Stepdaughter Help.....

Lounge By YouTakeTheCake Updated 18 Aug 2008 , 2:17am by seasonsmoke

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YouTakeTheCake Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 10:03pm
post #1 of 6

Ok I have a stepdaughter...she is very jealous and she hates me.....
I don't really know what to do about it..... I am not the kind of person who will let anyone walk all over me (especially a 13 year old) so I can't just let her do whatever she wants....the only things I really ever ask her to do is clean up after herself.....granted she is a bit of a slob...and I am a bit of a neat freak!
Can anyone help me!


5 replies
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valerie01 Posted 30 Jul 2008 , 1:14am
post #2 of 6

I have zero experience with teenagers, as my own are still toddlers. But I just finished "Scream-free Parenting" by Hal Runkel, and it has been the most helpful book I've read. Contrary to the title, it's not solely about screaming, but any reaction you have to your kids that is less than desirable. It's not preachy at all. Instead he focuses on how you can learn to be in control of your own actions and deal with frustrating situations with your kids.

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funcakes Posted 30 Jul 2008 , 2:32am
post #3 of 6

She's 13! It's her job to be a pain, or so my own daughter thought when she was 13. Most girls this age are having a lot of new feelings and emotions. They often don't know if they want to be treated as an adult or still given the love and care like a child and this can change in 10 minute loops or so my friends that teach middle school say.
Reasonable limits should be set by her dad, and I don't mean for him to say "your stepmother wants" Yes, they tend to yell and shout at this age, it kind of bursts their bubble if you won't shout back. They also are very prompt to tell you that they know everything and you know nothing. (with a big roll of eyes) Don't worry, she will decide you are smart when she is an adult.
Ignore all the attitude that you can. Pick the important things to insist on and be ready to compromise any way that you can on the little things so that you can insist on the big things.
Listen to her, remember to tell her all the good things she does, skip naming all the mistakes she makes, try to ask her more that you tell her. After you ask her be ready to walk away-saying "I always know I can count on you to do the right thing"
Go out and buy a rabbit's foot, horseshoe,and four leaf clover for luck, buy a magic 8 ball to find answers to questions 'cause she not going to tell you, check out Swiss Finishing Schools and hope for the best!

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indydebi Posted 30 Jul 2008 , 2:50am
post #4 of 6

Agree with funcakes.... she's 13!! Geesh, you should worry if she DIDN'T act like this! icon_lol.gif

I wont' say it has nothing to do with her being "step" or not .... each family dynamic is different, but she's 13. It's normal.

I don't' believe in the Dr. Laura theory of only the "real" parent has any authority. Heck, I give more authority to a babysitter when we go to the movies than Dr. Laura gives to a "step" parent. icon_confused.gif Hubby (who is technically a "step" dad) and I are the adults ... they are the kid. And kids do not talk to or treat adults like that. Step or not ... "real" or not ..... kids are kids and the adults are the authority.

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Pookie59 Posted 30 Jul 2008 , 9:20pm
post #5 of 6

Sounds familiar. I have an 11-year old stepdaughter. We get along pretty well, but there is definitely some rivalry between us (she called the shots before I came on the scene) and I don't always feel like her dad backs me up. It's a hard situation for everyone especially since I tend to be a bit of a control freak. I have to remind myself to back off and stop being so critical and look for the positive in her.

Hang in there!

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seasonsmoke Posted 18 Aug 2008 , 2:17am
post #6 of 6

My step-daughter moved from El Salvador last year to live with my husband and myself. She has been in the U.S. for a year and is 18 years old now. There have been big problems. She is not really making an effort to learn English. I don't speak Spanish. My step-daughter plays the "don't understand you because I don't know English"

If you and your step-daughter both speak the same language that is one big step ahead of me.

To just say be her friend is not always good. Some times step-kids don't want to be your friend.

I agree with not letting her walk all over you. I'm always asking myself if I'm being to picky. But some times I'm not being picky and the more I sand up for myself the more drama there is.

Good luck, take it one day at a time. Try to remember that some day she will move out. A long time from now but when it does happen you want to still have a relationship with your husband.

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