I'm Am Idiot!!!

Lounge By sweetflowers Updated 24 Jun 2008 , 3:04pm by mkolmar

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sweetflowers Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 6:48am
post #1 of 14

My husband decided to move out in February and I asked him to go through marriage counseling before going. It helped a little. But we ran out of free sessions(we are very short on money). Now I find out he has gambled away my entire paycheck plus more icon_cry.gificon_mad.gificon_cry.gif

I was notified about some activity on our credit card by the card's fraud and so it was cancelled and I haven't received the new one yet! Now I find out that was him too!!!! icon_eek.gificon_mad.gificon_cry.gif

I work three jobs to support our two children and us (I'm the sole income for us all). And it's barely enough to pay the bills (something is always breaking!!!).

I'm an idiot!! I should have let him go! I should have taken the advice of my friends and I'm kicking myself!!!

I'm sorry I'm rambling...I'm just devastated thumbsdown.gif

13 replies
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chutzpah Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 7:05am
post #2 of 14

It's not too late.... cut him loose.

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4Gifts4Lisa Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 4:41pm
post #3 of 14

You are NOT an idiot. You did the right thing...you gave your marriage a good shot with the counseling. Now you know in your heart that you tried everything.

And chutzpah is right...cut him loose! icon_smile.gif

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mindywith3boys Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 5:43pm
post #4 of 14

You aren't an idiot! It sounds like he has some real problems and needs to get some personal help. When there are children involved, unless there is abuse, IMO, it's always better to try to work it out. People are amazing and can overcome amazing things. Maybe he will get the help he needs. Until he does, you need to take care of yourself and your children.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

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AJsGirl Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 6:59pm
post #5 of 14

At least you will always be able to look in the mirror with dignity, that you gave it all you had and tried all you could.

Now kick him to the curb!

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mkolmar Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 9:33pm
post #6 of 14

I'm one for always working on a marriage and trying to stay together, but in this case I would cut him loose. He's essentially stealing from you and your kids by doing the things he does and it's effecting your lives. Getting rid of him may be hard but it will probably be the best thing for your family.
*Hopefully he will wake up and realize what he has done and change but it sounds like that hasn't happened yet.

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dinas27 Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 10:06pm
post #7 of 14

you are not an idiot, you probably would have been kicking yourself at some point for not trying to make it work. You just need to be strong for your kids and let your friends and family help.

Make an appointment at the bank. Close all your current accounts, empty the joint ones and start a new account that is only yours that he doesnt know about. Cancel all your credit cards that he has ever had access to. Get a small line of credit from the bank instead of a new credit card it will be much faster. The bank will understand. The most important thing with him stealing is to get your finances seperated.

Be strong but accept help when you need it, I hope everything turns out for you.

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michellenj Posted 17 Jun 2008 , 1:26am
post #8 of 14

How does he support himself when he doesn't live with you? You're working 3 jobs and he's gambilng your paycheck away?

You deserve better! It's going to be hard, but you gave it your best try.

Good luck, whatever you decide.


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Texas_Rose Posted 17 Jun 2008 , 2:42am
post #9 of 14

You've tried as hard as you could...now it's time to let him go. You're not an idiot for trying to work things out, you don't marry someone and have children with them and then decide to let them walk away without making some sort of effort to mend the relationship...but it sounds like he has a problem and he can't be a good husband until he gets over it. It also sounds like you can't afford to try anymore.

Do what Dinas27 said and get your finances separated from his. Get him out of the house too...if he's cut off from your money, the next step will be to take your possessions or the children's possessions and sell them, so watch out for that. Also, you might need to put a fraud alert on your credit...just the short term one would probably work for now. What that does is keep someone from giving you credit without calling you first, on a phone number that you've specified, and asking you some security questions. That way your husband can't take out more credit cards in your name, or do anything else to harm your credit. It's automated and when you call one of the big three credit bureaus they automatically notify the others.

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nancylynwallace Posted 17 Jun 2008 , 4:27pm
post #10 of 14

You did your best to try to save your marriage and I admire you for that. You will never have to think "what if..." KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!! You deserve better than that!


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maryjsgirl Posted 18 Jun 2008 , 3:35am
post #11 of 14

Why are you acting as though you have already been defeated?

Your marriage isn't working.

He isn't bringing anything to the table.

He is stealing food from your childrens' mouths.

He is being a terrible role model for your children.

Not to mention your children learn how relationships work from their parents. What are you teaching them while they watch your relationship? Do you want them to grow up in be in the same type of predicament?

Don't sit and act like you have no options and you are stuck. Kick his butt out.

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lepaz Posted 21 Jun 2008 , 9:54pm
post #12 of 14

I would consult with a lawyer about getting your bills/assets legally seperated, until then you are responsible for paying up to 1/2 of all HIS debts. I know money is tight but a lawyer (some states offer free legal services for the low-income) will be worth it down the line. Call the credit card companies, change your bank account and the locks to your house, hide your kids piggy banks!
He is a financial bomb waiting to go off which you and the kids will pay for in the years to come.
You are NOT an idiot unless you keep letting him do this to you. Be strong for you and the kids and with him gone, that's one less mouth to feed. Good luck and I'm so sorry he was a jerk.

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sweetflowers Posted 22 Jun 2008 , 4:06am
post #13 of 14

thanks so much for they replys and strong words. I opened another bank account at a separate bank. I will remove my name from our acocunt when my direct deposit changes. You are right, I'm glad I at least tried. I guess it just hurts to think he would do this to the kids.

I had talked to a friend who is a legal secretary a couple months ago about opening my own account and she said not to do it. She said it looks to the judge like I'm trying to hide money. At this point I have proof of his gambling so I hope the judge takes that into account.I

t's going to be one rough road. I still feel stupid mainly because I sooooo want to believe him when he says he'll get a job, stop drinking and gambling. My older son is already starting to show signs of being like him so I've already hurt my kids by staying with him(another thing to feel gulty about icon_cry.gif ).

Thanks again!!!! You all are the best for moral support icon_smile.gif

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mkolmar Posted 24 Jun 2008 , 3:04pm
post #14 of 14

I hope everything works out for you and your family. I wish you the very best. Please try not to feel guilty, you did the very best you could as a wife and a mother. It was love for your husband that makes you want to believe him or perhaps still holding onto the thinnest thread of hope, but you are right in your decision to leave.

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