Is It Just Me?

Lounge By Karema Updated 13 Jul 2009 , 12:54am by BeeBoos-8599_

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Karema Posted 11 Jul 2009 , 2:54pm
post #1 of 5

Ok so I know I've come on here and complained about my MIL before but I think that the sh** has hit the fan. On the fourth of July I invited a few friends over for some BBQ because I didnt want to go t my husbands family event in a park that was far away. Well his mom said that she was going to that and I invited his sister and her kids. We all were planning on what to eat and planning on having so much fun. Well his mom called the day before to say that she wanted to come now because she wasnt going to park. Well I really didnt want her to come but I said ok because she is family.

Well, She comes and everything is going great. My SIL had to leave because her daughter was sick and she left her son. My nephew can be a handful sometimes but he is nine years old and that happens. Well he kicked my neighbors kid in the stomach and he is four years old. Well I yelled at him and told him to go sit upstairs. My MIL got so angry because she doesnt' like her grandchild being yelled at.

I can understand that she doesn't like him being in trouble because she is grandma but come on already. She got so nasty with me and for the rest of the day she rolled her eyes at me everytime I said something or she spoke nasty about me under her breath. I am so tired of this crap and don't feel like I should put up with it any longer.

For as long as I've known she has treated her grandson like he is gold and doesn't hardly pay any attention to her other grandchildren. She is closest to him and it use to bother me but now I don't really care. I just want her to respect me.

I told my husband what happened and we got into a huge fight and I told him to move out. It was a lot of other stuff added on but I'm just tired of it all. Well, we ended up talking again and trying to work it out. So now I think we should confront his mother and let her know that she needs to respect me and this house. She can't be getting nasty with me over someone elses child.

My husband thinks that we shouldn't say anything to her until after she throws me a baby shower because she will get mad and not throw it. I could care less. Yeah I want a shower but I'm not willing to sacrifice what I believe. I think that it is using her if we wait until after just because we want something from her. Am I wrong? I am beginning to really dislike that woman and she is pushing my buttons. What makes it worse is that my neighbor after the party said to me "Does your MIL like you because I think that woman hates you. Does she always treat you like that?" I think I've gotten so use to it that I just put up with it. I was so embarrased though that she acted like that. What should I do? I've tried to talk to her before and she still does the same thing. She is even worse to the childs mother if she tries to discipline him.

4 replies
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playingwithsugar Posted 11 Jul 2009 , 3:55pm
post #2 of 5

I don't have that problem in my home. Everyone in my life, who has children, knows that in my home, their child must behave or take them home and don't come back until they learn how to. And my growl is the law in my home, don't tell me not to yell at your kids, because I'll end up yelling at you, instead.

Now, as for Mama - Your MIL is dead wrong on both counts.

First, that is your home, and if she can't respect you in your home, then she shouldn't go there.

Second, that is not her child, and she has no say in whether the child gets disciplined or not. A child must learn boundaries, and right from wrong, no matter who teaches it. If she keeps defending him that way, that child is going to grow up modeling the latest in orange jumpsuits (just like my spoiled rotten brothers did).

I can understand your frustration, and your need to vent to your husband, since it is his mother. But apparently, she has a serious control issue with both him and his sister, or she wouldn't be getting away with it. If you're going to confront the MIL, he'd better be at your side, taking your side, when it happens, or it will all be for naught. She needs to know that his wife comes first, no matter what she says or does, otherwise she is going to treat it like the ramblings of a woman who is jealous of her.

Your alternative is to not be confrontational with her, but tell her how you feel, and that you will pray that she gets over the bitterness she has in her heart.

About the baby shower, where is your family in planning all this? Were they not asked to participate?

Theresa icon_smile.gif

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adonisthegreek1 Posted 12 Jul 2009 , 2:01am
post #3 of 5

OMG, your 9 year old nephew kicked a 4 year old in the stomach and your MIL defended him. That is unreal. Not only should you have punished the child (as you did), but your MIL should have been immediately uninvited. You have to put your foot down in your house. I am so sorry that your husband did not defend you. Your husband needs to tell you whether you come first or his mother. If you come first, then demand that he stand by your side in confronting his mother now--not after the shower. Can you really trust her to throw you a shower anyway? I read on another site that a jealous MIL conveniently forgot to send out any invitations to her DIL shower. If she refuses to continue with the shower after you confront her, have someone else throw it.

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sweetcravings Posted 12 Jul 2009 , 2:30am
post #4 of 5

What's in the air lately with inlaws..? i just had a blow out with mine recently too! I wish they would just stay out our business.
I completely feel for ya.

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BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 13 Jul 2009 , 12:54am
post #5 of 5

I ave had some major issues with my mother in law and In my opinion your problem is not with your mother in law. It is with your husband. It is very hard to get a man to stand up to his mommy. At the hieght of my issues with his mom I told my husband that his mom and sister were no longer allowed in my home without him being present at all times. Well, you and I both know that no man wants to be held in a room with 3 women. SO, he finally grew a set and had his mom and sister come over and sit in the living room and HE told both of them that I was his wife and that unlell they could treat me with respect they could forget seeing him or either of our girls. It worked wonders. You cannot be in on this conversation. It needs to come from him. If she cannot treat you properly then you will not have to worry about it becasue she will not be allowed around you or your children. OH< he also told them that there would be no tolerance for them talking badly about me to our girls. I hope this helps you.

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