Thank you for your kind words Mel, and I can't wait to see a picture of the cake! Good luck to you and remember if it gets to be too much for you when you're there, your DH or you can always *cough cough* come down with something! 
Melvira,
So sorry to hear of your situation. I think your SIL is insecure, jealous and a very small person to treat you as she does and I doubt she will change. I also doubt that you are the first person she's treated this way, nor will you be the last. You sound like a tender hearted person like me and I know this is difficult to live with. If it were me I would finish the cake and make it clear to the mil that I NOT be asked to make any more cakes for the woman or her family. Let her make them herself or find another cake source. Limit yourself to the guest catagory at family occassions. This way you have your peace of mind and give her less to crab about where you're concerned.
One of my dd's best friends from K-12th grade AND roommate in college turned against her when she told her she was pregnant with her second child. The girl had one child and was unable to conceive again. She has had nothing at all to do with my dd for almost 6 yrs because of her bitterness over this. It's hurt my dd terribly and she finally had to make herself give up on the friendship to make it stop hurting so much. Very sad.
So by now your cake is done and the party is probably over. Now step back and do what you can from this point to protect yourself from being abused by this person. It is your right and obligation to yourself. Enjoy your new niece/nephew as much as you can but be a sweet auntie and leave it at that if you can. Noone will take care of you the way you can.
Jenn,
You should not let these people make you fell obligated to turn over all your baby things, clothes included, to them whether you're done having children or not! You should find another couple to pass your children's things on to. They can buy their own things. I wouldn't want to see my babie's things on their children if they act this way. And that's not being vindictive at all. I mean where do they get the nerve to expect that if they do? Nope, I'd find someone who needs baby things and will appreciate them and know you're just doing something nice for someone in need.
Reece,
You ought to let the bil's ex (are you two even close??) know that you can't make the party or make the cake. She can go right back to the wonderful bakery she likes soo much and get her cake. Geez.... people can drive us crazy if we let them!!
Will we let them is the big question. I know, this went long but darn it we don't have to put up with this kinda stuff!! I'm very thankful for this site and all of you out there for a place to go to let off steam.
Take Care Everyone! And I MEAN it!! Ü
I don't want to scare you Melvira, but be careful with her and the baby. My cousins are in that kind of boat right now. My cousin, she's also a very good friend, and her SIL are in a big fight and all because of the SIL. She decided that she didn't like my cousin, from day one. My cousin has 2 children and her brother and SIL have 3 kids. The SIL doesn't want her hubby to call or see his own sister, and family. And she brain washed her 3 kids, saying that they don't have any cousins nor aunts nor uncles. My uncle is dying of cancer, and it took a lot of energy from my cousin and her mother to have him go see his father. It's now a matter of days before he passes, and she still says that she don't care if dh doesn't go, that this entire thing interferes with HER life. She even told my aunt to go to hell.
All I want to say is to make sure that this little bundle of joy will be a part of life, and fight from day one to see him. Don't do like my cousin at first: she thought everything would be alright after awhile, that her SIL would grow! She's only 24 with a 6 y-o, 5y-o and a 2 y-o.
Those people just take our energy....
I think I would also reconsider about her being your children's godmother. God forbid that anything should happen to you or your husband, but if this woman is this nasty to you and denies your son then I could only imagine what would happen if she became a primary caregiver for him. I would not want your son to be neglected as he already is from her and she's an Aunt, which is one of the most fun roles to be! (we get to spoil them and give them back, just like grandparents, lol! )
Just imagine that you are doing that cake for someone else, and when you are at the baby shower just try to enjoy it. I know it is easier said than done, but believe me you are a much better person for doing the cake despite all the cruel things she has done to you. Don't sink to her level, at the end you will feel good despite her actions.
Ok, Im getting ready to go to the party, but I had to pop on here really quick! (Pshaw, like you all don't know what I'm talking about!!!)
JamesSweetie... I just wanted to reply to the VERY important point that you brought up! As their Godparents, my SIL and her DH have NO legal rights if anything happens to us, and I made sure of that! My DH and I had a heated discussion about it in choosing suitable guardians, but I told him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS would my child ever go to his sister if something happened to us. She's the kind of person who would never teach him about me... I couldn't accept that. I'd haunt her @ss! Haha! 
Anyway... wish me luck! For some reason my hair turned out pretty good today, and the cakes don't look THAT bad in the light of day, so it could be an alright day! You know what I'm talkin' about!
Do what you love to do . . . decorate cakes. Don't let that psycho put a wrench in what you enjoy. Even if it is for someone who won't appreciate it, everyone else there will!!! The way I look at it you are celebrating the arrival of an innocent baby not the fact that that b***h is having one. I truly do feel sorry for the baby as it will have a jaded outlook on life with the mothers attitude like that.
Good luck hon! I wish you all the best and have all body parts cross that all goes well! I am sure your cake is going to be the hit of the party! 
(Its good to hear that this woman will never be in charge of your kids, I too feel for this little baby and hopefully having a child will make her GROW the %$^# UP!) Enjoy yourself, you deserve it! (order the lobster )
I haven't read all of the posts but I feel your pain. I have a SIL who I have issues with too. The best thing you could do is kill her with kindness. I know it's tough cuz they keep on taking but just smile do the best cake ever ect. Some people will "get it" but I will tell you some people will not and like you said love her child reguardless of her.
Jacqui
Wow I started reading and gave up but as far as I am concerned she has problems not you, so the more reason to GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT! It is better to be criticised than praised the old saying goes. SHe is jealous of you so if you give her and ugly cake she has one the case....
Melvira,
Enjoy the shower. Your hair turned out great that is a good sign.
You cannot change people nor should you accept responsibility for them. Your SIL is what she is. Get it done and move it on. Don't go out of your way for these people any more. Be kind and curtious but that is it. Be happy with your household. That is all you can be accountable for. Take the high road. Your nephew/niece might not have any attachements either when they are older because of it's mother's behaviour. You cannot change that.
Neece, I hope I got your name right, the cake that she is letting you make is going to be trouble. You are busy that day or already have too many orders to get ready. Let her go to her regular bakery as the cake you bring to the event will not be good enough, taste right or I am sure that she will find many a thing to critique about. Don't set yourself up.
Funny that this thread started..that is how I found cakecentral. Trying to find inspiration for my MIL's 75th birthday cake. For a woman who has told me that my children (as if her sone had nothing to do with them) will always be welcomed in her home etc....
I was looking for inspiration and I am slowly getting it. You looked for comfort and support and I think from the length of 5 pages of posts you received it as well.
Be strong and don't put yourself out anymore.
Claire
my sister is exactly like your sil and my dh says all the time that it's because she's jealous of me. she makes comments about how i raise my kids under her breath, she never makes any effort to visit or see my children (her and my bil's godchildren, no less), when her son comes over 4 days a week, and competes with me on everything. i've learned to deal with it, be gracious at family affairs and enjoy my life the way i live my life. if that's not up to her standards, too damn bad!
sorry, i just had to say it. 
it felt good!
ARGH!! I had a post all typed up here, then it errored out on me and now I have to retype it! GRRRRRRRRRRR, like it isn't late enough already! Hehehe. Anyway, party wasn't so bad, cake turned out cute. I did edible images around the sides of the cake, bottom tier is repeating pic of the crib quilt, the top tier is the pattern of the sheets. Animals are scrapbooking critters, and then the Wilton topper. Pic looks like it is leaning, it wasn't. My pix always end up looking like that. I think my head is crooked. Anyway, everyone thought the cake was cute, but the real thrill was of course when they ate it! They went nuts. I even garnered what I think was my first "Phenomenal!!" when they were eating it! Hey... that didn't hurt my feelings one bit! All in all it was a nice party, Raggenstein was on her best behavior what with her Mommy watching and all! 
The highlight would have to be after the party back at SIL's house... I brought several different treats for that because we were celebrating my DH's b-day. MIL's younger sister was there from St. Louis, she's pretty cool, and she was really fawning over me about what a great mother I am and how well I am raising my son and meeting his special needs, etc. and then she couldn't stop saying how no one can bake like I can, that I have this incredible knack, no bakery she's ever been to can compare, etc. (BTW she's rich and travels the globe, so she's really been to some swank bakeries!!) Man, I like her!! I felt pretty good about myself by the time she was done. That was really an upper for me today, and I needed it!
So, anyway, if you're interested... here's the cake. I think it turned out ok! Thanks for the endless support that you guys provide, the sage advice, and the offers to slap around the heathens that vex me!
Edited to add: I had to decorate it to match the bedding because they couldn't come up with a theme for the party... um... baby stuff? It's not that hard, I swear!!
Oh my goodness!!!! You did an awesome job on that cake!!! It is fantastice, ok, you got me!!!! PHENOMENAL!!!!! Great job!!
OMG, you outdid yourself, that cake is freaking GORGEOUS! You deserved every ounce of praise and then some! I'm so glad to hear the party went well, and honestly, that cake is beyond beautiful...should be in a magazine seriously.
So glad I was up so I could see how it all turned out, congrats hon! 
Jamessweetie` your avatar is ssssooooooo cute!!!!
Oh sweetie it's ADORABLE! AND I like the aunt too! Sure enough GOOD triumphed over evil and your brilliance shined right on through. Heck I bet SIL was thrilled with it too even if she didnt admit it, that's an incredible cake! Ride that Kudo's high, you EARNED IT with this one for sure 
I JUST LOVE A HAPPY ENDING....and...I LOVE YOU MAN!
Your cake is beautiful and I would say fabulous too.
So glad your evening turned out well.
If you send out positive waves they will come back. Evidentally, even though you felt bad, you felt something positive about this cake and why you were doing it. That came back to you in the visiting aunts comments. Everyone looks up to her because of her worldly ways maybe they will take a second look at you and re-evaluate their opinions.
You did a great job be proud.
Where are those peacock feathers........
Your cake is beautiful and worthy of all the wonderful comment's. I bet your SIL is still fuming today from all the raves you got and she had to be on good behavior. I have been following this thread but not commenting. I don't have any SIL's because hubby is and only child and my BIL's are sweeties. But I have the MIL from Hades. But that is a story nobody wants to hear. LOL
Thank you, everyone!! You are all too sweet to be real! I have to pinch myself sometimes.
To be honest, SIL did what she always does... complimented the cake and acted very gracious. See, this is why it's so hard... all I've ever wanted was for her to like me, and sometimes she acts so human that I genuinely feel that I love her, but then it's all these underhanded, mean, passive agressive things that show me what she's really like. But yesterday she was human again, hugged me and said how adorable the cake was... ate some and raved. She was very easy to like yesterday. Of course, how hard is it to be nice when people are fawning over you and buying you gifts? Anyway, this is why life isn't for wimps... it's full of this kind of crap!
Nglez... the day your cake looks like crap... well, I can't even say what will happen because it's such a far fetched idea I can't even think of something!!
Oh Melvira ... your cake turned out ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!! Your SIL would have been crazy not to LOVE it!!! I'm sorry about all the drama behind the cake, but you were definitely the better person and rose above it all and made an amazing cake. You rock!!!!
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