Life Starting To Look Up...

Lounge By Karema Updated 18 Mar 2010 , 1:44am by JustToEatCake

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Karema Posted 10 Feb 2010 , 11:14pm
post #1 of 10

My family has been through so much last year especially with my husband being out of work for over a year. Well things finally start to turn around and then BAM! My FIL is in the hospital in a coma. He is a diabetic and does not take his insulin regulary. He was was passed out in his house for over 24 hrs at least. The doctors are saying that he is brain dead. He has a living will and refused to be put on any kind of support. He made my husband his Health care proxy but the problem is that he is two hours away and the family wants him transferred to a closer VA. That is the only place he wishes to be treated. I feel so bad for him bc it's been almost two weeks and he is on a ventilator, IV, feeding tubes, and he cant even swallow and keeps choking. If he is not on any machines they say his body will shut down and he will die. I'm really sad and I hate the fact that his family keeps saying he may recover. I say where is going to be if he does in a nursing home? How unfair!

edited to add additional info

9 replies
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Mrs-A Posted 10 Feb 2010 , 11:20pm
post #2 of 10

im so sorry for the bad news for your family. not understanding the treatment, will the tubes, iv etc be removed so it complies with his living will?

my husband and i were talking about this on the weekend as neither of us would want to exist this way

i hope there is a peaceful resolution to this soon - for everyones sake must be very hard


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Deb_ Posted 11 Feb 2010 , 12:39am
post #3 of 10

So sorry Karema....I'll keep your FIL and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers. ((((((HUGS))))))

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foxymomma521 Posted 11 Feb 2010 , 12:44am
post #4 of 10

Oh Karema, I'm sorry icon_sad.gif I feel like its one thing after another for you. Praying things get better soon...

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Ursula40 Posted 11 Feb 2010 , 1:04am
post #5 of 10

I feel for you. I had to give my father and my grandma that promise and when the time came, it was the hardest thing to do. Having been a nurse though, I know, how people can be made to suffer for so long, we would never let our pets suffer that much. I do not believe in prolonging life , no matter what the cost, any more. Just because we can with modern medical equipment, does not mean we have to. Especially with my father it was really hard because he suddenly died in my arms without forewarning. He was transported to hospital and after 3 hrs, I had to stop them working on him. He was put on a ventilator, but he himself, all that he was, wasn't there any more. His body was, but he himself was gone. The one thing that he feared most had come about and I had to make sure, that it did not continue. It took me a long time to get over it, not the fact, that I took him off the machine, but that he went so suddenly in the middle of a conversation. I had the feeling that, when the machine stopped, it seemed like a sigh of relief, not for me, but for him. I broke down completely, but it seemed to me, as if he was smiling, not physically, he couldn't do that anymore, but all around me in the room.
I hope for all of you, especially your father in law, that the family will come round and respect his wishes. If the docs say he is brain dead, then nothing really can be done.

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JustToEatCake Posted 11 Feb 2010 , 3:45am
post #6 of 10

I'm so very sorry for this situation. I don't really know what to say but I hope things work out and you all find some peace and your FIL finds peace.

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G_Cakes Posted 12 Feb 2010 , 2:30am
post #7 of 10

HUGS to you and your family and I hope you find peace in your minds and hearts no matter the outcome

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Karema Posted 17 Mar 2010 , 11:39pm
post #8 of 10

Well things were kind of shaky for a while but the family finally got him transferred to a closer hospital. The new doctors took a CAT scan and an EEG and they said the same thing that he would never be able to function. He was able to open his eyes but they just went back and forth and he never looked at anything. He was taken off the ventilator and feeding tubes and was just put on morphene. He passed away four days later and then the drama began.

I was heart broken because was like a father to me. His family wasnt going to give him a funeral and his daughter basically said the military can just bury him for all she cared. I was furious and we got into a huge fight. Well my side of the family stepped and paid for the funeral and I just felt so blessed to have a family that loves me. I am still taking it pretty hard but I'm glad that he isn't in pain any longer but I miss him.

Things have changed a lot with his family because I've been keeping my distance. It hurts me that they didnt even care about giving him a funeral and his daughter was the first one to jump into his car and claim it. My husband and I paid for a U Haul to move his stuff out of his apartment and My Husbands mother generously offered to borrow the truck to move some of his stuff to her house! Yeah right she couldn't wait to get her hands on the stuff that was left. Then right after he died she ran to try and get widows benefits to help pay for his car because her daughter and her have to pay for it some how. Did I mention that they were Divorced? So basically I have not really been bothering with them that much. I'm not angry but I'm heartbroken. And I miss my Dad...

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Kiddiekakes Posted 17 Mar 2010 , 11:48pm
post #9 of 10

Oh Karema...Big hugs to you...That is so terrible..I can't believe how families act when a loved one dies..They are like vulchures!! I guess the only good thing is that he is in a better place now..It will take time but you will all begin to heal!

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JustToEatCake Posted 18 Mar 2010 , 1:44am
post #10 of 10

I'm sending you the warmest wishes at this trying time. It seems times like this either bring out the best or the worst in people. It's amazing to me, I just returned home from driving 500 miles roundtrip in one day to attend the funeral of my cousin's (by love not blood) step son I never met. They are having some drama also because it was a blended's awful what people do sometimes. No matter what happens you have YOUR wonderful family!!!

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