no its just for the weekend that he is gone. comes back sunday. we have him for 10 days then they go back to her house for 2 more days.
we get along ok for now. but its a forced get along on my part. she has hurt these boys in so many ways. then she comes back pregnant and she doesnt even take care of these two. it infuriates me. she lets them do what they want and they come back home in that mind frame. it takes us about 3 days to get them back to normal. its a huge frustration and its getting very old super fast. she has been MIA fr the past 9 years. seeing them maybe 3 times a year. they have been through a lot with her.
I feel so sorry for the boys (well and you too, LOL). Do your best to relax this weekend so you can face this Sunday night with a clear head about it. They really need you to be constant. I go thought something close to this, every time my kids go to my moms house (oh and she can only handle 2 of my kids at a time) the kids come back acting awful. The other kids act up because they didn't get to go and because they see the 2 that did go acting up. 
I have a 17 year old that was diagnosed adhd with bd when he was 5. I never had many problems with him at home until he got to be about 8. Homework and school were very big issues here from the beginning though. That was the reason we got him tested. One of the things I did that I didn't hear mentioned was to test his IQ. He was border line geneous. We had no idea that the reason he didn't want to go to school or do his work was because it was too easy. Once we started challenging him more he did much better. I was against any meds, because at the time, there was a very loose policy on them. Every kid that was bad was put on them. He was mainstreamed fully in the 5th grade. Yes, we still had problems with his over the top personality, but with the help of school counselors and a very attentive principle, we were able to defuse situations very quickly. He still to this day has his moments, and still has a hard time focusing, but he was trained to know his weaknesses and uses his strengths to balance his life. Next year he will graduate high school and plans on being a math teacher. I have 5 kids ages 18-2. I wish you all the best and hope I never have to go through it again. My prayers are with you!
Yes, have the school do it. If you are in a public school, they have to do all tests. My sister is an advocate for the Chicago public school systems. She is the head of social services in her district. She helped to get my son where he needed to be. You need to find someone that will be by your side and not just tell you what the school wants. You are the mom and you know what's best for him. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Every time I attended a meeting for his IEP, they again asked me if he was medicated. It used to piss me off. They just want to know that the problem was taken care of, not that you were doing what was best for the child. A lot of the time the meds just make the kids manageable for the teachers. You have to know, if you can handle your son without the meds, so can they. They just have to work harder. Trust me, they will. When they know the parents are willing to make things work, they stop complaining. And when they stop complaining, the kids respond better. A call from the teacher is always a bad thing. With these kids its even worse. I hope you can find someone to help you. It was a plus to have my sister. I know not everyone has that advantage. God bless!!
I am a teacher of children with special needs, and I have to tell you, It is rare that a child doesn't care. They care very much, and are hurt and frustrated when they think they don't measure uo to their peers. It gets to the point that they act like they don't care to cover the pain. I spend the beginning of each year learning my students "learning styles". Maybe you can figure out what your son's learning styles are, and inform his teachers at the beginning of the year so they can better help your son before he get too frustrated.
I am a teacher of children with special needs, and I have to tell you, It is rare that a child doesn't care. They care very much, and are hurt and frustrated when they think they don't measure uo to their peers. It gets to the point that they act like they don't care to cover the pain. I spend the beginning of each year learning my students "learning styles". Maybe you can figure out what your son's learning styles are, and inform his teachers at the beginning of the year so they can better help your son before he get too frustrated.
I sure wish you were my sons teacher, we are lucky to have great teachers this year.
I work in NJ public schools as part of a Child Study Team, we do evaluations on children who are suspected to have a disability. IQ tests are not done in a vacuum, just to see what the child's IQ is. It is part of a full evaluation which is only done to determine if a child is eligible for special education services.
I work in NJ public schools as part of a Child Study Team, we do evaluations on children who are suspected to have a disability. IQ tests are not done in a vacuum, just to see what the child's IQ is. It is part of a full evaluation which is only done to determine if a child is eligible for special education services.
This was why our son had his IQ tested, it didn't work because they said he's IQ was 38, Yes I said 38! Now we know that's not right so the school just said never mind and had him test for learning disabilities. So he got put in a special education class because he had dyslexia.
I have had a lot of the same issues with my ten year old. Schooling has been a struggle from day one. One thing that has helped is sports. He is excellent in sports and I find that it elevates his confidence level. It then carries over into school work. It's also a relief just to see him care about and have a desire to be his best at SOMETHING! Now it's just trying to find a way to get him to enjoy school as much as sports. But, raising his confidence level has truly helped a lot.
Is your son in any kind of counseling for dealing with issues he may be going through with his mother? It seems almost impossible for a child to come out emotionally unscathed from what he has gone through.
One thing with an IQ test is that for many special needs kiddos, the IQ score isn't really all that meaningful, because their disabilities will affect their scores on some subtests more than others. Because of this, if the individual test scores have a lot of "scatter" (some really high and some really low), it is probably an indication of something going on that needs to be investigated. My son, like LanaC's, has Asperger's. In addition, he is highly gifted. On the IQ test he was given in early elementary school, he "topped out" several subtests, and got in the 8th percentile (worse than 92% of kids his age on that subtest) on others. We now know that he has auditory processing and sequencing problems associated with the Asperger's. I agree that very few kids really don't care. They may instead be so used to not being able to live up to their own standards (or the standards of others) that it is just easier to do nothing and fail, since that is what they think will happen even if they try.
Also, many kiddos with ADHD and Autism don't really have all that good a grasp of cause and effect, and somehow are able to not even think about the probable consequences of their actions.
As a mom who has been there, done that, I definitely sympathize with you. It's hard feeling like you are constantly having to fight the same battles over and over.
RedPanda
thanks guys. this weekend he has been with is mom. and when i went to drop him and his brother off its like as soon as they walked in the door there they are totally different people. ride to everyone and just down right mean.
the boys were both in therapy a few years back but their birth mom wont pay her half of the bill so we are no longer able to take them. we cant even take them to a different therapist and pay the whole bill ourselves because this bill follows their name around. its the crappiest thing i have ever heard.
this week i am going to try to get him back into his dr to get him looked at again and to change his meds. friday i did have a really good talk with him and for the few hours while he was home he seemed to have a better attitude.
we have always made it clear to him and his brother that we dont expect all A's from them as long as they try as hard as they can we will be happy and proud. we do tell them we do expect them to pass. that as long as they trying that they will pass. the more i talk with him the more depressed he seems. which depresses me. i hope to get some more answers when we go in this week.
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