SInce I told on myself I should tell on my husband.
Last summer I ran over a nail, the first dumb thing he said about it was that I should have driven around the nail. 
He plugged it but a couple weeks later it shredded on a highway with no real shoulder. Since I have never changed a tire in my life, I had two kids with me and there wasn't a flat place to put the car I called my husband to come change it. He was really mad about me making him come change it since he was at work, I could kind of understand until he opened the trunk and found that there were no tools to change the tire. He kept going on about how I should have changed it myself even after finding this out until I asked him what I was supposed to do it with. 
Two weeks later he ran over a nail in his dump truck.
Ok this one was from a co-worker of mine years ago. She has 4 kids, her oldest daughter was taking health in school and was learning about sex. Well that day she found out how babies were made. So they all went out to dinner that night and was asking the kids what they had learned that day in school. When her daughter told her that she had learned about sex that day and could not believe that her and her husband had done that 4 times. Well other people sitting next to them starting laughing because they had heard the conversation. The daughter thought that you only had sex when you had kids.
Do you mean to tell me ..... 
Oh, no!! DH was right!!! 
Two weeks later he ran over a nail in his dump truck.
That's called Karma...............
Diane
I've only read a few of the pages but all of them are hilarious. Has something like this happened to anybody.
I was talking to my sister on my cell phone the other day, I was heading out the door, I always make a mental check of everything I have to take with me. So I told my sister "Hold on let me see if I have everything with me: purse, keys, glasses, cell... hold on let me see were the heck I left my cell phone" I just heard my sister laugh so hard. I asked "what are you laughing at" and she said "what are you using to talk to me?" I still laugh at myself.
Two weeks later he ran over a nail in his dump truck.
That's called Karma...............
Diane
Everyone's told him he never should have said that and they still aren't letting it die. Last week he ran over a nail on his bike and had to call his friends to rescue us, one of them told him that he should have driven around it.
Two weeks later he ran over a nail in his dump truck.
That's called Karma...............
Diane
Everyone's told him he never should have said that and they still aren't letting it die.
Last week he ran over a nail on his bike and had to call his friends to rescue us, one of them told him that he should have driven around it.
Karma just doesn't go away.............
Diane
I have a funny story, that my husband always remembers with a smile...
At a christmas gathering the family had resorted to playing games and they started to play the game where each person takes it in turn to name an animal with the next letter of the alphabet....
a--- aadvark..
b--- Badger....
when it got to U there was much umming and aahing and my hubby's mother resorted to the dictionary and then smugly pronounced...
I have one... it's and 'unzle fish' (this was the way she pronounced it....
After lots of incredulous looks, my hubby demanded the dictionary to look for himself...
It turned out the word she had seen was ' UNSELFISH' and in her haste had just seen the word fish and not realised.....
She has now passed away but this story always brings a smile!!!!
Anne
anneuk, that is priceless. We all have favorite stories that we tell on my mom who passed away 4 years ago. They usually get told on Thanksgiving and Christmas when we are missing her the most.........
Diane
It turned out the word she had seen was ' UNSELFISH' and in her haste had just seen the word fish and not realised.....
Similar story: I was in a spelling bee to raise money for the Literacy Foundation (I'm a trained Adult Literacy Instructor). My then 7th or 8th grade daughter was helping me study by reading the words. The words were REALLY BIG ONES and she was having trouble with some of them.
She lamented over one for a long time, then got a look of recognition and proudly read the word: Common Cement
Of course I told her that word was not on the list so she showed it to me:
Commencement
Boy have you brightened my day! I needed a good laugh! Thankfully I've only had a hand full of the pea-brained folks, but I can still relate! People are just silly and unfortunately I hate to admit it - but I've had a few moments myself! I always blamed it on pregnancy hormones, but now that those days are gone (3 babies in 5 years!) I don't know what my excuse will be!
oh well, I just look at it as God's way of bringing humor to us!
Totally nothing to do with cakes but....
I've been working on remodeling my recently bought HUD for the last month. Although I ran into tons of idiots regarding this stuff, here's is probably the best.
At Lowe's... I had selected this special faux finish which allowed me to select the final look and Lowe's had the base coat and the pearl finish colors pre-selected. No guess work for me! Well, the paint guy told me I had to pick out the base coat. I told him that it's pre-selected for this type of faux which only confused him more. Well, he went and got help from this lady who proceeded to tell me that I indeed had to pick out my basecoat color. What???? Only to find out later she didn't even work in the paint department (she was a cashier!) so why was she trying to answer my question? Finally, the senior paint guy came and fixed my problem. However, no matter how many times the senior PG told the other PG about this technique, he never got it. He thought there was a special kind of basecoat (he never got the color part).
Like really, how hard can this be?
So my MIL (God bless her) will only use the remote to control the TV, Dish, VCR, DVD,etc. Well one day she hits the rewind button on the remote for the VCR and it starts rewinding. Then she keeps hitting the button over and over and over until finally demanding I go to the store to buy new batteries. I ask her what is wrong because it is rewinding just like it should. "Well", she says, "the batteries must be dying on the remote because the VCR is rewinding too slowly." She honestly, and still to this day does, thinks that the VCR batteries power and control the speeds for all the other devices. She will actually stand directly in front of the TV and use the remote because she thinks the buttons on the TV are powered by the remote.
I don't know how I missed this forum.....I am LMBO!
I was working in a groc. store bakery, training about 12 decorators for new stores so I was working a few minutes with different girls on different tasks. We had an order for 30 petitfores with b.c. booties in pink, blue and yellow. The girl who was doing the task, Lori, asked how many of each should she make, well I said, "just divide it up by the 3 colors" and I went on to the next girl. I looked over at Lori, she had one hand on her hip and her bobble head tilted, looking at the petitfores. I walked away for a few minutes, came back and her bobble head was tilted the other way and I asked her what was wrong and she said as serious as can be, I kid you not....." 3 doesn't go into 30 very well, does it? " I had to walk away, I didn't know whether to laugh or beat her with the closest rolling pin.
Now whenever I see her at that groc. store (I retired 4 years ago), she tells people that I am her mentor. I want to run and say, "don't blame it on me!"
You have got to be kidding! I just cannot believe that everyone didn't know this. I guess I just expect everyone to be born knowing these things as I don't even remember when I learned it. From this question I went to the question of how many tablespoons in a cup. My daughter had no idea. She said her MIL gave her a magnet with this stuff on it and she keeps in on her refrigerator so she can check if she needs to.Diane
Thanks to my mom....3 tps = 1 T.
and if my memory doesn't fail me....16 T = 1 c???
My mom has a home ec degree and made a point to inform my sisters and I all the equivalence. Now, if I have questions regarding pints, quarts, or anything I just ask my mom. She's brilliant!
at my parents house and my mom had her glasses off for some reason. My brother was talking to her and she said "Hold on, I can't hear you", put her glasses back on then said, "Ok, now what did you say." ROFL!!! She's never lived that one down. She often has a hard time hearing people these days and someone always asks her "Do you have your glasses on?" LOL LOL
Seriously, it's true. When you can't see, you can't focus, can't read lips and you can't hear as well. As someone who broke their glasses all the time as a kid, believe me, I know all to well how not being able to see well can affect your hearing.
Wow, I can't read the whole thread, but to add to a story by cassandrascakes..."My aunt called the whole family a couple of months ago and told us she had just gotten some gas for 97 cents a gallon. Nobody could believe it, so I called her back and asked if she was SURE it was only 97 cents. She said "Girl, I swear. The little yellow sticker on the tank said '97'". I died laughing before I explained that the yellow sticker was the grade of gas and not the price. "
We have a friend that thought that "97" was the year the gas was made
man o man this had me laughing ppl. can be soo dumb and naive!
I haven't gotten through all the posts, but I thought I would share a quick one.
About a month ago I got my haircut, with bangs and more layers. I come into work and most of the guys say they like my hair, etc. One guy asks me "did you get a perm?" (I do get one a year), "No", "Did you color your hair", "no", "Are you sure?"......."Yeah, I'm sure I didn't color my hair"
Maybe fairies came in late at night and did it, but as far as I knew, I didn't color my hair.
How about this one: getting a tatoo (a name) and mis-spelling it? One of my twin sons friends did this, and he didn't realize it was misspelled until they pointed it out to him.
Ooh, I've got a couple similar stories to this one... My sister used to work ata Subway in a gas station, and a guy came in to order a sandwich. She and the other girl working there noticed a tattoo on the back of his neck, so they asked to see it. He spun around really fast, and they said, "But we didn't get to see it!" He said, "It's supposed to be my mom's name. Her name is Patsy. They spelled it Pasty..."
And my dad's boss at the construction site has this big Grim Reaper tattooed on his forearm. Underneath, it says, "YOUR NEXT". My dad always wanted to say (but never did), "Your next...tattoo will be spelled correctly?"
I've got one, I've got one!
About 10 years ago my very best girlfriend that I grew up with planned to take her daughter to the zoo and asked if I'd like to go with them...sure why not. Now this is a girl whose own father said he should have sued the doctor who delivered her because he thinks she had a lack of oxygen at birth! Anyhow, we're standing there looking at the flamingos (some of them were sleeping) and she gets this scrunched up look on her face and then blurts out loud...."Oh my Gawwwwd....some of them only have one leg!!!" I couldn't even laugh because I was so embarassed to even be associated with her so I just quietly made my way to the next exibit!
God bless her - I love her to death but sometimes...........
THANK YOU FOR THIS THREAD! I needed this! I have a couple of my own....
My DH, right after we had gotten married, ran into a guy we both knew. This guy asks DH if I was pregnant, soooo DH says, " Oh no, she's just fat!" in front of my MIL! The guy just looks at him like you are in it pretttty deep. Of course my MIL had to tell me bc it was too funny.
This is one my MIL told me years ago. When my BIL was little he had never seen an African American. He saw his first one at the grocery store. A nice older woman. He runs up to her and LICKS her! My MIL is of course HORRIFIED and yanks him away asking WHY he did that? He answers in total honesty, "I've never seen a chocolate person before!"
People are amazing!
OK, I have been laughing all morning, I have to add mine. A few years ago while my husband and I were still dating he was telling me a story and it took place in West Virginia. I stopped the story laughing and said there is no such place as West Virginia. He looked at me like I was crazy and said "what?". My response was if there was a W. Virginia there would have to be an East Virginia and I KNEW there was not an E. Virginia so there could not be a West! I even went so far at to BET him and hour back massage because I was so sure there was not a West Virginia! (Yes, I did graduate from HS, college and graduate school!) We still laugh at this to this day!
I am on page 14 now...but, I have to add one!!
My roomate/Best friend (when I was in college), and I were complaining about how high our cable bill was...we had the internet/cable combo. And she chimes in with what she thinks is a real whitty comment!! "Well, maybe if you wouldn't fall asleep and leave your TV on all night our cable bill wouldn't be so high!!" I could not stop laughing...so this whole time she has been thinking that our cable was charged by the minute!! LOL
These are fantastic! Keep them coming!
I have one...
Many years back my sons' dad was at a club with his buddy. It was late and my kids' dad wanted to go home. Unfortunately, his pal had met a girl and was in no rush to leave. So the conversation goes something like this...
K-Dad: Hey are you ready to go?
Girl pal met: Why are you rushing?
K-Dad: Russian? I'm not Russian! I'm Puerto Rican
Girl pal met: That's nice but why are you rushing?
K-Dad: What are you stupid? I said I'm Puerto Rican
well at least he was good for laughs LOL.
I really believe that people take what they seen on TV seriously especially cartoons.... My DD was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse & they were making a b-day cake they made the batter in 1 min put it in the oven & put the timer on for 15 mins, when the timer went off, they checked the oven & took out the cake already decorated with 2 different colors & swag decorations....
I would love to have an oven like that, that will bake & decorate my cake in 15 mins, not to mention that the frosting was made & the cake was decorated in the oven without melting
LOL!! I saw that episode, when the cake came out of the oven, my 4 yr old said, "hey Mom, wouldn't that be great, if you had an oven like that?" LOL!!!
This is one my MIL told me years ago. When my BIL was little he had never seen an African American. He saw his first one at the grocery store. A nice older woman. He runs up to her and LICKS her! My MIL is of course HORRIFIED and yanks him away asking WHY he did that? He answers in total honesty, "I've never seen a chocolate person before!"
OMG! Too Funny!
I got one. A few years ago my husband and I decided to take his 2 youger sisters and his nephew up to the lake. His nephew was in the back of the van next to the ice chest and my husband says "hey Josh, put that water in the ice chest so it can get cold". So all of a sudden we here the sound of water pouring. We all look back to see him pouring the jug of water out into the ice chest! My husband says"what are you doing?" He says "putting the water in the ice chest". I guess he didn't now that the water that you see in the ice chest is MELTED ICE!
I'm only through reading page 14, but I had to add!!
My sister use to be really into cooking, well she got married and had 3 kids....I think sometimes he mind went wacko from the kids!! 
by the way, she now has 4 kids age 4 and under!!! Ok, so she was complaining one day to my mom that she didn't have any ice and she didn't have a car to go get some. So my mom says, "Why don't you just make some?" My sister responds with..."YOU CAN MAKE ICE???"....my mom just laughed...aparently my sister forgot...LOL
Another one about my sister is that I brought some spaghetti and meatballs over one afternoon. We were sitting there eating when I made some comment about the meatballs. She then responds with, "hmm...I forgot you could MAKE meatballs..." LOL!!! I DIED LAUGHING!!! We never let her forget about it either!! hahaha...
Another one, about my SIL...her husband had bought her some flowers, I was over at her house and I saw them outside... I say" I like your flowers out there" (snickering, wondering why in the world she has them outside..) she says "Thanks!! Aren't they pretty? I put them outside so they could get the sunshine, I want them to live for a long time!" I say, "oh" and bite my lip trying not to laugh.....ummmm....WHY DO YOU THINK FLORISTS PUT FLOWERS IN DARK ROOMS AND IN REFRIGERATORS??? Obviously not to kill them quicker!! hahaha....
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