What's Your Opinion!!!

Decorating By kcniese Updated 1 Apr 2009 , 12:45pm by kcniese

CookiezNCupcakez Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
CookiezNCupcakez Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:25pm
post #31 of 50

Wow some ppl have no tact! I think if u would still like to supply the cake then do so... The is MORE then enough! whats with ppl asking for money etc.... I was once asked to bring 100$ to the wedding and a gift??!!! icon_confused.gif

all4cake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
all4cake Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:38pm
post #32 of 50

Maybe I'm confused(I wouldn't doubt it). OP stated she was in the wedding. Being part of the bridal party...aren't there like meetings to discuss the various events being planned prior to the wedding? Was the bridal shower discussed? If you offered to do the shower cake a long time ago...it wasn't assumed that you would do it. Everyone is bringing something...your's just happens to be costlier than the other members of the bridal party. What about the one who brings the chicken wings for a 100? Those things aren't cheap either(not saying there will be chicken wings). There are sacrifices that bride's maids make....quite a few have back out of the position because they are unable or unwilling to make them....it's all so that the months..days...weeks...whatever...that lead up to her big day are memorable and fun. I don't think that it's too much for them to ask that you contribute to the hall and to the gift(prize pot) as long as everyone else in the bridal party is doing the same. The cake shouldn't be figured into it since everyone is bringing something and you had offered to make the cake...how much you want to invest in the cake and its' design, however, should be up to you and you alone.

edited to say...I have no idea why I said Sadsmile...must've been from looking at that adorable pig ...muah! It got stuck, I reckon... icon_redface.gif

bakingatthebeach Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
bakingatthebeach Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:06pm
post #33 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by all4cake

Maybe I'm confused(I wouldn't doubt it). Sadsmile stated she was in the wedding. Being part of the bridal party...aren't there like meetings to discuss the various events being planned prior to the wedding? Was the bridal shower discussed? If you offered to do the shower cake a long time ago...it wasn't assumed that you would do it. Everyone is bringing something...your's just happens to be costlier than the other members of the bridal party. What about the one who brings the chicken wings for a 100? Those things aren't cheap either(not saying there will be chicken wings). There are sacrifices that bride's maids make....quite a few have back out of the position because they are unable or unwilling to make them....it's all so that the months..days...weeks...whatever...that lead up to her big day are memorable and fun. I don't think that it's too much for them to ask that you contribute to the hall and to the gift(prize pot) as long as everyone else in the bridal party is doing the same. The cake shouldn't be figured into it since everyone is bringing something and you had offered to make the cake...how much you want to invest in the cake and its' design, however, should be up to you and you alone


You do make a point, especially about the meeting thing. 100 people at a bridal shower is alot, especially if you have to rent a hall for it. A meeting would have been a good idea, to throw ideas around about a buffet menu that is reasonably priced, the number of guests a few bridesmaids are expected to feed etc. If it was me, there wouldnt be $250 worth of chicken wings coming from myself, it would be more budget friendly.

LaBellaFlor Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
LaBellaFlor Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:09pm
post #34 of 50

I agree that everyone contributes. But to have to pay for the hall, give $30 to a gift AND $10 for a prize is a little excessive, oh yeah, and they all have to bring a food item too. To me it doesn't sound like this bridal shower was a group discussion. It's 1 person telling them what they need to do. And for sure everybody is being asked for too much, not just the OP. The other thing is that not just the bridal party is being told this. Her sister who is NOT in the wedding was also told what to bring & all the other contibutions as well. I thought only bridal party contributes & maybe some family members who volunteer. I wonder if the bride even knows. I had a friend who had someone volunteer to throw her a baby shower. The lady asked everybody for $10 for the babyshower, plus they had to bring a gift. A lot of people didn't really like that, cause usually when you are invited, you don't have to pay to go. Needless to say, my friend did not know how they baby shower guest were asked to contribute to the shower, but when she found out, she was really embarressed and felt bad about the gifts she received.

Win Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Win Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:18pm
post #35 of 50
Quote:
Quote:

she said well I guess but everyone else was bringing food




the above quote is from the OP... isn't cake food? As well, and granted I've been married 25 years so am much out of the loop, if bridal parties are being asked to pay for so much leading up to the wedding, then doesn't anyone begin to question if things are getting out of hand? In my day, the Maid of Honor threw a shower for the bride's closest friends ( I can't imagine anyone having 100 "close" friends.) The rest of the bride's maids were her support team --not having to donate extra large amounts of monies for over and above expenses other than their dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and other incidentals... so it sounds like this has become way more than a shower and more like an event involving a hall, etc. The horse has left the barn; however, and it's too late now to organize a meeting of minds which, indeed, would have been a really good idea to have started with. I'm just glad I don't have girls. icon_lol.gif

LaBellaFlor Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
LaBellaFlor Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:25pm
post #36 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Win

Quote:
Quote:

she said well I guess but everyone else was bringing food



the above quote is from the OP... isn't cake food? As well, and granted I've been married 25 years so am much out of the loop, if bridal parties are being asked to pay for so much leading up to the wedding, then doesn't anyone begin to question if things are getting out of hand? In my day, the Maid of Honor threw a shower for the bride's closest friends ( I can't imagine anyone having 100 "close" friends.) The rest of the bride's maids were her support team --not having to donate extra large amounts of monies for over and above expenses other than their dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and other incidentals... so it sounds like this has become way more than a shower and more like an event involving a hall, etc. The horse has left the barn; however, and it's too late now to organize a meeting of minds which, indeed, would have been a really good idea to have started with. I'm just glad I don't have girls. icon_lol.gif


25 years ago (congratulations for a lovely long marriage, I'm looking forward to be able to saying that) or even for today that bridal shower is a little out of hand. I always thought it was bridal party, immediate female family members, maybe female out of town guest if they are all ready in town, maybe close female friends of the family. I get no more then 50 guest.

all4cake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
all4cake Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:28pm
post #37 of 50

that was 30 dollars to help pay for the hall plus a $10 gift(game prizes I'm thinking).

I was just asked to do a cake for a bridal shower for 150....it was a combined effort from friends and church...so there would be only one shower.

The bridal party....maid of honor and several bride's maids ....putting together a party for 100 shower guests isn't unreasonable.

all4cake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
all4cake Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:39pm
post #38 of 50

Okay, Susie, would you like to make your famous party weenies?
oh, Madge! I absolutely loooooooooove your raspberry punch! Who here has tried her punch???? Oh, don't you just loooooooooooove it?
Do you think you would be able to make the punch?

I've got the plates, napkins, cups, balloons and streamers taken care of.

Fifi, what would you like to do? Fifi, "Well, Bitzy and I would like to get together and make finger sandwiches...maybe cucumber, chicken salad, one or two other varieties... maybe"
Perfect
We don't want to forget, Lala offered to bring the cake! That's a lifesaver there!

Okay, what else do we need? ....

butterfly831915 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
butterfly831915 Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:50pm
post #39 of 50

I am the MOH in my sisters wedding coming up. The shower I am doing I am responsible for location (Small group max 20 people with bridal party), cake, decorations, prizes, games, invites (homemade of course, lol). The only thing I have asked the other bridesmaides for is to help with food and being the ones leading the games and such. Just a simple meat tray and some chips and dip and drinks. I haven't been able to meet with them because they always stand me up when we are to get together. I figured I had the most out and they are not real dependable so I'll have the other as backup anyway but I couldn't imagine being the one telling them to bring more money. I feel if I'm doing food that is what I am doing. A bridal shower for 100, that seems crazy to me, of course I am from a small town with a small family but if it is just close friends and family I don't see the 100. Not to mention did 100 people rsvp? Maybe if they are doing a couples shower instead of just the brides. Oh well, I get everyone in the bridal party is asked to bring stuff but when you said you'd do the cake, did you know it was going to be for 100 people? If so then maybe go ahead and contribute more. Cake civilians gezzzz, whatcha gonna do with them, I know feed them wilton fondant. LOL.. Best of luck dear.

}i{

all4cake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
all4cake Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:59pm
post #40 of 50

I just reread the OP like 5 times...the sister, I'm guessing is MOH, is lackin' somethin'...

Your sister, who is the B2B's SIL, isn't in the wedding and shouldn't be asked to do anything....she could offer and offer accepted.

I did see where the $30 was for a gift for the bride and the hall...again, this should've been planned out in the shower planning get-together that you all were going to go in together for a "gift from the girls".

Her function isn't to dictate but to orchestrate.

not the end all of info but here's a start....

http://www.bridesmaid101.com/bridesmaid_intro.html

tinygoose Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
tinygoose Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 5:10pm
post #41 of 50

Wow! 100 people at the shower. What is the wedding guest list like 600?

I would politely tell them you are making a cake that would cost at least $350 at a regular bakery, and you feel that that is enough of a contribution on your part.

solascakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
solascakes Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 5:24pm
post #42 of 50

kcniese i think you should just put your feet down.

Necey Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Necey Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 5:32pm
post #43 of 50

After 'giving' many cakes, I now live by this wise woman's words, : Never retract; never apologize; do what you must and let them howl" Nellie McClung..
I now give what I can and 'hades' can have the people who have an opinion about my decisions. Please ,do what you feel you can and your conscience will be clear. thumbs_up.gif

rushing Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
rushing Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 5:45pm
post #44 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Win

In my day, the Maid of Honor threw a shower for the bride's closest friends ( I can't imagine anyone having 100 "close" friends.) The rest of the bride's maids were her support team --not having to donate extra large amounts of monies for over and above expenses other than their dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and other incidentals... so it sounds like this has become way more than a shower and more like an event involving a hall, etc.





That's the way it should be! My boyfriend and I are both in a friend's wedding this May. We have already spent over FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS for this wedding (tux, dress, alterations, gifts) and the bride is still expecting us to throw another bridal shower (she already had one, in her hometown, and wants another one in the college town I'm in, where many of the wedding's guests live).

The thing that irritates me the most, is that she has made it clear that she doesn't want to be involved in any of the planning, yet everything we have come up with has been shot down by her and the groom.

I made the cake for her first shower AND got them a gift, and now they want me to do another shower with another cake?! We're college students! I don't have the time or money to cater to their every need.

I agree that the bridesmaids are responsible to help out the bride, but I should not be expected to pay for everything she wants. They are paying for this huge, military style wedding with a LOAN. I'm sorry, if you can't afford a huge wedding, have a small one!

ARGH
Sorry I hijacked the thread, I just had to get that off my chest!

Necey Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Necey Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 5:47pm
post #45 of 50

I once attended a large bridal shower and there was a buffet...all bowls of fruit and platters of cookies , with tea, punch and coffee to drink. We had a lot of fun and it was the most relaxing shower I ever attended....Since the shower was for my neice, I was asked , well in advance,to buy 2 shower game gifts, not expensive. All family members shared the cost of game prizes with my brother's wife and I gave my neice a gift I wanted her to have., not what someone else told me to buy ...how rude !.

lostincake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
lostincake Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 6:05pm
post #46 of 50

I'd say to the sister that you really did not anticipate there being that many people at the shower so your offer at the time was for what you thought was reasonable (close friends of bride - let's say about 30?). And you surely didn't expect to have to shell out the costs of a cake to feed 100, not to mention the many, many, many hours it would take for you to make it. Nor did you anticipate all these other expenses.

Whether or not you give the additional amount they are asking for, can only be decided by you based on what your heart tells you to do. Only you can decide if it's the right thing or not, but at least they will know why you didn't or if you did, they will know how generous you are being.

LaBellaFlor Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
LaBellaFlor Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 6:09pm
post #47 of 50

She DOES NOT get 2 showers. By the way, I thought showers were throwen by the MOB or/& MOH & maybe helped by the bridal party. I don'tknow how a bride gets off saying she wants another bridal shower.I did not have a bridal shower just for a different location of freinds. I was just happy they flew in from so far away, not to mention some of them were bridesmaids. I would have been asking a lot. I also think thats pretty selfish, her knowing you are 2 college students yourselves, not to mention are we forgetting the state of the economy right now. I know I can't afford next to nothing,but I do what I can when asked for help, not what I can't.

ziggytarheel Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
ziggytarheel Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 6:30pm
post #48 of 50

I still live in a place where showers are given by friends who decide on their own to give them (relatives aren't supposed to give them!). They are small affairs, usually in someone's home or in the church fellowship hall, if the church gives one. Most showers are just simple cake, nuts and punch with maybe some fruit and or veggies. And while weddings are getting more elaborate, the focus is still on a new marriage and blessing the bridal couple. Weddings are big when the couple are part of a large, tight knit community and no one wants to leave anyone out. People give what they can, even if it is just their well wishes and promise of prayers and encouragement.

Sigh. I wish it would stay that way.

Even given that, when I was younger and asked to help with a shower given by people with a lot more money than I. It was awkward when their simple suggestion as to what I should provide was out of my price range. I just had to speak up, so I did. They had just forgotten that money is tighter for some than others.

JanH Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
JanH Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 6:43pm
post #49 of 50

Bridal Shower Etiquette:
(Seems anyone BUT the bride can host the shower.)

http://www.creativehomemaking.com/articles/012505e.shtml

http://www.a-to-z-of-manners-and-etiquette.com/bridal-shower.html

This guide even has info on the OFFICE bridal shower:

http://bridalshoweretc.com/

HTH

kcniese Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
kcniese Posted 1 Apr 2009 , 12:45pm
post #50 of 50

Well the shower was last Sunday when I got there my sister had told that everyone said something about the money, but everyone also paid. So I just gave the maid of honor the money and moved on. We did have a lot of food left over enough for me to bring home come cake for myself, my mom and dad, and my brothers family. The one girl that brought cheese said she was cutting cheese cubes for 2 1/2 hours plus we came home with a zip bag full. There was maybe 60 people there. I felt so bad for the girl who made ham salad sandwiches maybe 12 were gone. At least the part is over, Oh I almost for got I only knew the gift that we went in on was a comforter for her bed but we also got her a vaccum cleaner and a griddle (which she already got two of the same griddles the same day HA!). Thanks for all your advice and comments I will think twice before I volunteer for anything again.

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%