Euthanasia What Are Your Views

Lounge By Hanasha Updated 14 May 2008 , 9:27pm by dldbrou

Hanasha Posted 13 May 2008 , 1:28am
post #1 of 11

I know this is a hard subject for most as it is me for but I cannot talk to my family or my Minister at this moment about it. When we returned froma funeral of my husbands former work mate and best friend who died from bowel cancer and a stroke. My husband wanted to talk about euthanasia he said he did not want to live like his parents before they died. His father was in a nursing home for 7years following a stoke which left him unable to do anything but lay in a bed. His mother died six months later was on life support for 3 weeks then started to come good before she died 5 weeks later. My husband has cancer started in his bowel three years ago and now has spread to his liver and also again in his bowel he is due for surgery again. The last few days he has been in a lot of pain and feeling very unwell and again the subject about not wanting to live came up. I know that I will not help him to die which is what he wants me to do when the time comes. I asked him would he do that for his own father and he said no . So I told him to not expect me to do it. Because if I did I could be charged with murder. Has anyone else had to face this situation.

10 replies
Ursula40 Posted 13 May 2008 , 1:59am
post #2 of 11

I don't know what you can and cannot do in the States. In Germany we can have something like a living testament. In effect your husband sets up a testament stating that in case of....... he does not want and refuses any treatments that will unnescessarily prolong suffering and ultimately does not help his condition. He would need to have a lawyer sign off on it, carry original copies with him at all times and also you would need it, his docotrs, the hospital etc. You can't help him actively end his life, that would be murder, yes, but you can help him in seeing to it, that his wishes are respected. As I stated, I do not know, whether that is possible where you live, you would need to check that, but I do wish you both a lot of strength to make it through this. I will keep you in my prayers. My grandmother had this testament and I was the one, who had to make sure, that it was enforced as I was the only one who was there at the time. It certainly was not easy, I cried for days over it, but that was what she wanted and she had told everyone that.

mbelgard Posted 13 May 2008 , 3:58am
post #3 of 11

I think it's a very tough question even without laws making it illegal.

Your husband should probably set up a DNR or something to prevent him from being put on life support or revived. My paternal grandpa refused to let himself be put on a vent before he died, the doctors had felt that he might have gone on for at least a few weeks if they'd been allowed. My grandma wouldn't sign the papers when he refused because he was still lucid enough to make his own wishes clear.

After watching my paternal grandma go steadily downhill for years I can see your husband's point of view. I honestly hope that I go the way my mom's paternal grandma went: without warning and still in good enough health that she walked to the grocery store the same day she died (she was in her 80s).

Texas_Rose Posted 13 May 2008 , 4:19am
post #4 of 11

What a difficult situation you're in. I can understand your husband's point of view...if he's not going to recover and all he has ahead of him is pain, then why prolong it...but at the same time, it's a terrible thing to ask you to do for him, not just because of the legal issues involved, but because of the emotional ones, and the burden of guilt and grief he would be asking you to carry around forever. I'm sure there would always be a little bit of doubt in your mind, that maybe if you had held out a few days longer he would have had some sort of miraculous recovery.

mbelgard Posted 13 May 2008 , 4:20am
post #5 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

What a difficult situation you're in. I can understand your husband's point of view...if he's not going to recover and all he has ahead of him is pain, then why prolong it...but at the same time, it's a terrible thing to ask you to do for him, not just because of the legal issues involved, but because of the emotional ones, and the burden of guilt and grief he would be asking you to carry around forever. I'm sure there would always be a little bit of doubt in your mind, that maybe if you had held out a few days longer he would have had some sort of miraculous recovery.




It is a terrible position to put a loved one in.

Cakepro Posted 13 May 2008 , 4:30am
post #6 of 11

Hanasha, my heart goes out to you and to your husband, and I will keep both of you in my prayers. I am so sorry that both of you are suffering on different levels.

Your husband is asking for assisted suicide, but what he needs is top-quality palliative care and pain management. Prolonged pain can cause depression and weaken his immune system, thus making him more ill. I certainly hope that his doctors manage his pain well. If not, find him a different doctor.

I am so sorry for you. Your heart must be breaking.

JoAnnB Posted 13 May 2008 , 6:26am
post #7 of 11

It is a terrible thing for you to manage. My sister's husband is also dying of colon cancer. The tumors in his lungs, liver and kidneys continue to grow.

I cannot say enough good things about Hospice. They know how to help you with everything. Find the local office and call them. They are a better resource even than your doctor.

dragonflydreams Posted 13 May 2008 , 7:15am
post #8 of 11

. . . my heart hurts for you . . . I pray that God be very close to both of you at this difficult time . . . consider yourself hugged . . .

jessieg Posted 13 May 2008 , 7:18pm
post #9 of 11

Hi,

I have went through this situation with my grandma and most recently my Dad. He had a DNR order in his medical records as well as a copy that my mother and I had with us at all times. I would also suggest a legal statement, at least notorized specifying his exact wishes, no medication, no life-saving measures, being really specific with each detail. Just because with a DNR, they won't do any life-saving procedures such as CPR, oxygen, feeding tubes, etc. , but will still give medications, and that doesn't seem to be what your husband wishes.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My heart breaks for you and your husband and this horrible situation that you are in.
I will certainly pray for you both and am sending tons of hugs your way!

JodieF Posted 13 May 2008 , 9:48pm
post #10 of 11

I think it shows just how much your husband loves and trusts you. As terrible as what he is asking you to do for him is, I'm sure he feels that you are the only person he can trust with his final days.
Honestly, I would try not to stress on it too much. I'm sure you're both going to go through so many emotions...the worst kind of roller coaster. He might feel differently later.
When it comes to it, you can only do the best you can and love him and take care of him the best you can. I hope you have folks to be sure you're taken care of too!

Best of luck....I'm so sorry about everything.

dldbrou Posted 14 May 2008 , 9:27pm
post #11 of 11

I am sorry that you are going through this difficult situation and I hope you can work through your feelings and your husbands feelings. I hope for the best results for you and your husband.

This subject is one that I find extremely personal. Both my grandfathers died of massive heart attacks, no warning. Both my grandmothers died after 7 or 8 years with alzheimer, not knowing anyone who visited them and deterioated to a fetal position until the end. My father was sick for years with cancer and heart problems. We feared he would have a stroke and linger or cancer would come back, instead he died in his sleep. Now, I would like to know why we find it acceptable to put an animal that is suffering with no cure in their future to be put down, yet we cannot do the same for humans? I keep asking myself is it the money or we distance ourself in our brain, thinking that they are not humans, so it is okay. I wished that once the medical profession (more than one opinion) has said that we will only suffer and never be cured, that we could opt for being put out of our pain. I know about all the legal issues and that some people might get greedy and pay off medical professional to sign off on someone, but that would not be the norm and I am sure there would be a way to stop this from happening. I guess what I am saying is that if you are sure that you do not want to suffer or have science prolong your death, that you should have that choice. Right now, my dh's aunt has been an invalid in bed with alzheimer for the last 5 years and does not talk much nor does she eat anything but babyfood. This lady was very active and had a strong personality and I know she hates the way she is now. I just think with all the rights we have that we still do not have the right to choose how we want to die. The one thing I am grateful for is the Hospice organization that will come in and make the patient as comfortable as possible until the end and will help the rest of the family.

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