Sons Teacher Isnt Very Nice, What To Do??

Lounge By BabyC1985 Updated 7 Oct 2009 , 11:39pm by mcaulir

BabyC1985 Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 11:04am
post #1 of 36

My 8 year old son (lex) came home from school last night with spelling homework, and to my surpise nearly all the words that he was meant to learn for fridays test were spelt wrong. He told be he copied from the board. My son isn't very good at writing or reading (gets that from me!!!), and had to attend a reading program last year, and has really improved.

Here's what he had wrote and what it should be

Mondy - for- monday
tuesbay- for tuesday
thursba - for thursday
fribay- for friday
saturbay- for saturday
sanbab- for sunday
septendr- for september
october
nowenber- for november
autumn

2 right out of 10 and he missed out wednesday.
So this morning i asked a few of the mums and they said the teacher had written them out for their children. And these children are alot more able then my son. So i went to ask the teacher, i took the homework sheet with me. Said that they werent right and hadnt been checked, explained that he struggles and asked if he could check them in the future. He said that its down to my son to copy the board correctly. I told him that my son has troubles and cant write that good! to which he replied well he clearly can!! Look at those spelling. Do you think that he can?? I asked him what was the point in him being there if he wasnt checking the work and he just went on about the words were there for him to see.
At this point another mum came over to ask a question, she looked at the paper and i said never knew Lex had dyslexia, i replied he doesnt to which the teacher said 'possibly'. I was so angry i walked away!!
He spoke down to me, and told me that there was nothing wrong with his writing or spelling, then says he could possibly have dylexia!!!
I dont understand, its either fine or something wrong!!
What should i do now???

any advice would really help

35 replies
Kiddiekakes Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 12:11pm
post #2 of 36

I would make an appointment with the principal and express your concerns...plus tell them the fact the teacher blew you off which you did not appreciate.In the interest of your son's education...you have to be aggressive.

Texas_Rose Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 12:51pm
post #3 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

I would make an appointment with the principal and express your concerns...plus tell them the fact the teacher blew you off which you did not appreciate.In the interest of your son's education...you have to be aggressive.




I totally agree.

My daughter had a teacher who was totally uncaring when she was in kinder. I was afraid if I made a fuss with the school, it would only make things more difficult for my daughter. So I didn't go above her to discuss my concerns...until the day that my daughter came home with a concussion, both lips split open and both knees black with bruises. Then I went to the school and raised he!!. But if I had been more experienced with the way the schools work, I would have talked to the principal earlier in the year and maybe Val would not have gotten hurt that bad. That same teacher also went on about how slow Val was and how we should have had her in day care so she'd learn how to act at school and not make her (the teacher) job so much harder. The next year, Val had a great teacher and there wasn't a single mention made of Val being slow.

So don't be afraid to make a fuss...it's better to get it all straightened out at the beginning of the year than to have your son go through the year with a teacher with that attitude.

cinderspritzer Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 12:59pm
post #4 of 36

What I have to say might make you mad. I apologize ahead of time, I'm not very good at sugar coating, but you are asking for advice.


Yes, I think you should go talk to the principal, and probably the teacher at the same meeting. Set an appointment time. Think of what you want to say and how you want to say it ahead of time. You need to be as professional about it as possible, or neither of them will listen to you. They listen to complaints from parents all the time, valid or not, and if you're rude, they'll let it roll off their backs without giving it a second thought. You do need to explain to them both that you don't appreciate the way you were treated, but be sure to let them talk also.

You're not getting off on a good foot with this teacher which isn't going to help your son in the future, you need to be the bigger person and make the changes now.


When you go in, do explain that your son will need extra help. Explain that you expect the teacher to put forth as much individual attention as is possible and fair.


On the flip side, as his mother, you also need to give him as much help as you can. Tutoring. Find fun ways to help him where he doesn't realize it's helping him. Make him work when he DOES know it's for extra help.

Get him tested for dyslexia. It's probably nothing to worry about, but if you test him and he's negative, that narrows down one possible problem. That may actually be the problem. The main signs of dyslexia are getting letters out of order or backwards; "b" and "d". It's not a problem if he does have it, there are ways to retrain his brain to make it easier. You won't know without the test. He may just need extra help with letters and word construction.


You have to be proactive in getting whatever he needs. No one else is going to.


And whatever happens, we here at CC are here for you.

BabyC1985 Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 1:32pm
post #5 of 36

thanks everyone,
I wasnt sure if it would be best dealt with now or give a bit of time. I am very good in verbal situations, I was polite and professional, and i didnt raise my voice at all this morning, guess thats what kind of throw me abit. I really wasnt exspecting him to be so hostile. My husband told me to leave it as he feels it could be made worse for our son.
Lex does get lots of work from home, lots of study and practise books which he has to do every night. Along with 10 minutes reading. Has done so since the age of 4 when his nursary teachers said it was due to poor hand control. I do feel like an uphill struggle, he is always happy to do work, infact he loves it. I think it makes him feel important and he always gives it a try, even if its not right.
As for dyslexia, i will get him tested. I just think weither he has it or not he should be getting the help because he is struggling.

Thank you all for your replies.

-Tubbs Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 2:21pm
post #6 of 36

Just the fact that you're onto this is thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif

So many parents don't check their kids' work, don't really pay attention to what's going on with their kids' education and then wonder why they fail later.

IMO you're totally right to pick up on this, and you will need to continue to make a fuss. Carry on with the "I feel...", and "I'm concerned..." rather than flat out saying "The teacher was rude to me and unconcerned about my son". You could also request a classroom move. Not all kids do well with all teachers.

When we were in the UK we had to threaten our local education authority with legal action (there is an organization that helped us with this, I will try to remember the name... sorry - it's a few years ago) because they (LEA) said they were not obliged to provide an assessment for our son. We had a date for a tribunal and then they 'changed their minds' and said they would assess him after all. It is expensive to do the assessment, so they try to avoid it where possible. It stinks, but you need to realise that money, and not the best interests of your child, is the priority here.

He did (does) have a learning disability, and once we had that Statement of Special Educational Need the school was legally OBLIGED to provide whatever is in it to help. If you seriously think your son may be LD, you MUST try to get that Statement.

Sorry to sound grim, but I've been there, and it's not fun. Good luck to you. Your son is lucky to have such a good advocate.

indydebi Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 3:21pm
post #7 of 36

Have I mentioned that I am SO freakin' glad I only have 2 more years of dealng it public school systems? Ive had kids in pubic schools for the last 27 years and I can't WAIT to be done!

That said, most the teachers I've dealt with have been just awesome to work with and showed a genuine "care" toward their kids. It's the school policies in general that make my a$$ tired!

But my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter both had ONE teacher that shouldn't have been in the teaching profession. We told our girls "This is your real-life-lesson. There are going to be people and bosses and co-workers who are complete jerks and a$$holes and this is the part of your life where you learn to deal it them." (Although I'm sure my youngest's teacher was SO glad when she promoted out of his class and he didn't have to see me in there anymore. He didn't like it when I pointed out that he did't have the authority to assign ME homework.)

When my kids have great teachers, I make sure the teacher knows we think they are a great teacher. And when they are not great teachers, that teacher the principal and once, the school board, knew what I thought and why!

The education of my child is at stake. Don't screw with me!

Definitely make a fuss. Teaching is the noblest of professions and to have someone "wasting" their time in a space that could be utilized by someone who actually cares is unforgiveable. PUt him on notice that you ARE an involved parent.

(My sister told her school system, "You don't want parents who are involved! You want parents who volunteer to work the concession stand and who monitor the proms. But you do't want parents like me who call you to task because we are INVOLVED in our children's education!" She had to threaten them with their Title VII (I think it was 7) funding over her ADHD child.)

sadsmile Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 6:48pm
post #8 of 36

Clearly there a few things to address and things you want to have happen.

Make an appointment to meet with teachers to discuss issues such as this. With the interruption of another parent nearby sounds like you may have approached the teacher at pick up or drop off time. Teachers really appreciate your time and like their time to be appreciated also. An appointment is the best place to discuss anything specifically about your child. General questions about the day to day as long as they are not time consuming to answer are OK on the fly, but anything else should be reserved for a conference.


Do call ahead and talk with the principal or assistant principal and voice your concerns and request a meeting be called with the teacher and that they (the principal or asst principal) be present to handle these issues respectfully for all parties.

Things to address are:

The teacherâs professionalism in treating pupilsâ and parents. The flip side is how we parents treat the teachers and we need to be respectful ourselves.

The teacherâs responsibility to give extra help to your son as needed. You need to know what is required by job description and the teacher needs to be accountable for it.

If the teacher thinks your son has a learning disability like dyslexia then he is obligated to report it to you, the counselor and faculty including the principal for evaluation and placement of your son in help programs.

The common concern for everyone involved is your sonâs education and well being. When things are done with courtesy and respect I have found things work more smoothly.

There is a certain protocol and etiquette that needs to be followed. You canât just be aggressive and get the results you want unless you want a fight. Yes definitely actively pursue issues till resolved but do so in a constructive manner through the right channels.

Mike1394 Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 7:33pm
post #9 of 36

Have the kid checked for dyslexia, and then both you can learn to spell together.

Mike

diane Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 7:37pm
post #10 of 36

i worked in the school system for a while and it does seem like he has some sort of a problem...and i don't think it has anything to do with a simple writing down the words incorrectly. you need to bypass her and take this matter to the principal.

look out for your son, because it seems like she is not. thumbs_up.gif

KKC Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 8:34pm
post #11 of 36

One of my aunts clients is a 5th grade teacher. She said a parent came to one of the teachers there with concerns about her child and the teacher flat out said, 'They don't pay me enough to deal with all that'! icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gif I meant to ask her if that teacher was still there, I doubt it though.
Its sad because there are probably a lot of teachers that think that way but just wont express it, especially in such a way!

Also at my little cousins school where they offer the VPK (Voluntary PreKindergarten), the teachers were not getting paid at all, everyday they would ask and get the same answer 'We're waiting to hear from the school board' icon_eek.gif so they didn't teach the kids...they watched movies and played everyday all day. I'm surprised that they didn't just stop showing up.

I live in Florida and its so much crap going on with the school systems and budget cuts. They want the teachers to work 5 days but only get paid for 3.

prterrell Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 8:36pm
post #12 of 36

I'm a sub, but I used to teach 7th-grade Lang. Arts. For that grade level, I did expect the students to copy down the spelling words for each week from the board, BUT I also had them listed on my teacher website (something pretty much every school district in the US provides now, AFIK). I now sub for grades pre-k through 5 and, while many teachers have the week's spelling posted in the room, every single one that I have subbed for has handed out pre-printed (as in typed on a computer and printed out) spelling lists, some go home in the weekly folder on a weekly parents's news-letter, some get the list stapled in the students' agenda, some get them in the packet of "weekly" homework handed out on Mon and due on Fri, some just hand out the list. I find it very strange that a 2nd/3rd (I'm guessing based on your son's age) grade teacher has that attitude, especially when your son has demonstrative trouble copying correctly from the board. Does your son have an IEP? Has he been tested for any kind of learning disability? Has he received modifications in the past? It may be time to get the Special Ed dept. at the school involved. Yes, the principal should get involved b/c of the teacher's attitude, but I think the school counselor or head of the Sp Ed dept should also get involved to help negotiate and mandate what your son needs so that he has the best opportunity for success.

Karema Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 8:42pm
post #13 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Have the kid checked for dyslexia, and then both you can learn to spell together.

Mike



I hope you were just kidding because that was not very nice. If you were serious you should learn proper grammar before you insult someone. icon_lol.gif

-Tubbs Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 9:09pm
post #14 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karema

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Have the kid checked for dyslexia, and then both you can learn to spell together.

Mike


I hope you were just kidding because that was not very nice. If you were serious you should learn proper grammar before you insult someone. icon_lol.gif



icon_lol.gifthumbs_up.gificon_lol.gifthumbs_up.gificon_lol.gif

poohsmomma Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 9:15pm
post #15 of 36

As a parent and a retired teacher, I can definitely see both sides of your problem. The parent in me thinks you need to encourage your child, praise him for specific gains you see, and continue to help him at home as well as you can.

The teacher in me says you need to meet with the principal and counselor. I'm not sure how it is in the UK, but if there is some learning disability, such as dyslexia, that is preventing your child from learning, it needs to be diagnosed and corrective strategies need to be put in place.

I was lucky during my teaching career to work in a school system where all children were considered "teachable" and every trick of the trade was used to ensure that they could learn. It was a happy school familiy.

I hope your son gets the help he needs. No child should be made to feel like they are less valuable than other children.

Mike1394 Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 10:10pm
post #16 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karema

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Have the kid checked for dyslexia, and then both you can learn to spell together.

Mike


I hope you were just kidding because that was not very nice. If you were serious you should learn proper grammar before you insult someone. icon_lol.gif




Yeah it probably wasn't the nicest thing to say. The better parents can spell, the better the kid will be.

Mike

mbelgard Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 11:08pm
post #17 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

The better parents can spell, the better the kid will be.

Mike





Not always true. My husband and I are both lacking in the spelling department but both of our boys are awesome spellers. We've been using the older of the two for spell check since he was in about 2nd or third grade.





On the issue with the teacher if one of my kids came home with something they copied off the board spelled like that I would be having their eyes checked and pushing for testing to see what is wrong.

Texas_Rose Posted 8 Sep 2009 , 11:19pm
post #18 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karema

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Have the kid checked for dyslexia, and then both you can learn to spell together.

Mike


I hope you were just kidding because that was not very nice. If you were serious you should learn proper grammar before you insult someone. icon_lol.gif



Yeah it probably wasn't the nicest thing to say. The better parents can spell, the better the kid will be.

Mike




That's really not true.

I am a great speller, and my daughter can't spell for anything. I'm good at grammar too (went to school back when the nuns were still allowed to beat it into you icon_razz.gif) and have been correcting her speech as long as she's been able to speak. It doesn't help. I correct her, she says, "That's what I said, Mom," and says it wrong again the next time.

VannaD Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 12:46am
post #19 of 36

On the issue with the teacher if one of my kids came home with something they copied off the board spelled like that I would be having their eyes checked and pushing for testing to see what is wrong.[/quote]



^^^I was thinking the same thing, maybe his eyes need to be checked. Id also schedule a conference to nip the problem with the teacher in the bud.

KitchenKat Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 1:04am
post #20 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

I would make an appointment with the principal and express your concerns...plus tell them the fact the teacher blew you off which you did not appreciate.In the interest of your son's education...you have to be aggressive.




I wouldn't say be aggressive. To me that's being confrontational.

Be assertive. Clearly, calmly and politely explain the problem to the principal. and what you would like to happen. Be prepared to follow up or take it to the next level if you are dissatisfied with the response. Document your exchange with emails. Ask that your complaint be inclued in your child's file. Ask for a referral to a specialist who can help clarify the situation, if necessary.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Let us know what happens next.

summernoelle Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 1:18am
post #21 of 36

What?!?!?!? He shared private information like that with another parent?!?

That lazy, good for nothing idiot!

I would make an appointment with the principal immediately and be very firm. What he did was inexcusable. He should be helping the students, especially when one of the mothers expresses a concern. And him telling that mother that your son could possibly have dyslexia...I am fuming for you!

It does sound like your son could have dyslexia...that's nothing to be ashamed about. He will get help and tutoring for it and be just fine. icon_smile.gif

SugarFrosted Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 1:44am
post #22 of 36

There is NO shame in being dyslexic if indeed he is.

Teaching methods are so much better now. The fact that teachers even acknowledge it exists is far better than back in the day when kids with learning problems were considered mentally retarded.

Just look at this list of amazing people who are dyslexic and have overcome it. http://www.dyslexia.com/famous.htm

And I agree, get him tested, and have his eyes checked too. A good parent is a pro-active, aggressive parent, regarding the education and welfare of his/her child.

BabyC1985 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 9:23am
post #23 of 36

Thanks everyone, i have made an appointment to see the head teacher. Lex did come home from school and told me that his teacher said that he did better today because he got one right! but also told him that his writing was unreadable and a mess! I know its the truth but i just think maybe it would be better not to put him down! Lex has never been tested for anything, he was in a reading program in year 1, when he was 6 and his teacher last year carried it on, She also told me at the end of the school year not to exspect him so have passed his SATS, he will get the questions right but there was a good chance they wouldnt be able to read it. To my surpise he passed them all. Feel bad that i didnt push for something to be done, but i just thought they knew about it, so if something was wrong they would have done something about it. Not going to risk leaving it to the school this time. I'll let you know how i get on.
Thanks again

BabyC1985 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 9:36am
post #24 of 36

Sorry forgot to say, he had his yearly eye test done about 3 weeks ago, his eyes are fine. So i dont think its that.

mbelgard Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 1:05pm
post #25 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyC1985

Feel bad that i didnt push for something to be done, but i just thought they knew about it, so if something was wrong they would have done something about it. Not going to risk leaving it to the school this time. I'll let you know how i get on.
Thanks again





Problems can get missed for years.

Both of my sisters are married to men who are dyslexic. One has been working for Rockwell Colins as an engineer, he isn't quite done with his schooling but they have a program for people who are mostly done. He does read slowly and struggled with English in college. The other didn't get diagnosed until he was in high school and didn't get enough help, he can't read a story to his two year old. When he was younger they just told him he was slow and I know he really wishes they had caught the problem.

I suggested the eye test just to rule that out, my first guess with a child who is struggling as much as your son would be that he has a learning disablity. Writing letters backwards is a sign of dyslexia. Whatever the problem is your son will reach his potential better if he's getting the help he needs instead of struggling in the regular room.



You might find that by the end of the year you really like your child's teacher. The way he dealt with you at first over this might have been because it was a bad time in the day for him, even teachers get crabby, and he did catch on that there might be a problem. If you didn't say something at the begining of the year he also might not have been aware that your son was struggling and needed extra help.

-Tubbs Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 1:44pm
post #26 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

Writing letters backwards is a sign of dyslexia. Whatever the problem is your son will reach his potential better if he's getting the help he needs instead of struggling in the regular room.



I wrote a long reply and the computer ate it - grrr.

What I was going to say was that writing letters backwards CAN be a sign of dyslexia, but not always. It's certainly an indicator for a learning disability, along with other signs. My DS has a written language disorder and often reverses letters, but he is NOT dyslexic. Conversely, my dyslexic DH has never reversed letters but struggles to read fluently. A teacher cannot 'just tell' that a child is dyslexic - they need full testing to determine exactly where the problems lie. From that will come recommendations regarding his placement.

Many kids with LD do well in the 'regular room' with extra help. Not all LD kids need a to be in a special ed. class. My son has been in both and he enjoys the regular class better - he has a laptop, extra technological support, and there are two teachers to look out for the half dozen LD kids in his class.

mightydragon663 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 6:38pm
post #27 of 36

I am certainly not an expert in this area, but one of my sister's has taught special ed for 15 years. Over the years I have asked about similar issues and her advise is usually a variation of the same theme: Get the vision, which you have done, and hearing checked and get him tested for learning disabilities, not just dyslexia. She also recommends documenting every conversation you have about the problem: time, date, with whom you had the conversation and what was said, to establish "due process".

It is my best understanding that in the US, the public school system is required to test children for learning disabilities as well as provide modifications in the cirriculum. However, because of the cost of such testing, only the children who have parents that are "squeeky wheels" get tested by the school early. Obviously, I don't know how that works in England. The bottom line is that the sooner he is tested and modifications are made, the better he will do in school. Good luck to you and your son.

TheDomesticDiva Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 9:23pm
post #28 of 36

Is there a possibility that your son just got tired of writing the words and skipped a few of the letters so he could move on to the next words?? I know my son will skip letters in his own name if he is getting frustrated with it. He's in kindergarten though. Either way, definately talk to the principal, have your husband talk to the teacher, as it's a male teacher and sometimes men feel they are above talking to a woman about how to do their job. The teacher shouldn't be blowing you off like that, and if he is going to write out the words for certain students and not others, he should just make photocopies and pass them out rather than giving some students special treatment. Good luck, I know that has to be frustrating, both for you and for your son having to be in his class all day.

mcaulir Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 6:03pm
post #29 of 36

I wouldn't worry about things being more difficult for your son, especially if you're not being aggressive with the situation. I know I'd always give more attention to a student if I knew their parent would be up at school if there was a problem.

I expected kids to copy spelling words from the board, but I had 11- and 12-year-olds, and I would still always check. Sometimes a word would slip through, and I never minded if a parent checked and let me know that a word was wrong. This man's attitude says to me that he knows he made a mistake, but doesn't want to admit weakness.

mcaulir Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 6:25pm
post #30 of 36

I thought of more!

Go to the school with an action plan. For example, I would like the teacher to check my son's list each week, and the school to organise tests for dyslexia and learning disabilities. That way, the school knows what to do to make you happy. If you just go and and say, 'I'm not happy', they may not do everything you would like to fix the situation. Then go back weekly, or every couple of days until you're happy that your list is done.

I had a complicated system where the students chose half their list themselves from words they had spelled incorrectly in writing and pre-tests, and copied half from the board. I used to check my students' lists in the ten minutes before a lunch break. As soon as the list was written correctly, they could go to lunch. If there were three or more errors, they had to go back and rewrite the list. If their writing was illegible, rewrite the list, if they chose words that were too easy, rewrite the list. They were pretty highly motivated to write quickly, neatly and accurately.

If it turns out your son is just rushing to be finished the list, perhaps suggest that he might be more motivated if he has to miss some lunchtime to write it out properly.

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