About a month ago, i started noticing that a friend of mine had started getting really, really skinny. I didn't want to believe she had an eating disorder, simply because she never had any qualms about eating in the past. We used to pig out together when we hung out. and honestly, while I may be a little fluffy, she was no where NEAR overweight. She was a normal weight for someone of her age and height. She was happy, cheerful, and above all, healthy.
Anyways, it soon dawned on me that she had a problem, and I brought it up with my mum. My mum had seen her awhile back and had asked me about it. Back then i didn't want to believe her, now however, I do. I knew she hadn't been getting her period for a while, not to mention she hadn't been going down for recess. She'd just stay up in class. My mum called her mum and gave her the number to a psychologist. Her family had been trying to get her to eat for a while, and they really were at their wits end. My friends mum confronted her and told her she had to see a doctor. My friend broke down and told her mum to give her time, and that she would eat soon.I thought that was the end of it, it wasn't.
She's worse now, her cheekbones have sunken it. There's nothing on her arms, her uniform hangs loose. She walks around with this glazed look all the time, and she's getting paler and paler. Her skin's taken on a sickly shade of yellow. I want to help, but whenever I try to talk to her, even to say hi, she doesn't talk to me. She completely ignores me all the time. Once, i told her a teacher wanted to see her regarding some grade. All she did was give me this really pissed off look and turned away. I had to get someone else to pass the message to her.
I don't know what to do. I've know her for quite a while, and this came as a real shock. I feel so helpless every time I see her. I've found out she's about 33kg now. She's a little taller than me, and the same age, but she's changed so much. I don't want her to die. I hate seeing her like this. She looks so miserable. DAMN IT, I'M 16!!!!!!!!! i don't know how to handle stuff like this. I just want my friend back. Please.....help me.
Your friend is really sick. She probably needs to be hospitalized and cared for by doctors who understand how to treat her illness.
I so know how you feel. My cousin is anorexic and I feel so helpless that there is nothing I can do to help. She used to be drop dead gorgeous until she all but stopped eating. It sounds like your friend needs professional medical help. To be fair, even that may take awhile. My cousin does better with some doctors than others, but she still has yet to have it "sink in" that she is a very unhealthy weight. My cousin is an extreme case, but if your friend finds a good doctor and therapist they can do amazing things. All you can really do is be a friend.
Having suffered from an eating disorder, and watching my mother suffer from anorexia, I can honestly tell you that there is nothing that you can say or do to help her. Let her parents deal with it, and just be her friend. Everyone always thinks that they will be able to solve the problem, and nobody can, other than the person who has the eating disorder.
Her parents should be getting her into therapy and possibly hospitilization. Your friend really needs a friend right now, and not one who is constantly talking about the weight issue, unless she brings it up. It's going to be the elephant in the room for a long time.
I have to second michellenj, all I can say is you can not help someone who does not want to help themselves. The only thing you can do is be a friend , she may feel threatened or possibly withdraw from you if you push the issue or attempt to intervene.
Thanks for the response. Thing is, I DO want to a friend. I know better than to bring the issue up, I'm guessing she's sick of people telling her to get help, even if she does need it. Thing is, she doesn't want me as a friend. She ignores me whenever I even say hi. Am I doing something wrong? Or does she just feel paranoid?
Anorexia is not really about food, even though everyone thinks it is. There is an underlying problem that she needs to get help with. The disease is just a mask of the real problem. Sort of like a lot of alcoholics or drug users. They usually have an underlying issue that has caused them to deal with their problems this way. She needs to seek help by talking to some professionals.
Wish her all the best!
I just wanted to add that your friend most likely doesn't think that she has a problem, and that she is in control and can stop whenever she feels like stopping. Not eating like that makes your body scream in hunger all the time, your brain is in a fog from the starvation, and your emotions are raw but numb at the same time from it all. That might be why she is not speaking with you. She is probably feeling depressed and ashamed, lonely, and harrassed. Give her some time.
She needs to be hospitilized. If she is yellow in color she is most likely jaundace (sp?), and her liver is giving out. Her parents need to get her help- NOW. This is truely life or death. Please talk with her parents, and get her in the hospital. She may be mad at you now, but she will surely thank you in 5 years when she is still alive. If her parents are unwilling to help than talk with a teacher or school counseler, they will know what to do. Good luck. Please keep us posted. ((((Big Hugs)))) for everyone involved.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:21 pm Post subject:
She needs to be hospitilized. If she is yellow in color she is most likely jaundace (sp?), and her liver is giving out.
She's Chinese, her skins already naturally a...........pale yellow? I might have been exaggerating when I said YELLOW but it still looks a sickly colour now as compared to last time. Could that still be jaundice?
Has she seen a doctor?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject:
Has she seen a doctor?
Yes she has. he's given her vitamins and stuff, but she doesn't wanna take them.[/code][/quote]
I had an eating disorder in high school. A friend told my parents who didn't notice because of my baggy clothes, but my friend did. I hated her for it, but now I owe her my life. At 5'9 I weighed roughly 90 pounds. I even stopped having my period which of course I thought was great! I was in the hospital for a month. Yes, it's not about food. It's about control. The rest of your life may be out of control and there is nothing else you can "control," so food is it. At least that's what it was for me, though I didn't realize it at the time. This was my freshman year in high school and it was rough, obviously.
Sorry, but your friend doesn't need vitamins, she needs nutrition and counseling, and definitely in an inpatient center.
Oh and her parents don't need to want her to eat, they have complete control of the situation. My parents took me to the hospital and dropped me off, lied to me to get me in the car and then I had to stay. No it wasn't nice, but they knew I wouldn't go otherwise. They are her parents and she is a minor, they can have her admitted.
You can't let your own feelings get in the way. She may hate you now, but you know you are doing the right thing.
By the way, my friend's last name is "Lord." Go figure.
Hey you guys, just an update in case anyone is still watching this. My friend has gotten herself some professional help and is currently doing better. not much better, but still better than before. We talk now, and she apologised for ignoring me last year. It's still rough, but I think she's slowly coming out of it. Thanks for all the support I got here!
That's great news! I wish her continued success in her therapy and you have obviously been a great friend to her through all of this.
Stand by you friend, she will need you more than ever now. Hopefully she will not relapse. She's lucky to have a friend like you.