dmaam-ever hear of a slush fund? ha ha. my friend told me her mom had one when she was getting pretty certain her marriage wasn't working-just some extra cash no-one needs to know about ha ha. but seriously, maybe you should talk to a counselor or a pastor.i hope things get better for you. could you cut back on the number of kids you watch during the day? ihope you get less stressed

Wow!!! Thank you, all, for your tremendous support. It is amazing how much you, all, have helped me.
Yes, my husband, is definitely marking his territory, but my goodness - Is it really, a "Dog eat Dog world?" LOL!!!!!
You know I am the type of person that is a perfectionist. I am my worst critic. But, I know that all of you often feel unappreciated. Am I right? I would not mind not having my own space. But, I can handle the way my husband is, but the thing that is driving me nuts is that he stands over me on ever move that I make and that I cannot stand!!!! I bake 10 cakes a day - does he come in and help me or get my screaming children that has herself wrapped around my leg - no, but when all the cakes are done and the kitchen is spotless again. He critics my cakes - "that one is kinda sunk in". Never - wow - good job??!!!! He makes me feel like I am less of a person and I do not know if that is so that I will think that I cannot get anyone else and that only he will love me.
But, anyway, forget him. My children are my life!!! The unconditional love is amazing!!!!
As far as being stressed - definitely over whelming at times, but what mom is not????
Thank you, women as a whole, for being who you are and doing all that you do.

I too am a stay at home mom. I went on medical leave 11 years ago when I was pregnant with my now 10 year old twin boys and never went back - not really. I do work part time as a substitute teacher at their school, but can set my own days. I work when I want to and not when I don't, which is really nice. Even before I quit work and had kids, I have been the one to do all the housework, laundry, shopping, etc. And since I LOVE to mow the yard, I do that as well. I do not weed eat, so my husband does do that. For years he owned his own business (a bicycle shop) and worked as a fireman (on 24 hours, off 48 ), so he was gone from home about 100 hours a week, every week. But he has NEVER said one thing about the house being messy or dinner not being cooked. I try to keep things running smoothly, but like all mothers, there are times when it is just total chaos around here. On days that I have to go to school, I leave at 6:45 AM and get home around 4, and as you know, it's just hard to get stuff done after that. I do the best I can and he always tells me how much he appreciates what I do, and how he would never want my job! I was very resentful when I first had my babies that I was the only one doing anything around here, until I looked at it as "my job" and I guess I just got over it. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't do housecleaning, etc. anymore. I do have to say that since my boys have gotten older, there are many, many more things that he can do with them. The boys race motorcycles and that takes up alot of their time, as well as bicycles, skateboards, etc. That is a "dad" thing and he does them all with the boys. They definitely need him more now than they did when they were little, which is a great help to me and gives me time now and then to myself.

Hi guys, thought I'd join in too! I'm a SAHM of a 7 yr old boy and a 4 1/2 yr old girl. When I was pregnant with my son, I insisted that I was going to go back to work by the time he was 3 months old. I don't know who I was fooling, because I didn't want to leave him. Well, we had to give up a few things, but we were able to survive on DH's salary while I stayed at home. Things are still tight, but it's a decision I have never regretted! Although, there have been times that I rerally needed the "adult world" (wish I had known about CC then!!!). My daughter starts kindergarten in the fall, so at the moment I am getting ready to set up for a home bakery. I just want to bring in enough income to pay for my school loans and add to a savings account (which we still don't have). If it doesn't bring in enough, I'll find a part-time job that allows me to be home when the kids get home from school (IF THERE IS SUCH A JOB!)

As for the "load", I do most of the household cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. He cooks when I need the help. He finally is getting better at it. His BBQ used to be carbon - he burnt everything, but he's improving! He does most of the yard work and takes the trash to the dump. He does all of the ironing. I hate to iron! He does so much better than I do, I guess from ironing his uniforms in the Marines. We take turns bathing the kids. He helps out whenever I need it, without question, especially when I have cakes to do. He's an awesome father and husband!!

I do miss working. My last position was the banquet and pastry chef at a private golf club. But I still wouldn't give up the time I had at home with my kids!!

Wow, it has been so interesting to read all of your posts. I feel like I was reading my own words most of the time!! I am amazed by all of you!

I think I am just way too obsessive, because I do most of the housework, finances, etc. not because my husband won't do it, but because I just want it done my way! It's sort of my little domain here, and my husband is sweet about it. He really does help a lot, but he lets me have my space. He works for the school system so he gets home early and I'd rather have that than a fat paycheck coming in. It's definitely a sacrifice for me to stay home, but as long as we can make it, that's what we'll do. We have one 2 yr old son, which doesn't sound like a lot compared to those of you who have more, but he is a sweet little handful!! I teach Wilton classes one night a week and sometimes go out for girls night with friends. (He goes out for basketball). We try to see it as our equal partnership. Depending on the day, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and want him to do more, but other times I think with his work and then helping at home, he really does much more than me.

I'm so amazed that there ARE so many other SAHMs. I had no idea. I thought they were going the way of the dinosaur, and I was prepared to stick it out, but it's good to know I'm not alone! Overall, I love the fact that everyone who has replied to this post, SAHM or not, all have a lot in common! Thanks everyone for sharing!

I work outside of the home...and wish I did not have to work full time, but one income will not cut in our household budget right now.
I all of the chores and hubby helps out when he can. I do not like letting him do laundry (unless it's his) because he doesn't do it right (in my eyes). When he has time he will always pick up the kitchen for me and empty and load up the dishwasher...I grumble about how he puts away the dishes, but I don't say anything to him anymore unless it's something really out of place.
My husband works full time and goes to school full time and I work full time and try to take care of this house. It's not always perfect looking, but I can get it picked up really fast when I need to. I can sometimes be really tired when I get home from work depending on the type of day it is. I work at a Helpdesk, so my brain is constantly in use, and some days are just more tiring then others.
I also have a 6 year old that my in-laws watch for us while we are at work. We make sure to spend as much quality time with him as possible, but will let him be at grandpa's and grandma's alot since their other grandkids don't live nearby. It's not always a perfect balance, but it works and our son knows who is parents are and knows that we love him and he always is loved, clothed, and well-fed.
Thumbs Up to the mom's that work and to the mom's that stay home!

DH makes dinner once a week, takes 4 y.o. daughter to pre-school 2 mornings a week, plays with daughter when he's home, does the bedtime routine, and I get to sleep in on Saturday mornings. I pretty much do everything having to do with the house and our lives.

Along with all that, I have a dessert catering business out of the house and sell on Ebay. One thing that saved our marriage, is that we did hire cleaners to clean every other week, so I just do in between stuff, like vacuum and pick-up.

We alternate bath nights for daughter. He also does his own laundry.

Maybe this is a really stupid question but what does the 'd' of 'dh' mean?____ husband...?

Sometimes it means Dear, sometimes it means dumb, whatever mood you are in. Sometimes it can mean duncan hines!

dmaam: I can tell ya....fallonb is right.....also I can tell you from experience you will know when you've worked at your marriage as long as is necessary........you have to be willing to admit defeat sometimes especially if it's for the good of people involved ie: your children. My first marriage wasn't a horrible one by any means...we were together from the time I was 13 until I was 23....I changed a lot over the years...him, not so much...but he was and still is a great person...just not the "Love of my life" and for some reason I KNEW that existed.....he claims he never knew I was unhappy......even though I told him all the time...we have a child together and I couldnt bear my son seeing me in a loveless marriage iwth no respect .....my son is perfectly adjusted my DH and I have been together since he was a yr. old and he has no recollection of living with his father....however.....his father and I are always polite and respectfull of eachother and demand the same from our son. It really is possible to parent a child together even when you're not "together". Your children will resent you in the end if they're forced to be a part of a controlling marriage. Maybe all your DH needs is to hear you say.."hey, I feel like you're trying to control me, and I don't like it"...so stop!! Sometimes these things are done unintentionally....sometimes they're done on purpose...it's important to figure out which of the two is true in your case...Good Luck, I will keep you in my prayers.

I was a stay at home mom for 12 years and loved it. My husband did not do any housework. He did however do all the lawn work and he was fabulous with the kids. He would tell me just do whatever you have to do I will be home anyway. It did not matter if they were 1 month or 10 he just loved being home with them. I did not realize at the time how blessed I was but I do now. He would do anything I asked him to do around the house but never did things without me asking first! LOL I might add he worked swing shift. I work 20 hours a week now and still do most everything around the house. But it is mainly just him and me now.
Judy

I guess we are pretty traditional. DH takes care of the yardwork (with the help of teenage sons); plus home and car repair/maintenance (which he is really good at); I take care of the house and dinners and the children are teenagers now, so much more self-sufficient than they used to be, but childcare was pretty much up to me when they were younger. DH is involved in our children's lives now more than he was when they were younger, thank goodness, because with two teenage sons, I need him to be! I can probably count on one hand the times dh has cooked anything; or done any real housework (he does wash clothes occasionally!), but he gets up every day and goes to work, whether he feels like it or not. I wouldn't trade places, even if I don't get much help around the house. (We ALL take out the trash. )

I am also a SAHM, I have a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. My DH works in a bank so he has very regular hours which is nice. I do pretty much all of the housecleaning but he is very good about helping me out if I need it. I do the laundry - When we got married he said "I'll make you a deal, I don't do laundry!" I've stopped asking him to help me with that because the few times he has helped he's dried things that should have been hung up and I'm weird about the way things get folded, it has to be my way or I redo it. It's kind of strange because I hate folding laundry. I usually start the cooking but when he gets home from work he takes over because he likes to do it.
I've tried to get him to leave mowing the lawn to me but he keeps doing it for some reason. He's SOOOOOO allergic to every kind of grass so I don't get why he does it, he always winds up sick.
He usually puts our son to bed while I put down our daughter.
He does all our finances (as I said, he works at a bank so it just makes sense)
He also likes to help me decorate cakes.
I thought I had a one of a kind hubby but reading all the other posts it looks like I'm not the only lucky one!!!

I am a stay at home mom for now anyways. I stayed home for 12 years then my husband got laid off from work for 3 years and he stayed home and I went to work. He finally got to see how much work it was to stay home doing laundry and supper. He now will cook on the weekends and will start laundry without asking. He didn't know how to cook before he was laid off but now enjoys being in the kitchen with me when I cook and helps out. I think if all husbands were actually put in that position they would find out it is not all sitting on a couch eating and watching soaps....(I don't watch tv nor eat junk food lol). I quit my job when he went back to work to get the degree in school that I gave up while raising my kids. I think it is important for children to have a parent home I think it helps them more in life than 2 parents working. Although my children are getting older now they still seem to want me around if nothing else just to talk their day through with me. Everyone tells me how well behaved and nice my kids are, and I am proud to be a stay at home mom.

I'm a SAHM with a 7 yr old who is in school. I also babysit my 7 month old nephew through the week. I do all of the cleaning, unless company is coming suddenly, then hubby will jump in to help out. I do all of the cooking and grocery shopping, unless hubby barbecues. I only do laundry for myself and my daughter plus oousehold items like towels, and sheets. Hubby does his own laundry, gets mad if I accidentally wash something of his (not seriously, just a little huff, LOL). He does all of the yard work. He's very particular about it, so that's something I don't have to worry about. He washes the cars. I get my daughter ready for bed and take her to school and back.
Sometimes I feel like I have way too much to do. I forget to ask for help. When I do ask for help I get it. I have to remember to do that more often.
By the way, when I worked a full-time job and the baby was only a few months old, hubby cleaned up every weekend. I only had to do laundry and cook. He also helped with dishes and bottles. He did all of this without me asking.

I'm a sahm too. I've got 3 girls, 8,3, and 1 and I watch my nephew full time. And I do it ALL. Sometimes I hate that I do it all, but I'm such a perfectionist that I've found that I almost make myself do it all. My dh will pitch in after being asked a few times and he is a great dad. Any other perfectionists out there?

I am a stay at home mom of 5.

I do:
cooking
cleaning
dressing the kids
laundry
dishes



His:
mow lawn:needs it right now
take out trash: never gets done!
clean toilets: I am a germ freak! never gets done!
bathe kids most of the time or make sure they get one and get them in bed.
occasionally he gets tired of all the stuff he lays around and will clean.

I think its time to call the maid!

Perfectionists you say.. yep that'd be me too!
I always thought it was a virgo thing (you know they are meticulous etc) but now I think it is just the way I am.
I prefer to do all the cooking, cleaning, ironing etc because if it's not done right, I will notice it and while I appreciate the help I get a great enjoyment from looking at my "perfectly" clean house, car etc...
My hubby does the mowing, which I really don't want to take over too!
I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and a cake business also to fill in the left over time!
I want to say well done to all the stay at home mums, because we have a very important job and need to hear this every so often!
Some of you guys out there need a weekend at the spa!! I thought I was busy, listen to you..Keep up the good work

For those of you who work out of the home and then have to come back and do the household chores, family care, etc. - my hat is off to you too!!!
Being a SAHM, I know it's alot of work - but I can't imagine having to go out to earn a paycheck and then return home and still be expected to do most of the work at home too! I've just been fortunate to be able to be at home. The same goes for you single parents out there!! I know every situation is different and we all make it work for us!!! We should all give ourselves a big pat on the back!!!!

DH does more than some and less than others. And, usually, what he does is only b/c I ask or "suggest" he do it. I will say that when I'm not home at night (and at my Wilton class) he gets the girls to bed on time and goes through the normal routine. That said, I tell him he'd need to remarry if (God forbod) anything should ever happen to me b/c they'd eat McNuggets every night, would never get a vitamin and would watch TV all day.


But, do any dh's cook dinner while you're a sahm? Often, DH will cook on the weekends. He likes to cook, esp. BBQ.

Who mows the lawn? Hubby, when he remembers.

Who gives the children a bath? Usually, DH.

Who goes grocery shopping? Is it done together? Normally, I do the shopping, but sometimes we do it together. Every so often I'll ask him to do it and he doesn't mind b/c I always spend more and he hates that! lol

Who fixes things around the house OR who calls the plummer or the a/c guy? He fixes things but I call the A/C guy.

Who takes the trash out? He does, when he remembers.

Who dusts & vacuums? That would be me, reluctantly.

Wow, hubby is sounding pretty good, actually! I do the dishes, bathrooms, most of the laundry, floors, decorating, planting of flowers, shopping for clothes, shopping for holidays, cooking, teaching, shlepping...

I have 3 children (all girls) aged 9, 7 and 5. I work part time - 22.5 hours per week... which is done on 1 day and 2 nights..... so I consider myself a stay at home mum as the kids only miss me on one day... (they are obviously asleep on the 2 evenings I work).

My hubby is a chef and works about 45 hours per week.

We don't need any outside care for the children (apart from school) to cover our work hours we are able to do it between us.

As far as jobs go, we don't have my job, his jobs... everything is everyones jobs... if it needs doing it gets done.

We both cook, we both clean we both shop, we both look after the children we do all the things together or ask the other for example....

If we have just come back from swimming lessons, I might say.. you bath the kids while I put dinner on or vice versa. Or can you vacuum while I put the washing out. Or I am just going to the shop for xxx can you clean the bathroom.

We are a team and our work is equally as hard, equally important and equally as valuable to our family.... THis is a partnership not an employee/boss situation..

The same goes for the kids, If I ask them to do something like grab the towels off the line I expect them to do it.... we are all in it together and our HAPPY family relies on everyone helping.

Thats our way anyway....

I'm a single working mom, so I do everything! LOL! I work 40 miles from home, so I have a long commute every day, and I own a five-acre "gentlewoman's farm". I'm a cancer researcher by day and an organic farmer by night. My 11-year old daughter is finally old enough to really help out around the place, so things are getting easier. I raise chickens and goats and have a large vegetable garden, plus two dogs and two cats, so there's always lots of work to be done. I work non-stop between the lab and the farm and my bakery business, and I'm just hitting the busy season so things will be just crazy between now and October. My boyfriend (who DOESN'T live with me - I won't even consider it until my kid is in college) helps out quite a bit with the outdoor chores and the animals, and has even been known to help decorate a cake or two! Both he and my daughter help out at the farmer's market where I sell eggs, veggies and baked goods for 19 weeks out of the year, and the BF will deliver things for me, too. I go to bed exhausted every night, but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I absolutely love my life and all that I've been able to accomplish on my own. I grew up under the worst of circumstances, so I consider giving my daughter a good life my greatest achievement. She knows the value of hard work and she knows the rewards it can bring, unlike a majority of her peers nowadays!

dky - I think our house is a lot like yours, actually. We do a lot of, "I'll do this if you can do that" around here, too. For the things I listed, that's just the way it usually works out but last weekend DH vacuumed while I got the girls dressed to go out and right now he's doing some shopping so I can concentrate on the kitchen. When he gets back he's going to work on the lawn while I get lunch. It's give and take.

mjw - I'm exhausted reading about your days!

The great thing about this topic is it makes one feel better... sometimes we feel as though its all too much and we just can't fit another thing in and many around us make it seem so easy but looking at all the posts really highlights we are all in the same boat and that parenting while enjoyable is one tough gig.

We should all be congratulated..... yeah mums & of course our wonderful helping hubbys.


karen

I'm a stay at hyome mom of 3 ages 5, 18 mos. and 5 mos. Such a hand full!! I "hold down the fort" as my husband says (former Marine Sgt.). I take care of the house and the kids (which includes everything from cooking and cleaning to bathing the kids and running the 5 yr old around to practices to doing all the shopping and making sure the bills get paid). My husband basicly works full time, vacuums the living room, throws the trash and takes care of the yard and the slobbery dog... yuck. So glad that one is not mine. Plus I watch two other kids and bake cakes on theside for a little extra spending money here and there.

WOW...reading all of your posts on here make me feel really deprived ...I am a SAHM of two girls 7 and 3.

Hubby works full time, plus overtime almost daily and on call every other week and every other holiday.

As far as our daily tasks being divided up, i do everything. I cook, clean, do laundry (3 times per week), watch, bathe and feed the girls, we both tuck them in together. He does all the yard work, mowing, edging and weedeating. Although he's been warned not to touch my flowers. He does all the mechanical up keep on both my cars, but I keep them clean and full of gas.

I was raised by a very old fashioned mother, he's the breadwinner, keep him happy. I know some, most, people don't agree with that, but it seems to work for us.

Great thread! Wow, some of you ladies are SOOO much more ambitious than I am. I'm sitting here feeling like quite the slacker right now. (If you saw what a mess my house is right now, you would understand why.) I'm a SAHM w/a 3yo and 4yo. In our house, I do most of the errands, cooking, laundry and banking/bills. I pick up the yard (dog duty) and he mows, since I have horrible hayfever. We take turns doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, the rest of the house is pretty much my responsibility. (There are plenty of days I wish we had a smaller house!) I take care of the kids, bathe them and put them to bed most nights. DH will jump in if I'm working on a cake or not feeling well though. DH does the majority of the cooking on weekends, mostly because he enjoys it, always takes the garbage out, takes care of household repairs and deals with the medical insurance people because they make me pull my hair out. He will change the oil in his own car, but sends me packin' to Wal-Mart to get the oil changed in my truck! He is quick to help out around the house (except for laundry) anytime he sees me falling behind. I wouldn't trade him for the world. I'm feeling inspired by you all to step up and get cleaning right now! Thanks!!

(OH, and to you Moms who work, my hat is off to you as well!! As previously mentioned, I can't imagine working all day, and then having to do everything that I do now on top of that. )

My DW is a SAHM. We have 4 children.
She takes care of the inside of the house and I take care of the
outside. If there are any repairs such as electrical, plumbing etc.
I take care of those.
I work 40+ a week and have a part-time job also.
She does just about all the cooking. She tries at least three
new recipes for supper every week and I love it!!!
As for cakes its me. When I start getting mad cause something
with the cakes aren't going right she comes to my rescue.

I'm a stay at home mom of 1 year old boy/girl twins. Things are pretty give and take at my house. My husband does the mowing and takes trash to the curb. He and I both take trash from inside the house down to the big trash can in the garage. I do more cooking, but he cooks a lot, too (BBQ and hamburger helper, mainly, but that's ok). I usually give the babies a bath and put them to bed because many nights he's still at work. We both vaccuum as needed. I usually do the "sanitizing"--cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, etc...We don't dust very often, but it's not very dusty where I live...my husband does a lot of the laundry--I used to do it mainly, but the kids are so active now, it's hard to find time while he's at work...we do most of our grocery shopping together (it's very difficult to push a double stroller and pull a shopping cart at the same time, but it can be done), but I pick up odds and ends by myself...my husband does a lot of the handiwork because he likes doing that sort of thing...I read to the kids, work with them on talking and singing, abc's 123's, etc..., take them to storytime at the library, play and monitor playing in the yard with them...I am currently trying really hard to keep a neater house, put my babies on a bedtime schedule even though Dad is not always home, and wean my babies from breastmilk---not to mention I'm learning how to cake decorate. I'm exhausted every day just about, but I need the cake decorating to give me a little bit of a break from the land of 1-year-olds. My husband watches the kids by himself one night a week while I go to class---I know this is hard for him, but he knows I need adult interaction, too. I used to manage a multi-million dollar business, but then I got pregnant with twins and the doctors made me quit my job and take it easy at 4.5 months pregnant for fear of losing them. I don't regret my decision for a minute, but it is quite a change from the fast-paced business world I used to operate in where I would travel a lot and people knew who I was and called me for help all the time---oh, wait a minute, maybe it's not that different, I just don't get paid now and the clientele isn't always satisfied with my work.

I left out a word--I used to "help" manage the business. I didn't own it, but I made a good salary with lots of perks. You all probably don't care about that, but I reread the post and it sounded like a lie to me the way it read, and I don't want to be deceptive...