So my DH comes from a family of medical doctors, lawyers, and college professors. His family looks down on me b/c I never graduated HS but I did get my GED last year. I stay at home and my DH is a teacher. His family is also....pretty......I am overweight and average looking. Anyway, his cousin is getting married on Saturday and we weren't invited. We know that it going to be a very expensive event and that there are going to be tons of ppl there. My FIL stuck his foot in his mouth about it then tried to back up a bit like he didn't know what was going on. We were told that the cousins are not invited. There are only 3 cousins to speak of in my dh's family. I think they are embarrassed by us because we don't live the lifestyle that they do or maybe they are just embarrassed by me. I'm very hurt by this and I don't know what to think. They spend 6 figures on these events and when we got married we spent a few thousand. Certain members snubbed me at our wedding. I don't know if I should send a gift I can't afford or forget about them completely. I'm confused about the matter since they didn't even have the decency to tell us themselves. Any advice would be appreciated. The funny thing is that DH couldn't care less.

Hell, if you didn't get invited, you certainly don't send a gift!!! If you have the desire to buy a gift, buy one for yourself or your husband.

Sorry, but families can suck at times.

Well that's just plain rude.....Who needs to go anyway!!!Don't send a gift!!

You know what. Just think of it this way, you have a loving family and who needs those people who think they are better than you because they have money? I have family I don't even talk to because they act this way. It is sad that it has to be this way but no one is better than anyone else. Also think, I bet your wedding was better than theirs is going to be! Their is going to uptight and boring and a stressful event with all of that money in the wedding and if yours was a low key wedding you had people their who loves you and wanted to be their. Not because they wanted to make an appearence!..

Sorry, can you tell I get a little peeved about family? LOL!

No gift. Period.

BTW-if that's you in your avatar then you are wrong. You are beautiful, not average and you certainly do NOT look overweight to me. Who cares what they think! DH has it right. He obviously knows what he's talking about....he picked you, right!

Weddings can bring out the worst in people. I think that you should just let it go. Don't send a gift, just ignore it altogether. Life is too short to worry about a-holes.

That would sting but try to think of it this way--they are giving you a much more comfortable day than to endure attending this affair with unpleasant people. Being patronized always sucks though. Geez hope none of the other cousins really get invited and if they do hope you never find out. It's stupid to spend a jillion dollars and stiff 'the three cousins'.

You are awesome. You are cool. You are not average looking or average in any other way. You are my CakeBuddy and You Rock.

I'm gonna say one more thing, Mother-hen-ishly. Consider being careful of your self-talk. Tell yourself how great you are seriously--'cause as you've just related, nobody else will do it for you. And what we say to ourselves, we believe. So you do have to come to grips about your feelings concerning this event but be nice to Kimmypoo.

(((giant hug)))

Shoot...I wish that was me in the avatar!!! I think it's settled...no gift.

definitely no gift
and just cause their 'family' doesnt mean you have to be nice to them when they are big jerks to you

Count your non-invite as a huge blessing. No gift to buy, no snobbish relatives to endure.

Having money does NOT mean you have any class.

By the sounds of things you could starve yourself to be stick thin, have surgery to become gorgeous ( bet you're lovely anyway ) and put yourself through college and they still would look down their noses - you can't fix the problem because the problem is theirs ignorant sods! Some people may have lots but all too often they sadly have no class, which, you my friend have by the bucket load. As for your dh not being bothered, why should he be ? He has a beautiful wife ( inside and out), a happy home and marriage - how many of his well off relatives can claim the same? Probably none and that's why they are down on you coz you guys have what their money and brains can't buy. Chin up and hold your head high...it's not what you have that matters it's what you do with what you have that counts. The only people you should let bother you or influence you are the ones you love dearly and respect totally - if they have reason to be on your case it's usually for a very good reason based on the fact they adore you and want what's best for you, but the rest...well sod 'em

You guys are great and I really appreciate your support. You made a lot of good points that never really occurred to me and made me look at things in a different way. I've been nothing but nice to them, if they can't accept me then tough cakeballs!!! And you're right, they are stuffed shirts that can't have fun and I'd be wishing I were somewhere else if we had been invited. It just ticks me off when people treat anybody like that....not just family. Karma....karma....karma

If I were you Kim, I'd be happy that I didn't get invited to this Wedding. I can't think of anything worse than spending the afternoon with a bunch of over educated, under mannered clods! Anyone that measures a person's worth by their level of education and how much money they have in the bank, doesn't deserve to be graced with your company.

I've met many highly educated people that don't have an ounce of common decency. I wouldn't trade my life with any of them. If money is what makes them happy, than I'm very sad for them. They'll never know what true happiness is.

I think your husband's take on this situation is right on. Let them all go to he_ _! You have more class, beauty, and sense than the lot of them, they deserve each other!

And............please do not send any gift, you and your hubby should get dressed up that day and go out for a nice dinner!

What is that saying? You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you can't pick your relatives. Seems to me that you're the one who is getting a gift - you don't have to go!

Kim

Just be happy they are your relatives who your had no choice in chosing and not your friends. Enjoy your day not going to the wedding. If you really feel the need or guilt to send a gift, take the money and watch it burn. You will get more enjoyment and even a sincere thank you from the burnt money than from the relatives you didn't get to chose.

Just remember you have family here at CC.

I said earlier not to send a gift, but it might be a bigger kick in their a$$ if you sent them a gift with a card and beautiful note. Make 'em feel like a piece of garbage that they shunned you, yet you still had enough class to wish them well.

listen to me:

in april, we went to my husband's cousin's daughter (get that?) wedding in coral gables, florida. the cousin is a judge, her husband is an environmental lawyer, and both daughters are already out of law school. this wedding was for the firstborn, and totaled over $250,000, yet the youngest daughter SPIT INTO THE DRINK OF ONE OF THE GUESTS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RECEPTION, after she got drunk.

i say all this to let you know: money doesn't buy class.

I had to put a bride to bed (alone) during her reception b/c she got so drunk. They didn't even get to cut the cake!

UPDATE-I found out for sure tonight that DHs cousins WERE invited.....so it was just us that was left out. I am going to send them a card.....I don't know what it will say yet but I'll take the high road.....maybe. I'd like to know who is making their cake though the wedding is at The Breakers in Palm Beach on Saturday....LOL....CALLING ALL CAKE DECORATORS!!!! LOL
Nah....not worth my time. I have more than they do in everything that matters and it didn't cost a thing.

Kimmypooh...i too am overweight, my weight has always been up and down but i gained weight after i had my son. But the thing that i learned a long time ago is that because i am overweight doesn't mean i have to act like it. I shop for only the prettiest plus size clothing and the highest stiletto, i try to keep my hair done and nails, make-up all the good stuff. I think of myself as average looking once i go to bed but when i wake up in the morning, honey you would think i was a movie star I use to have low self esteem but then i got over it because not only do i tell myself i'm beautiful...i have a husband and son who tells me all the time.

I say screw the family and surround yourself with positive people who love and care about you. There is this saying that I love to say to people who give me their behinds to kiss..."Be careful whose toes you step on, because they may be connected to the a$$ you have to kiss one day"

i think i will never forget, a few years ago, when i realized that i was the only one purposely not invited to another neighbor's baby shower. i happened to go to another neighbors house, and there on her refrigerator was a little calendar with this specific date marked saying "becky's baby shower". it was ony 2 days away or something, so i knew i hadn't been invited. then my next door neighbor and best friend of the pregnant chick had the nerve to call and ask if they could use our costco card to buy some "groceries". then the morning of the party, she called to see if my husband, who works for a paper company, had any samples of small punch cups she could have!!!!!!!!! i thought "are your freaking kidding me??????" they never did admit to me what was going on, but i let them know i knew by calling over to the neighbor and saying "well, just give so and so the message that i called and she's more than welcome to use my costco card to buy those supplies for becki's shower...if we'd known about the party, todd could have ordered you some punch cups".

when i'm wronged like and it's obvious that someone thinks they have something over on me, i let them know that the joke is on them.

My former supervisor used to tell me "Thin is in but fat is where it's at!" Oh how I need to get back there.

The more I think about it, I think maybe you should send a card.....A $5 GIFT CARD TO THE DOLLAR TREE! Wouldn't that be funny!?