Daughter Dating Issues..

Lounge By CakesByJen2 Updated 3 Oct 2010 , 8:33pm by adonisthegreek1

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CakesByJen2 Posted 25 Sep 2010 , 1:54pm
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OK, my almost 15-yo daughter went to her first high school homecoming dance last night, and I'm reminded of why I have put up with my husband all these years - I NEVER want to have to date again!

The poor kid had an absolutely miserable time, and called me a half hour before I said she had to leave crying wanting me to come get her icon_sad.gif

There's a bit more to the story, but it boils down to that they were supposed to be going as "just friends", but the boy evidently didn't remember that. He was nice and polite and not inappropriate, but still kept acting like it was a real date, and she felt totally uncomfortable and awkward because she is definately not interested, but didn't want to hurt or embarrass him, and didn't know how to handle it. She was terrified he was going to try to kiss her.

Her friend that was supposed to be doubling with them kept ditching her and leaving her alone with him. She tried to find some of her other friends, but couldn't. She said everyone was dirty dancing and making out, making her even more uncomfortable. She was totally stressed and overwhelmed and ended up telling the boy she had to leave earlier than what she really had to because she just couldn't handle it anymore. Now she doesn't know what to do to discourage him without crushing him, and she says she is NEVER going to a dance again!

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Shelle_75 Posted 25 Sep 2010 , 4:38pm
post #2 of 7

Poor thing! I feel so bad for her.

As far as discouraging him, I know it will be hard, but she needs to tell him the matter-of-fact flat-out truth, otherwise she is going to keep repeating this scene with him for the rest of her high school days, trust me, I know. She can do it nicely, tell him she loves him as a friend but that it will never be more than that, otherwise he is going to keep pushing it. And give her a hug from me!

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60sBunny Posted 25 Sep 2010 , 7:31pm
post #3 of 7

Just wanted to say, It sounds like you have a really level headed young girl on your hands.

She needs to make it clear she wants his friendship and that if he wants something more he can't have her friendship. End of. She can give him whatever reason she wants or doesn't. Respect for school, her parents, or God.

I'm sure she will ask you to intervene if he isnt taking her at her word. Nothing puts boy in his place like meet the parent and the big ol lecture of "if I catch you so much as olding hands with my daughter before your married, your for it". It might just scare him off.

Good luck

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CakesByJen2 Posted 25 Sep 2010 , 8:26pm
post #4 of 7

I just feel bad because we were afraid this would happen, but mistakenly trusted the judgement of another adult close to the boy who assured me he could handle being "just friends".

The rest of the story is that he is a nice boy, but has had a rough life: absentee father, worthless mother, no money, no real stability, no one making sure he does his schoolwork, etc. He struggles in school and has gotten into minor trouble once or twice, all mostly due to lack of supervision and poor judgement. But he is very nice and respectful, and though is a big football player and tries to act tough, he is really a sweet, but insecure little boy inside.

She knew he "liked" her back in the spring, but he knew thru friends she wasn't interested in anything romantic. She thought he had moved on when he asked another girl to homecoming. But then she backed out on him last week, and he was telling my friend who is close to him about being embarassed about being a football player and not having a date, and did she think my daughter would go with him just as friends. My friend said she talked to him about how it could only be as frineds and that he could not get his hopes up or expect it to lead anything more. She was certain that there would not be a problem, and we trusted her judgment as she is closer to him than we are. Clearly she was wrong.

So now my daughter is upset about the whole situation and furious with my friend for helping to put them both in it, because it's not fair to her, but even more unfair to him. I told her just to keep treating him like a friend, but don't feel like she has to reply to every text, and to make an excuse to keep it brief when she does and if/when he says or does something else that is clearly out of the bounds of friendship, then just to tell him she is sorry if he got the wrong idea, but that she just wants to be friends, nothing more.

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teresa61625 Posted 26 Sep 2010 , 2:39am
post #5 of 7

I do feel badly for your daughter..I have one and she has been in plenty of situations like this and it is hard to just say without hurting the boys feeling that it is just a friendship thing..but since she said that from the beginning I am hoping that the boy was just trying to be respectful and even as friends try to show her a good time. I hope all works out well!

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Karen421 Posted 26 Sep 2010 , 2:58am
post #6 of 7

I have to agree, your daughter sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. There is never and easy way for a teenager to let someone down easy, but I bet she will be able to do it. My daughter and I had a code, for when there was a situation she was not comfortable with. She would come down with a very bad stomach ache, or nausea and have to call us to come pick her up. Good Luck!

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adonisthegreek1 Posted 3 Oct 2010 , 8:33pm
post #7 of 7

Just be thankful that your daughter called you, rather than giving in to peer pressure. Sounds like a good girl.

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