Ok, first off, the question isn't crazy, the in law is. LOL!
Seriously!!! My dh's sil (she's married to his brother) is a huge trouble maker!! She is always starting something about someone; and some things are so far fetched......well you really tend to wonder what planet she really lives on.
She has recently started saying things about my dh, and like everything else, it comes back to us so we can hear it.
We don't associate with her at all!!!!!! Not even casual, polite hellos, don't even wave at each other if we pass each other on the road...NOTHING!!!! She's nicer to complete strangers than she is to us!!! And, it's not just us she talks about, it's everyone in this family.
She's even went pretty far with my children. One day last year, at a "because I have to for fil" thanksgiving dinner, my then 4 yo ds said "who just spit?" b/c he heard a spitting noise....at the time he said this, she happened to be standing there and thought he said "who's the b****?" Then had him repeat what he said several times, and then came to my dh and accused us of teaching our children bad names, and they also insisted that I taught him that this woman is a b****.
First off, I don't even cuss.
Anyways....
you can see what type of person she is. We used to be nice to her just to do the right thing, but now we see the right thing to do is just to avoid her.
But........how can we avoid her if she still talks about us behind our backs? This is just getting really old.....especially to me.
And, with Christmas around the corner, we usually go to a family dinner just to make sure fil is happy, b/c mil has passed. He likes all 7 of his children to get together.
Avoiding her was working, but I guess she doesn't ever stop........does anyone have any advice on how to handle this woman??? When I've been confronted with her, I bite my tongue, but I told dh I will never do that again. I would just like to stop her in her tracks and make her realize what she's doing wrong.
She just makes me so angry!!! 
Any advice, guys?????? TIA!!!!
Well, since I'm going through my own MIL nightmare, I can relate. But I think you have a couple things in your favor, first, it's not only you that is aware of her ways, so people probably aren't believing what they are hearing, so you are good to go there. Second, she's not going to change - not if you confront her, not if you ignore her. Confronting her might initially make you feel better, but will it stop her talking? No - it might even add fuel to the fire.
While in my case I finally let my MIL have it, in your case, I think you should just be civil for that day, ignore her, don't allow your children near her and roll your eyes at other family members if she starts acting up - they KNOW the truth. The day will be over and you can go on ignoring her until next year. Since she isn't an integral part of your life, then she's not worth this energy being spent.
Now... it will still irk you because you are human, so vent away here, by all means, but I think you are in a no win battle if you try to call her on her bahavior.
Good luck!
Melissa
I think the best thing to do is just grin and bear it. Ignore her all you can and if she comes around you or your family just smile at her and walk away. What it sounds like is she wants a reaction out of you. Actually if you want to get her, kill her with kindness. It will irk the heck out of her because she's not getting a reaction out of you. I learned this a lot when I worked in customer service. It really irritates them that you won't come down to their level. Plus it gives you a little bit of satisfaction that you are irritating the crud out of her. I know it sounds childish but if it were me I would do it. LOL The good thing about the whole situation is that you don't have to be around her very often. If you did then maybe a talk with her would be in order.
Just bite your tongue until the next time she says something with a room full of people...then let her have it, but do it with class! Something along the lines of "I'm so sorry we are not up to your standards that you have set in place nor is anyone else in the family since you talk about us all, and believe me everyone here knows it, I guess I just should avoid being in your presence at all since I'm obviously not worthy." I know this sounds probly katty but I've had to make a very similar statement at a family gathering before and you should have seen the reaction 
Best of luck, she won't change no matter what but hopefully everone knows what she is about and won't judge you for her stupid comments.
well i was in your shoes this past summer. she was making comments abou ther hubby (bil) and saying he was suicidal, he wasn't she was mad because he wouldn't let her buy something, anyway, she has been doing crap for years and saying that no one wants them around because of the kids and him. well, this past summer i had had it, when here she comes showing up at a party withthe family with everyone but him. then he calls my other bil and leaves some message. it was nuts, he was miserable all because of her and her check bouncing, over 9,000 dollars was spent to keep her sorry but out of jail, and i let her have it. i love my bil, and i don't her. there is tons more to it, but i have not had to deal with her at any of the function. we dont speak, we are not fighting, but i won't acknowledge her and she stays away from me. at some point you have to make your voice heard. good luck
Second, she's not going to change - not if you confront her, not if you ignore her. Confronting her might initially make you feel better, but will it stop her talking? No - it might even add fuel to the fire.
It would definitely add fuel to the fire and I'd hate to be the cause of a bad family get together.
Now... it will still irk you because you are human, so vent away here, by all means, but I think you are in a no win battle if you try to call her on her bahavior.
Good luck!
Melissa
Thanks!!!!
BTW....everyone thinks shes psycho, so they don't believe a thing she says. It's hard for me to type this here, b/c it's rude, etc. but she's hurt me in a lot of ways, and I am so grateful that no one believes her.
The good thing about the whole situation is that you don't have to be around her very often. If you did then maybe a talk with her would be in order.
This is true, but she lives behind us, and I hate that....but we're never able to see each others faces, etc. unless it's a get together. It's just so uncomfortable; and we've lived here for almost 8 years, so.....you think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not.
Best of luck, she won't change no matter what but hopefully everone knows what she is about and won't judge you for her stupid comments.
No one believes anything she says, we're all just sick of hearing it, lol. Thanks for the luck, I think I'll be needing all of that I can get.
i love my bil, and i don't her.
This is an issue, too.....he's a pretty good guy, and she treats him like crap. He's cheated on her several times, but she acts like he's a saint, and "he's the best one"....out of all of the boys in this family. That's what she says, but then she'll turn around & literally treat him like crap!
UGh!! It's just so aggravating!! But, I guess it really does take all kinds to make the world go around!!!
Thanks everyone for you comments!!
I have had this same problem with my MIL. Well step mil. Her daughter and her are CRAZY. She has called me a B***H to her daughter who is just sitting right next to me. When my BIL was getting married they had one of there cousins in the wedding and my MIL told her that I was just some slut who meet meet my husband at a Bar first off I am not even old enough to go to a bar im only 20 and second off we have known each other for years before even getting together. She acts like its all my BIL and my husbands fault that her daughter is on drugs and had to move out of town. Her daughter is crazy and doesnt even come to the family gatherings and once in a while she comes down and when she does they both expect us to jump up and bring our daughter over there so they can see her. So like 6 months ago me and my husband where having some problems at our house so we went to stay like 2 days over there with his father and mil (which is dad is only in town 3 times out of the year) and so my husband and his dad went to go grab us some dinner and while they where gone she went crazy on me telling me that she thinks we are trying to move in her house (we have our own brand new house) and that it wont work and all these crazy things and tells me that we all need to leave first thing in the morning and that I am not supposed to tell them that she told me this. So of course I was p***ed and went and got our things with out saying one thing to this lady. So when my husband and his dad comes home he asks me whats wrong and I tell them both right in front of her that she wants us out of there house and my husband goes off and calls her everything under the sun and looks me dead in the face and tells them that I was lying well of course no one belives her and his dad is doing everything to bite his tounge so we leave and he tells us that he has been having alot of problems with her lately so needless to say every time we come around she is on her Ps and Qs.
There is one in EVERY family - sometimes several, LOL...
In my case my own family is so messed up we don't really associate much, and my in-laws luckily are wonderful - I know, I am blessed there 
But, as in all families, they have one too... everyone, and I mean EVERYONE can't STAND the woman, but try to tolerate her because it is expected, she is elder to my SILs, etc. blah blah blah, plus they are in India and so some things are socially a little different.
So she always tries to get on my case when I go there about whatever suits her fancy at the moment, so my SILs get a charge out of getting me to stand up to her as they cannot - - I can get away with it as I am always "forgiven" since I am not from there, LOL...
My MIL in particular gets a real kick out of watching the sparks fly and even my FIL told me to let her have it once, was too funny.
Watch your back, but keep your head high and just fire right back at her,
as everyone else is also aware of her ways - it won't make her change, people like that cannot, they are ignorant, but at least you will have your self-respect.
There is one in EVERY family - sometimes several, LOL...My MIL in particular gets a real kick out of watching the sparks fly .....
With 7 siblings, it can be easy to get lost in the crowd. I have great in-laws and find that I didn't get to visit with everyone during the family Christmas gathering (which makes me sad) 
. So perhaps you can manage to stay in one corner of the house while she's in the other and avoid any contact?
I have 2 other relatives who are very competitive. Some family members say it's irritating to watch those 2, but I find it very entertaining! I can sit back and get a free show! I know it's going to take place, so instead of dreading it, I relish in the "entertainment". (However, if it would come to "attacking" my kid, I'd probably not find it so entertaining!) 
I think we all have relatives that we avoid and some that we tolerate. Whatever works best for you, I wish you a great holiday!
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