All the cakes I make are for family or close friends. I don't charge as I don't feel I am good enough to charge. I usually get them to provide the ingredients and I make the cake. I feel less stressed and enjoy baking more. The past few weeks have been busy with work and lots of baking, two Chinese New Year cakes, two birthday cakes and one more this week.

The other day a group of us mums were talking while waiting for school to let out and the subject got round to cake making and one of them asked me if I make cakes to sell and I said no, that I only make for family and close friends and I usually get them to provide the ingredients and I make the cake. So then she says her son's birthday is April 7th and asked for a list of ingredients and a date to drop them off to me!!!!! WHAT THE HECK????? I never said that I would do the cake. I know her because her son is in the same class as my daughter and she has heard that I make yummy cakes.

I gently told her that I could not do the cake and she mentioned that I did Elyse's birthday cake (the handbag cake in my photo). Now Elyse is my 8yo daughters very best friend and Kerryn (her mum) and I are very close. She bought me a beautiful bottle of perfume to thank me because I would not charge her for the cake. Anyway, I said that I was going to be very busy baking for my cookie bouquets and baskets for Easter. She then said 'HOW HARD IS IT TO BAKE AND DECORATE A CAKE ANYWAY?...

Up to this point, I was very polite and gentle in turning her down. When she said that, I very firmly told her no I would not be doing her son's cake. She got all huffy and said 'FINE BUT I BETTER BE GETTING A COOKIE BASKET AT EASTER BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SO SELFISH BY NOT MAKING THE CAKE' Now when I see her at school, she will not say hello.

Why are people like this?? I try to be generous when I can and I believe that I am a good person. In my heart I know that I was not being selfish but what she said really upset me.

OH MY GOSH!!!! That is unbelievable. I think you are in the right here, but I will try and see it from her point of view. Maybe she thinks of you as a good friend and was hurt that you weren't willing to make her sons cakes. But even if that is the case she is being totally juvenile. Don't make her anything. I can't make a nice cake that takes less than six hours. It is serious work. If she does bring it up again, tell her to come here for tips and pointers and let her try to make her own cake. LOL Then she will understand. WHen is it okay to demand a present from someone anyways?/? Mean ignorant people suck! LOL

If she thinks it's so "easy" to decorate a cake then why isn't she doing it herself?

Please don't give her any cookies! Only a crazy person would expect to get cookies after that outrageous behaviour!!!

Hey, I'm going through sort of the same thing. I made my best friend a cake for her birthday and now she wants me to make all her cakes.....for free.

Her daughter is getting married and she told me she needs a cake for 200 plus people and asked me to do it. What!!!!!!!!!!!!! For free?????

Well no, she said she would buy the supplies and making the cake could be my "gift" to her daughter.

She said "I just don't want to get ripped off by some bakery that would charge me $400 for the cake". I quickly told her it was not going to be cheep to buy the supplies. I don't even have the pans to bake a wedding cake that is for over 200 people.

Today I told her that I may be baking cakes for someone on a regular bases pretty soon and that if I did I was going to charge $3.00 for a slice with bc and $4.00 for a slice with fondant.

She said "Wow! That's a lot of money per slice." I told her that where we live the bakeries would charge her min $5.00 per slice for bc and upwards of $8-10 per slice with fondant. I thought that would make her see the great deal she was getting from me.

Nope, she said "well if you are to busy to do the cake then don't worry about it. It's the least of my worries. Plus it is the least expensive thing I will have to buy.

What! Isn't the wedding cake one of the top things in a wedding? Doesn't it photographed more then anything else except the bride and groom?

Oh well, I've decided that no matter what I'm doing I'm not going to do the cake. She doesn't seem to think there is anything to it. She also said "It's no big deal to make a cake and throw some icing on it. How long could that possible take?" I felt like she was putting me and my work down. I know she just has no idea of what goes into making a cake and how stressful it is to do such a large cake.

But I've decided long ago that I will NEVER do a cake for someone who does not appreciate it. It's clear she doesn't. So no cake from me to her.

Well...... absoultely no cookie bouquet for her and I'd sure be real busy ANY time she has a aking request! Keep smiling but keep your distance!

that's not being selfish. There are sometimes when you have to much on your plate and you have to say NO. It's a good word, one that many people and obviously her have not heard that much. Don't le ther make you feel bad. She will find her way to a grocery store and buy a cake. I asure you that this was not even a ripple in her life. Don't let it be one in yours. You know your heart, and in your heart you are good and do for others when you can. now is just not one of those times.

smile tomorrow is another bright day!

rockii

She is totally out of her mind. She just doesn't realize what it takes to make a cake and have it look nice. I would be hurt also cause I am like you for friends and family (so far). Even family can be that way. My sister called last weekend for a cake. She had forgot to ask me to make one for her DD. I had to make 2 for friends and I babysit for 3 ADHD little girls plus my DD on the weekends. So I went ahead and got it done. my niece really need to know she was loved. She just turned 18 and her and BF broke up right before her B-Day party. I felt bad a caved in. Didn't get much sleep but she loved it. I am not saying do the cake. Don't get me wrong. I am just sharing my past experience with my family. If I would have been in your situation I would have said no as well. So don't feel bad.

Just a word of advise, from somone that just found it out the hard way, you average price per slice should look more like this: $3.50-per slice Buttercream, and no less than $5.00 a slice for fondant. It also matters what kind of cake you are giving them. Scratch or standard. Standard flavors like White, and chocolate are the lower end pricing. Scratch is the higher end. I am doing a scratch, specialty cake for the wedding I consigned in April, and I found out "through the decorators grapevine" that I have undercharged her by half!!! Stupid me for not checking around first. And she knew it, because she was so happy to go up much higher for the speciatly cake than she originally wanted. I chalked this one up to experience, and ignorance!

Be careful, too many people know you can do this that are close to you, and you end up doing it for free, just like it sounds your "friend" is expecting. I had that happen this week! Got asked to make a fancy bridal shower cake(It's posted on CC under my photos) that took my nearly a week to complete. And I didn't even get offered a dime! The lady that asked me decided that since my daughter was involved in the planning of the shower that I could just donate it........ I was not expecting to have to do that, but I didn't say anything to her.

Some good came out of my being so charitable though, I have at least one cake in a week or for a birthday, and a possible wedding in July.....Woopie!!

Good luck you and sorry to hear that you were taken advantage of that way. Friends shouldn't do that to you just because you could offer that service.

Barbara you have no reason to feel mean that is just down right rude! She sounds like a bully! Dont take any notice of her and keep making your beautiful cakes!

First off she shound like a whiny brat. I don't care what you have to do I want...I want...ME ME ME. She obviously doesn't feel bad, and neither should you.

OKAY! NOW I AM FURIOUS!!!!!! My daughter came home from school and asked me why I cannot make Matthew's (the son) cake. Matthew would not play with her in school because his mum told him that I was being mean because I would not make his cake.

I told her that mummy was not being mean and explained why I could not make the cake. She was very upset and this makes me very mad!!!

I feel like confronting the mum and telling her TO GROW UP!

Sounds to me like that's exactly what needs to happen! Good greif.....she has crossed the line at involving innocent children! She has to be put in her place so she knows she has gone over the edge, it's the only thing left! And then just leave her to stew in her own juices!

Your poor little daughter. How wrong of your "friend".....

I'm sorry to hear this has happened.

Maybe that is exactly what you should do. Some mums are so childish that I feel it is them that should be going to school instead.

Speak to the mom and tell her what her son said to your daughter and that it upsets you.

I would also be very very upset.

Man she is so in the wrong. I feel for you. I would talk to the mom as well. But then again she could drag your DD back into it. It is so touchy because of your DD. Tell the mom to keep the issues between the two of you and not to involve the kiddos. Tell her if she can supply the ingredients and make the cake and the icing you could maybe instruct her how to ice it and then decorate it if she has an extra 6 to 10 hours of her time to do it. I am sorry I am being naughty. But that is what I feel. Maybe lay out the timeline for making a cake. And tell her it is much more than buying a mix or ingredients. You would be donating your time and your expertise. Yes you do it for fun and learning. But you are a busy MOM as well. If you don't want to talk to her break it down on paper. Baking the cake, and making the icing and so on. That is what I would do.

Oh this sort of thing really saddens me everytime I read about these totally selfish people who want cakes from you in this manner, I so agree that they have no idea what goes into making them, and I also feel that this "lady" probably has this sort of attitude when getting anything for herself and not just cake....it sickens me to think she involved the children "how could she"...... I'm sorry I cant advise on how to handle this as (thankfully I've never come across such a rude and selfish person as this before) I'm sure I would be so angry at her for involving the children I would have to not deal with it straight away because I would probably be so upset and make the situation worse, and anger can never solve anything, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with sort of person.

I agree that I should not confront her till I have calmed down. I won't see her at school till Tuesday as Monday is a public holiday for us. Hopefully I can speak to her calmly.

The thing that gets me is that she knows how hectic my normal week is. She has said before she dosen't know how I do so much in the week and stay happy and sane. Three kids, between work, housework and ferrying the kids to and from their activities from Mon to Thurs, I am on the go all the time. Friday and the weekends are family time. Finding time for myself is hard enough without doing extra to please other people.

Sounds to me like she's a jealous, incredibly unthoughtful, pushy, wanna be friend who has NO idea what she is doing to you OR her child. Now when this child grows up will she be the next woman to hire a hitman if her son doesnt get on the football team. She sure does need to grow up. I would also, if I were you, start telling people that you have to start charging a wage for yourself (that is people that you don't feel as close to), that way people won't "expect" that you will do it for "free". Good luck to you!

First, you are not being selfish. You have made it clear that you only bake and decorate cakes for a certain group of people. Apparently this person believes that they are part of that "Inner Circle," shall we call it, and expects the same treatment as those who are. I am glad that you did not allow this person to dictate to you.

What I say to you here is said from experience, albeit a different set of circumstances.

Why worry about this? Apparently this person is a bitter, jealous individual. Bitterness and jealousy grow from negativity, and negative people are not a necessity to you. I try very hard to surround myself with people who are positive, and are smarter than I, the type of people I can learn from, who are always moving forward and upward, who have goals, and do not fear failure - they pick themselves up and try again.

Negative people try to prevent us from our success, or drag us down to their level. She is not worth it.

Be honest with those around the two of you. If they ask what happened, tell them gently about this rift. It will help you vent about this.

Eventually, I see this person trying to speak with you again. How you handle that is up to you. I would be courteous, but keep a safe distance.

And no cookies for her, either!

Theresa

OMG! what a *****! I can't imagine a mother being so selfish as to want to take a friend away from a child. She is immature, it's her loss of a "friend" anyways, not yours. You are obviously the better person here.

I wish you all the best in dealing with her. I'm glad you didn't let this person take advantage of you. And yes she really does need to be put in her place.

That sounds just like my sister! She recently pulled this sort of stunt on me concerning our mom's 70th bday surprise. She told me if I wasn't going to consult with her on the decisions she was gonna do her own thing and not share any of the expenses. THing is, I hadn't made any decisions other than ask her husband about bringing home some of his music equipment to supply music.

I love my sister and will give my life for her but she is just like that. Unfortunately, I have no real advice for you as even after 32 years of life with my sister I still haven't figured out how to deal with her. I primarily ignore her rather than waste my energy on fighting with her b/c in her eyes she's always right.

Being selfish and thoughtless is one thing, but to drag your children into your pettiness is quite another. Unforgivable and manipulative. You can't change people, but you can kindly bring to her attention that your daughter and her son don't deserve her bad intentions.

I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. You didn't do anything wrong and now she's punishing her own child's friendship. Just plain sad. Some people really do need to grow up!

Angie

I'm really scared right now. Is this what our world has come too? Selfish people left and right...that's not the worst thing...That lady is an adult who should know her manners and show some common respect.

The worst thing is she is actually raising kids!!!! People like that shouldn't be allowed to have kids cause they will have nothing to impart to them but rudeness and inconsideration.

Make sure to talk to your DD about why that stupid lady is dragging her son into this so she at least understands.

I wish you Good luck whenever this "User" tries to speak with you again. I'm sure you'll keep your cool but good luck anyway!!!!

I would confront the mother as well - and I would probably do it while I still had a quart of vinegar running through my veins. What she said to you was uncalled for. What she said to her son to pull him into the mix is even worse. Someone has allowed her to get away with this nonsense before - otherwise she wouldn't be playing these games and thinking you would change your mind. Consider it your public duty to set her straight. From the sound of it, you've already showed great restraint. I would have had my hands on my hips and my shoulders bobbing while I "educated" her during the first conversation. And you owe her an Easter basket? Yeah, okay, just keep waiting on that one sweetie.

Good luck

Risque - I don't have a payment structure. She knows that I only make cakes for family and close friends. She is someone I know casually at school so I assumed (silly me) that she would know that she was not included in group.

Yes I would like to send my DD to school in a NO CAKE FOR YOU t-shirt but she might get detention LOL! because they are very strict on the uniforms. However, I need a large NO COOKIES FOR YOU t-shirt, in blue if possible. LOL! I was planning to make cookies for my DD to hand out to classmates so her son will get one but not her. Hope he eats it before he goes home.

I have told my DD to still try to be friends with Matthew as he is a very nice little boy (after all it is not his fault his mother is a nut case!).

Wow! I can't believe how ingnorant and childish people are! I totally understand where you're coming from, I don't make cakes for outsiders, for several reasons, but to be rudly approached like that! Then to get kids involved, unreal! I hope for you and your daughter, this woman decides to act like an adult and treat the both of you with proper respect. Good luck!

Its just a CAKE for heaven's sake! Good grief, if a cake will ruin this woman's life, I would hate for anything truly bad to happen to her...

The lady probably could have solved all this by asking you if you had time to make her son's cake on this date, and that your cakes are so nice that she'd be more than happy to pay you whatever you'd like to charge. That is what a NORMAL considerate person would have done! I bet she'd have gotten her cake that way too!

Your cakes are really nice, you may have to consider charging because soon others are going to want your awesome work as well!

As far as weddings... I thought that my pricing was pretty fair but the past few days I've had people contact me saying my prices were extremely "reasonable" and one lady contacted me saying I was cheaper than anyone else so far!!! Ack! (I start 2.50/sl for bc and $4/sl for fondant but that is for very basic cake flavors, buttercream filling, and basic design.). I must be finally finding my target customer group because for the longest time people would say they could not afford my 3D cakes, etc...NOW I am getting people saying "you are very reasonable for the work you do."

Hmmm.

BarbaraK-I can't even believe how selfish and childish this woman is. She must have a serious mental problem-seriously-and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I can't imagine any mother telling their child not to play with another because her mommy is mean. That disgusts me. Those poor babies have no idea what's going on and it makes me sick to think she's such an evil Bit## to do that to you or the kids. I am afraid I would confront her immediately and it would NOT be pretty, but I have a slight temper! My blood is boiling for you!! She is now trying to guilt you into the cake and I would not touch it even if she payed me three times what it's worth. What a winner.