So, long story, but I need some guidance.  Back in November, an old friend's daughter asked on social media how to keep her wedding costs down.  I've know her since she was born and helped her and her family through some terrible times.  I messaged her and offered to make her cake for just the cost of ingredients.  She was overseas at the time with the Army Reserves.  I told her to get a hold of me when she got back and we'd talk cake.

She got back in February, the wedding is late June.  I didn't hear anything back from her until about 3 weeks ago (7 weeks before the wedding).  In the meantime, I heard from mutual friends that they got a save the date, and would I help with DJing if needed (I used to DJ with these friends).  I told him I was not invited to the wedding, nor did I know where or when it was.

The bride asked if I would still make the cake (7 weeks before the wedding), and said yes, "when is the wedding".  She gave me the date and location - on a Friday about 2 hours from where I live.  I asked her how many people she was expecting, a week later she told me about 55.  Last week, I said "I have an awkward question, am I invited?  I just need to know how much time off work I need to request and if not, who would be picking up the cake".  That was one week ago today, and I haven't heard anything back.

Now I feel completely awkward about this, and would rather not make the cake.  I would need to take 2 days off of work since the wedding is on a Friday, I haven't heard back from her at all.

Would it be ok to back out of making the cake at this point?  I do work full time, baking is just my hobby.  If so, how could I do it without sounding hurt (even though I am, that's not why I'm backing out)?

I would say you fully have the right to back out, especially with the awkwardness of this situation.  You could say something about how it's not worth it for you to take two full days off of work/this is fairly short notice,  and be directly honest and say that this is an awkward situation.

55 servings is a very small cake -- either you could pop it out or they could find something -- waiting this long is kinda regrettable but they are certainly not exactly forth coming either -- i'd say you don't have much to lose if you do back out -- there could be some hard feelings -- two days off work is significant though and not even get an invite but it is a small event too --

i'm no help at all

Firstly Slysprout, I'm hoping this won't offend you. I think you need to accept some responsibility for some of the awkwardness by asking the bride if you were invited to the wedding. Since you knew through mutual friends that the "save the date" cards had been mailed and you didn't receive one, it's a good bet you weren't invited. My only question to the bride would have been, when is the wedding and where is the reception venue? Upon hearing it was a Friday night, and 2 hours away, you would have had the opportunity to gracefully decline.  Explaining not being able to afford taking time off work, and driving 4 hours (there and back) to deliver the cake.  I know you are hurt and disappointed at not being invited. But with only 55 people, I'm sure it was difficult for the B & G. It's always a tough issue. And you don't know how big a family the groom has. There could be many other factors involved as well, especially finances. Personally, I would just message the bride asap and decline making the cake. Perhaps say something like... 

Dear so & so I haven't heard back from you since last we spoke. I want to let you know whether I was invited or not, I would still regretfully have to decline making your wedding cake because of financial constraints. Because the wedding & venue are 2 hours away, I cannot afford to take 2 days off my full time job to travel that far. And driving 2 hours with a wedding cake would also prove to  be very difficult. Especially in warm summer weather. May I suggest you see if the venue can provide you with a cake. Or perhaps a local bakery in the area where your wedding is taking place.  I wish you much happiness on your wedding day.

Well said, Jchuck!

jchuck -- well done