thanks for all of your advice.
Been here done this one sweetie.
BUT trust me when I say, save your DD before this gets out of hand and she needs more than to just be mad at MOM.
Trouble usually repeats itself in these situations, especially with "Dawn's" Mom not caring.
Your baby is first and for most, and your Mom first and for most. It's nice to have a close relationship with your D, but you are not meant to be friends with her.
Your meant to love, nurture and guide her into becoming a self sufficient, responsible and caring adult with compassion and understanding.
Now this being said, she WILL YELL, SCREAM. HATE, THROW FITS, POSSIBLY CUSS, FREAK OUT AND in general let you know you make her life hell on earth!
And you'll know your doing your job and you love her. She'll figure this out later in life and until then, you will worry yourself into all the Grey hair they seem to contribute to us.
Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes. I have a 14 year old and a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old...all girls! 
Does your DD know? And when I say know, I mean KNOW. Meaning, is she just thinking that she'll be the one to turn her friend around? Is she trying to be a good samaritan? Or is she being pressured into it? Been there, done that (my friends tell me I'm too old to be 15) and all I can say is, it would be good if you got involved. However, think about your DD at the same time. Make sure she knows why. And let her talk as well. There is a reason behind her making friends with that girl, and if it's a good enough reason or not, that's up to you. Good Luck!!
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