Hello!
I recently found out I was pregnant but it was not meant to be. I'm waiting to hear from my doctor the results of a blood test that checked my hormone levels. She said I should prepare myself for the worst and with the amount of bleeding I've had, I've obviously started to do that. The ultrasound was not really helpful because the pregnancy was so early that the heartbeat was not detectable.
Has anyone gone through this and can offer some words of encouragement?
I feel okay for a while and then I just start crying. I have been very blessed in my life with 3 healthy children and a wonderful husband so I can't even say that this isn't fair. I know these things happen for a reason. I just never thought I'd have to face this. My eldest son (6) is really the only one aware that something is up because he's seen me crying and I feel bad thinking that he is scared something is wrong with me. I can't believe that one week ago at this time, I didn't know I was pregnant and now I feel that my life has been turned upside-down a bit.
Anyway, I have a cake all ready and waiting to be decorated today so I'm hoping that will give me a little relief from these feelings of sadness.
Thanks to those who've read this..
Cindy
I'm so sorry for your troubles. I've been blessed with 2 healthy children but had a big scare with the last one. I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, but I can imagine. Hang in there and try to keep your mind occupied.
Keeping you in my thoughts..
Jenn
Cindy,
What I will say is based on personal experience and my faith, which may not be shared by everyone, but it is MINE, as what you are going through is YOURS. Thats the nice thing about feelings, they are your own.
It is OK to be sad, mad, depressed, cry and be grouchy, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is OK to grieve the loss of YOUR child. For me the pain dulls after awhile, but even with my 3 boys, the sadness can still come back and wash over me sometimes. Thats OK, even healthy. A child is a beautiful gift, and any gift that precious tht is lost, will break your heart.
I suffered 4 miscarriages before adopting my 3 boys, and 4 more during that time. The pain for some was more than others, the first was overwhelming, I wanted children and did not have any, others made me sad, but those times in my life were different, so the pain felt a little different. I have never been able to carry a pregnancy past the first trimester, I do not know why, and was unwilling to stake our financial peace on something insurance wouldnt pay for. That was not God's plan for ME. Though I misscaried and lost, and fostered, fell in love and lost, in my world, those things happened, so that something else (my 3 boys) could happen later. I also know thall I will see ALL my children in heaven one day, and that makes me smile. The love and laughter of my children was a theraputic during those last times. You are stronger than you know. Grieve and love.
I apologize if my passion in my this matter is misplaced, and only hope that it may help you in your grief. Your feelings show how deeply you love. That is a good thing.
Heather
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you would be surprised at how many women have gone through it. I know I was. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I was on vacation in DisneyWorld when it happened (I was 8-10 weeks at the time). That was almost 7 years ago, but I still remember my due date and will still get sad sometimes for the baby that wasn't meant to be. For me it turned out to be hormonally related and I had to take progesterin suppositories to maintain my two successful pregnancies.
I remember feeling numb. Like I was in a pit. It will get better, just keep going through your days and the time will pass. It took me 9 months to be willing to try getting pg again, and I had 1 or 2 early unconfirmed miscarriages before *I* figured out the hormone problems.
You know I was completely unwilling to travel anywhere with my two successful pregnancies. I swear I was a basket case!
I know you will be fine. Try to get some extra rest and let yourself grieve for your lost baby. It's normal and healthy.
When you're ready, you'll see the sun shining again.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
I'm so sorry for your loss also. My son was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I was in total shock at the thought of having a 15 month old and a newborn. I came to the conclusion that it could and would be a good thing as they would be close playmates. Then the bleeding started and never stopped until I had to have a D&C. I didn't know how to feel. One moment I was sad and the next I was OK with it. Everybody deals with it different. What got me through it though was by belief that this was God's way of telling me there was something wrong and He was taking the baby with Him. 2 years later I had my beautiful daughter.
Hang in there! Each day will get a little better.
Karen
I can relate to what you are going through. My husband and I tried to have a baby for almost 2 years....I was pregnant twice. The first time I had absolutely no symptoms besides a little dot of blood. I'm serious that's it! No cramping nothing else. Miscarried had to have a D&C.
Was hard to go through but thought that it happens to a lot of women and we would keep trying. Waited the time frame my doctor suggested before trying again, got pregnant had stronger symptoms of pregnancy so I thought all was better (later found out I was pregnant with twins!) Lost the twins when I was on holidays. Had some bleeding but again nothing major. Woke up one morning looked at my husband and told him that I miscarried again....he didn't believe me but my doctor confirmed it. Had to have another D&C. To be completely honest with you just typing this out is bringing tears to my eyes! It's been almost 2 years! The last miscarriage was the hardest to deal with because my doctor believed that I might have had a molar pregnancy which can be cancerous....so we had the scare of "cancer" and the thought that I might have to go through chemo etc....So my doctor recommended I wait at least 3 months before trying again so he could run tests on me for those three months. I thank God that the tests came back okay and we were able to try again.
We now have a very healthy 18 month old boy and I thank God every day for him! I had to realize that God doesn't give us more than we can bear (spelling?). That also doesn't mean I didn't cry everyday because I did and at the wierdest times. All my friends were having babies at this time so that didn't make it easy. I couldn't even attend the baby showers because I found it too hard. Don't know if we will have any more, we are so happy that we have our son and everything was okay.
Oh, had to have an emergency C-section for him and was on bed rest the whole pregnancy because believe it or not, I bled a lot while I was pregnant with him go figure! That's why we aren't sure if we should have another one or if we should just let everything be the way it is and be very thankful we have him..... He is my little miracle and it was all of God's plan....
After all that I've said I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better. Everybody handles things differently. Sometimes just talking about it will make you feel better, or not talking at all, when you're feeling better maybe go for a walk with a friend. I know I kept myself inside for way too long and finally a friend dragged me out of the house. It was actually nice to get out!
Don't feel guilty because you've been blessed with 3 healthy children and a wonderful husband. You are still going through a loss.
You will get through this! The only thing I can do for you is send you a big HUG!
You're in my thoughts!
Cindy,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You have every reason to feel sad right now, and you shouldn't be feeling bad for that. As for crying in front of your child. I lost my Mother last year, and I used to try not to cry in front of my two year old twins girls because they looked worried, but my DH said that it's better for them to see me cry sometimes, so that they know that it's okay. And you know what, I think he's right. Of course tell him that you're okay, but that you're just feeling sad right now....
Lots of hugs....
Denise
I miscarried twins about 3 years ago. It was an unecpected pregnancy & I wasn't even convinced I really wanted more children ( my son was 7). When I miscarried, I was devastated, I realized I wanted the babies worse than anything. It broke my heart & I cried for a week straight. After that things got a little easier. It still hurt, but gradually it got better. 3 months after that I found out I was pregnant again. Waylon's 3 yrs old now. My point is it does get better. Don't feel guilty about crying & thinking it isn't fair or about starting to get over the hurt. It takes time.
I feel your pain, I miscarried in my fourth month over 22 years ago and he still comes across my mind and I find myself crying from the hurt and loss.
Take all the time that you need to deal with this, there is no time frame stating how long you can grieve.
Remember that we are here for you if you need to talk, rant, cry or whatever.
Sending a big CC hug to you and your family.
I also feel your pain. I was pregant with twins and lost them in my fifth month. I had already heard the heart beats. I went in for my ultrasound and they said something was wrong. A few days later I was in the hospital having a D&C. I still remember the day I lost them and the due date. They would have been 18 this December. It is a hard thing to go thru and you will come thru it. I am not saying it will not be hard. But you will find the strenght to go on.
Cindy,
I have lost my last three babies to miscarriage. If you ever want to chat about it from a Christian perspective (or just as a friend) don't hesitate to PM me. I went through all the rollercoaster of emotions that I imagine you are currently experiencing. It takes time to heal. Sometimes you think you're ok and only a moment later find yourself drowning in sorrow.
Hang in there and don't try and grieve alone... even if that means going to the internet to find support. I found some comfort at: http://bereavedmomsshare.com/ during my last loss which was just over a year ago, although I'll say that site isn't being moderated very closely lately as the facilitor recently lost a 16 year old son. Still, the women who visit the forum are there to comfort one another. You may even find me there from time to time. If you go back far enough you may even find my story. Sometimes this site just helps you let the tears out if that makes sense.
If I can help another woman through the hurt, then my own losses won't be in vain, so please either PM or email me if you need to share your heart. I'll PM my email to you.
God bless,
Wendy
Cindy,
I too could understand you pain as I have only just gone through both a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy in the last month. I'm still struggling with this in many ways. Nobody can tell you how to feel and remember you have nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about. I've found it easier by talking about it. I don't know how I'll go on their due date but I'll just see what happens.
Goodluck and all my love
Rachel
Cindy I am so sorry. I too have had a miscarrige. It was horrible. I found out in the er after the bleeding started. I had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant. I do feel that sometimes everything happens for a reason. Hang in there it will get better I promise you. My thoughts are with you. Lisa
Cindy I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I had two early miscarriages after having two successful pregnancies. My older kids were close to 5 and 3 at the time and I remember my son's bewilderment at my sadness. There are times when I still feel angry and sad. We had a few people say things like "well at least you already have two healthy children - you should be happy for that" and "it is for the best". After the first miscarriage I realized that it wasn't fair for me to get angry with people for their comments. I know they were trying to help but didn't know the right words. After the second miscarriage my OB/GYN did a few tests and found a polyp on my uterus. I had a D&C and 3 months later we were able to have a successful pregnancy. I think the hardest emotional battle was in wanting some comfort and wondering what happened to those lives. My grandmother whom I was very close to was suffering from terminal lung cancer and was one of the first people we told when we found out we were pregnant after the D&C. When I went to see her the day before she died I was able to tell her the doctors showed my latest bloodwork was optimistic. While I still have sadness for the losses I now have great comfort knowing they are safe and I will see them someday. Take your grief one day at a time - there is no set timeframe to heal. Don't feel guilty for your emotions. Whether you carried a child for 2 minutes or several months, you loved that child and wanted that child and you have every right to grieve for your loss.
Kim
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