How Do You Politely...

Decorating By ThreeDGirlie Updated 22 Mar 2009 , 9:03am by ThreeDGirlie

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ThreeDGirlie Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 7:24pm
post #1 of 19

How do you politely decline other people's offers to make your birthday cake?

My friends and family KNOW how into cake decorating I am. So far 2 of my good friends and my husband have offered to make me my birthday cake (not for another month). I turn 30 this year and will have a few friends to celebrate with me. But I really want to make my OWN cake!!! First off, I have recipes I want to try, and second, I want to decorate it myself - this is what I love to do!

How have other dealt with this in the past?

(oh, and then there's my 2.5 year old son that keeps saying "me and Daddy are going to make you a cake"... I figure I'll let him help me bake it and sit there and eat icing while I decorate, so he'll be happy anyway, LOL!)

18 replies
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hallow3 Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 8:06pm
post #2 of 19

Tell them you appreciate them wanting to make you a cake but you have something in mind that you would like to try and that they will be amazed at what you come for your own birthday cake and by the way thank you for asking I got that one covered but you could buy me "xyx cake supply" that would be more greatly appreciated? You could add your own here but I would be kind and say thanks but I got it and it is really what I want to for myself.

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jewelykaye Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 8:31pm
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I would say something like:

Wow, I really appreciate you offering to put your time and talent into making a cake for me. As you know I really have a passion for decorating and was really hoping to try out some new ideas (that I haven't had time for) on my cake. But thanks again for the awesome offer.

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shannon100 Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 8:43pm
post #4 of 19

My birthday (30th also!) is coming up, and my wonderful friend (who is now getting into cakes) told me (after I hinted that this is what i would want), "For your birthday, I'll come over and watch your toddler while you bake and decorate, and then I'll clean up your mess."

yeah!!! best birthday present ever!! I get to play and not clean. I was incredibly grateful for that offer! Maybe you could suggest that to them for you.

ETA: I got that idea from someone else on this site. icon_smile.gif

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uschi1 Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 8:58pm
post #5 of 19

I couldn't turn down an offer from my 2 1/2 year old to make me a cake. Regardless of how it looks - he sounds so very excited to be able to do this for you.
When my kids were growing up, I was made breakfast in bed a lot. I ate more burnt toast and grapefruit sandwiches than I care to remember. The coffee was strong enough to wake the dead, but the look on those little faces is worth it!

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JGMB Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 9:08pm
post #6 of 19

I agree with Uschi that you should let your husband and child do this for you. Believe me, as a mother of kids in their 20's, that wide-eyed toddler time goes by way too quickly -- enjoy it while it lasts!!!

If you're really excited to try out some new techniques, who says you can't just make a special cake for yourself some other day?

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lindambc Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 9:08pm
post #7 of 19

It took a while for my family to understand why I wanted to make my own cakes but eventually they got it!

I just told them that it gave me the chance to try out new flavors and/or a new design. They also realized that I enjoy it. So now, someone, DH or sister will come over and play with the kids while I do my cake and they are getting into helping me so its fun!

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Tita9499 Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 9:12pm
post #8 of 19

I agree with one of the other posters who said they wouldn't turn down a cake from their baby.

I mean, you can never have too much cake. From what I've seen come from my babies decorating cakes for me, they were never that spectaular to look at, but it made them feel super-proud to do it. Let the baby make you a cake and then make your other cake yourself.

You can tell everyone else that your son is making you a cake.

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Eisskween Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 9:18pm
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Okay, I was with you on making your own cake until your 2.5 year old chimed in. Now, how about letting the 2.5 year old and daddy make you your special cake that all of you can have at a dinner one night. Maybe the day before the party at a special celebration.

As for the friends, just tell them you appreciate it, but have been planning to make a cake that you really wanted, special design, flavor, etc. And thank them profusely for their kind thoughts.

Happy birthday in a month, I am sure you will enjoy it. Mine is in April too only I will be exactly 20 years older. ::shivers:: LOL I will be visiting my daughter and grandchildren and I am going to make decorations and buy sprinkles. I am going to bake a cake and let them go to town with it. Should be fun, they are 10, 3, and 1.5! icon_biggrin.gif

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indydebi Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 9:37pm
post #10 of 19

Get real. A 2.5 year old is NOT going to "Make the cake". Daddy is going to make the cake while the 2.5 year old watches. The 2 year old will be JUST as happy putting the candles in the cake for you.

I was going to give my version of what I'd tell someone, but you asked how would you POLITELY tell them, so that rules my response out pronto! icon_biggrin.gif

Oh what the heck!! If it's my birthday, then DON'T give me something I DON'T want just so YOU can feel happy and content that YOU did "something". At the end of the day, YOU are happy on my birthday and I feel like crap because I didnt' get to make my own dang cake! But hey! I guess it's not about me, even tho it is MY birthday! icon_twisted.gif

But remember .... payback is hell! icon_rolleyes.gificon_twisted.gif

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DebBTX Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 9:40pm
post #11 of 19

I'm an "older" mom with my youngest in her mid-20s. I can't believe how fast the years have gone by.

I would love to have all of my kids little again to line up at the counter helping Daddy make me something special. Those are the things wonderful memories are made of.
Their laughs... the new things they just learned.... even the horrible mess. icon_lol.gif

Take plenty of pictures of them working away, then post their happy moments on the refrigerator. Some day when they are older themselves, they will remember that great day, and how proud you were of them.

Trust me when I kindly say that you will have plenty of opportunities to try new recipes and designs. Please let your husband and little one have the fun of showing you love. They have chosen a cake because they know it is something that is important to you.

-Debbie B.

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kaat Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 12:03am
post #12 of 19

My son was 3 when he "made" this cake for Daddy. It was hard to watch but it really was the "best cake ever!"
What's better than birthday cake?

Two birthday cakes!


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jennicita Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 5:55am
post #13 of 19

I would LOVE it if my son and husband made a cake for me! On the other hand, I also enjoy making my own. In fact, last year I told people that my gift to myself was the time I took to make my birthday cake and try out something new.

Since you'll be celebrating with friends, why not have your son's special cake for lunch or a little mini family celebration? Heck, why not have his cake for breakfast!? You might start a new family tradition and he'd be thrilled! Think of the memories (yours AND his!) Then you still have your special self-made cake for eating with friends.

Just a thought!

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janine1972 Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 6:14am
post #14 of 19

I never get to make myself a birthday cake - lol allways have to make do with leftovers or frozen stuff ive had or go to the store and grab a tart or something to serve as i am normaly very busy in January.

I would love it if my dh and son made me a birthday cake - and darn proud too - lol

Why not compromise, make your cake that you will serve when your friends etc come over, and then let them make you a special cake that they pour all their love into for you, that you can tell them to make it smallish, and then you as a family can enjoy it, or you could serve it with your special cake you made to all aswell, making your son feel extra special.

This way you both win, and you all have those special memories to cherish too.

Have fun whatever you decide to do!

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lostincake Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 7:06am
post #15 of 19

This year was the first year my DH thought to bake me a cake as a surprise. I didn't know what he had planned though until after I had already baked a cake two days before my B-Day so I could try out a new design and he asked me who the cake was for. When I told him it was for me, his face fell and he told me how he had planned to surprise me by baking me a cake this year and letting me decorate it - he'd even found a recipe on-line to try.

I felt bad because I knew the only reason he thought to bake this year was because of my new love for cake decorating and he wanted to contribute somehow on a personal level for my B-Day.

At least my DS who's 3, did get to help me bake the cake (he's a very good "stirrer" as he puts it lol) and he was boasting to everyone that he "helped Mommy to make the cake".

Maybe, you could compromise and let them bake the cake and you could do the decorating? Just a thought.

I know if I could have done that (had I known) I would have icon_smile.gif

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Rylan Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 7:27am
post #16 of 19

First off all Advanced Happy Birthday! Hope that day is stress free.

As for your 2.5 year old (with the help of husband of course), I think you should never refuse his offer to make it. It doesn't matter whether its going to taste like rotten eggs or the most horrible decorated cake in existence. I'm pretty sure your son would love to do it for you... just make sure his dad helps him do the "grown up stuff". I mean who said you can't have two cakes? Or just like the other person mentioned, maybe you can have it for dinner.

As of your friend, If I were you I would say: "Oh thank you, that is really sweet of you. I actually had a plan for my birthday cake that I'm so excited about but if you want to make a cake, that would be great. I mean I can never have too many birthday cakes, right?"

If she wants to make you a cake, then let her. It's a gift. As long as you let her know you are also making a birthday cake, then that would clear everything up.

BTW, I would disagree with you hollow3. I don't think I would even dare to ask someone to buy cake supplies so I can make my OWN birthday cake. I feel that's just etiquettley (not sure if that word exists) incorrect.

Hope that helps. Good luck. =]

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jouj Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 7:36am
post #17 of 19

I know it's still early, but Happy Birthday!!

Every Year, everyone around me, including my husband, asks me what cake I will make for my birthday, they always get the same answer: "It's MY birthday, and I want to relax and pamper myself, fix my hair and my nails etc..."
Now each year, my husband buys me my favorite cake, from the best place in town, it's a white cake, filled with cream and pieces of "Marrons Glaces" (glazed chestnuts), covered with ganache and decorated with whole pieces of the chestnuts. In fact, my birthday was 2 days ago, and I still have from this cake in my fridge, YUMMY.

BTW, I really wish that my husband and my kids (7 and 5) would make a cake for me, but my husband doesn't have a clue about baking, and the kids can't do it without him.


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mommapaul3 Posted 16 Mar 2009 , 6:25pm
post #18 of 19
Originally Posted by janine1972

Why not compromise, make your cake that you will serve when your friends etc come over, and then let them make you a special cake that they pour all their love into for you, that you can tell them to make it smallish, and then you as a family can enjoy it, or you could serve it with your special cake you made to all as well, making your son feel extra special.

I was about to suggest this. I actually refuse to make my own birthday cakes. I just want my family to show me some love icon_wink.gif My kids "make" my cake every year. My mom just makes a box cake in a Pyrex pan and puts canned frosting on it. Then buys a bunch of candy and brings it over and the kids just put candy all over it. It makes them so happy to do something special for their mommy and it makes me happy that they like to do something special for me.

So I would just do your own fancy cake the way you want it. Let DS and daddy make you a small family cake for your own little celebration. Tell everyone else that the cake is being taken care of already, but thank you for the thought (no need for more details), and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

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ThreeDGirlie Posted 22 Mar 2009 , 9:03am
post #19 of 19

Thanks everyone for the responses!

As for the 2 1/2 year old "making me a cake", I'm going to make an extra 6" round when I bake my cake and let his dad help him decorate it. icon_smile.gif DS bakes with me sometimes, and I will definitely let him help with this one. And by "help", I mean he stands on a stool and tells me what every ingredient is, and I'll let him taste the flour, salt, sugar etc...

Debi, as always, I love your response... Not something I would say out loud, but exactly how I was feeling about this whole thing. I mean, seriously, making me a cake "so I don't have to bake on my birthday" is not a gift to me. I WANT to bake on my birthday (well, actually a day or two before, then DECORATE on my birthday). On the other hand, occupying my kids so I can decorate undisturbed is just about the best gift I could get.

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