Large Families (Long)

Decorating By quilting2011 Updated 6 Sep 2008 , 4:41pm by MnSnow

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quilting2011 Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 4:38am
post #1 of 23

Yesterday, my husband met me for lunch at work and brought my 5 year old triplets Well, my husband and kids are hearing but they sign to me in ASL. An older couple (looked like they were late 40 's eary 50's were sitting at another table behind us. They looked at us. My kids said hi. First thing that came ouf of the old lady's mouth-Another welfare mom. My husband signed to me what the senior citizen said..

Well, I was pissed out. I ignored them. Guess what that same couple came to my friends bakery Saturday (where I work part time on Saturdays) to order a cake . I looked at them straight in the eye and they looked like they wanted to crawl in a hole.

Any young cc mothers out there. I guess I just get ticked off when older people tell us we should get our tubes tied.

I'm 24 years, my husband is 25 and we are making very good money. I am a CPA my husband is a computer consultant for a defense firm. We were married at 17 years old.

My friend who own the bakery had her first baby at 15 years old and has 5 chidlren. She is only 28 years old/. She is R.N with a masters degree in Nursing plus completed a baking and pastry diploma. Her husband is now a dentist. They were married before they finished high school.

I have a alot of friends had babies before high school and have successful careers and completed college or own their own business with no welfare help!

I feel people should mind their own business and assume we are not welfare handouts.

I guess I just wanted to blow some steam. Sorry for the long ranting.

22 replies
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ceshell Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 5:01am
post #2 of 23

There is a great thread about this in the lounge, you might want to check it out...lots of CCers in your shoes!

I'm sorry that happened to you, I can't imagine people even thinking that way, much less being so rude to then express their small-minded views out loud. And assuming you won't "overhear" to boot. thumbsdown.gif

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xstitcher Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 5:54am
post #3 of 23
Originally Posted by ceshell

There is a great thread about this in the lounge, you might want to check it out...lots of CCers in your shoes!

I'm sorry that happened to you, I can't imagine people even thinking that way, much less being so rude to then express their small-minded views out loud. And assuming you won't "overhear" to boot. thumbsdown.gif

I'm really sorry this happened to you too! I'm glad they felt like slinking away when you saw them again!

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cakeandpartygirl Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 6:42am
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Ok I just finished reading the last thread about being a young mother and this one. So now here is my say. There is no one and absolutely no one who has any right to say anything to anyone about whether or not you are a welfare mother. If you were, they still don't have a heaven or hell to put you in! Just because you have 3 children doesn't make you one. I know for sure because I have three as well (had my first one at 21 and I wasn't married at the time either). I love and I am sure you love your children.
I know that a few years ago it wasn't anything to have at least 3 children. If anything they should think what an awesome thing it is to have triplets because it is not every day that one has them for all they know you could have been desperately trying to have children and had to go to a fertility clinic. IF you had to do that would that make you a welfare mother????? I don't think so besides I don't think that medicaid would pay for that. icon_biggrin.gif LOL!!!
I know these days many people shy away from having children (probably because they aree too busy trying to keep up with the Jones's) I have been around too many spoiled brats whose parents buy them every little thing and it makes them very self centered. But enough about that. Keep your head up be proud of your husband and keep smiling you are an awesome mommy!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif

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gabbycakes Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 7:04am
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I wish I knew what is wrong with people these days!!!

My son in law happens to be black (I tend to forget, but it matters to this story). He has been on SSI for several years because he had kidney problems, went on dialysis, and then had a transplant 1 1/2 years ago. When their 3rd was born, they had so much criticism from people, including people at their own church it was unreal! After the baby was born, a lady walked up to SIL at church and told him they had no business having another baby!!! (The whole young black guy sponging off the govt stereotype--he didn't look sick, and he wasn't working.....he must be sponging!!!). I was FURIOUS!! I told them it's a good thing I wasn't there, I would have looked the lady square in the eye and said, "I'm so sorry we offended you, we'll take him right home and kill him." (Just to be outrageous--it hurts me to even type that!!) Then I would have been calling her (at least) 2-3 times a week in the middle of the night, and ask her if it is okay with her if we have sex.

There are a whole lot of people in this world who need to SHUT UP, MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS, and QUIT MAKING ASSUMPTIONS!!!

I'm sorry this happened to you! (And I didn't mean to hijack your thread--sorry!)

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this-mama-rocks Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 7:25am
post #6 of 23

((signing "F- off and die" in ASL in that senior citizen's general direction))

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peg818 Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 12:52pm
post #7 of 23


Stereo typing happens everywhere, and to all types of people.

My husband has a physical disability, but as a family we tend to forget it exists.

About 5 years ago he spent 2 years on crutches, well, every basketball game i attended with the boys, there was one father there who never failed to ask if my husband was back to work yet. Well, i just looked this man directly in the eye and said HUH? My husband had major knee surgery and missed only 2 days of work (just the kind of guy he is) only because he spent those two days in the hospital.

I just want to say that this happens, sorry it has happened to you, but it does. Its just a fact of life, yes people should mind their own business but they don't. I have come to the point of ignoring people. As the small minded people of the world aren't worth wasting my precious time or energy on.

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kilikina_24 Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 1:24pm
post #8 of 23

I am also a young mother. I had my first child when my husband and I were 19. I have always felt extra pressure to be a great mother because I feel like we are jundged more harshly. It's disgusting that people think they have the right to assume anything much less speak it! Maybe our little family didn't start in the best way possible but we have been so blessed! We've been married for 7 1/2 years and have 3 wonderful children--two boys (6 and 3) and a girl (1). I'm happy with my life and can't imagine it any other way! So, I guess let them judge and I'll just grin and figure they're just jealous--lol icon_wink.gif

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indydebi Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 1:29pm
post #9 of 23
Originally Posted by peg818

Stereo typing happens everywhere, and to all types of people.

Yep! My hubby is a big guy. Plus, old, gray haired, and walks like a weeble-wobble (yeah, I tease him about it all the time). He's in a drugstore and the clerk asks if he wants some discount card. He declines. She says, "But it saves you on all of your prescriptions!" He said, "What prescriptions?" She got that deer in the headlights look. Hubby was a little ticked because "she looked at this old, bald, gray-haired fat guy and figured he had everything wrong with him and was on all kinds of medication!"

Hubby has perfect blood pressure, perfect chloresteral (sp?) and I can't remember when he was actually prescribed anything. But he's a "fat old guy" so he MUST be the reason health costs are up.

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PinkZiab Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 1:44pm
post #10 of 23

Don't sweat it chickie. My best friend had her first child at 14--was it an ideal situation? Well of course not. But life happens, and well, she took responsibility for her own actions. I met her when she was 16 and her daughter was nearly 2. Let me tell you this 16 year old "kid" was a better mother at 16 than I have seen some 30 year olds be. She's now 28, married with two more beautiful children (and her husband adopted her oldest). Her husband pulls in a 7 figure salary, they have a beautiful custom built home, her children and smart and very well taken care of (in spite of all three of them having major health issues) and she's still one of the most amazing moms I have ever known! When I became a mother at 26, that (at the time) 20 year old was someone I wanted to be like as a mother. Oh and even at 14 she did not take a DIME of public assistance (not that there is any shame in that--sometime there is no other option), graduated high school and went to college all on her own (and no she did not "come from money" or anything--worked her butt off for it).

I also deal with a lot of negative assumptions from people because my boyfriend is a paraplegic... oh you should HEAR the things people have the nerve to ask/say to me. I don't get offended, because I rarely do, but I have to laugh at the sheer stupidity of some people!

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itsmylife Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:00pm
post #11 of 23

The nerve of some people. I had a friend who was on welfare a long time ago. She had two small kids, her husband died in a car accident and she was a SAHM at the time. Her only support was his parents (hers had passed), and they were on a very limited income. She cried about having to get food stamps and public assistance, but there was no other way.

She was able to get off of public assistance in less than two years and is now a very successful executive. She still feels bad for having to rely on the public assistance.

Plus, the audacity of them to make that comment knowing that your 5 year olds could hear it. If my 5 year old hears something now and doesn't know what the word is (like WELFARE)... he will ask... what's that mommy?

That couple can shove it where the sun don't shine.........

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indydebi Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:06pm
post #12 of 23

Not meaning to pick on old people ('coz I'm just way to close to being an official one!), but unfortunately they seem to say some of the dumbest things. We were in a pizza place once, and a retired couple was right across the aisle from us. Another customer's cell phone rang, they answered it, and the customer had one of those voices that carried ... the old couple started complaining about people who use cell phones in restaurants, how rude it was, "kids today" type of stuff.

Not FIVE MINUTES LATER, the old guy's cell phone rang and he answered it and held a nice conversation with the caller for quite a few minutes!!! Since he was right across the aisle from us, we got to hear every single word. I guess it's only young people's phones that are annoying to others in a restaurant!!

Hubby kept looking at me saying, "don't do it. I swear, don't you say a thing!" (now WHY would he feel the need to say that to ME?? icon_rolleyes.gif )

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TyeRiley Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:15pm
post #13 of 23

I'm 28 and I'm a foster parent. I've been unable to have children of my own and thought maybe I could help children in need. My husband owns his own business and makes good money. But when we get an infant the state pays for the formula. Which means WIC checks. I get the meanest looks. They look at my little white baby and my little black baby and look at me and have even made remarks as to my being able to afford other things in my grocery cart. I buy lots and I mean lots of toys,clothes, and extras for my foster children. I feel they deserve the best while they are with me. Alot of the time I have even paid for formula but at 15 dollars a can and a can every two days and thats for just one I do use the WIC checks. I buy all diapers,clothes ect. Alot of people think that we get paid lots of money to take care of these children and where I live we're the lowest paid foster parents in the state. THe money we get doesn't even cover the needs of the children. I hate it when people assume I'm some little slut that had children I couldn't afford with several different men(I've had three different little ones of different skin colors at one time.) I don't care I think they are all beautiful! My husband and I have been dating since we were 16 and got married at 20. We love eachother and these children but alot of people tend to make judgements based on how we look when we walk into a store. It's just stupid to say the least

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yummymummycakes Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:22pm
post #14 of 23

I am so used to hearing stuff like this all the time.

I have 9 children of my own and a foster child. I work and study whilst dealing with a 2 year old with epilepsy, severe developmental delays and autism!

And the foster child has major depression with suicidal tendancies.

And I wouldnt change my life for the world.

And I am single!!!!!

(kicked the hubby out when I decided I could be his punching bag!)

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Rebelady Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:37pm
post #15 of 23

Don't let it bother you, life is far too short. My parents adopted six siblings before I was born (so that all of them could stay together). My dad was 21 and mom was 20 and thay had been married for a year. Two years later I came along and then two baby brothers!!! To say money was always tight is an understatement. My Mom always told us that the one thing we could never afford was pride and that in this world no matter what there will always be someone who doesn't like you. So she got a house full of open minded, indepentant and compassionate kids. Any time someone made fun of us all we did was feel sorry for their lack of education and compassion. I still cheer on the under dogs, I still have great compassion for my fellow man and I still feel sorry for people that think judging others is the way to go. Hold your head high, as long as you live a decent and honest life who cares what the rest of the world thinks. Your family is your world and that's what matters!!!! thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif

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quilting2011 Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:43pm
post #16 of 23

Thanks for listening.

I hope I did not offend anyone about my comment about a senior citizen. I realize they may have been upset about some issue. I just hope people will have more compassion and keep there mouth shut before assuming anyting.

If a person says hi to you just smile and say hi back. Do not ever say a terrible comment like that couple did to my hearing husband and kids.

It was hard explaining to my kids after they said hi what "welfare mother means. I just told my kids maybe the couple had a bad day. but remember mom and dad love you.

Raising children is a tough job. If you have no kids, but have nieces and nephews, grandkids, that you babysit - parents appreciate it too.

Again thanks for listening.

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Mom2LiamandQuinn Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 2:49pm
post #17 of 23

That sucks! WTH is wrong with people? I think I would have been in their faces- and I hate confrontation!

However. Late 40's/early 50's are not OLD PEOPLE or "an older couple"!

I'll just go find my walker now...

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BitsnBites Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 3:08pm
post #18 of 23

People will always judge. When I was pregnant with my only son, my wedding ring didn't fit and one day I went to buy my friend a book as a gift. She is single and has had a bad experience with guys. So on I went to the "How to get a guy" section. OMG! You should've seen the looks I was getting icon_redface.gif

And the worst was when I got Bell's Palsy during pregnancy and it affected my inner ear nerve, so I couldn't walk straight because it affected my balance. I decided to take the subway to the hospital by myself (I didn't want hubby to worry), I had to cling to the wall in order not to fall but I was walking really wobbly. So a guy passes my by, stares at my belly and says "you disgust me". He thought I was drunk, mind you it was 2 pm. I was shocked, tired, scared, hormonal, I couldn't say anything. But to this day, that still hurts. icon_sad.gif

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miss_sweetstory Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 3:11pm
post #19 of 23

My closest friend has triplets, and it seems like she has heard all the stupid things people say. Fortunately, she is a master of the snappy comeback. My favorite is her response to people who go on about how horrible it must be to have all those kids saying "better you than me." Her response (delivered with a frosty look) is, "Yes, better me than YOU."

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Jenn2179 Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 3:30pm
post #20 of 23

I know how you feel. My husband is a police officer and my business is just getting off the ground. We have 2 children and I qualify for WIC and I use it too. It's so sad to me that my husband is a police officer and we qualify for WIC but oh well. I am sure people look at me but I don't care.

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KKC Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 5:40pm
post #21 of 23

I say screw what they say, I had a baby at 19 with my husband. People talked about how we were going to be horrible parents, they said my hubby was going to drop me like my dad did my mom..they said all kinds of crap. It didn't bother me none because till this day my DH has been working at the same job and at the age of 21 made Supervisor and at 24 made Manager for the same company. We both are now 26, our son is 7 and we have our own cars, house and we pay our own bills. I have my own bakery business and its doing extemely well. We've been together for going on 10 years and now all people say is "I'm so proud of you" I just tell them I don't need them to be proud of me because I'm proud of myself. I made my own way in life, I never asked anyone for anything for me or my baby. My DH made sure he provides for us and we never want for anything. People will talk about u till the day u die...hell they talked about Jesus! Don't let it get to u because people are very ignorant and maybe they were raised by ignorant people. Thats my take on it!

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tonia3604 Posted 5 Sep 2008 , 6:16pm
post #22 of 23 just mentioned something that has never occured to me...I don't wear my wedding ring. My husband and I married at 19 had our first at 20. My husband was a welder...couldn't wear his ring. After awhile I decided well I won't wear mine either.

We have four children now. 14,11,6, and 3. My 14 year old daughter has a friend in our neighborhood that stays with us all the time. I babysit 4 year old twins. I have taken all these kids everywhere, movies, Walmart, grocery shopping, the pool. My "5" are well behaved, but you should see the looks I get in public with 7 or 8 kids trailing behind. Believe me I avoid going in public with all 7 or 8 kids, but sometimes its necessary!! Even other children point and stare. One day while at the grocery store a 8 or 9 year old kid turned to his mother and said "Do you see that woman, can you believe how many kids she has?" as he continued to point, stare, and COUNT! The mother didn't even bother to tell him not to. I know sometimes people just assume they are all mine, but I've never even thought about not having a wedding ring on that they are probably looking at me as an unwed mother too!!!

I am constantly amazed at how judgemental people can be. Even in their own churches and families.

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MnSnow Posted 6 Sep 2008 , 4:41pm
post #23 of 23

Like some one once said "Only one cure for stupidity"

And these poeple were definately stupid!

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