I'm so sorry to hear of this situation. If this helps a little...consider that the woman's co-workers are almost assuredly embarrassed and offended at her behavior.

How do I know? I have always worked for non-profits. I have seen Directors who were always respectful to the area businesses. A fair, even-handed system -- with a regular schedule so no one got asked for donations too often, and businesses were always thanked, always got advertising, etc.

Then, I have been in situations where some Directors bankrupted public support within a few months. The organizations had caterers and such not return calls, even when they offered to pay full price. All because of poor people skills and unfair treatment -- no one wants to help them out.

If it helps, perhaps establish a "quarterly donation quota" -- write her a note back that thank you, but unfortuantely, the donated cakes for this quarter came to $200, and for tax purposes you have to keep a regular donation schedule. Your donation list for next quarter is full, but she is welcome to contact you in 6 months -- requests are considered on a rotating basis.

This is actually how many businesses handle it -- non-profits and schools should NEVER abuse those who generously help. Believe me, she probably has many co-workers who are privately steamed at her.

So sorry. I've been on "both sides" and I think this behavior stinks!

I know how you feel...I made a wedding cake for some really good friends and just asked them to pay for the materials (and I had to buy 3 new cake pans that I didn't charge for). This cake was to feed 200 people.

At the reception they thanked everyone, I mean everyone and their dog, but not me! They made damn sure they thanked their WAY over priced caterer and photographer, guess I should of charged more...lessen learned. It did really hit a sore spot with me, I have never mentioned this to these friends and I am sure they would feel bad - but it made me feel like NOT doing another for a friend two weeks later (I did and they made great efforts to thank me).

Say you'll donate to your son's activities, but can't afford to donate another $400 worth of cakes and move on...then see how you feel about doing more cakes for the school. Remember its really just for you kids and their friends and watch how excited they get about an awesome looking and tasting cake, it'll make you feel better.

Where does she say she's willing to pay someone else for the cakes? From her email:

"If not, I'll have to go another route for the aforementioned reasons. "

When the schools couldn't afford me, 10 times out of 10, the "other route" was asking the parents to donate cookies. I know this because I was usually in charge of or a volunteer with the hospitality committees. And believe me, more than once I considered giving away a cake rather than deal with the hassle of chasing after donations of food.

It's unfortunate that she used such careless words, but I'll bet she'd die a thousand deaths if she knew how badly she offended you. Some people get so wrapped up in their projects - and we all know how chaotic end-of-year is - they don't take the time for niceties. I'm sure I've been guilty of it myself.

I hope you don't let this get to you. What's important is the contribution you are making on behalf of your children. If you're in it for the recognition, you're going to be disappointed again and again.

When my youngest graduated from high school last year, the hospitality committees said they'd still contact me for my specialites. Haven't heard a peep from anyone all year. I'm not surprised, but it still makes me a little sad. Then I remember I'm out of the school system forever and resume my happy dance.