WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly. 
That wasn't either...I love you all!!
This has been wierd this morning - I've seen duplicates posts of pictures and replies and this topic never once showed up on the home page when I submitted it. I guess they are still having bugs in the system.
You all are welcome. I try to be funny every now and then. Ya'll didn't know I had it in me, huh!!
LMAO! Good one! Didn't see THAT punchline coming. 
fytar- thanks for the laugh! The disclaimer was as funny as the joke!!
ROFL.... Haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Thanks
Shyann
Great joke, made me smile. I'm too afraid to laugh, since I'm sick and worried that it will send me into anothe coughing fit.
fytar my pal,
Just getting to see this and can't stop laughing...you are the bomb as usual
Are you taking over for our DALE?...miss him 
Thanks so much for the laugh...keep'em coming
Yep, I'm still floating around...don't you dare leave me
Im offended. I happened to be completely sober when I told her she was ugly.
Im not missing, just havent been on for a bit since the accident but Im back on my feet and feeling really good. I have quite the manly scar to show off now. When people look at it and say "What happened to you?" I just look at em with a really serious and grave look and reply "Dinosaur bite...nasty buggers."
Dale: I just read about your accident...I know I'm a little slow on the uptake. I'm sorry to hear about the man in the truck. I'm happy to hear that you are okay & hopefully you will be up and around soon.
edited to add: okay Dale, I obviously can't read either...I'm glad you are feeling better & take pride in that scar!!
Hi,
I'm behind on some posts; can someone tell me what happened to our DALE
Hey Stephanie:
I just found out about it myself...I couldn't get the link to work, so i'm going to copy & paste his post where he explained it:
Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 7:06 pm
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, Im out of the hospital and at home. Im goning to have quite the manly scar. It was a pretty bad injury but it wasnt a dumb one, unusual the way it happened though.
I pulled up on a tractor trailer and checked on the driver. He was in full cardiac arrest. He had pulled his truck off the road next to a guard rail. I had to pull him out of the cab in order to start CPR. I stood on the guardrail and reached in to get him out. He was a large fellow, his weight came down on me a little more than I expected. I stepped back and the I beam support post of the guard rail got me in the leg. I thought "Thats gonna leave a mark!" When I went to lay him down so I could start cpr, my leg gave out and I thought "I've broke my damn leg!" I laid him out and crawled over to his head to open his airway. I called for another ambulance in addition to the one already called for him. I told them I broke my leg. Im thinking, can it get any worse?
Just then EMS arrived to and started to work on him. I laid back and looked down at my leg, as the pain was excruciating at this point. I could see bone thru my uniform. I thought...hmmm...this cant be good. In the end, another EMS truck arrived and worked on me. When they ask "are you allergic to morphine?" and you say "No" when you really dont know because you never have had it before...that is not the right answer. I found out shortly "Yes, it can get worse!"
All in all, turns out the leg wasnt broken, the steel gueard rail post just opened my leg up above my ankle up to just below the knee, exposing the bone and muscles. The bone was scraped and muscles were torn...as far as I remember, your not supposed to see your own insides.
The nurses and doctors were absolutely great...they even put up with my jokes...which were not really top notch at the moment. So..now I have about a month to do nothing..sitting on my butt. Hopefully I'll be back on the job sooner than than expected.
Sadly, the gentleman that I was trying to save died in the room across from me. It made me very sad to find that out, they waited to the next day to tell me. My thoughts are with him and his family.
Look for me more often...as I've got absolutely nothing to do now! Cant even bake a cake!
Dale
Dale, you are too funny! You know, I replied in your post about your accident and I think I offended one lady in there by pure honest mistake and so I've been kinda hanging low and trying to stay out of trouble. IT WAS YOUR FAULT!! No, really, I have a strange sense of humor I guess and it came across wrong. I still am not quite sure if she took my appology to heart. Anyway, so glad you are back on your feet and healing nicely, I hope!! I'm sure the wife is glad you're healing up, huh??!!
Thanks ge978.
fytar,
Didn't I tell you to behave yourself...can't leave you alone for a minute before you're in trouble
DALE,
I'm so sorry for all the pain that you were in...hopefully by all this time, you are better.
Seems like I'm always late in finding things out
I saw the post where she was a little put off...life's too short to be upset with the little things. I knew what you meant in your post though, didnt think it was a big deal. I appreciate all of your well wishes, thanks! I may have to post the pictures in the gallery...yeah..I made em take a photo...I know, it's a guy thing.
Dont worry, I wont be posting it...there's no section for "Eeeeewwwwwwyyyyuuuccccckkkkkk!!!"
The nice thing was I got to be naked in front of a bunch of nurses without being locked up! The bad thing was...it was really cold that night.
DALE !!!!!!! I missed you!!!!!! Glad your better! I kept wishing you would jump into the Worst cake conversation! That thread has taken on a life of its own. Glad your back!
I could think of very little to say...no pun intended. It was like an anti-climatic ending to a moving. "It's cold out there tonight isnt it Officer?" Please...nurse...here's my gun, take it, hold it steady...now...please... shoot me with it."
I have an overwhelming desire to return and drop my pants in the middle of the E.R. and scream "It's 80 degrees today!!!"
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