Ok, so this is the most pathetic post I think I've made anywhere, but I really just need to vent, and it's hard to do here at home.
My sister and I are very close, she's seven years older then I am, but our mother passed when I was one and she raised me pretty much on her own after that. Well She has been having a very tough year. Problems in her marriage which she finally determined she needed to solve with a divorce, which was awful on her and her family but ended up being the best for everyone. About a month after the divorce was final she was diagnosed with Cancer. She underwent surgery had her esophogus, stomach and a majority of her intestines removed. Also she underwent very major chemo and radiation therapy. She was declared cancer free about six months ago and tried very hard to get back on her feet. however, from being off work her bills were piled up and things were very hard on her and her family. About two months ago, she decided to take a big step and remarry. (her wedding cake was my first and on my photos) Being as they didn't and don't have a lot of money, because he's been trying to support her and her children through her illness and recovery, the wedding was very small, but a huge moment for everyone. It seemed like everything was turning around.
Until, of course last Tuesday. She went in for her six month scan, and they found more cancer. It was again in what was left of her esophogus and her intestines. They were at a loss as to what they could do for her, because there is nothing left to remove. She is just a walking sack of bones because she has no stomach and can't eat much of anything at all. So, they decided surgery was out, and because of how they had to put her back together, radiation is also out. They said she wouldn't withstand it and they were afraid it would cause internal bleeding or so much tissue damage she would hemmorage and die. So chemo it is! She found out her cancer was back on a Tuesday and started a massive amount of Chemo the very next day. They also informed us that we would know with in a week whether or not this treatment would work. Well Folks it's been a week.
The Chemo is not working and they told my sister today that she has maybe six months to live. My beautiful thirty six year old sister is not going to get to see her children graduate from high school or marry, all of the fears we both had of being raised with out a mother are now her own personal fears for her kids.
I am so angry! I am so frustrated and I feel so helpless. I tried to set up a benefit for her and her family. They are so behind on the bills and now the medical bills are really going to start stacking up. She can't even qualify for disability, until she's been off work for six weeks. But honestly, how many of us could get by with NO income for six weeks? Plus, they're behind on everything from when she was sick before. School is starting my niece is thirteen and she grew FIVE inches this summer. Her toes stick out of the top of her shoes, none of her clothes fit her parents just got divorced she's living with her mom and a new step father thats he doesn't know that well, and BAM by the way your mom is going to be dead before you turn fourteen. So I tried to set up a benefit, and the wonderful state of iLlinois makes it nearly impossible. YOu have to pay for permits for any item you raffle off, twenty five dollars per permit per item. You have to be sponsered by a non profit organization, which in turn wants a percentage of the profit you make to pay for the sponsering process. By the time you find a building, pay the fees buy the permits and everything else, we're probably not even going to raise enough to cover the costs of the actual benefit. So now I'm stuck I thought about a bake sale, but honestly that is way more cupcakes then I can possibly manage lol.
So, instead I just sit here crying, because I don't know how to say goodbye and I don't know how to let go, and I don't know how to help the one person who has always been there for me, my big sister. I have my niece who is devestated and also dealing with the fact that she has no school clothes.
So i'm giving up my grocery money for the next month. I'll be eating mac and cheese and soup and stuff we've got stocked up in the house. Because I'm going to go down next tuesday and take my sisters beautiful daughter school clothes shopping. She needs shoes, and bras and underwear and jeans and just anything. And just when I think the world is a crappy place and no one cares people come out of the woodwork to help. I've never taken charity, we're not that kind of family. We work for what we need always have always will. But, my friend she went to Kohls and bought a gift card so my niece can buy a pair of shoes for school and my friends mom is going to get her two pairs of jeans as soon as I find out the size she needs and school supplies, well I'm sure those will come through too, people have been so kind to her me. I just am still so frustrated that I can't do more. I can't save her I can't make her better and I can't spare her daughter from being an orphan just like I was.
Sorry for going on and on, but I can't talk about it here. My husband has never lost anyone he is thirty five and both grandparents are still living and out on their own. I just feel like i've spent my whole entire life losing the people I love and I'm tired of feeling so helpless and I'm tired of all of the red tape and people holding you back from really helping others.
Thanks for listening please, please keep us in your prayers. I hope we all can come to peace with what is going to happen and I pray I'm strong enough to get through it. Sometimes I'm just so tired of being strong all the time and so "put together"
Thanks
Jen
Woah.......I am seldom moved to tears, I'm just not like that, but I can't stop crying as I type. I really don't even know what to say...just feel like I should respond and tell you how incredibly sorry I am.
I feel for your neice. She is at an age where everything is hard, but this just seems too much for a teenager to handle. I am praying for your family and for God to heal your sister.......because He can if He chooses.
I know you are a good aunt who will always be there for your neice. What would happen to her if your sister died? I wouldn't think she would stay with a stepfather she hardly knows. Is her father still a part of her life? I'm so worried for her, my heart is breaking.
Please know there are people who care and I am one of them. Sending hugs your way.
Sherri
I can't imagine what you are going through right now and I am praying for you to have peace about this terrible situation. What a brave and wonderful woman you are to be giving up your grocery money for your sweet niece, and what a brave and wonderful woman your sister must be to face this kind of adversity.
Some advice I might give you about clothes is that there is a wonderful store (not sure if there are any around you) called Steve and Barry's. All of their clothes are very inexpensive but well made. Sarah Jessica Parker just started designing fashionable, tasteful clothes for them and everything in her line costs less than $20 (even jeans!). I am almost exclusively shopping there because I am a broke student (and even if I wasn't- their clothes are very nice). If you have one close to you, it might be worth checking out.
I would also encourage you to find some counseling for you and your sister's family. I know many times hospitals offer this kind of service, and most definitely your niece's school would have some resources to help her.
I would also like to encourage you to seek some alternative therapies for your sister. My mother was diagnosed with tall-cell thyroid cancer many years ago, and, we believe, because of the alternative therapies she pursued in addition to regular treatment, she is one of only 8 people in the US with this type of cancer who has been cancer-free for over 10 years. I don't know how much your sister can eat right now, but one simple thing a lot of alternative healers say is that cancer feeds off of sugar, and sugar and yeast-free diets are often very beneficial for cancer patients. There are tons of wonderful resources on the internet that can help you with ideas and supplements that might help some.
I will be praying for you and your family. ((Noley))
Oh Noley,
I am so sorry to hear about the turmoil your family is experiencing right now! I can not imagine how you are feeling! I will definately be praying for ALL of you! Your sister raised a truly amazing woman! I know you are tired of always being strong, however you will continue to do it for your sister and your niece! You all need each other right now! Please know that we are all praying for God's hands to heal your sister in the way he knows is right! May He carry all of you through this difficult time!!! You are so special to go without to help your niece that way! It is OK to take the help from your friends when you are truly in need! I am sure they are just repaying what you have done for them!
Please stay strong!
Wow, I can't imagine the incredible amount of sorrow that you feel. I don't know if you're a spiritual person or not but if you are, I would pray for the strength to accept God's will. I know that its hard and you feel that he has taken some of the most significant souls in your life but please understand that it is his will. Try to make her comfortable and shower her will so much love. And also try to encourage you niece to talk about her feelings and offer her space or a hug-whatever she seems to need at the time. I will definetely mention you and your family in my prayers.
Please try to be strong for them and for yourself!
God does love you!
Angie
I am so sorry to hear what you and your family have gone through and currently having to deal with and with the very sad immediate future.
I lost my mom 2 years ago to cancer and although she was given 3 months to live she lived for 2 year and 2 months. I wish your sister all the best.
We took video's of my mom cooking and baking with us, I wanted my kids to be able to eventually see her in her element. Once my boys are a little older and understand a little more, I will be able to cherish those video's with them. Only our oldest remember's her but it's important to me.
One of my cousin's lost his wife 10 years ago to a brain tumor. When my mom got sick, he told his mom to spend as much time with my mom as possible. And she did. I am so thankful for that and I know my mom really appreciated it and so this my aunt.
All I can say is spend as much time together with your sister as you can. Help her and her daughter spend as much time together as possible also. It sound like you are doing what you need to do, just remember that we are thinking of you. As I sit her looking at a very blurry computer. I cant say it's get easier. You just get use to it. You laugh and you cry here and there. You remember the good times and start to forget the bad.
Take care of your family.
My thoughts are you with.
Good Luck
I have prayed for your sister, and your family. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and I truly wish there was something I could do.
I'm so very sorry. 
I am at a loss for words to console you. I like messybaker can't seem to stop crying. You don't have to say goodbye to her yet...spend each day with her as if it were a gift. Have her make a video for her daughter...maybe something special for her wedding day or graduation...things that she'll miss. And pray...pray so much that your knees get rug burns on them! Anger is normal I'm sure...I lost my grandfather to cancer, but it was different, he was 86 yrs old! 36 is just SO young. People will help, but like others said, just be willing to take it! It's not charity if you really need it. I think we sometimes get a little jaded to taking help because of those that abuse it! God is sending these people to you!
I will pray for healing for your sister, strength for you all and guidance for you and your niece. My heart goes out to you all!
Keyshia
Hi Noley,
I wish there was something someone could do to take this pain from your family. Many times there is nothing else to do but just sit and cry. Don't be too hard on yourself that you aren't doing more to help. A little bit of love goes a long way, and it sounds like you are giving a lot to your sister and niece. You have done a wonderful thing by posting here tonight though, just think of all the prayers you will be getting. It is unfair that things like this happen to some people. I wish I knew why God does things like that. I will pray for your sister and her daughter.
I'm really sorry for your bad news....
I've just been complaining to my niece about my woes for the week and then I read your post.
My woes suck.
The prospect of losing someone you love is just so emotionally draining and you feel like you're in a bubble. The world is still moving on but all you can focus on is what you and your family are experiencing at the moment. It is very consuming.
I really feel your worry and I hope that the love of your friends and family will support you and give you strength to carry you through this horrible time.
I am not religious but let's hope everyones prayers are heard, including mine.
Jen - You, your sister and your niece will be in my every prayer. I pray that God will heal your sister fully restored, never to be touhced by cancer again, and that His blessings will be abundant upon you as friends show their love and support in all ways possibe.
I am so sorry about your sisters cancer. You are a wonderful sister for all you are doing. Your family will be in our prayers.
My cousin's son died of neuro blastmma (sp) at 12 after fighting for 7 years. I urge you to investigate organizations that assist cancer patients. Start with the Cancer Society. I'm sure they can help figure out how to raise money or at least can point you in the right direction. Also see about Make a Wish Foundation or similar local organizations. I know my cousins local wish foundation sent he and his family on some wonderful outings and vacations that made fantastic memories for them.
I know this is difficult, but there are so many people out there who want to help. Maybe the hospital has some contacts. The more support you can get for you and your family the better it will be.
God Bless
Noley~
I want to offer a few suggestions; I know there is nothing to take your pain away, but it sounds like you might benefit from support systems that are in place for people experiencing similar feelings. I think it always helps to try and take some control of our lives because this enables us to feel empowered instead of feeling like someone else is always pulling the strings and controlling our lives. Obviously, there are things you can't control, like your sister's prognosis...and those are the hardest, because those are often the situations we want most to have sway over. I know that what I'm saying is not easy, I wish there were easy answers for you, and I'm sorry there aren't. I hope you feel supported by this wonderful CC and other communities.
Right now, the focus of your sister's situation sounds like it's about care, not cure. DO NOT tolerate any medical professionals telling her "There's nothing more we can do." That's never true...because even for those who are not expected to live, there's lots to be done. There's making sure she's receiving good pain control and that she's physically comfortable. There's making sure that she is getting good emotional support from professionals and family and friends, and positive spiritual support, if that's what she wants, from a faith person of her choosing. There's ensuring that she prepares the rest of her life to be lived, to the extent it can be, in the way that she wants. I would suggest that she begin writing (or if she's unable, to dictate) messages and letters and notes of love and guidance to her daughter and to make video tapes for her to see at different points in her life.
The hardest part? I think that is talking with her about the next months and what she wants and needs from those she loves. People who are dying often really want to talk about their sadness and fears and hopes and dreams with family but as a society, we feel so uncomfortable with this that it often doesn't happen. Also, the ill person feels guilty for making others sad, so it often becomes a very lonely life, even if surrounded all the time by loved ones. It's OK to cry in front of her, it's OK to let her know that you're devastated. And then it's important to also tell her that you will keep promises and honor what she wants for her child after her death. You will make sure that her daughter knows your sister's philosophies and opinions about life and how her mother would have continued to raise her.
Regarding other support, I hope your family is hooked up with The American Cancer Society. They have wonderful people there, including therapists and social workers who are available at no cost. Is hospice involved? They can come into the home and not only provide physical care to your sister but they too have social workers and chaplains for emotional and spiritual support to the entire family. They usually have volunteers that can help around the house as well. You may not live near a big city, but please call the closest children's hospital and ask to speak with a Child Life Specialist; these are professionals who are experts in not only child development, but specific child issues as related to medical diagnoses. They should be able to either give you loads of information about your niece and what might help her, or refer you to a person near your home who can. And in fact, your local hospice may have a child life specialist on staff as well. And finally, it sounds like YOU need someone whose should you can cry on...consider a professional counselor or social worker because then you can vent with no thought of hurting your sister's feelings or adding stress to her life. Best to you....Susan
OMG......I know this feeling!
I know you want to do everything you can, financially included....not always easy....
I used to belong to a prayer group, through the internet. I've heard that you can ask your Pastor/ Priest for help in this area. Maybe if you do, the message can be passed on to the congregation, and they can pray at church and throughout the next few weeks for your family's crisis? It may surprise you what can happen this way........and you don't need a permit, either.
I am sending all my prayers to you and your family, for easing the burden of the Cancer and finances. You are in my prayers. (Hope you don't mind that they are Wiccan, though 
)
Hugs to you and your entire family!
I am so sorry you are going through this trying time. I know exactly how you feel. My advice is be strong and when you feel the weight bearing down on your shoulders straighten up some more you will find the strength in the love you feel for your sister.
My prayers are with you and also in the hope of some cure in the future for this terrible desies that has taken away so many lives.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. All things are possible through Christ Jesus.
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%