Another major update

I wasn't sure if I should post this here or start a new thread
I am just sick, Sick, SICK to have discovered he is advertising on a *gay* forum!!!!!!!!!

This definately confirms that God was telling me to 'stay' and not continue my life with him. I am sooooo totally shocked and sad and mad and every other emotion one can think of.

To those who said to find out about savings, retirement accts etc. There are none..... no insurance either. He has drained me of close to 1/2 million over the past 5 years. His retirement is a whole $10 a month. He is getting around $500-600 a month unemployment along w/SS of around $8-900.
It also changes my feelings about 'going after any & all I can'.
I guess I'll be seeing a lawyer asap
That worries me as my SS is based in part on his earnings. I'm afraid it will be *cut*.

And having to look at him turns my stomach........why, oh why doesn't he just leave?? I think he is waiting until the 2nd Wed of April when we get our next SS payment. At least now I know a date to look forward to.

Lynne
God will be with you and pull you in the direction He wants you to go. As GlendaleAZ said "Remember, when one door closes, God sometimes opens a very large, very wide, double door in its place. This has happen to me a few times." Amen
We are right there with you also. Even tho we never met, we know you are a kind and generous woman who has greatly enriched our lives!
Yes, please find a lawyer who will help you.
We are so sorry that you have to go through this. Please be strong and take care of yourself!

duplicate!!!!

Well, on the other hand, it's easier to lose your husband to another man. That way you know that you could never "compete", and it's not that you lost your looks, or your hair wasn't right, or whatever... My cousin's first husband turned out to be gay, and my brother's wife's first husband (What???) also turned out to be gay. I know that doesn't help at all. He should have been upfront with you about it from the first moment.

I am so totally in for any help that I can give. I feel for you. It's not easy to lose a life-time partner for whatever reason (but at least it's not for an "upgrade"!!!) (Ok, trying to make you smile might not be working right now... But it's what I do.)

Glad to hear your seeing a lawyer. Sometimes you just have to get a little angry( or just disgusted) to stand up for yourself. I don't know for sure, but I don't think a divorce should affect your social security. When my mom applied, they asked for information about her first husband, and my parents have been married 40 years, to figure how much she should get. She said she was assumed if he had earned more than my dad she would have gotten more, but she didn't want anything to do with anything of his ( he was abusive)
You might be able to get information about that on the social security web page, one less thing to worry about.

Kakeladi , I hate that you have to be going through such a horrible ordeal. Don't worry about your SS getting "cut". I can tell you that I know for a fact that it will go up when he leaves and you call and tell the SS office. I know this from experience helping my parents. My mothers SS was based on my Fathers income too. When they seperated her SS check went up by about $100, because they look at the household expenses and knew that for her to pay them alone she would need more income. You should still go and speak with a lawyer even tho theres no retirement or savings to consider, just so that you know that you have someone looking after your best interests. Prayers and thoughts are with you!

I will help. Just tell me what to do and where. Lynne, I have known u on the cake boards for eons. My heart breaks for you. Let us help.

Oh dear. God bless your heart. Did you have a clue? Since he is in the wrong and has led this double life for a while probably everyone will be on your side as far as benefits, ss or any other income that he has or may have in the future. Print out the advertisement and take it with you when you see an attorney (which he will also have to pay for). I am so very sorry and you know we are all behind you. Have you asked him to leave and what does he say? What an awkward feeling that must be.

It just crossed my mind that just to be safe, it may be better to hold off financial support until there is an official separation in case HE claims half of HER money received during the marriage. There's something to ask a lawyer about.

I was thinking the same thing as Margaretb. Is the paypal account linked to a joint account that he also has access too?

With a deeply grateful heart I want to thank one and all for their help and prayers.

2Corinthians 1: 3-11 (my paraphrase)

I give Praise to the Father....of compassion and the God of all comfort... in all my troubles...I am suffering hardships...under great pressure, far beyond my ability to to endure....even despair of life.....but this is happening that I might not rely on myself but on God.....on Him I have set my hope....as He uses you thru your prayers many will give thanks......for the gracious favor in answer to those prayers.

Sincerely,

Lynne (aka:kakeladi)

P.S. My paypal is not connected to a joint account.

have you posted your paypal address here, or do I need to PM you?

Regarding accounts -- I do recall that, here at least, if someone receives, say, an inheritance, as long as they keep it in a completely seperate account from other money, it is exempt from being split. That means no dipping into that account for some expenses and then paying it back. No depositing other money to the account and taking it out. Completely seperate.

Kakeladi, I know this isn't particularly helpful, but I am even more angry for you after reading your update. Living all these years, thinking he was one person and then he wasn't. i can't imagine how shocked you much have been. Grrr. I really hope I can help in some small way.

I saw in your location you said RV-do you own it? Is this a place you can live?

PASSING ON A MESSAGE FROM KAKELADI

Hi, Kakeladi had my email address from when I sent her money thru paypal. Last night she emailed me that she couldn't get into CC. I think everyone was having problems (I know I was). She was concerned it was her computer and that her husband had done something to it.

She asked me to post a message here on her behalf that she can't get in and "I don't want anyone to think I'm not grateful for all the messages and help that is being given"

If anyone wants to reach her, PM me and I'll pass on her email address.

I know she appreciates everyone's support.

Nannie, I didn't see her paypal information posted, and I'm not sure how to transfer from my account to someone elses. Please let us know. If you can't post if here would you please pm me. Thanks.......Tonia

Same here. Do I also need a Paypal account in order to transfer to kakeladi's account? I've never dealt with Paypal before except once when I ordered something through Amazon or Ebay, I can't remember which.

For that I think I just used my Debit card, I can't remember.

Is there a set amount that we are donating? Please let me know.

Thanks,
Deb

I think she had decided, rather than post her Paypal info, she'd prefer people contact her individually. This was before the site problems yesterday.

So until we hear that she's able to access the site, PM me and I'll pass her email address on, then you can "talk" to her yourselves and she'll take you thru the process.

I'm not a Paypal expert, used it once with ebay but it was very easy to send her the money and it went thru my credit card

Looks like she's back on today.

http://cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=6317250#6317250

I think a lot of us had the same problem yesterday, but I hope it's been fixed for good...

okey dokey

glad to see she's up and running.

Pleae PM her directly from now on.

I don't think the rules will let me post my e-mail addy.
I don't want to get into any more problems
Please do contact me via pm and I'll give you the info.
Lynne/kakeladi

Lynn,
May I suggest that you place your e-mail address in your profile. Only members can access it and that would keep from having to go back and forth with pms and e-mails. Just a suggestion.

Linda

My e-mail info is in my profile.
I'm going to post it here and hope it doesn't get me into trouble.
kakeladi at yahoo dot com

Important new info for all

My e-mail has been compromised DO NOT send any e-mails or PayPal to kakeladi at yahoo dot come I cannot acces the account. If you have sent me any messages OR PayPal within the past week I will not be able to get to it
Here is a new e-mail: kake1adi at verizon dot net
Notice the change - a #1 instead of the 'L' in kakeladi

He is gone. Left Sunday a.m. I am a basket case

i am so sorry what is happening , same thing happened to my mother my dad got overly obsessed with the computer not the same as your husband but just as bad it just ruined them the love the trust the everything, your going to feel sick nervous anxious like you cant live without him but once u spend a bit by yourself your going to see your life in a whole new light i hope you make it threw this

Oh Lynne, I am so sorry for you. Once you start feeling a bit better (and you will. I promise) listen to the song by George Strait "She Let Herself Go". Try to be THAT woman. Strong. Self-confident. Beautiful. You might not feel your "inner fierceness" right now, but you will. don't let your ex define you. Define yourself. And I know it sounds trite, but my girlfriend's grandmother used to say "Put some lipstick on, dear. It will be all right." You'll be okay. I promise.

I'm so incredibly sorry for what you have been, are, and will go through. I wish I could help. I'll email you with what I can do - just wish it were more. Good luck and hold your head up high - you've done absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!! As they say - fake it til ya make it - fake the confidence and you'll start to feel it.

Lynne,

I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am for what you are going through. I had a bad marriage, and was the first in my family to get divorced, several years ago. After we seperated, I started going to church again, and realized that, through God, I was able to get my life back on track. I am now dating a wonderful Christian (19 months now!) and we are looking at joining our lives before God.

You are in my prayers.

(((((Amy)))))

Lynne,
It is understandable that you feel like a basket case but heres what is good-the worst is behind you.
Hearing those words, going through the decision and letting it happen...its all over and NOW you are ready to begin living for yourself. After giving him 50 years you can give the rest of your life to a far more deserving person-YOU!!
Please do try and get some legal help, I hate that he has left you to fend for yourself, please dont make it so easy for him and then regret it when it is too late. I love you just like the extended family you have here and most importantly, God loves you.
Hugs and baskets of love
Monkess

So are we just contacting kakeladi for paypal info? How does that work? I've only used paypal on ebay and everything is already done and I just have to say ok ok ok ok.