First off.............for any men on here, please don't take the title personal, please! 
Ok...
Hello all you wonderful cake peoples!! I'm SO sorry to be bringing up my unhappiness with my DH, d = dumb, right?! But, I just need to know a few things from people that have gotten a divorce...what made you do it? What was the last straw? I mean, there's a lot at stake here...we have two kids, a mortgage, etc., etc.
Well, my hopefully short story is that on christmas eve my dh just had to get this jack russell puppy...I did not want her b/c I was going to be the one to take care of her. She's so hyper, it's not funny! We do live out in the country, but...she likes to run off & our neighbor is avery mean old man that doesn't want her in their garden, so.....anyway...I've trained the dog to use the potty, etc. This dog follows me around and is constantly at my feet that she has tripped me. She even licks my legs as I walk....very aggravating. One of our children is afraid of her, while the other doesn't care what she does as long as she doesn't bite him.
I've, on occasion, brought to my dh's attention that I'd like the dog to have a better home, b/c (those of you who remember) he's gone mon., tues., & wed. nights....he doesn't get home until late on thurs., so...he's gone for 4 days basically.
The dog aggravates me...I hate dog hair...I hate all of the hyperness...I hate how she hears me go potty & starts barking in her kennel....I hate how she REALLY barks & yelps when she hears me flush the potty...I'm talking about when Iget up first thing in the morning....so I go & let her out& attempt a shower while she piercingly barks! Ugh!!! I'm not a dog person at all............ok, ok, anyway....I brought this up to my dh just an hour ago & finally got off the phone with him. I was calm, more than willing to talk & he said that it's not negotiable and that's final....the dogs a part of the family he said.
Ok, well, I continued to tell him my feelings, he said he's heard all of this before & doesn't want to listen to it again. He says that all I do is complain and all I get are things handed to me........b/c I don't have to work! All I have to do is take care of the boys, him & the dog. He says this like I sit on the couch eating bon bons or something. He called me spoiled rotten........and that I didn't even understand what it took to pay for all of the things we have! He was yelling & cussing and literally made me cry twice.......as I was trying so hard not to hang up on him. I've told him a lot here lately that I 'm not happy....he says its because of my weight and he's tired of hearing about it. If I'm that unhappy do something about it....yes, true, but I don't feellike I have any support.
What I want to know is how bad has your spouse made you feel? Can anyone understand what I'm saying? I just need to vent, too, but....I ended up telling him that he was a f----idiot and finally hung up on him.....this man is almost 33 years old!!!!!!!!!
I'm so unsure of what to do b/c I don't work & haven't in over 5 years! Can someone please share some inspiration that has helped you get through some tough times.
Hi mmdd, I 'm so sorry you are so upset and so unhappy!
As far as the dog goes, if you don't want it and your kids don't want it, and dh is gone most of the time, I do not see that you should have to keep it! From what I've read, the hyperactive characteristic is part of the Jack Russel breed and is not likely to change or improve much as the dog gets older. Maybe dh would like to take the dog with him when he goes out of town, since he is the only one who really wants the dog.
I'm not really qualified to try to advise you in your situation, but you have to remember there are many forms of abuse, it sounds like you are getting your share of the mental and verbal kind. In your situation, I would be consulting with a professional and making arrangements to leave or make dh leave.
Sorry, but I don't agree that you aren't "working", you are taking care of your children (not to mention a dog you don't want) essentially alone, and if thats not work, I don't know what it is! Janice
my parents were married for 15 years and always had problems and he never changed no matter how many time she left or said it was over he would cry and say he would change but he never did.
and remember no matter how old your children are they pick up on your unhappiness. be strong and do what you feel in your heart is right for you and your children.
and by the way, raising kids is a 24-7 job. he gets to get off for a few days you never have a day off. it is the hardest job around.
good luck and i hope things work out for you no matter which way they go. you deserve to be happy.
mmdd,
Being a full time Mom is a very draining job. Some days, I just can't wait for my DH to come home for a little break. And, my girls are really good, so it's not even because they're bad, it's just being "on" all the time. I can't even imagine adding a dog into the mix. Your DH seems like a very selfish person. He certainly does not appreciate you, because if he did, he wouldn't tell you that you're a spoiled brat with no job!!!
I can't advise you about a divorce either, but things can certainly not stay like this. Your DH should be supportive, caring of your feeling and he doesn't seem to be. Please talk to someone.
I'm wishing you all the best,
Denise
Can the dog be penned up outside? This breed is very hyper but it's bound to get a little better as it gets older. My Rottweiler was absolutely nuts until she turned 1. Now she's very lovable. Perhaps you could take her to some training classes to help bond with her and learn to control her.
I don't know how old your kids are, but would you consider working outside your home? Maybe a part-time job would make you feel happier, ease financial burdens, take away some of his ammunition, etc.
I wouldn't like it if my husband treated me this way. Marriage is a partnership. I think you should consider counseling. It might help you both understand each other's point of view.
mmdd- maybe make a list of everything that you do throughout the day and send it to him..hmmm ok maybe not..it's up to you....
Does hubby thank you at all for what you do?
If he doesn't then he's not appreciating you for everything you do.
If he claims that you are not doing anything for you weight-loss, make sure to tell him that you are doing something..tell him all you want is some support with what you are doing.
You know...skinny people can be unhappy too, so for your husband to say that you are unhappy because of your weight is a totally biased opinion.
Do you thank him for things that he does? Do you encourage him on his dreams and wants?
Maybe talk to him about how you both need to encourage each other. If he still wants a dog, maybe it's possible to go and a more family-friendly dog, like a golden retriever mix. They are usually only hyper the first couple of years and then they calm down, but with the right training they make great family pets. My in-laws have a golden retriever-springer spaniel mix- so the dog can be really smart and really dumb sometimes because of her breeding...but she is the best dog around kids, and she is so good with Alex, they play together like brother and sister...you should see them two wrestle, Susie (the dogs name) will curl her back end around and bump my son with her but, it's soo funny to watch.
Ok, back to you... The fact that you didn't hang up on him right away and listened to what he said is a good thing even though it hurt.
I've learned in my relationship that I need to yell less, and so does he...so we BOTH work on talking to each other on an even tone and letting the other person finish talking about what they have to say.
When your husband is gone, do you two make an effort to call each other and tell each other about how one's day went and what happened that day, good and bad?
I've personally noticed in my relationship that when my husband and I don't communicate with each other, we argue ALOT.
I personally need to work on keeping the house picked up more...but somedays I am so tired when I get home from work...but when my house is messy, my husband gets testy....I am by no means saying that this applies to you.
Are you and your husband willing to sit down and see what each other needs to work on to make this relationship work? Maybe a little marriage counseling would be good for you...find one that will work with each of you separately and together.
Maybe we can give you enough advice to get the ball rolling on this.
When talking to your husband tell him how you feel and state that just a small amount of support would be appreciated. Like when you exercise for the day, he could say "Good job! Keep working hard at it and you will feel better in no time."
In turn, you also need to support him in his minor accomplishments during the day.
But if you can't both work together and only one starts the changes, then the marriage just might not work. I hate to see the marriage fall apart because if you both still love each other I am sure you can both compromise to make it work.
Compromise, communication, and laughter are key to a good marriage!
I was with my ex-husband for 14 years - dated for 5, married for 9. Our problem was that we were perfect for each other when we were 18, but by our late 20's we had both grown up to be different people. Divorce was the most difficult decision I have ever made...we also have a daughter, had lots of money tied up in a farm, the usual stuff. We had everything that money could buy except happiness. My ex sounds a lot like your husband in that he doesn't seem to appreciate you or value your time and your contributions to your family. I understand how hard that is to live with! No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. Even though I had a great job, was raising a sweetheart of a kid, and running a household, I was a loser. The last straw for me was finding out that I had a major health issue to deal with and getting no support from him at all. He still expected me to go about my business as usual even though two surgeons told him that my days were numbered if I didn't take it easy until this risky surgery could be done. That's when I knew we were DONE! He didn't love me enough to pick up the slack and step up to the plate and be a real man. Three months after brain surgery, I filed for divorce.
That was four years ago, and I'm being totally honest when I say that it's been hard. I kept the property (and the mortgage!), have full custody of the kid and continue to work full time in addition to running my bakery business on the side. I'm completely exhausted every night, but I'm proud of myself for being able to walk away from a loveless marriage and keep on keeping on.
Have you tried couples therapy? It's not always a fix...we went through it and it obviously didn't work for us...but for some couples it works miracles. I think that getting rid of the dog would be the first step, and talking to someone should be the second. Divorce should be a last resort, especially when kids are involved. If you can save it, save it, but if you can't then you have to find a way to move on. I agree that maybe getting a part-time job would help. That way, you'd be able to ease back into the work force and have some money of your own.
Hang in there...everything happens for a reason, and sometimes what seems to be a lost cause isn't a lost cause at all.
When the kids are not around and hubby is gone to work take the dog and give him to a good home as far from your house as possible and tell hubby and the kids that he ran away. Just kidding(maybe not). I don't know what to tell you to do about your situation but wanted you to know I've been there, did that. He wouldn't change so finally I took the kids (4) and left. Best thing I ever did for myself and my kids. The household atmosphere was happier and more relaxed. We might not have had as much physical things but we had laughter and love. Fast forward - now my kids are grown and have families of their own and I've been married 5 1/2 years to a man who totally supports me in anything I want to do. It's also rewarding to watch my son's interact with their children. So different from how their father was.
I have a jack russell that I didn't really want. But got it because my teenage son wanted it. However, it is me that does all the care and it is my two year old that plays with it all the time. Jack Russells are an obnoxious breed. I would get rid of mine in a heartbeat but my two year old loves her. As for your case, get rid of the dog while the kids are at school and your husband is at work. Make a big deal with the kids about going out and looking for it when you finally "realize" she is missing.
As for your husband, divorce is such a personal thing. Been there, done that. In my case I decided that I rather be free and be poor than be a prisoner and be poor. With three kids and no money but an emotional abusive husband I decided it was time to get out. In the long run, I hope it will be the best thing I ever did for the kids. One of my children from that marriage is already married.
My suggested would be to contact Safe Space or the equivalent in your area. They offer counseling and it may help you make a decision.
Sometimes emotional abuse is worse than physical. When it is physical, there are bruises and marks and people understand what is happening. But the marks that emotional abuse leaves are not visible and a lot of people just don't understand that. Especially if your husband is one of those people who is everybody's best friend.
You could try regular counseling also.
The best of luck to you in whatever you decide.
Very sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have a husband like that, but I do know he should be giving you emotional support. If you can't get counseling for the both of you, try to at least go by yourself. I know in some of your other posts your self-esteem has been down, which he has been contributing to. If you can't find a marriage counselor, maybe a pastor or preacher. Fix yourself, then work on your marriage. Kids pick up on this stuff, no matter what age they are.
As for the dog, get rid of it. He's not there to take care of it and he's the one who wanted it. What would happen if you just told him you were getting rid of it? I hate to see you lie and say it "ran away", but if you have to use it as a last resort....
Hey mmdd-
I found a Jack Russell Terrier website for ya'
http://www.terrier.com/
It has several different links on the breed, plus an advice section for behavioral stuff...and there are also links for Jack Russell Rescue places...
rescue places for breeds are great because their specifically designed for that breed and the people that adopt from these breed specific rescue organizations know what they are in for because they've most likely done their homework.
http://www.russellrescue.com/ this is the website for the Jack Russell Rescue...you could use this as a bargaining factor with your husband that his dog would be going to a loving home.
Thanks mouse, this is actually the 3rd one we've had, and the other 2 had to go!!!!
It's the only dog he's ever wanted, etc., I can understand that, but I've heard that they can turn...especially on kids, but I thought that was how you raise them. My youngest just rolls around with the puppy & she loves it. That puppy does not care! I wish they were older to help more with her.
I'll look there...maybe there will be some suggestions on what to do with a very hyper dog. I just don't like her running the house 20 times in a circle! LOL!
Thanks to everyone that commented!!!!
ok...Ive been debating whether or not to step into this one....and Im sure when all is said and done....I will be quite a few cc friends less.....and mmdd, please read knowing this is NOT a personal attack against you...
As Im sure we all know ..no one is perfect....starting with men! As much as mine can be an ass....he can also be more than wonderful. There are always two sides of a story or situation....your husband may also feel just as under appreciated or resentful....he may also have a lot of issues with his job...its importance, but also how it takes so much time from his family.....I am not completely defending him here....we all have our own "jerk side" to us.....but maybe try to see things from his point of view....Ive gotten from other threads that he has an extremely stressful job, which pays him very well....which is the start of his dilema of ...my job brings so much...but also takes so much. I also got that you are very unhappy about your weight and have made that clear to him too....so I could see how the comment about your weight....couldve just been a reflection of things you yourself have said. He could be just as frustrated as you are about it all...because he knows you are...and biggest of all it makes you unhappy. I also got from other threads that he does help when he comes home....so he can't be that big of an ass 
All in all I think we all say stupid things....under pressure...under stress...and out of pure aggravation!! Sometimes...I think we forget who we're talking to....my husband and I are infamous for this.
I went through a lot of post partum issues after the boys were born and my days and nights were spent hating anything and everything...I'd look at my husband and be pissed that he was still breathing!!! 
....it honestly took a cousin of mine to shake me through a phone and say stop looking for the bad, sad and mad....find whats good. I am no one to give advice really....but I myself still to this day still forget to find the good. Resentment really is like a virus ...uncontrolled and it takes over!
And about the dog....I am the worlds biggest dog disliker...but I disagree with giving it away...its still a living breathing creature you brought into your home....I dont think he is gonna let go of the dog because its something he really wanted and now has...its almost territorial now....it would be like him coming to you and saying your cake stuff really irritates me, I dont like it, it makes a mess and well I just flat out dont like it....and throws your pans out.....
Relationships are a lot of pressure....throw kids in it....and you have two people fighting to keep balance, happiness and love not just for each other but this little beings who depend soley on the two of you....unfortunately the pressure does get to be too much and it all ends with just fighting. Only one person knows if you truely love him...or if you're truely just "upside down right now"
but this is just my opinion.....ok...you can all throw rocks at me now!! 
Not to trivialize your situation in any way kiddo, but sometimes I wish all men could be brought on the Dr. Phil show and hear about how they are supposed to act as husbands and fathers and best friends. And maybe we could all sometimes use the reminder of how we are to act as wives and mothers and best friends too. And then Dr. Phil could give us all his book on relationships and the women could read it and "get it" and the men could pretend to read it and "get it" haha, and then he could browbeat them into really reading it and "getting it"!
Heehee, it is my threat with my hubby of 31 years, "Dr. Phil called for you!" But sometimes he does get the message.
Maybe not everyone is a fan of Dr. Phil's but when it comes to relationships, he makes a lot of sense and has good advice.
Marriage and raising a family are hard work, sometimes you give 90 percent and the other person gives 10, sometimes the other way around. But as soon as one member trivializes the other member's contribution, it becomes a competition to see who can make the other partner feel worse and competition is not good between married partners. I stayed at home with my girls, hubby was on the road a lot, I sympathize! It is hard work, it isn't easy and it is lonely and sometimes feels thankless and sometimes you need a break. And when your hubby comes home you would like to give him the kids and the pets and run. And I don't mean to trivialize your hubby's contribution either, he is supporting the family "financially" and you are supporting the family "physically" and you both deserve credit. But while he is away, he is working and looking after just himself. Your work is 24 hours a day and you are looking after more than yourself.
As Dr. Phil says, "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody going to be happy" and I think it is true. Your hubby gets a financial pat on the back for a job well done, you need to hear the words and get the encouragement for doing your job well too. And you both need to be able to express your feelings in a non-confrontational way and to listen and act upon what the other person is saying, not get angry and get even.
I feel for you kiddo, marriage and families are not easy but you can have the same relationship with anyone, a successful one, if both people work at it and show respect for each other.
It is really too bad your hubby chose that breed of dog because they are hypher and many homes are not the right choices for these animals. If he had done some responsible research before getting this dog, he would likely have realized it wasn't a good choice for your situation.
I think you need to do something that is good for you and your well-being. Whether that is a part-time job, a social group, a weight-loss program, you need to do something that you do that will give you some pleasure. When we are happy doing something, it changes our attitude about everything else.
Many hugs to you!
Squirrelly Cakes
I don't really want to say anything about your marriage, except that your husband sounds very controlling. As for the dog, you said the kids (or at least one of them) are afraid of it. If it has even attempted to bite someone, or has been threatening in any way, it would go out of the house immediately and I don't mean just to the back yard. No child's safety or wellbeing should be compromised especially in its own home, and especially for an animal First of all you are the one with the animal all day every day. Your opinion means something and is important. If your husband can't see that then he is blind. My husband calles me upitty, I don't put up with a lot of crap from anyone or anything, life is to short. My husband worked a lot of hours and was not home much, so if something needed doing, I did it, or figured out a way to do it. I have become very independant over the years. If it was in my house for me to deal with then I would deal with it. Gone, you don't like it and want an animal then take it with you to work, don't leave it here for me.
Just my opinion. Good luck
mmdd- I truly hope things work out for you.
After looking through your post, and re-reading mine...I did something to make my relationship with my hubby put back on track a little bit.
Yesterday hubby had po'd me because he was freaking out that he couldn't find his dress shoes and he was blaming it on the messy house (which I took a little personally) and I kept asking him if he remembered where he left his shoes or took them off and he could not remember for the life of him. Well, I found them..like how I find everything (but I am working on making him look better. If I see what he is looking for I tell him where to look.) After I was done posting on this thread, I sent my hubby some flowers- yes that's right flowers. I sent him 3 white roses with some greenery in a bud vase and had them put on the card
"I'm sorry. Your wife"
He called me as soon as he got the flowers and said thank you and I love you. We went out for dinner by ourselves that night and it felt soo good to do that. (In-laws watched our son.)
Sometimes saying your sorry even if it might not be your fault can be the biggest failure....just as long you are getting sorries back from the other person just as much as you are saying it.
mmdd- send him some flowers at work, it will definetely surprise him, and the bouquet doesn't have to be girly, just some simple roses with a little bit of greenery in a vase will do. Yellow, red, or white are good colors for guys. This shows to him that you appreciate him for his hard work.
I know things can work out for you both.
Thank you, mouse, you have been extremely helpful...as always!! (I'm starting to wish we were neighbors or something, lol!)
And, thank you, twins, for taking the chance of losing some cc friends.
I do need to look at things from his point of view more...and not JUMP at the slightest little thing that upsets me.
I was "sheltered" my whole life....my mother kept me from hearing cuss words & watching pg-13 movies until I was 18. So, my dh has really done a lot to help me with that.
I really don't feel like hes controlling or abusive, although I did make him look that way....I guess I forgot to tell you all how I yelled at him, too....and had been for the past 3 weekends.
Yes, I've mentioned my weight to him...he never ever says a word about it unless I bring it up. Then he only tells me that he wants me to be healthy & happy.
Sometimes I like to bash men; and dh is usually right there! I tend to blame a lot on him; and take a lot out on him.
He is a powerlineman; and that is a very stressful job.....I used to call him all of the time complaining to him if one of the boys had an accident, or just something simple...similar to that. It wouldn't have been a big deal to most, but for some reason...it was to me.
I need to grow up....I never had to do anything for myself; everything's been bought for me & I've never had any chores to do, well Ijust never did them.
Stepping into motherhood...I can easily handle, but when it comes to actually working with someone, like dh, sometimes I just don't know what to do. How do I look at him? As a man? A father to my children? A friend? My dh? How do I look at him? Probably all of these ways...but I can't seem to do that...I can't seem to see all of those things in him at one time. It's not him, it's me. He does do whatever I ask....wash dishes, vacuum, give the boys a bath......so..........
I thank everyone who took the time to read this & comment....and I really just wanted to say that there are two sides of the story; I've thought about getting him on here, lol!!
Thank you all! I'm so glad I found this site; it's been most helpful!
Hello all:
Alot of great advice here. I was in a marriage for 8 years (but only lived with him for 6- divorce took 2 yrs), and could not take the emotional abuse anymore. There were many days that I wished he would hit me, as that healed faster than my heart and brain- 3 years of counseling and antidepressants, and the man who was my best friend and is now my husband helped me through it all. We tried counseling- I was a sah mom, then he decided not to work, so we switched roles, so I have been on both sides of the spectrum- homemaker, and breadwinner. Either way, both people in the relationship needs to understand that they are equals in the relationship, and appreciation and communication is a big key. We tried marriage counseling- for years- started when I was pregnant with child #1, then again after I had child number 2, then again when I was pregnant with child #3, then I left him by the time I was pregnant with number 4 (and didn't know I was pregnant). Talk about the toughest thing I have ever gone through, even though at that point, I really wanted out. It should seriously be a very last resort- my attorney bills were nearly $15000 (he wanted full custody of the kids, since he was a sah dad), the house was almost foreclosed on, I had to live with my parents for a while, as I could not afford even the cheapest apartment & my two oldest children went through alot of couseling because of the mind games he played with them. Anyway, enough about that- I just married my best friend & person who helped me through it all this past January- and the kids are fine, and my ex and I are finally friends again- he realizes we were truly not a good match. But, my point is, try your hardest to work things out- marriage is sacred and it takes work from both sides! Sounds like you realize this (oh, btw, I am not saying that I didn't contribute to problems in my first marriage- I had as many issues as my ex) Good luck to you , and find time to spend together alone- it keeps a realtionship healthy and strong! 
Now what scares me is my new hubby wants a dog- and I hate dogs!
The night before my husband and I got married we met with the priest for a little while and he said something to us that I repeat everyday. Marriage is not about the day it is about the rest of your life. Every day for the rest of your life remember why you fell in love and make sure you nurture your marriage just like you will nurture your children because the day you start to neglect it, your marriage will die. Those are the wisest words I have ever heard.....
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%