I kind of understand both sides. When I got married a lot of the things for my wedding was paid for by someone else. My moms cousin brought my dress. My mom paid for flowers, tiara, gloves, cake knife, my grandmother paid for limos, my stepdad paid for half of the reception, and for my hair to get done. They were all so wonderful for helping. That freed up a lot of my money.
I had a little extra to add to the cost of invitations, add a little more to favors, and little stuff like flowers for the flower girl, a candle for the ceremony and nice CD's to give away with our music on it. I saved a lot because I got a dj for $50, and only spent 75 on a cake. I was able to also have a grooms cake for $50 and a videographer for $25. The most I spent was on the pictures and my mom paid for half. My family was happy to help and I dont fell bad because I brought nice shoes or I got my hair and nails done. I had cut everything else to a minimum and only had a guest list of 80 people. She just wants her day to be nice and she wants to display that beautiful cake that you are making. She is excited about that cake take it as a compliment. No matter how you cake looks that plateau is going to make it look a little better. I'm not putting down your work I'm just saying that a plateau may just add a little to a cake. I wish I had one.
On the other had she just spent $150 on something that she does not need after the wedding. Huh. Maybe she will let you buy it from her. Why dont you try to arrange to do the cake for cost if she gives you the plateau. Just an idea. Your dad will pay less for the cake and you get a plateau. 
Dont feel bad your cake will look beautiful and it will add a lot to your portfolio. Good luck
I see your point and I can see why it's tough, especially if she is asking others to help with things financially. But the important thing to remember here is still: by allowing others to donate, should all of her wedding-related (or even non-wedding-related) purchases be now open to judgement? If others are freely offering to help, and that assists her in her ability to have certain "dream items" at her wedding, then isn't that a good thing? Unless all of your donations were contingent upon her spending the rest of her budget only on "approved and reasonable items". What about the things that you don't know about, that she is NOT spending $$ on; she may be foregoing other "wedding wishlist" purchases and using that money towards the cake plateau. And then all of the other things she just shrugs her shoulders about and says "No, I can't do that for my wedding, I can't afford it, I already have 8 family members pitching in, I splurged on four other items, and now I don't have a cent left to spare."
Although, it's true that by accepting money from family she should have known it can be a touchy subject and that her future purchases would be subject to scrutiny. It probably would have been in better taste for her to ask if anyone wanted to chip in specifically for the cake plateau rather than donatiing towards other things and inadvertently freeing up funds she could use to buy it. That way they could choose to give the gift or they could say "To be quite honest I think that's a bit frivolous, but I'll be happy to help you in some other way after the wedding is over."
As for your dad, I do think if the expenditure is too much for him he wouldn't have offered. But how kind and giving of him to have done so in light of his own situation. Silly question but how does he feel about this - do you think he would rather not give her $ if she is using the her other money to make splurge purchases?
I am totally not trying to be argumentative here BTW! I'm worried my post comes off that way since it's text and you can't read my tone. I'm really just trying to show another side to the situation. We don't always really know what's up with other people's money and the circumstances behind why they are spending it. I don't think she's necessarily trying to "take advantage" of you all by allowing you to chip in to help make her wedding special; it's a wedding! Now if she is a total ingrate after the fact...well, that's another story...
ETA: in looking at a pic of a cake plateau in the gallery just this moment, I unexpectedly agreed with you on some level LOL - I was like, why the heck would she need one of those??! But my point is still: it's not for us to judge...the gifts of others, towards her wedding, should be unconditional, or else she should be told by the givers that they aren't.
Beautifully said. I agree
I see your point and I can see why it's tough, especially if she is asking others to help with things financially. But the important thing to remember here is still: by allowing others to donate, should all of her wedding-related (or even non-wedding-related) purchases be now open to judgement? If others are freely offering to help, and that assists her in her ability to have certain "dream items" at her wedding, then isn't that a good thing? Unless all of your donations were contingent upon her spending the rest of her budget only on "approved and reasonable items". What about the things that you don't know about, that she is NOT spending $$ on; she may be foregoing other "wedding wishlist" purchases and using that money towards the cake plateau. And then all of the other things she just shrugs her shoulders about and says "No, I can't do that for my wedding, I can't afford it, I already have 8 family members pitching in, I splurged on four other items, and now I don't have a cent left to spare."
Although, it's true that by accepting money from family she should have known it can be a touchy subject and that her future purchases would be subject to scrutiny. It probably would have been in better taste for her to ask if anyone wanted to chip in specifically for the cake plateau rather than donatiing towards other things and inadvertently freeing up funds she could use to buy it. That way they could choose to give the gift or they could say "To be quite honest I think that's a bit frivolous, but I'll be happy to help you in some other way after the wedding is over."
As for your dad, I do think if the expenditure is too much for him he wouldn't have offered. But how kind and giving of him to have done so in light of his own situation. Silly question but how does he feel about this - do you think he would rather not give her $ if she is using the her other money to make splurge purchases?
I am totally not trying to be argumentative here BTW! I'm worried my post comes off that way since it's text and you can't read my tone. I'm really just trying to show another side to the situation. We don't always really know what's up with other people's money and the circumstances behind why they are spending it. I don't think she's necessarily trying to "take advantage" of you all by allowing you to chip in to help make her wedding special; it's a wedding! Now if she is a total ingrate after the fact...well, that's another story...
ETA: in looking at a pic of a cake plateau in the gallery just this moment, I unexpectedly agreed with you on some level LOL - I was like, why the heck would she need one of those??! But my point is still: it's not for us to judge...the gifts of others, towards her wedding, should be unconditional, or else she should be told by the givers that they aren't.
Beautifully said. I agree
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