I may be making a big mistake by posting this. I am a quiet person most of the time. I have been a member here for over a year. CC has been a Godsend for me this past year. I dont really know why, but it seems like lately I have gotten into a bad habit of reading posts that I know a heading down the "getting locked" trail. In all of these posts at least somewhere the freedom of speech defence gets thrown in. Thank God we have feedom of speech, but as a society, does it benefit or help anything to be so small and hurtful?
I have been here long enough to at a certain level read different posters personalities. Here we have the strong, tell it like it is personalities. The posters that always are ready to jump on and attack anyone at the mention of God, morals, ethics, integrity, or personal accountability. And there are the posters that are peacemakers. True - this is a cake decorating website, but - Anytime you get a bunch of women together feathers will start flying. I love women and how special & unique God made us, but that's just how we are!
This is the reason for my post.
This morning I was reading a post in the Disasters forum. A reply was posted concerning a rude customer. The poster replied the following:
"I agree with everyone who has posted so far. This woman is completely insane (and my F-I-L is a psychologist. I know crazies!) "
I read this and sat there numb, staring at those words. I told myself to let it go. Close the thread and go on. Dont reply to this because you'll start a war. Dont voice Your opinion because you will be attacked by many with the excuse of her freedom of speech.
I write this because I am seeing a psychologist (I guess i am one of those crazies & insane) yet I have many issues with that statement.
1. Someone that sees a psychologist is necessarely insane. Or crazy.
2. A true insane person would be treated by a psychiatrist with a M.D. degree and be prescribed medication. There is a difference in the two.
3. If F-I-L is a psychologist, how sad for DIL to call his patients insane and crazies.
4. It saddens me that there are still so many ignorant, misguided views of people that seek psychological counseling.
I am seeing a psychologist not because I am one of those crazies or someone insane as it was so hurtfuly stated. I am seeking help because my 6 year old precious son was raped.......by my own 35 year old brother.
My life has been shattered. I have prayed to die many times. The depression and emence pain I suffer has just about taken me from this life. When I began therapy is when I also started cake decorating, and CC has been something I can find a bit of refuge in.
Please dont lock this post. I dont want a war with anyone. Please dont tell me this post is not appropriate for this forum. I know its not.
Maby...just maby this post will somehow benefit others in some way. Yes, its true that we can say anything we want, but perhaps we need to examine what say first. We never know how terribley hurtful and damaging we may be causing. And we truely never know what the other person may be experiencing.
My life as it ever was will never be the same. I PLEAD with every mother here: Please protect your children, and please pray for my family
God Bless each of you,
Shelly
www.theirvoice.org
Shelly,
I am not the person who quipped about the crazies, but I am sorry that you were offended. I'm sure that person was just trying to be funny and didn't mean to offend anyone.
I am horrified to hear what happened to your son, and glad to hear that you are seeking help. There are a lot of bad people in this world, just waiting to hurt us or our children. I agree with you that we have to protect them.
You have got to get better for your son. My mother has serious mental issues that affected me growing up, and into my adult life. She kept attempting suicide and did it at times that I would find her. I found her twice but there were more attempts.
PLEASE be strong for your son-he needs you. And PM me if you need to talk. This is a great, supportive community, don't feel bad for posting something like this.
Michelle
OMG, Shelly, OMG...I am sitting here weeping for you and your precious son. I don't even begin to know what you are going through, I know nothing I could say here can be of any comfort, but my heart goes out to you. Please know that I understand what you are saying completely...'insane' is really such an old-fashioned word, and 'crazies' is just downright offensive. I see a psychiatrist and take medication...I'm not insane, just prone to debilitating depression. But I join you in your quest for people to think about what they are saying and speak with a little kindness.
Erika
michellenj wrote
I'm sure that person was just trying to be funny and didn't mean to offend anyone.
I agree. I have had the same problem with different words. I am a foster parent and I raised a little girl for 5 years who is mentally retarded, and my niece who is 4 is also mentally retarded. I can not tell you how many times the word retarded is used incorrectly. People mean it to explain or be humorous, well it's not.
So I do know how hearing/reading the word insane is hurtful when it's used casually. I'm sorry you were hurt by this.
I, however don't think your insane or crazy because you have reached out for help. Anyone dealing with the awfulness you and your family are dealing with should get any and all the assistance you can. I can only tell you that I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and that I will pray for you and your son.
Shelly, I too am so sorry your feelings were hurt. As already stated the person who said that statement most likely did not intend to hurt anyone. However that is the power of words.......they hurt and can never be taken back. We all should be more careful with how our words are used.
On the other hand, I don't want to get too carried away either. This is a place of refuge for alot of us. I want to feel free to give my thoughts every once in a while and not be worried that someone might take it the wrong way.
There will always be differences of opinions. Hopefully we can be cautious of our words, but also forgiving when we are offended. It's a give and take for both sides.
As for what you have been through personally, my heart breaks for you. I pray for you and your son to be healed emotionally. I can't imagine how you must feel. I admire you for having the strength to carry on for your precious little boy. Thank God he has you in his life!
Messy Baker
Ephesians 4:32
AMEN! and a great big (((((((((( HUG )))))))))) for you and your family.
As a survivor of incest, I know what your going through. I too entered counseling to cope with the emotional trauma from it. It isn't something too many know about.
Remember...it isn't your fault.
Some people have no clue the impact they have on anothers life.
It's hard to fully understand how a person means something on a message board since we don't get to hear the tone of voice that is used or their facial expressions. I believe the majority of people here at CC are very kind and loving. I have seen alot of support given out to all. I know I have learned alot since coming here and, it too, is a refuge for me
I am willing to offer a shoulder, ear, moral support or whatever you may need from a friend.
Shelly
Never give up. Your DS needs you now and in the future. As someone who is going thru similar situation I know its hard. There are ppl out there to help you and your child. I strongly suggest that you get yourself and your child in some sort of support group. There is one for children called BACA that my nephew is involved in. They offer the children someone to lean on during the hard times and someone to cheer them on during the good. If you would like some info on them just PM.
Remember if you give up the bad guy wins!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son!
Shelly My heart aches for you . The devastation you must feel I pray God will bring you peace and strength to carry you through this time. Your tragedy quickly reminds me that no matter how bad I thought things were for me and my child someone else is suffering also. You are in my heart and prayers . I pray God will lift you up with his love and cradle you and your son in his arms and bring you peace.
Seeking help is NOT crazy-- it's smart-- and the best thing that you can do for yourself and your son. We are all thinking of you and cheering you on.
I do wonder if the poster meant to imply that all who see a psychologist are "crazy" -- maybe only that she has heard many stories.
Again, we are pulling for you, and for all who are in similar situations.
My only comment is to offer my thoughts and prayers. I started crying while reading your post. I have two little boys and cannot imagine what you are going through. Not many people can. I hope that you and your son find comfort and healing. Kids are very resilient. Continue to be strong for him and you will get through this.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
Shelly,
I absolutely agree with what you said. People can be so cruel and there is no call for it. My heart goes out to you and your son. I was sexually harassed on more than one occasion when I was younger. I didn't tell anyone about it until I finally told my husband after we had been married several years. There is no shame at all in getting professional help. In fact I applaude your efforts to heal. Hang in there, you deserve better and so does your son.
Charge your brother.
I doubt this was the first child to be his victim. He may have been molesting for years. If it were my brother, I would KILL him. You have great restraint.
Your son needs you. Don't wish for God to take you away. Imagine his life without you.
I'm so sorry that your little boy went through this. It's a nightmare that I imagine is excrutiating for you to bear as his mother. He needs you. He needs you to be well so you can help him be well. Continue your therapy. It's the best thing you can do for both of you. And ignore the ignorant! They are not worth it.
Shelly, my heart sank into my stomach as I read your post. I cannot even find words to convey how sorry I am that this happened to your precious baby boy. Your family will be in my prayers. I am confident in our God that He will heal your broken spirits.
It is always such a heart wrenching thing to hear how terrible things happen to our beautiful little children. I hope that both you and your child continue to be strong and are able to again find joy in your life.
I hope that you can read the following thoughts and accept that I mean them to maybe help you read the wording of the e-mails as I think they are written, and not in any way as saying your opinion is incorrect.
I have been made aware of how language is not consistent but changes constantly, adding hundreds of words to the dictionary at a time and adding new meanings to words and changing the meaning of words.
When my daughter was in high school it was suddenly a compliment to be a "freak" and "bad" Being called a Diva used to be insulting and now some women brag about it.
Both written and spoken language create a mental image in the reader/listeners mind. For instance "don't think of an apple" will result in the person immediately having a mental image of an apple. When e-mail contain adjectives like "crazy" almost all readers have had experiences with people who are unreasonable and difficult. This is what we think of, not the poor individuals who are actually struggling with mental illnesses.
The same is true with "stupid" and "retarded" most of us will usually conjure up that well educated person who just won't see any thing except for their own selfish point of view. Most of my family members work with either the handicapped, emotionally ill or autistic children. They all use these words and are NEVER refering to, or comparing with the kids they work with. I'm sorry to admit it is often references to our supervisors and administrators!
I have become addicted to this site and think that it has the largest group of kind and caring people around. They post about being mistreated and are venting and often trying to do it in a humorous way, and use these words only because they do not want to use profanity.
This is just my opinion and I hope maybe you will feel better if you realize that no insult was intended, and the writers do not have negative feelings towards those among us who are leading a more challenging life.
funcakes, thank you for your caring post. I understand and agree to the words you were conveying about how words are used and how the meaning of words change.
I too have used the words crazy, retarded, etc. to describe people or their weird actions. I wasnt hurt by all of the words being flung around. I read the post on Wednesday, after a therapy session on Tuesday. Perhaps I was a little raw. The poster that stated that her F-I-L was a therapist was the post that angered me. I would think that the poster should have had some type of instruction given within the family not to have that ignorant, misguided view. I'm over it & I am sure she meant no harm.
I agree also that the majority of members here are very caring, sharing, and very giving of their time and talent. But, I also have read many posts from people that like to stir the pot, belittle others, & gang up on members. There are a handful of mean-spirited, lacking, unhappy, jealous, empty people here, also. Thats just the world we live in. I am not saying that as a judgment to anyone. I also am not implying that I myself have not behaved that way or that I have always treated others as I should.
I am learning and striving to see the good in humanity again. As I said in my original post, I need to learn to walk away and not engage in anything that would further harm my raw and wounded spirit. I WILL find joy again. My son WILL recover. My words cannot express how I have been comforted by the sweet words of encouragement to each of you that have said a prayer, or replied to my post, or sent a PM. Thank you so much.
Shelly
www.theirvoice.org
Shelly,
I just wanted to send a note to let you know that my heart and prayers go out to you and your son. That is a gut wrenching story and so brave of you to share it.
Shelly,
I just wanted to send a note to let you know that my heart and prayers go out to you and your son. That is a gut wrenching story and so brave of you to share it. It sickens me to think of just how many people this sort of thing has effected. You are such a wonderful mother to see a professional for help to guide you and your child through this.
A lot of us have gone through things that we have needed a professional dr. for and let me be the first to say they can be terrible or they can be a godsend.
I've personally been through something very similar to what you described, I thank God that I'm able to stay home with my children to make sure this doesn't happen to them.
LOTS of support coming at you from this way and give your little one an extra tight hug today.
Blessings and comfort to your child and you,
Amy
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