Whaaaatttt?!?!?!

Decorating By Starkie Updated 13 Sep 2008 , 1:12pm by playingwithsugar

Starkie Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 1:48pm
post #1 of 45

I talked to a lady yesterday who wanted a cake done for her daughter's Sweet 15 (yes, 15) birthday party next summer. The cake she wants is similar to one I did for a bride a few years ago, a sculpted cake to look like the bride's dress. She asks how much it will be for 50-100 servings, and I tell her it's $4 per serving for a sculpted cake, so $200 to $400. Then she says that she wants me to be a "bat mother" (or "bat parent" or something like that) to her daughter, and went on to explain that, in the Hispanic culture, this is similar to a godmother, but this person helps financially with certain areas of the party, like paying for the cake or the dress.

Whaaatttt?

You call me out of the blue, I have no idea who you are (she says we met at the wedding where I did the wedding dress cake, but I don't remember her), I don't even know your daughter's name, and you want me to donate a $400 cake to your party??? I'm sorry, but I just don't understand that. Then she gives me the sob story of "I have 5 children, my last one was born premature, I just got over cancer", etc. I'm thinking, times are tough, and I'm sorry, but I'm still not donating a $400 cake for free. Then she says, everyone will love the cake, and she'll give out my website address and everyone will want a cake like that, and I'm thinking, yeah, everyone will want a FREE cake worth $400 from me if I do this!!!

Anyway, I politely said no, I couldn't do that, and if she wants something special that is not that expensive, then she might want to go with a $40 doll pick cake, made to look like her daugher's dress, and then the rest of her family can bring in homemade cakes (as she mentioned would happen anyway).

I know this is long, but please, can someone explain this "custom" to me where it's assumed that businesses will donate free items to a birthday party???

<S>

44 replies
PinkZiab Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 1:58pm
post #2 of 45

From Wikipedia: "It is often the practice for many family members or Padrinos (godparents) to contribute funds for this special day. The Padrinos may be asked to provide for the quinceañera's dress, shoes, centerpieces, cost for the hall, alcoholic beverages or other various items that are essential for a Quinceañera. The most important Padrinos are the ones who sponsor the crown, bible and/or missal and rosary, medal, bracelet and earrings and they are included in the procession into the service or mass and are announced during the reception."

But, this is not to say that it's common to go begging off businesses for free stuff, Padrinos are usually, to my understanding relative and friends of the birthday girl.

Monkess Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:01pm
post #3 of 45

Thats pushing a custom wayyyyto far..lol..what we get to see!

lisa78332 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:11pm
post #4 of 45

Was this woman hispanic? Because I have never ever heard it called a "sweet 15." Yes, the hispanic or mexican culture have quinceaneras, but we ask people we KNOW really well to be padrinos. Some people take it too far and ask for over 200 plus people. When I had my daughter's, I only asked family and that was for items like jewelry and the band. I paid for her to dress head to toe including her nails, hairdo, etc. My brother offered to pay for the cake which was only about $350 (which was really cheap and before I even attempted to make cakes). and even though I new the lady that made it really well, I never dreamed of asking for a discount of any kind. In my opinion, shes extremely crazy!!!!

oh, and I have never heard the term bat mother!!

Mike1394 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:12pm
post #5 of 45

LOLOLOL Not to make light of the situation, but man that lady has some brass ones for sure.

Mike

playingwithsugar Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:18pm
post #6 of 45

Here, fishy, fishy, grab the nice hook!

I sympathize for the woman, if all her troubles are true. But to boldly attempt to draw you in by offering you a title such as that is beyond appalling.

There is a great deal of reverence for female family figures in the Hispanic culture, and to try to use this as a reason to get a free cake is totally unacceptible behavior on her part, regardless of her financial situation.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

Cakepro Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:32pm
post #7 of 45

That's disgusting. Some people have absolutely no class, pride, or dignity.

step0nmi Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:35pm
post #8 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

LOLOLOL Not to make light of the situation, but man that lady has some brass ones for sure.

Mike




I agree! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

angelatx Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:51pm
post #9 of 45

I have never heard of that either, "bat mother" what is that??? icon_surprised.gif It is custom to ask a relative first and if not someone who is close to the child or has been around them through the years. I feel for her situation and everything she has had to go through, if indeed it is true ( icon_confused.gif ), but you don't ask a complete stranger or acquaintance to do what she is asking. She only wants a free cake! icon_eek.gif You were absolutely correct to say no to her. thumbs_up.gif What nerve. have a great day ya'll!! icon_biggrin.gif oh and for those being effected by Ike, stay dry and safe!

NayNay2 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:53pm
post #10 of 45

I think that women is nuts for thinking its normal to ask someone to donate a expensive cake like that to a girl you don't even know! LOL

woodthi32 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 2:54pm
post #11 of 45

Wow! That's crazy....did she use the terms you said in your post? Did she have an accent that might have made god mother sound like "bat.." That's just weird.
How uncomfortable that must have made you! It would have me anywayicon_smile.gif
Keep us updated..........

ccr03 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 3:03pm
post #12 of 45

Are you sure you're in NC and not in KCMO and that this lady was not a lady from my village in Mexico?? icon_wink.gif

First, it's NOT a custom. It's something that people started doing about 10-15 years ago. At first people OFFERED their financial help. When my sister got married 11 years ago nearly all of my dad's friends offered to help with something (a couple cases of soda, beer, etc...). Well, then people started asking, and have gotten WAY out of hand with it. I mean I went to a wedding once that had TONS of padrinos (over 100 @ least $100-$150 each) and even with all that money they couldn't buy a classy wedding. But heck, the bride was 7-8 months pregnant with her second kid at the time, so what do you expect, huh?

The thing that gets me so much as this is that 1. you know/hope that your daughter is going to be 15 and may want a quinceanera. By simply saving $20 a week for 15 years you've got $15,000! THINK PEOPLE, THINK!! 2. Why would you want the beginning of the start of a new life with someone to start off with you mooching off of people and living beyond your means??? Seriously, if you can't handle to budget for a wedding - a one day event, how are you going to be able to deal with real life. But not even the budget, if you can't provide for your wife/spouse and support each other what's going to happen in your marriage.

Plus, I know/hope that as soon as I THINK to have found 'the one' I hope/plan to start rethinking my finances so that when that day comes I have a little something saved.

BUT HAVING SAID ALL THAT, if Daddy Warbucks comes knocking at my door offering to give me the ultimate 5-star wedding, straight up I'll take it! icon_wink.gif

Yeah, this whole padrino thing pushes a BIG button for me. The ONLY padrinos that are needs for a quinceanera per true tradition/custom are the baptism ones, as they are the ones that go with the girl to Mass to renew her baptismal vows.

Okay, it's out now...... I'm done! icon_wink.gif

lisa78332 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 3:46pm
post #13 of 45

okay, so I like I said, I had padrinos for my daughters quince. However, I didn't ASK them. They offered. and like I said, it was family. And as for saving $20 a week..... my daughter and it was her choice, decided to have a party like this two years before it happened. So it was either take what was being offered or dip into her college fund. So no, i didn't think about it fifteen years prior.

ccr03 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 4:13pm
post #14 of 45

oh, lisa please don't take it personally!

I think it's VERY, EXTREMEMLY different between people (family or not) offering and the family asking.

I think the reason I have a problem with it is because sadly the people from my village have SO taken advantage of this. I mean people that really don't even talk to my dad but know who he is have asked him to be a padrino.

And for the $20, I guess you're right. My sisters' didn't know they wanted them at such a young. I guess just since they have become a bigger 'must-have' in the past 10-15 years that most parents have an inkling.

I know every situation is different, but the tendency with people from my village has been to increasing ask for more $$ (I think the last I heard was they were starting to ask EACH padrino for $200) AND more padrinos.

Selfishness is the biggest issue I have and to be selfish while exploiting others burns me up.

DeniseFL Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 4:44pm
post #15 of 45

well, in my country (brazil) we also celebrate SWEET 15 (and not 16) but I have no idea what this lady is talking about...some people just want to get free stuff I guess...
If you ask for a cake that costs 80 bucks is one thing...but a $400.00 cake??
WHHHAAAATTT/???

lainalee Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:02pm
post #16 of 45

Wow, is there a full moon? These customers are all nuts this week! icon_wink.gif

becky27 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:10pm
post #17 of 45

wow...i have never heard of a "bat" and further more...if you can't afford to have the party...don't throw one!!!! sorry for her and all that she has been thru....but wow to go as far as asking a stranger to be part of the party to get a free cake....WOW...why the hell didn't i think of this!!!!???hahahahahahahahahahaha can everyone pm me their numbers.....i would like to make you all my daughter's and son's aunties and uncles!!!! hahahahahaha omg i am dying...i can't stop laughing...why is this so funny to me!!!!! sigh.....ok i am done....please don't think this is the "norm" in hispanics....because its not!!!!!!

Bellatheball Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:13pm
post #18 of 45

What? People are willing to pay that kind of money for a 15 or 16 year old birthday? Damn, why was I born Italian? I think I got a bike and a homemade cake for mine. icon_biggrin.gif

kbrown99 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:17pm
post #19 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by becky27

please don't think this is the "norm" in hispanics....because its not!!!!!!




I think there are people like this in every culture. It's not that she's Hispanic, it's that she is like this anyway and this particular "custom" gave her an excuse to do it.

step0nmi Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:20pm
post #20 of 45

i just want to say that i really appreciate the lovely information that has been givin' about this situation...a lot of people could've come in here and said "that's not how it's done, she's crazy" but for those of you that have offered up the information based on your culture...I truly thank you...I wouldn't have known otherwise! you are appreciated today icon_wink.gificon_biggrin.gif

jennifer7777 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:21pm
post #21 of 45

The only "bat mother" is this woman... & she needs to go back in her cave with that bullcrap!

She is a scammer, bottom line. If all of that stuff happened to her, it's misfortunate, but everyone has something going on in their lives. If she is going through it that much, maybe she needs to downsize this party...maybe have a potluck with some cupcakes. I probably would've laughed in her face.

ShopGrl1128 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:28pm
post #22 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelatx

I have never heard of that either, "bat mother" what is that??? icon_surprised.gif It is custom to ask a relative first and if not someone who is close to the child or has been around them through the years. I feel for her situation and everything she has had to go through, if indeed it is true ( icon_confused.gif ), but you don't ask a complete stranger or acquaintance to do what she is asking. She only wants a free cake! icon_eek.gif You were absolutely correct to say no to her. thumbs_up.gif What nerve. have a great day ya'll!! icon_biggrin.gif oh and for those being effected by Ike, stay dry and safe!




I guess this lady meant to say "godmother" and mispronounced it.

I happens to me all the time...the other day I told my b/f (he's American) I needed to buy a "nest" to cover my hair when making cakes...he said "to put eggs in it?"... LOL....then I said...I need a NET...

I also was telling one of my co-workers I had a great recipe for a chicken dish that lots of 'species'... he was looking at me weird...I meant "spices"... LOL...

Anywho...ignore this lady's request, in the Hispanic culture we don't aks STRANGERS for free stuff for a Quince party...she's just trying to be smart and plus, if she has sooo many financial/ personal problems...skip the party!!! she should use whatever money she has for important things.

lizziegirl Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:37pm
post #23 of 45

It's true this "custume" is fairly new. I am hispanic and I gave my daughter a sweet 16 party last december. Her father and I did what we could afford, a party in a restaurant and her beautiful princess dress. Everything was very simple and we (my daughter and I) made almost everything, center pieces, flowers, cake. Although our family is very large all we asked for was their presence. My cousin gave her daughter a big quinceanera a few months before and did ask for padrinos (godparents) when she asked me I told her that I could help with the cake since I make them, she said no thank you we already have godparents for the cake. I said I'm sorry I can't help you with money. Our relationship has not been the same, she didn't even come to my daughter's party. It is a very selfish tradition if you may call it that. If you can't afford a party what do it?

tony_sopranos_ebony_girl Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 5:37pm
post #24 of 45

First of all the sense of entitlement that people have in this day and age is just DISGUSTING !!!
Are you kidding me right now ? People in this day and age just simply do not know how to prioritize. If all these things are true 5 kids, cancer and all then that individual has more pressing concerns than planning a party she obviously cannot afford. Cut the crap and "PURCHASE" a cake you "CAN" afford or else make one.
When I was growing up we learned to go without and to make due ... Period !!! We didn't go to professional cake decorators and "BEG" for a free cake we made one !!!!!!!!!!! icon_mad.gif

Starkie Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 6:38pm
post #25 of 45

I want to thank everyone who gave information about quince parties, sweet 15 parties, and padrinos! I have never done a quince cake for anyone, so I didn't have much knowledge about traditions and so forth. I figured she was just seeing what she could get, but it's really nice to hear that this is not the norm. Thank goodness I didn't get sucked in like I usually do, with discounts and such, because I feel sorry for people and want to help them out! (Case in point ~ I worked with a woman who didn't have much money for her daughter's wedding, so I offered to make her cake for the cost of ingredients. Turned out I got talked into making a bride's cake, a groom's cake, and bringing my DJ equipment and emceeing the event, all for $175... I know there was a sign on my forehead that said, "PLEASE take advantage of me!!!")

<S>

darandon Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 7:00pm
post #26 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellatheball

What? People are willing to pay that kind of money for a 15 or 16 year old birthday? Damn, why was I born Italian? I think I got a bike and a homemade cake for mine. icon_biggrin.gif




My poor poor daughter, she turns 15 in October - too bad for her that I'm unwilling to spend $15,000 for a party for her. She will get dinner with some friends and a movie and they then come back home for a sleep over. Oh Wait! she will get a free cake - from ME!

jescapades Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 7:02pm
post #27 of 45

i'm sorry this woman tried to take advantage of you, starkie - some people just aren't right. i agree, though, sometimes you have to help someone out (and sometimes it's to help yourself). i just did a wedding for a complete stranger that cost me more than i got paid. but i've noticed that people want you to have done a wedding to do a wedding (it's a catch 22) and i want to now be able to say i've done a wedding. it was 150 cupcakes and a 6" cake for $100 plus mileage. i also have a sign on my forehead that says 'sucker!' but c'est la vie!

kbrown99 Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 7:15pm
post #28 of 45

$15,000 for a quince?!?!?!?! From what I've heard, that's not abnormal, but my goodness. I didn't spend that much on my wedding (my step-sister did, but that's another story), let alone on a birthday party.

BellaSweet Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 7:35pm
post #29 of 45

Ok so that was too funny. I am a mexican girl yes i said it mexican. Not just hispanic. My whole family is mexican. And boy can they really twist pronunciations sometimes. Examples: Sangwich = sandwich, choose= shoes, there are too many more. I'm sure many of you can add soem though.

BellaSweet Posted 12 Sep 2008 , 7:35pm
post #30 of 45

Ok so that was too funny. I am a mexican girl yes i said it mexican. Not just hispanic. My whole family is mexican. And boy can they really twist pronunciations sometimes. Examples: Sangwich = sandwich, choose= shoes, there are too many more. I'm sure many of you can add soem though.

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