I'm in a study with some friends (male and female) and we are currently discussing past and present cultural assumptions about women.

I'm polling lots of my friends and family and thought I may as well ask you CCer's too...so what's your definition of feminine or femininity? Or, what do you think of when someone says "she is very feminine"?

TIA

Peace!

The word feminine makes me think of pastel colors and ruffles. I know that's horribly outdated, but that's just the association I make.

Not being a man! Caring about how you smell and look! Most men I know could care less if they spill something on them. I get girly and freaed out!

They way people carry themsleve with the hair toss and the hand gestures and such. The way we talk for sure!

Curvy figures along with curvy clothes...not to be mistaken for hooker!

Smells such as flowers and not musk!

If you had two pictures, and one had the heading of "feminine" and the other had the heading of "not feminine", my picture would be on the "not feminine"!

I can class myself up with the best of 'em, but when I laugh it's not a "tee-hee" but a big 'ole "guffaw-hahahahaha!" If something is total bullsh**, then that's what I tell you. I'd never qualify to be an understudy for Miss Manners because I tend to call 'em like I see 'em. (you're all surprised at THAT one, right? ). If I get ticked off, my language can make my Marine son blush and I'm usually the bossy bit** telling everyone else how to Git-R-Dun! If you have a better idea, I'll consider it, but until then we're doing it my way. I've got no problem singing Lion King songs out loud in the mall and I think having fun and laughing out loud is more important than being all prim and proper.

I'm not sure I can tell you what it is .... but I know I'm not it!

hahahah indydebi you make me laugh
I do all those things to but usually its in a skirt, or trousers and pretty top.

I think feminine is when you take pride in your appearence and hygiene. You dress in clothes that actually fit properally. You carry and present yourself with pride.

We've had this conversation at home . . . according to my boyfriend I am the most feminine woman he has ever been involved with.

To me being feminine is taking pride in how I look . . . dressing nicely, getting my hair done, painting my nails, etc. I do it for me, but also because I love seeing my boyfriends eyes bug out of his head routinely. I also wear a lot of retro inspired clothing from a custom shop in town . . . very pretty skirts and blouses that remind me of the 40's and 50's.

My boyfriend says I am so feminine because I am very nurturing, focused on my family and friends, and such an obsessed home maker. I love to cook and entertain . . . I try to make sure there are tons of small, comfy details about our home . . . I spend a lot of time taking care of my friends and family as well. I have been told that what makes me so feminine is that I enjoy being a woman and having the instinct to care for those around me.

I think its all about your state of mind . . . but if you enjoy being a woman, it doesn't matter if you are loud or quiet, boisterious or demure. Its just about enjoying your role as a woman.

I think KatieTaylor is the closest.

Be careful folks! Don't fall into the trap of describing "female" traits only in the vein of her hair, nails and the clothes she wears! How very sexist!

the description of "take pride in your appearance...carry and present yourself well..." brings to mind a woman in a business suit who is in charge of the meeting. And when that was my role, they didn't call me "feminine".

I like Katie's description because it includes more of the mindset and mannerisms..... not just how she "perties herself up".

I asked my husband this question and he was stuck for an answer .... he finally said, "I can't tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it."

A woman who wears no makeup and is found wearing jeans and flannel shirts digging in her garden can be as feminine as the socialite who is serving tea and crumpets every Thursday afternoon.

Don't fall into the trap....

I am having a hard time answering this question. I look a lot more feminine than I am. I try to care about my appearance, but like the natural look. Like IndyDebi, I can talk like a truck driver sometimes. I had brothers! I am afraid of spiders, bug, and anything that crawls. Kids included (Just kidding!).

I agree it is not one thing that makes you feminine. My daughter is definitely a sterotypical feminine girl on the outside. She is only 3, but she has brothers too. So, that only goes so far. She likes to show them her butt and pretend to fart. I hope that doesn't offend.

Maybe this will help with the non traditional image of feminine. I think Leila Ali, Muhammed Ali's daughter, is very feminine. I ask my boys what they think she does for a job and they say a dancer or something like that. When I tell them she is a boxer, they don't believe me. She is very feminine and sexy in my opinion.

Oooooh! I love all the feedback! It seems like such a simple question at the get go, but to actually identify a definition is very challenging. I think I tend to think of it as a tender or nurturing nature. I'm one of those gals you'll find digging in her garden in a flannel and jeans (though I love dressing up) and yet have a gentle spirit.

So, to go a little deeper...do you think our current culture has a positive or negative mindset towards femininity?

If you are a church-goer, what do you think the attitude of the church (evangelical or Catholic or others) is towards it?

As a guy, I define feminine as...


Clay Aiken.

LOL Piece of Cake!!!!


I swear I think of petite women who take a lot of pride in clothing, accessories etc........

example, I am at the sams club last night, and I see a woman at least 55-60 with beautiful gray hair in a current style, a skirt that was above her knees and the highest heeled shoes (in a shade that perfectly matched her skirt print and top) in one line over.......I couldnt stop glancing at her....she was the epitomy of class. Something I know I will never be!!! I also have an aunt who is like that....when the rest of us are wearing jeans and an everyday tee-shirt (and flip-flops) she will have on stylish capris, matching top and coordinating shoes......I would totally say she is the definition of feminine......

I however will never be referred too as such.....

But melanie. ..... I define "class" and "feminine" as 2 different things. (god, now she's gonna ask me the hard question: what's the difference?)

OMG indydebi if you and i were in the same state we would be bff!!

See, when I think of feminine, I don't think of lip gloss or doing hair at ALL, it's about character and overall features.

A person has a feminine face if it is soft with round shapes, not angular. A feminine body is also, curvy, not harsh angles, a feminine hairstyle and voice again - soft and curvy...

Mannerisms - being nurturing is TOPS in being feminine, the way someone listens with their whole body, the way she carries herself with grace, not tromping...

Femininity is all about nurturing and softness in features and mannerisms. That's why people think of Clay Aiken and Michael Jackson as feminine as they have those "soft" features and mannerisms.

Melissa

to me, feminine is being soft spoken, dainty, delicate in stature and behavior, graceful, sweet, SENSITIVE, nurturing.....
just some random thoughts.

I think after reading all of these, I would agree with berryblondeboys and with rlsaxe .... it's not what the person looks like nor is it the outer material applications (i.e. hair, nails, style or condition of clothes), but it's an aura of their personality, the non-tangibles. You can't touch it or feel it ... but it's there.

Femininity, confidence, class ..... non-tangible, but VERY much a part of the person.

Ok I am NOT feminine I guess...I work in the garden, I can talk like a sailor (not that all sailors talk trash but...) I HATE makeup but wear it when I go out with DH (I dont wake up with it on so why should I wear it daily just for kids and DH), I to have a gruffy laugh not a little petite giggle, and I sometimes pass GAS...yes I said it..I actually dont toot I FART...(OMG I am embarrassed), and I do it quite loudly. I can make my husband blush and I love it. I was a tom boy in school and still am. I love basketball and I love to get rowdy. My sister and mom are total prissy girls I am more like my dad. I dont sneeze quiet either..trying to perfect that one though so I don't disgust too many people. I want to add that I was raised with manners and don't do these disgusting things in public...just my own home...but if I had to and it was hurting my stomach I'd find a corner LOL

now that I have knocked myself out of most peoples loops I will sit back down and blush)

oh oh oh I forgot ...I LOVE pink...I wear a lot of it...So does that maybe put me in a little bit of the feminine class???

LMAO

Hey its life...we all gotta do what we gotta do right???
Doesn't mean we don't have a feminine(Sp) side....just doesn't always show

I don't think being feminine means you can't be a tomboy at all . . . quite the opposite.

I am pretty rough .. . we 4 wheel in our FJ, I ride a quad (I am toying with the idea of racing), I wakeboard and snowboard . . . I'm right out there with the boys doing all of those things. Does it mean I'm not feminine? Not at all!!!

I'm the one that plans the 4 wheeling trips, but still packs a full on lunch with napkins, etc. The boys don't think about that stuff until we are out there and they all turn to me asking for things.

I think the best thing a woman can be is nurturing . . . to everyone around them . . . that to me is extremely feminine.

And I may be a bit of a girly girl, but lets face it, I don't "toot" either.

Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

i don't think there is really a definition for femanine any more. what i recall is a stay at home mom, who was always nicely dressed, the house cleaned, never cursed, only spoke when spoken to. now women aren't that way. if we have something to say we most of the time say it. we don't get walked on, we hold full time jobs and still do the full time job of a mother. so to me i guess its someone who can do all that and still take time for herself and do all this while making all the loved ones in her life still feel like they are all at the top of her list. someone who is a rock but still cries at sappy movies and loves to slow dance with her significant other. someone who can do all this and still thinks its awesome to get sent a rose or 2 or 20.someone who cries at there kids graduation, from pre-school. someone who still knows its not what you have as far as material things, but its who you have in your life that fills you up.

I was sharing this interesting thread with a friend and she came up with a question that may be good for your discussion: When a man is defined or described as "feminine", what are the qualities that makes him appear that way? We didn't think it had to do with his hair and nails, but it makes for an interesting question on this topic!

When I think of a feminine man I think of my Dh. Even though he works in a awfully dirty job he has his little quirks. Like he crosses his legs (like a woman) and he blow dries his hair very delicately, he LOVES to paint my toenails (because I don't) and he cries at movies. LOL He also adds Y to alot of his guy friends names LMAO, Like Brucey, Nicky etc. He also has that new shirt that came out...real men wear pink (he's 33 years old, ya know that mid life crisis thing).

The only thing I could think of when I saw the topic was "NOT ME". I am sooo not feminine, and I tell my DH this all the time that I don't even feel like a woman. (Not trying to sound weird here) I live in jeans and t-shirts, my hair stays in a ponytail (except now cause it was cut too short), I HATE, despise, abhorr shopping. Dress up... what's that? Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in this body, but I wouldn't want to be a man either. So, feminine.... I have no idea what it means, but the topic has been interesting nonetheless.

Feminine to me is very girly. The type that doesn't like getting her hands dirty. That would say, "Oh my gosh no" to working in the flower beds. Also feminine is wearing jewelry & makeupevery day , & doesn't mind carrying a purse. Hee, hee!! I hate carrying a purse! I'm feminine about 1/2 of the time. I don't mind getting my hands dirty heck, I drive a school bus & firetrucks! But on weekends you will find me with makeup on & those favorite sandles w/ my toenails painted pertty! My favorite color is PINK!!!!! Then every evening I love putting on them flannel pants!! So I think feminine is the best of all worlds!!

I hate defining any one thing as feminine or not because I was raised with such strict ideas of what each sex is supposed to do.

Most of it came from my dad, he had been raised in an Army household during the 50s, 60s and early 70s. He wasn't even allowed to have GI Joes because they were dolls.
It didn't help any when he joined the Army and had us. I was at least 6 before my older brothers were allowed in the kitchen to do anything and then it was only KP, they were never taught to bake or cook at home. He's appalled now that some of my brothers like to cook and that all of his grandsons are encouraged to do stuff in the kitchen, my nephews even have a toy kitchen. He gets us mad because he makes comments in front of the kids that amount to us making the boys less then men if they cook.
For us girls we weren't supposed to want to do anything "manly" but if we wanted our dad to spend time with us we had to. Then we were accused of being "butch."


I think someone can be masculine or feminine but I think there are so many ways to get to that point that picking specific traits to define doesn't work. My brother's fiancee is a good example: she can roof a house, doesn't like shopping, makeup, cooking, raises snakes, doesn't want kids but at the same time she is feminine in her own way.

I agree w/ you mbelgard~ I guess we all fall under masculine & feminine I know I do~

I take being feminine to mean being very girly, delicate, soft, etc. Though I do not think its the same as being a girly girl, I suppose its because feminine makes me think of a time in the past dainty if you will. I am by no means feminine, I am not a tomboy but in all honesty I guess to me being feminine takes too much work. Plus I always took feminine to mean quiet, not dumb or with out opinions, just quiet and more reserved, and I am by no means quiet or reserved, I am very (ok sometimes overtly) opinionated and I like to express my opinion when a certain topic comes up. Too much testosterone I guess..that would explain a lot actually

~Alicia