I am in a rather unpleasant living situation right now. I live with my mother and my somewhat estranged husband and of course my wonderful son. Sometimes the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife and it's just not a healthy situation to raise a child in. I have tried numerous times to make my husband "fully" estranged. I want a divorce, but my mother has become dependent on his part of rent so kicking him out is not an option right now because it would really tighten things up too much for me to cover what my mom would owe extra. Next time I'm getting a smaller place for my son and I that I can afford on my own.
Then last Friday I was highly encouraged to apply for a position within the company I work for that would have been a big step up. Up until that point I was planning on leaving AZ at the end of this lease to start a new life in Illinois. Partly to ensure that it would be more difficult for my husband to come running back (he had agreed to me leaving with our son), also because home prices are so much lower there (in the part I would be moving to), and because I wanted to raise my son somewhere other than AZ. I have a bachelor's degree, but since 9/11 I have ever so slowly been pulling myself out of an employment rut. The job I currently have is ok, it's a great deal more than what I made at my last job, but it's still $7 an hour short of what I made straight out of college. I have a lot of student debt so that would really make a huge difference for me. When I was "highly encouraged" to apply for this position I thought well, maybe I should rethink my plans and focus more on career instead of getting out of AZ. I hadn't thought much about applying because I really can't handle the rejection right now and my current focus was on getting out of Arizona, not advancing. I am a sensitive person, but my current circumstances make me hyper-sensitive. Plus, there are three other people that started in my department at the same time or several months after me that have moved on to better positions. No one has been rejected for a position.
Until me. I just got word this morning that I did not get the job. I had a feeling in my gut, but it still made it hard to swallow. Especially since I am the first loser out of my group. There was a lot of genuine shock from coworkers/friends, but it still hurts. Now, here I am, back to my old plans which I told myself would be my fallback plan anyhow. But I can't help but shake the loser feeling. I have worked so hard to pick up the pieces in my life and I feel like I am always being shut down, I'm sure it's part of the reason I'm aging more quickly now. If it hadn't been for the three other coworkers that applied and got the jobs (promotions), I would take it better, but I just feel so worthless right now. My home situation isn't helping matters. People can tell me I'm smart, beautiful, kind, worthwhile all they want to my face, but I still can't hold myself together right now.
Sometimes I think college was a big waste of time and money. I don't have anything to show for it. I work my tail off, but some people just have that kind of aggressive personality that I don't have, and as a result, I find myself in these situations too often. I'm not loud and obnoxious, and I'm humble. I don't pretend that I can do something I can't, because I've seen that bite people in the hiney before. Yes, resume's are supposed to be "embellished", but not outright lies, and unfortunately, it's the people who lie that get ahead. My dad actually taught me that lesson once, because that's how he started off in engineering and he said that's what I would need to do. I thought he was full of you know what, but now I see it everywhere I go and by golly my dad was right about something. You know that saying about nice guys finishing last? Prime example: yours truly.
Thanks for letting me vent. I had to get this out in a somewhat anonymous way. There's a lot more to my whole situation, but I really just wanted to get out that I'm really bummed about not getting this job!
I'm sorry things are such a struggle for you. Have you asked why you didn't get the promotion? You have nothing to lose. Perhaps it is a reason that can help you accept it easier, say, someone has more experience. In that case you weren't 'rejected'.
Will you have a support system if you move away? A new place can be good, as long as you won't be 'alone' when you get there.
I certainly know about rejection for a job position when you think you are a shoe-in. I had that happen to myself about 6 months ago.
Give yourself a day or two to "grieve" and then you'll be fine. You'll pick yourself up and keep on going. Hard work has it's rewards, sometimes it just doesn't happen as fast as we want it to.
In our house we belive that "every knock is a boost", meaning every time you are knocked down, it's actually a boost up. You never know how things will turn out ... when it's happened to us, it forced us to look at different options and ideas that turned out better for us.
I'm am sorry to hear that your mom is putting her rent money ahead of her child and grandchild's mental well-being. That is sad. I escaped a violent marriage that would have been easy to stay in because of how hard it was for me and my 2 kids to live on our own financially. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
My daughter, who is now 29 and a mom herself, has thanked me hundreds of times for "....getting us out of that house!" It's tough ... but God will not give you a load that you cannot carry.
I'm not advocating that you leave ..... only you know the decisions that have to be made and what is possible and what you really want.
Have faith .... things will work out for you in one way or another.
thanks guys. I can accept that someone with more experience got the position. The problem is that I've seen people who have less experience than me get positions in which I KNOW there were more qualified candidates. See where I'm coming from? I've made a complete a$5 out of myself today though. Thankfully my boss is practically married to a coworker/ good friend so she can explain that I am not just pouting about the job. I'm just on an emotional rollercoaster right now and I really need to pull myself together.
I should have asked WHY, but I couldn't. I am such an emotional wreck I just wanted to get out of that office as quick as I could.
If I move I will have just as much of a support system there as I do here. Probably eventually more. I have friends here, but my dearest friends (except for one), live in other states anyhow.
I am a firm believer in everything makes you stronger, lessons learned, all that...but there comes a point where it's like "When do I get a break here?" I am trying to see it as that final boost I needed to make this move. I am not happy in AZ, never have been. I can't stand the heat (I've lived in all kinds of climates), the desert CAN be beautiful but isn't what I like, owning a home is next to impossible for me anytime in the near future. I want to raise my son in a home. We live in an apartment right now and I hate that I have to tell him to stop being a three year old because the people downstairs will complain. The current ones we have are very pleasant and I've actually taken them a cake; but the previous ones were very nasty people and legal action was involved (they harassed US the week after we moved in at 2pm on a Saturday saying we made too much noise. We were moving IN HELLOOOOO?). I just don't want to deal with that anymore. As a single mother, there is no way I could afford a home here.
Indydebi, I'm so sorry you were ever in that sort of situation but you are an inspiration to a lot of women for leaving. My husband is in no way abusive, in fact he lacks emotion so I guess it's the exact opposite. Regardless of the circumstances, I do know that a bad marriage is a bad marriage and I need to get out. As you said, but you've got to do what you've got to do.
A little update for anyone who cares to read:
This little situation went from bad to worse. Today I found out that the person who got the promotion isn't even out of her probationary phase of employment. She is someone who comes to ME all the time for help. Let me explain my job a bit. I work in tech support for a company that does software for a certain aspect of K12 education. There is a lot of in depth knowledge of the program, databases, and pieces of hardware that are required learning. I have been with the company for 14 months. This girl has been there four months (probation is six months). There is no way she possibly can do the job she got better than I can. She does not even understand the program fully yet! The only thing I can say is it must have been her figure that got her the job because as she was going into her interview I heard another coworker (not the hiring person- but a friend of hers that got her hired there to begin with) say "oooh showing off some skin today, huh?". Yeah, a bit inappropriate and probably could be reported but I'm not like that. I am just in shock, as is the rest of my department. In fact there were a lot of ticked off people today. Everyone thought it would be me or someone not already with the company. But hey, I've got a little junk in the trunk (not a whole lot), so maybe that study really does merit more reading; attractive people get the jobs.
Please don't think I'm being a baby about this. This is now the fourth time someone has past me up with less experience then me. I actually had to leave work today I was so upset. I have never had a job upset me so much. I could have totally dealt with it if they had hired someone within the company with more experience, or someone from the outside with project management, K12, database and purchasing and inventory experience. I would have been disappointed, but not like this. Thankfully my boss is completely understanding, and for the most part, our office is like a little family. He wants to talk to me when I am ready, but I'm afraid I'll lay too much on the table if I do it now.
Normally, I would not expect big promotions after only being there a little more than a year, but to see people less qualified than I am getting the position is where I draw the line. Granted, she has management experience, and a little more POS knowledge - but I have so much more than that to offer.
And I'm not sure I've mentioned this yet, but in the new hire documentation there is a specific paragraph that says you are not allowed to move within the company until you've been there a year. I wonder if there is a valid point to be made there.
Anyway, I think now since I'm home I will go clean the crud out of my apartment, and then go to the gym and probably have a kick hiney work - out, and then I'll go get my child from the daycare that I feel guilty that I haven't picked him up from (but I am really upset right now so I'm sure he'd be happier there!). Thanks for listening to me ramble.
I read your post, and I can feel your pain coming through the pages. I don't have any advice on what you should do for the big problems, except to say pray. I know that works. You might not understand today, but you will see later. But, I can tell you, and I know because I've been there, You must take care of YOU, so you can be a good mom for your child. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about going to the gym. After you take care of you, you can take care of your child. It does not work the other way around. Keep us posted so we can help you be strong.
I can feel your pain through your postings and I wish there was something that we could say to make you feel better. Maybe once you're ready to speak to your boss you'll get some answers as to why you were passed up. I know you've heard this a thousand times probably but just remember the old saying, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger".......keep your chin up. Good fortune must be coming around the corner soon. Perhaps in Illinois?
((((((hugs))))))
Hey, I am not a legal expert but, cann't you file some type of grievence? If it is stated that you can not move up the ladder until you have been there one year and they promoted someone who has been there less than a year over your tenure, it seems that you could appeal their decision or face the lawyers. Maybe the only reason they did not choose you is that you are in an emotional depressed state that is coming through in your job performance. And as you stated, the other girl was primed for the taking. Then again you can look at it this way, "When one door closes another one opens." Make them give you a settlement for not following the rules and get on with your life that makes you happy again. Good Luck
I think you need to go and speak with your boss; you've said you're like a family. If you lay it out there what's the worst that can happen? Maybe they think you're 'not ready' for promotion and talking to your boss might make him realise that it's something you really want. I don't think raising the 'one year' thing, it will make you look bitter. If you can try the 'I really want promotion, I'm disappointed I didn't get it and I'd like some honest feedback about what I can to improve my prospects here.'
You're in a horrible situation right now, I really feel for you. Please keep posting to let us know how you're getting on.
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