Would You Be Mad About This? Need Help With Bf's Family.....

Lounge By cupcakeco Updated 20 Mar 2009 , 5:13pm by stephaniescakenj

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cupcakeco Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 4:30pm
post #1 of 18

I know this is long but please bear with me...

So we're going to a wedding in two weeks. I said I'd go along because I was invited but... now the boyfriend's family (groom's host family) is starting to mess things up and I don't know what to do.

The wedding is out of state for us so we're flying. There's $180 on a plane ticket right there, round trip. Next, we're staying at a hotel. All along I had been assuming that myself and my boyfriend would be getting our own room (not married or engaged, but together for 5 years and in our twenties--PLENTY mature enough)...

Well last night BF calls me, says we have the room rate, our share is $219... meaning we each need to pay $219. So I figured wow that's high but whatever, we're paying for our own room and all. But I still wanted to see the paperwork, so I had bf's dad forward me the forward confirmation email he recieved from the groom's family. I called the hotel WITH the confirmation number and checked on what exactly the reservation was for, and GET THIS--- it's for ONE room, 4 nights (we only need three--wtf), and the TOTAL AMT including taxes is $471.21.

So it sounds to me as though the bf's dad was gonna be packing us (me, bf, bf dad, bf mom) all into one room, and make the bf and I unwittingly pay the entire rate ourselves without them chipping in.

I AM PISSED. I am so pissed right now... I am fuming. Does it sound like this to anyone else? To top it all off, they spelled my name wrong for the airline so who the heck knows if I'll be able to straighten it out...or even get on the plane.

PLEASE, I know this is long, but someone PLEASE give me your feedback... what do I do? How do I tactfully confront bf's dad and ask him straight up, WTF? BF contacted the groom's father (his uncle, bf's dad's brother) and is having him call me. At this point I'm so pissed I don't even want to talk to bf's dad... he's clearly either trying to take advantage of us or just an idiot.

What do I do?? How would you handle this?? Is it too late to just say EFF it I'm not going?

17 replies
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redpanda Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 4:52pm
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Are you sure that there was only one reservation and one reservation number? Is it possible that the person who actually made the reservation(s) reserved one room for you and your BF and another for your BF's parents? If so, that would account for the fact that your amounts seem to add up to pretty close to the room rate.

I don't know what would be up with the 4 nights, unless that was some sort of promotion for the wedding party, and they didn't even ask you if you wanted that.

What, exactly, was the reservation for--how many beds, how many people?

I suppose you could check into making your own reservations (for 3 nights) in another hotel nearby, which might be less. Or not, depending on the city. A bit over a hundred a night is pretty typical in a lot of cities I have traveled to for work.

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Karema Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 5:15pm
post #3 of 18

Before you ass-u-me make sure who is staying in the room. Ask if you all will be sharing a room or if you and boyfriend have your own. If you have your own don't worry. As a precaution you could always call and make your own reservation and not bother with the ones they made for you. You can say that you changed the amount of days. Dont make a big thing out of nothing if its not to get all upset about.

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summernoelle Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 5:30pm
post #4 of 18

Yeah, try to calm yourself so you don't make more problems. Just give the parents a call, or stop by, and ask "So are there a total or 1 or two rooms?" And then have your responses planned for each answer. If they are making you pay that portion of the room, try to avoid the confrontation by saying you would be much more comfortable with your own room. If that doesn't work, then talk to them about the money.

Good luck!

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jen1977 Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 6:01pm
post #5 of 18

I'd have HIM call HIS parents and ask. Don't let him make you the bad guy!

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michellenj Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 7:33pm
post #6 of 18

Call the airline directly ASAP and tell them to correct the spelling of your name. They can fix it in the computer but won't have to reissue anything to you. Make sure it matches your ID exactly. I used to be a travel agents and saw some nightmares.

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cupcakeco Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 7:50pm
post #7 of 18

Thanks so much for the replies...this is just a nightmare. Both emails I recieved had literally the barebones info... I asked my BF to ask his dad about it and apparently all the father has to say is 'I have no idea, ask your uncle... (Father of Groom)'

So I'm now waiting for FOG to get out of work and call me. Ugh. This whole thing is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth and I really wish it wasn't too late to just say, sorry..not interested anymore.

Is it at all possible that bf's father has NO clue whatsoever? The whole thing just doesn't add up... icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif sdifjhskljhf ughh

And I have since calmed down and thought, okay maybe there is a seperate reservation someplace that I don't know about. I'll give him that but....... shouldn't the father then at least KNOW about it? Why would he play stupid? Oh lordy.. icon_cry.gif

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Carson Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 9:53pm
post #8 of 18
Originally Posted by jen1977

I'd have HIM call HIS parents and ask. Don't let him make you the bad guy!

I completely agree! This is bf's department...he should be looking after the arrangements with his family. Even after being married for 8 years...and together 11, when i have a problem with DH's family I tell him and he handles it - same with mine. Its easier for a family to be mad at the inlaw.

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maryjsgirl Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 10:35pm
post #9 of 18

Wow. This is too much money to be in the dark over.

I would like to know why you are responsible for any of the hotel cost. Aren't you the guest of your boyfriend? Why isn't he at least footing the hotel room? Especially if you are sharing a room with is parents???

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cupcakeco Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 11:06pm
post #10 of 18

MaryJsGirl, all of the traveling guests are responsible for the hotel costs because the couple getting married are (their own words) two broke college grads paying for their own wedding. Which as far as I'm concerned means that they probably shouldn't...never mind. That's another debate for another day...

However I am also a broke college student. And I'm not exactly a 'guest' of him per se, although I know what you're saying, I have known this family for going on six years now and I was invited in my own right. I wish my boyfriend had the cash to pay for me as well...but he doesn't.

I do agree that this is too much $ for myself or even bf's dad to have NO clue whatsoever what's going on... it is now 7:04 PM and as of yet I have still NOT heard from the uncle as I said I was supposed to in my last post.


Edit to add, we're not supposed to/weren't supposed to be sharing a room with the 'rents, we were to be having our own. But I still have no clue as to where that issue stands. Like I said, I haven't heard from anyone..all day.

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michellenj Posted 19 Mar 2009 , 11:24pm
post #11 of 18

Have you tried to talk to the hotel directly? They might tell you. If you wait until like 9-10 PM, you would have a better chance of getting someone that is a little bit less experienced who will be willing to give out more info than if you call at 3 in the afternoon. Also, look around online and see what the going rate at that hotel is. The group rate is not always the best deal, and you might save yourself a headache by booking your own room for you and bf. I know I wouldn't be psyched about sharing a room w/ my IL's.

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Deb_ Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 2:35am
post #12 of 18

OK that's just weird.......2 couples sharing a room? I mean I've been married for 26 yrs and there is no way in heck that I'd share a hotel room with my in-laws. That's just wrong. thumbsdown.gif

I really really hope for your sake that there is more then 1 room on that reservation.

Good luck!

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amy81 Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 3:13am
post #13 of 18

I had a similar experience to this a couple of years ago. We went out of state for my husband's younger brother's wedding with his parents. When we got to the hotel that night I find out that his parents had gotten one hotel room for themselves, my husband, myself, our son, and my husband's grandma. SIX people in one hotel room. However, they got a separate room for my husband's older brother and his wife icon_mad.gif . I will never let them make hotel reservations for me again.

I hope you get everything worked out.

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cupcakeco Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 3:21am
post #14 of 18

Okay I finally got a call from the uncle. Here was the deal:

1) The uncle sent everyone the WRONG HOTEL CONFIRMATION EMAIL to begin with... way to get the ball rollin,' eh?
2) Originally we WERE going to be sharing with BF's parents. As far as the money is concerned, I have no way of knowing if the dad KNEW this or not... but if I ever find out that he did, it'd be mighty shady...in any instance we now have our own room. =]
3) Uncle called the airline. When I talked to him, I tried to be as diplomatic and say things like, 'If I had the airline I would have called...' He tried to insist that the email he sent had the airline name and other info when it did not. He checked while he was on the phone with me and found that it didn't.

So moral of the story: Maybe I did get too worked up over nothing, but there were actual problems that needed to be attended to. And uncle needs to get on top of his emailing skills, if he's going to be orchestrating airfare and lodging for half of a wedding reception... =\\

And BF dad needs to be less shady, and from now on, I'm making my OWN travel plans!!! With all of the restrictions on airlines now, I'd hate to have even one thing amiss a day before the wedding...it would be trouble!

Thanks to all who replied icon_smile.gificon_smile.gificon_smile.gif

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maryjsgirl Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 3:49am
post #15 of 18

Glad everything worked out! Definitely glad you get your own hotel room, lol.

Who put a man on travel arrangements duty anyways? icon_lol.gif

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KKC Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 2:43pm
post #16 of 18
Originally Posted by jen1977

I'd have HIM call HIS parents and ask. Don't let him make you the bad guy!

Amen to that thumbs_up.gif

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Auryn Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 5:00pm
post #17 of 18

and that is why I am always responsible for making travel arrangements even for other ppl.
I am OCD when it comes to that.
I am glad it all worked out.

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stephaniescakenj Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 5:13pm
post #18 of 18

OMG! Never let a man make travel arrangements. My mom and I organized a gigantic cruise vacation for all of my siblings and their boyfriends/girlfriends, my kids and hubby plus my parents neighbors and all of their kids and grandkids. We had about 30 people, none of the men even knew where were going! icon_confused.gif They just said Yes Dear and went where we told them. We organized the buses to and from the airport, all the transportion to the cruise terminal and hotels. Even most of the women, they had a general idea of where they were going but didn't know all of the specifics. I wouldn't suspect BF Dad. I'm sure he was just going with the flow and was planning on just showing up when they told him to. Hope you have a great time!

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