Okay, so I made my sis in law a cake for her shower yesterday. It was my first stacked cake, and took me probably 15 hours between baking and making the decorations, and finally decorating it. Did I mention that I am pregnant (and have 2 other kids) and the mere thought of cake makes me sick? Well here is my problem, she didn't say thank you. Well sort of, but she never came up to me and said a word. I walked in with the cake, and she didn't come over. I sat down, and 45 min later she came over and said hello, but didn't even mention the cake . About halfway through the shower, when she was opening her presents she said "Oh, and I would like to thank my sis in law for making my cake". That is all I got. Other people came over to me and said they liked it, and gave me compliments, but she didn't even acknowledge it. It may as well have been a grocery store cake, or not even there for that matter. My question is should I have been happy with the half-hearted comment when opening her presents? I feel she should have at least thanked me one on one. Am I over-reacting?

well- I think it is darling and while I must admit , I too would be a bit miffed.
Try and keep in mind that people who do not do cakes truly have NO idea what it takes to pull off something like that-

Things like this happen in my family all the time too. I don't think you're overreacting, but at the same time don't let it ruin a relationship. The cakes are ADORABLE btw....

no you are not overreacting .. I know exactly how you feel .. but a lot of people who aren't into cake making don't realize the trouble or the fifteen hours it took you to make that cake ... it may not have been a store bought cake but in her mind, whats really the difference? Take everyone else's compliments and go with that .. obviously they thought you did a wonderful job, which you did, and you should be proud and not pay two cents to your sister-in-laws ungrateful reaction ...

I don't think you are over-reacting at all. It is a little weird that she didn't mention anything to you when she initially saw the cake. Your cake is SO CUTE!! Great job by the way!

That being said, I think sweetviolent is right in saying that most people have absolutely NO idea how much time and effort goes into making a cake - especially one with as much detail as you did.

ugh well im in a bad mood and in laws always treat me crappy...so dont do the heiffer any more favors lol

I HAVE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS THAT WHEN YOU MAKE A CAKE FOR A FAMILY MEMBER YOU ARE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM, OR FEEL OBLIGATED, OR JUST CAN'T SAY NO TO THE PERSON ASKING. I HAVE MADE SO MANY CAKES FOR FAMILY EVENTS THEY HAVE JUST COME TO EXPECT IT. SOME EXPRESS THEIR THANKS OPENLY AND AHHHHH OVER THE CAKE AND OTHERS SEEM TO RESENT THAT THIS IS THE TALENT THAT I HAVE.

HOPEFULLY YOU'LL GET A PROPER THANK YOU CARD SOON. IF NOT, SO WHAT. THE OTHERS THERE ALSO HEARD HER OFF HANDED THANK YOU TO YOU. IT REFLECTS ON HER LACK OF GOOD MANNERS NOT YOURS.

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK, AND BEST WISHED TO YOU AND THE NEW BABY.

You're not overreacting. But remember that people sometimes say more by NOT thanking you generously: they are saying that they are uncomfortable with your ability and that they don't want anything to take the tiniest bit of attention off of *them*. It's silly and petty, but it's the truth. I know it hurts when people don't appreciate your efforts, but your cake is lovely and we appreciate the work you must have put into it!

The cakes are very pretty! Did your SIL thank effusively other attendants for their presents? Perhaps she's the kind of person that don't express herself too much. Anyway , everyone liked your cakes and they sure are very pretty.

Your cakes are precious!

You mentioned the fact that you are pregnant and have two other children. Could that factor a little bit into your feelings? Afterall, you had spent 15 hours doing the cake! I agree with the others that usually people don't understand how much time and effort is put into a cake. Also, you SIL was probably focused on her other guests. That doesn't make it right; but it is an explanation.

It's family; sometimes family tends to take family for granted. Don't take it personally! Trust me, it's not worth it!

Beth in KY

foxymomma521 wrote:

Okay, when did this shower happen? Have the thank you cards been sent yet? Who had the shower for her? The reason why I am asking is this, she may still send a thank you note, and the person having the shower for her should have thanked you, not necessarily your SIL.

Now for my 2 cents, and I am not trying to sound harsh, but she did verbally acknowledge your contribution and did thank you publically....... I am wondering what more would have made you happy? Truly the shower was given for her and her new baby......."not your cake or the work you put into the cake." I am sorry if this sounds harsh.......and I am not trying to hurt your feelings again, but just want to look at it in a new light. She may not have known what it took to pull off that cake for her.

Please, please don't take my reply wrong. Cut your SIL some slack (as long as that is not a habit for her to seem ungrateful) and treat yourself to some chocolate. Your cake was very, very lovely and if you want more applause come to CC for your positive kuddos and not to inlaws!

Yes, you're over reacting. Multiple people commented on how nice the cake was. She publicly thanked you for the cake. You dont' want to gain the reputation of being the kind of person that causes people to think, "Well you better make a big deal out of her cake or she gets all bent out of shape!" You want the compliments to be sincere and freely given .... not patronizing and obligatory. A sincere compliment is worth more than 10 patronizing ones!

I don't think you are over reacting, but as it was said before I really don't think people know what goes into making a cake AND you are pregnant. If it counts for anything I think you did an awesome job. Your cake is very pretty.

I have to respectfully disagree and say that if a person makes a decorated cake for you as a gift, it deserves a bit of extra appreciation. It's not the same as buying a gift and putting it in a gift bag.

A hand-made gift of any kind is special anyway, and a cake is a major part of any party. Even if you think people don't understand the amount of time and effort the baker/decorator put into the cake, people do understand that any craft is time-consuming and a labor of love. That deserves more than an a 'by the way, thanks to my sister-in-law' kind of response.

I'm not saying everyone should fall all over themselves about the cake, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that making a cake like that as a gift is a large gesture.

LMAO SouthrnHearts

I say do no more "favors" for this person. I know she probably did love the cake...but I just wonder how much she thanked the person who threw the shower for her??? If she didn't even say anything to them then it might be her nature...I am so sorry you didn't get the praise you deserved I think the cakes are perfect...just remember...no more favors!!!! Just might make you less resentful of the person.

IMO

Christi

Are cakes generally a big part of American celebrations?

I never recalled anything but wedding cakes being special in any ways before I started making them myself. I know many people feel that way, and I also know that much of the appreciation does not go to the decorator, but is spoken to others "did you see that fantastic cake". Thats how my mother does it and I just live with it.

Thanks for the kind words. I feel a little better. Yes, she is the kind of person to just expect things. My MIL threw her he shower, and spent all of her time here before helping me with my kids so I could bake. Everyone knew how long it took. I guess it's not the thank you that bothers me, it's that she didn't even comment on it. I tried to make it very pretty, with decorations she could keep. I was just looking for " it's pretty" or something. I just would have liked to hear what she thought of it. In my defense, to the people that say I am overreacting, I specifically asked her before the shower not to mention that I made the cake. So to have her only announce pubically was just not what I was expecting... Thanks again for all of your kind words.