Yes, but not to be hurtful to the OP. More of a "You totally need to stop being taken advantage of." and "Wow, is she ever a B****!!!" Also, the OP totally shouldn't be taken advantage of, and I hate that.

The reason they expect you to make the cakes for free is because you ALWAYS make the cakes for free. What have you said or done to make them think any different? In their minds, you make the cakes because you LOVE making the cakes for their kids! YOu've never said anything to the contrary; never mentioned price; never mentioned time; you've just smiled, nodded and showed up with a cake.

Draw the line in the sand. Flat out tell them, "I just can't afford to make them for free anymore." And if they offer to pay for ingredients, make THEM go buy them. Give them the list (store specific) and let them spend their time running all over to get what you need. Your time is just as valuable as theirs.

I don't think my friend told me to be mean i think she was telling me because she wanted me to know that my thoughtfulness or at least what i thought was thoughtful was being taken advantage of and i am glad she told me because because i now no that my sisters are not thankful for not having to fork out the money to buy a cake and i think well i know that next time wich is very soon that she asks for a birthday cake for one of her kids that i will give her the choice of cake or gift but i can not do both unless she wants to pay for supplies.

You are so right indydebi they do expect them for free because i always say ok...i just need to get brave and say no or ask for them to pay for supplies i am just one of those people that can't say no to anyone and i guess i must have a little invisable sign on my forehead that says take advantage of me and that is why i could never own a cake business because i would never make any money. I work in a dental office i used to answer phones but i couldn't say no to people they would give me a sob story and i would end up feeling bad for them and squeeze them in so they moved me to the back and now i assist with to docter....lol..i know that it is my fault but more than anything i just think my sister hurt my feelings because i thought i was doing something nice.....but you know what they say nice people finish last but thank you all for all of your input i am slowly getting up the nerve to call my sister and tell her that i just don't have the time to do the cake.

If anyone ever expressed the opinion that one of my cakes didn't qualify as a gift, it would be the LAST cake they EVER got from me, and I mean EVER!!!. How ungrateful.

I am SO lucky that no one in my family ever assumes I'll provide a cake for free, and they're always very appreciative when I do.

You need to stand up for yourself girl!

We always get together with my inlaws (bro and sis in laws too) and nieces and nephews for birthdays in clusters. Well this Saturday is birthday get together for 3 people in our family and we are all going out to dinner as usual. I know they are expecting me to make a cake....however, it's not gonna happen! I've been really busy this week plus I am going to a funeral today, so therefore-no cake for them!!! And I honestly don't care, because it's my money and my hardwork!

So standup for yourself!

Shelly, MHO, when the time comes for the next "order", I think if your sister "agrees" to take the cake as a gift, and I think she will, it saves her time and big bucks to get it from you, you should make sure, in a nice and loving way to let your nephew or niece know that the cake is his/her present, and that is unique and special because you made it thinking of them and has an extra ingredient the store bought cakes don't have : LOVE, and THAT, you can not buy. Your sister should teach her children to be more appreciative of ANY gift, and that is my unrequested HO again.

"I'm sorry, but it's just not possible for me to do that." Repeat as necessary.

Do NOT give any reasons/excuses, as that will give the family member ammunition to try to wear you down. When asked "why not", simply reply "because it's just not possible. I'm sorry."

In this instance there is no way you should feel bad saying "Sorry, but I have another large cake order for that day, and no time to do both." Even I (read "Miss Pushover") have said that. Or, assuming she'll say forget it anyway, set the bar for future requests and tell her that you'd be happy to do the cake, but since it is for a large event and not a family event, you need to make a profit and will charge her the discounted price of $1.50 per serving for basic buttercream, simple design. And, while you are on the subject you would like to let her know that with the economy changes and increased grocery prices, you will need to at least charge for ingredients and supplies for all cakes in the future, you just can't take the money from your family's budget anymore. Then get a slightly less expensive gift since your time is also a gift (even more than the toy cost, but at least you save a little).

I have the same issue with needing a backbone. Some family/friends are falling over themselves appreciative (even giving me gift cards or new tools when I won't accept the $ they've offered), others are moderately appreciative but act like they are doing me a favor as well by giving me a chance to do the hobby I enjoy, and others just say "Ummm, do you want me to give you $ to buy a cake mix?". To which I say, "No don't worry" but really want to say "$ for a cake MIX, are you kidding me, that doesn't even cover the cost of making a basic mix, never mind everything I add to it to make it better!!!!!!!" But I really love the ones who, upon my offer of free or at cost suddenly inflate their order in both size & detail. Tons of calls or emails, with, "you know, I think I need the larger size, and can you just add this detail and this one too." As if it's no big thing. And then days later, thanking me for the cake with "Thanks for the cake, it was nice." I know what I should be saying, I just have a hard time actually doing it. I have decided to be sure to charge for my costs from now on, because it really is unfair for me to take $ from my husband and children to make a cake for someone. I also am feeling guilty with the time I'm taking from them to work on a cake, I'll have to work on that part of my spine (can a chiropracter fix that?).

I really like the advice of giving an ingredient/shopping list and having them take THEIR time to at least buy the supplies (right now if I charge for ingredients, I charge for the cost of what I used not the entire package) and asking them to babysit while I work on their cake instead of staying up til the wee hours and losing much needed sleep on their free cake. Maybe I can try that next time with the one's who have been unappreciative, though I'm sure I'll get, "Oh, forget it, I'll go to Target" from them and a "Sure, whatever I can do" from the one's who've been grateful. Then I'm faced with the child seeing I did something for another child in the family but not for them and I feel bad since it's not their doing.

Wow, I really can rant about this LOL. Any opportunity to commiserate!!! Please let us know how it works out if you follow up with your family on this. Good luck, you have every right not to let them take advantage of your $ & time.

You'll get over not wanting to look like the "bad cake Nazi" when you get walked over enough times.

Unfortunately I experienced this at the hands of my church family back on Germany. I would have people call me two or three days before thei DD's b-day and beg for a cake (like they forgot they gave birth to a child on a specific day). They'd tell me to do something simple, "You know like a 2 tiered fondant cake with crystals and a waterfall?" (being sarcastic- but you get my point). Against my better judgement, I'd run around like a crazy person picking up supplies and whatnot and make the cake (while caring for my newborn twins) only to have them show up two hours late to pick it up and THEN have the nerve to say, "I'll give you the money at church on Sunday".

Those of you who have read posts from me, what do you think I did? LOL!

Step 1: Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

Step 2: Begin a roar starting from your knees and increasing as it approaches your throat.

Step 3: At this point your lips should have formed the shape of an "O".

Step 4: Let 'er rip.

I've been in this situation many times and I don't get how people don't understand that there's a recession and nobody is giving away flour, sugar, butter and cream cheese. Quid pro quo Clarise!

Aw, Shelley, I am sorry you have to go through this! When my friend asked me to make her wedding cake (called me up and said "OMG, we have to go out for dinner, we haven't done it in such a long time!"...needless to say she never calls me and we never go out for dinner), she didn't mention anything about paying for it. OK, my first BIG cake, and being slightly naive though, really? how much could this cost?? Once I realized how much it is to just BAKE the cake, I was like not a hope in *bleep* is she getting this for FREE (ok maybe is she was my BFF, but this girl is FAR from that!). So I called her up and said, it is geting very expensive to make this cake, I would be happy to give this to you as your wedding gift, or you could pay me for the ingredients and I would be happy to give you another gift. She chose to get it as a gift. Moral of the story: From now on ask family members if they would like the cake as a gift. Say "you know sis, I was going to pend X amount on Jimmy's gift, that is about what it will cost me to make Jimmy's cake. Do you think that Jimmy would like this as his gift, or would you like to pay me for the cake and I will be happy to buy something else for Jimmy?" End of story. Good luck and don't be so nervous. Honestly, what the worst thing that could happen? She doesn't ask you to make a cake again? Would that be so bad??

i totaly get what you are saying k8mamphis but i dont think my nephew really cares if he gets a gift or a cake he is busy oppening the 20 other gifts he has gotten most of wich he probably already has not knowing and not caring who they are from because he is only 4 years old. i just think that i really don't need to explain to him that i made his cake and that is his birthday gift from aunt shelly because he dosn't care anyway i think he is just happy knowing that it is his day and all attention is focused on him and i really don't think amoungust all of the comotion he is really going to stop and think hey wait where is my gift from aunt shelly.

More than anything i think it is my sister worried about if she thinks he got enough gifts or not and i guess i thought that she would be more greatful for the cake because
1. she does not have to fork out the money for one
2. It is not just any old cake.
3. one less toy to have to pick up off the floor.

At least that is how i feel i would much rather get a free cake from someone for my child than a toy that i will have to pick up off the floor all the time and trust me i would make sure my child knew who made it and how special it is because that is just the normal thing to do. She is just teaching her child to be ungratful as well if the parent is not greatful for things how to you expect your child to be greatful for things.
I don't care if my child gets a gift they already have they are not allowed to say i already have this they know that they are not supposed to say anything but thank you end of story.

I was awake all night last night letting this bother me so yes i am putting my big girl pants on and telling my older sister i just do not have the time to do the cake she needs bucause i already oblagated my self to another one for that day but in the future i would be more than happy to do cakes for her under the condition she buy all supplies and as for my younger sister i am giong to tell her if she wants me to bring a gift for her child she will buy all supplies for the cake and watch my twins while i do the cake... ok i typed it and it felt good now i just have to say it to them....lol...

Well, I haven't read the whole post (yet!!), but I was dying to comment. So, with that it mind, don't take this out of context!

Learn from my mistakes - even though, my family is always in awe and brags for months- lucky me!!!

I once decided to do a paid order, my dad's beer bottle cake (which I had never done ANY sugar work at all at that point, AND a LV purse cake for my grandmother. The paid one got most of my attention and since they were all due the same day, it was rather rushed at home. Besides the fact that I have a 9, 7, 2 (almost three Feb.7 b-day) AND a one year old. Well, it was disasterous. I delivered the paid order with pride and have gotten many orders from her refferral since. The purse cake ended up with a spatula sticking through the middle from frustration (not to mention, the big bites that my hubby took out of it after I was udderly to the breaking point), and though everyone loved the beer cake - I didn't even get to finish making the bucket that I had intended. Luckily, everyone thought it was fabulous (I don't know what they were thinking, but I am not complaining !!!!). (People around here are used to sheet cakes, so they were awestruck that it was sugar). Never will I let them see the cakes that were the inspiration, it would show my so many flaws. I was miserable and exhausted after delivery and NEVER again will I not say NO when I am previously obligated. It is hard at first, but it gets easier every time!

HTH - Mandi

Congratulations on your decision! I felt so happy for you when I read your last post. I know is going to be very hard for you to actually say it, but to make it a bit easier, do what they do, call her on the phone, is easier if you don't see your sister's face. If she gets offended and says that you should have told her with more time, tell her like Indydebbie says: WalMart aisle 8! or something like that, they have some white ones ready all the time and can write whatever she needs in a couple of minutes. Once you do this, you are going to have mixed feelings, but the good ones will supersede the bad ones, and it will be easier to tell your younger sis. to get the ingr. and babysit your babies. That is the decent thing to do. I can just imagine she will say she is so busy getting things ready for the party, etc, to make you feel more guilty, but hold on to your big girl panties and give her the same directions: Wal-Mart...... It is the only way they will start appreciating your talent, and your money and your time. And since I already rambled here so long, if you have to, then let her know, in a nice way, that she should realize that you are taking time from your family and money from your budget to make them happy.
One question to you: When YOU make b-day parties for your twins, does she help you in any way? or does she just shows up @ your party expecting to be served like any regular guest because she got a present? I have a sister like that, she tells you flat out in your face: I am like any other guest, I got a present and should be served the same way, and I agree, BUT she does not do the same at HER parties, she expects ME to help because I am her sister. I have 3 sisters and ALL of them now know to not just expect a cake, we live really close to each other and one time or another they have been here when I am decorating a cake and know it is time consuming and money spent. I already mentioned this on another thread, one of them is assistant principal at a local High School and this past Christmas, by the time she got back from a conference, she was told that she was going to bring the cake to the office party, since she had a sister that made cakes, she was I told her if she got me the ingred. I would gladly make it, she said;NO, I will make it so they will learn. http://www.cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=613591&postdays=0&postorder=asc&&start=30 Here is the link, I attached the pics. of the cakes and there is good advice there too. Way to go

Elda: That pic was so funny! I love it when that happens... shows them right.

Thank you Tita, the cake tasted good, they finished it, but it sure was not what they expected and they learned their lesson. The mistake they made was telling her: "since you have a sister that makes cakes", that did it! if they had not said anything, they would have gotten something really different. And the cake looked this good because my sis. called me several times asking me STEP BY STEP how to do it. It never occurred to me she was going to take the leaves from the strawberries. I love my sister.