A Little Vent About Parents/grandparents...

Lounge By CakesByJen2 Updated 5 Jan 2011 , 12:57am by playingwithsugar

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CakesByJen2 Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 4:31pm
post #1 of 10

I just need to vent a little. I feel bad for my kids; they really got screwed when it comes to extended family. My parents are disinterested and detached, my one brother has no interest in being much of an uncle, the other brother is so immature and crazy they don't want to be around him, my in-laws care, but have always been fairly detached, and my husbands brother's family think they are too good for us. The only good relatives they have are my sister & her family, and they live all the way across the country from us icon_sad.gif

My parents are the ones that bug me the most. They live 15 minutes away, but never come to see the kids, never wanted to babysit, yet then complain behind my back to EVERYONE that *I* never let them see their grandkids. When they do see them, they don't really pay any attention to them, and they don't show any interest or pride in their achievements. For Christmas I made them a DVD with all the pictures I've taken of the kids all year put together with music, captions, etc. It was really nice and took a lot of work. My father had no interest whatsoever, and my mom barely paid attention to it. I just don't get it.

At least my in-laws loved it. They watched it several times and said it was the best present they ever got, and to give them that every year! They even recognized that hours of work had gone into it.

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playingwithsugar Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 6:12pm
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Sounds like my family. So, I went and made a new family for my son. It consists of my best friends and her children, and all their friends. We taught all our kiddlets to call each other cousin, and the adults aunts and uncles. It works for us.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

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CakesByJen2 Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 6:22pm
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Yeah, we have "adopted" one of my daughter's friend's grandparents icon_smile.gif The older kids have run track and cross-country together for three years, and the younger kids have done cross-country and swim team together. So their grandparents have been there for everything and support all of the kids. We call them Granny & Papaw, too. I always tell the mom she is so lucky to have had them for parents and that her kids have normal grandparents!

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zespri Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 6:54pm
post #4 of 10

playingwithsugar... that's a really nice idea. Our family DOES care so we're lucky, but they too live so far away it's difficult. I like your idea icon_smile.gif

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Kiddiekakes Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 7:42pm
post #5 of 10

I totally can relate..I love my Mom and Dad dearly but they too don't spend much time trying to get involved with my kids...We see them ever second weekend or so as we also live in the same city and are 10 minutes away but they have never babysat or asked too..never taken them anywhere...

Oh yah they give them money at Christmas and birthday etc but no real thought or time shopping for a special gift is done...My Mom spends more time shopping for new outfits,shoes,purses and getting her hair and nails done etc...They love them dearly but not the kind of affection I used to get from my BaBa who totally adored me and my brother...Bless her heart as she is gone now but....

They complain that we never want to go camping with them...I have an anxiety issue so I don't travel anywhere...Another story.... icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif and she gets so annoyed at me...The simple fact is my Mom and Dad..(Mom especially) can't tolerate the kids noise...jibbering...running around etc..They are 9 and 7 and are very active and she makes it sound like they are pests and hyper..They are not..just normal kids wanting to play and express themselves...My Dad actually adores the kids more....

I often become sad when I see that they don't pursue the kind of relationship with my kids that I had with my Granny...now they are selling their big house and moving away...and bought a huge 43 foot motorhome..more like a stars touring bus..They are well off for their age...but it angers me a little so I can relate!!

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Auryn Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 7:49pm
post #6 of 10

That surely does suck that they are so disinterested,
but thats better than them being totally dysfunctional and wanting to be completely involved in the kids' lives.
That would be more damaging.

I say go out and find other loving older people that your kids can bond with and learn from. I am sure there are plenty of places where you could volunteer with them that they would get to meet some nice older people looking for the grandkids they never had.

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playingwithsugar Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 9:40pm
post #7 of 10

kiddiekakes -

Are you Ukrainian by heritage? I ask because we are the only people I know of that call their grandmothers BaBa.

Auryn - that's a great idea - There are always senior citizens who have nobody to visit them. Taking the kids to an assisted living center might be therapeutic for both the residents and the visitors.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

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Kiddiekakes Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 11:02pm
post #8 of 10

Playing with sugar.....Yup...I married one too..go figure...LOL..Loved my BaBa to death....

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kaseynh Posted 4 Jan 2011 , 11:11pm
post #9 of 10

I am a parent/grandparent and after the birth of my grandson, my daughter and son-in-law have totally stepped out of our lives. I last saw my grandson when he was 5 days old, we have had very little communication to resolve it. I can't tell you where it went wrong and am torn to pieces they would behave to this extreme. Please understand we had a close relationship with them prior to the birth of their son and wanted nothing more in the world more than to be grandparents.

My husband an I purchased gifts for them for Christmas. My younger daughter visited them and brought the gifts. On Christmas day they show up out of nowhere, come in the house, stay about 5 minutes then left. After they left, I found the bag of gifts with a note saying due to the current circumstances they could not accept the gifts. We have not spoken since.

Family relationships can be some of the worst relationships one can have. I feel in our case a lot of what comes between us is what is not spoken out loud. I honestly don't know how to work out a resolution with my daughter and her husband. I can only pray time will heal what is broken.

I am sorry you don't have the relationships you would like to have with your family. Relationships take work, lots of work and sometimes we forget that. I hope you can build a family relationship for you and your kids, one that will give you what you most need. I wish you only the best.


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playingwithsugar Posted 5 Jan 2011 , 12:57am
post #10 of 10

Karen -

Just so you know, you have the right to see your grandson. A friend of mine sued her daughter for grandparent's visitation here in PA and won.
Talk to your husband about pursuing it.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

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