I know I have a short fuse when it comes to my MIL, but I SWEAR she is impossible.

OK, to give her a "little" bit of a break, several months ago we told her that she shouldn't call between 10 am and 1 pm because that's when Henry naps. Well, since about 2 months ago, I've told her she can call whenever since he's not as sensitive to it any more.

Anyway, I was eating a snack (and not a healthy one) and I hear my door open up. She doesn't knock, nothing. She doesn't want to wake me or henry if we are sleeping. My house is a wreck as I am spending less time on daily upkeep so I can get the curtains sewn and such. I was just taking a break after putting little one down and in she walks.

Last time she did that, I was SLEEPING!!! I hadn't slept in like three days and was napping with Henry. Well, I was startled awake when I hear my stairs creaking with someone slowly walking up them. It freaked me out!!!! Again, she said she didn't want to disturb me. I told her then that she scared me to death and to NOT DO THAT AGAIN...

So, today, in she walks and I'm just totally miffed. Maybe I've always been told to be ultra courteous, but I would never show up at someone's house without calling first and I would NEVER just walk into their house without even a tap on the door! No matter WHO it is...

Am I overreacting to be so upset? My house is a disaster and she's a neatfreak... Ugh.... WHY does she live so close and WHY is my DH an only child.... and WHY does she judge people on looks (and I'm heavy) and wives are judged by how well she keeps a house - guess how I rate? Who cares that I make her son happy and I'm a good mom? Huh?

OK.... done ranting, but it makes me so MADDDDD!!!!

Melissa

Not at all! If I am expecting someone, I don't care if they just walk in, but if I'm not, you'd better knock first! Keep your doors locked, then she can't just come on in! She's lucky she didn't get knocked out with something or get the cops called sneaking around in your house while you were sleeping. I would go looking armed with a phone and a baseball bat if I heard someone coming up my stairs! She needs to realise that if your house is spotless, you are ignoring the baby! There are more important things in life than constant cleaning!

OMG!!

You must, absolutely must stop her now...it will only get worse---the things she'll do in the future.

Perhaps dh could talk with her, or you just tell her yourself.


You are in no way overreacting!! I would have thrown a huge fit!!

It's great to be courteous & polite, but you can't let someone walk all over you.


My own dm will not walk into my home w/o knocking first.


Good Luck to you!

Tick-Tock turn the lock and throw away the key....
I know we use this for keeplng things on the QT but it seems like it fits this situation too. No you're not wrong to feel invaded or upset. But it looks like you will have to do something else beside crediting her with common sense or good manners.

Ummm... the door was locked, but she has the key and just unlocked it and came on in...

Maybe I need to do the deadbolt. it's the same key as the handle lock, but it's difficult to do from the outside and I don't think she's ever figured it out.

So... now what?

When I tell DH about it, he says I need to talk with her about it. I think she could tell I was pretty miffed as I helped her with how to do a return item and off she went. As soon as she came in I said, "Sonja, I told you to call before you come. henry isn't senstive to it any more." Her excuse was that she was nearby and just decided to stop. Well, that's bull because she doesn't drive around with a box to be returned in her car!!!

Oh my goodness, why did I get the MIL from insaneland!?!?!? Did I tell you she's a retired Psychiatrist/Neurologist who moved to this country just to be near her only son? ugh..... Good thing she drives my DH nutso and he stands up to her all the time, but.... that doesn't change the fact that she drives me NUTS....

Melissa

OHHHHHHHHHHHH Melissa, I don't want to add fuel to your fire but you have every right to be mad!

What she did is rude and shows you no respect at all! I think you should say something to her first (well I guess you did by telling her again to call first) and if that doesn't work sick you DH on her. She needs to be put into place big time so she doesn't keep crossing the line and TAKE HER KEY AWAY

I understand where you are coming from, my DH is an only child and his parents are evil Thank goodness they live far far away because unlike your DH mine did not stand up to them and they took complete advantage! Now they don't even speak which is great for me but sad in general. My mom is very overbearing so I could see her walking in on me IF she had a key.

Hang in there You are right to be mad


morningglories- i am on the floor dying here with the "tick tock" how funny! Never heard that before.

I like "everyone loves Raymond" because the MIL is SOOOOOO like my MIL> her son can do no wrong, her DIL can do no right and they have no privacy, but no real help either. The only difference is my MIL is a thrice divorcee, tall and thin fashion follower (though not so much any more).


Grrrr... you know the worst part? She'll probably live with us in the near future as her health deterorates. She has said she couldn't live with us because she couldn't live with the mess. But when her choice comes down to either with us or nursing home, she'll choose us.

I don't have it in me to tell her or my DH that I don't want her in my home, but it's the truth. I can't STAND her. It was my bday on Sunday and I got a card that said, "I love you." Well, I felt sick to my stomach when reading that - phoney as can be... I would never tell her that because it's just not true - for either of us...

DH and I have been married for 13 years, so this isn't new, but it drives me so batty. My day is ruined now and instead of sewing like I was supposed to and planned to, I'm fuming instead!

Melissa

MILs are terrible. Take her key away and put bars on the windows.

Mine is a neat freak too, she kept her house spotless with a full time job and 2 kids so why can't I do the same when I stay home.
She also thinks she's the idea queen and is constantly telling us how to do things in our home. I just about punched her a few days after Thanksgiving, she came over and looked at the decorating we'd done like we have to have her approval on anything. Then she told me it looked nice and suggested a few changes.

Of course I'd feel rotten if I said anything to her about it since my husband is their only living child and our kids are the only grandchildren.

TAKE AWAY THE KEY!!!!
My MIL is one that will let herself in if I don't leave the door locked. My husband's aunt (who is a therapist/psychologist) told us to NOT give my MIL a key.

Right there with ya on the walking in! My MIL2B was doing that, now we lock the door and she doesn't have a key. She got a little standoffish, stopped coming over without being invited. Gee, terrible. Once she did it again (we forgot to lock) and she got talking-tos by a few people for eating the candies I'd made for dd's class, and she hasn't been over since. It's so peaceful! She started to learn a bit of respect lately, and it's helped. You may need to talk to her about it and how you feel - notice that says NEED not WANT.

Go sew, if it'll sooth you. Bake or read if that is what you need. Your home is not hers, and I would keep it that way! In-home providers would save your sanity in the future, don't move her in!

Thanks everyone, I do feel better. It doesn't help that I only got 4 hours of sleep last night. I VERY well could have been sleeping too. Either she would have climbed the stairs to "check" or she would have snooped around, and yes, she does - checks to see when we last cleaned the litter box, how many dishes are out, do we have the downstairs door locked, etc... I'm telling you, she's a PITA!!! DH doesn't like it either, but he has a better time of ignoring her than I can. maybe because she can't really ever look down on him like she does with me.


So, I'm off to sort through the clothes upstairs - time to check for the "too smalls" again. Boy do kids go through clothes FAST!

Melissa

Well, we built a house next door to my MIL and FIL. She would not only come over when she felt like it , she would bring anyone that would come to visit her to my house for a tour. I told my husband to go take down the flags in the front yard that the open house was over. (We did not have flags in the front, it's just how I felt). Then we inherited a dog. It was a cute puppy and then she grew up not leting any strangers in our yard. I will do anything for this dog because she not only keeps away the Jehova Wit.'s away, but she keeps my MIL away. My MIL is scared to death of her. If you cann't get a scarry dog, then set a trap. Maybe something could soak her as she walks through your door. Or maybe a loud siren would go off when she entered your house. All she is doing is inspecting your house so that she can spread gossip. My MIL use to be a spotless cleaner until my FIL died. Now her house is a pigsty. There is not one clean space to put anything down or anyplace to sit. I told my husband she has a sickness. It's just nice to have my house back without her intrusions.

Oh my, NO, you are not overreacting! What she is doing is terrible, and it seems that she doesn't respect you at all. You need to change the locks AND get a chain or something of the sort so even if she should happen to acquire a key, you can still keep her from barging in on you. Does she invite herself over when you're not home too? Definitely change the locks. I can't imagine just walking in to someone's house, even my parents house, without knocking. Good grief! Since she doesn't respect you I think your DH should be the one to talk to her. Apparently she's not going to hear whatever you have to say, so maybe she'll listen to her son. If not, change the locks!!!

My mom is a neat freak too, and it drives me nuts when she comes over. She feels the need to clean the inside of my microwave and the inside of my dishwasher My house is not a complete disaster (most of the time), but like you, I'd rather play with the kids than scrub the house. If your MIL is the kind of person who judges others by the way they look, well, that says a lot about her and it's not good. Good luck.

-Lisa

OK, have to chime in here with my story! My MIL lives about 10 miles away. She also has a key to our house. She works in out town, so she comes over EVERY day for lunch. Right now my husband is not working, so he makes her and the boys breakfast every day. No problem when he's home, cuz I work, so I don't see her. BUT...when he works, he works 4 hours away, so is gone Mon through Fri. She STILL comes over every day and has lunch. She leaves her dirty dishes wherever, pop cans wherever, eats our food, and doesn't bring anything over. (Maybe cheetos every once in a while)...Gee...thanks, that's what my kids need, not milk or cereal that she eats!!
You definately hit a sore spot here with me. He is not the only child, but the oldest, and the only boy...only has one sister. She is just too much. She used to chime in about what I should do, and what I should have in my house, but I quickly put a stop to that. I just think it's too much....I mean, even my mom calls before she comes over. I want to take the key away, but DH just won't hear of it since this is where she comes on her breaks! UGH...at least help me out a little if you're going to intrude on my house....do YOUR dishes, put in a load of laundry or SOMETHING!!

You all are making me laugh now! I like the dog part, but gee, that might freak out our cat! LOL Ooo... a siren would be good too!

I told DH what I should do, as this is the SAME THING she does to us. I should one time go to her house about 9 am, just walk right in. I have the key. I'll tiptoe through to see if she's sleeping and act surprised if she is (because she tends to sleep until 10 am a lot. If she's awake, she's DEFINITELY not "ready" for visitors at that time.) I'll tell her I had some medical question and wasn't sure and just wanted to ask a question and was driving by after taking DS to school (which is basically what she did today to me). Maybe, just maybe she'll get it then at how rude it is...

You know... no she won't... I forgot (and you all will laugh at this), when we went to visit MIL for the FIRST TIME in Croatia, DH and I woke up and headed for the bathroom. DH let me go first (didn't know it yet, but I was two days from discovering we were having a baby). Well, anyway, I stepped out of the bedroom in my t-shirt (as our luggage was lost and I had NOTHING ELSE) that barely covered me and she is having coffee in the "middle" room with a male friend!!!!!! He had come over to meet us. Now, she SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST moved to the eat in kitchen or blocked off living room so that we could go to the bathroom without a scare or at least knocked on our door to tell us that she had company and to get dressed before coming out of the room. Even better would have been if she had told her friend we were still sleeping and to come back later!!!!! Being in a t-shirt in front of MIL wasn't a biggee as I had met her several times and she had stayed with us for a couple months the previous year.. but PLEASE

And yes, when we first moved here, she had a friend come to visit and she brought him to our house to meet us. (She always wants to bring her guests to meet us and for us to do likewise - used to do that, but I don't anymore) Well, we had JUST moved in, I was sick with morning sickness and we were all trying to adjust. She wanted to show this guy our townhouse. Well, I told her no because it's not ready and she said, "OH Melissa it's OK, he's not expecting it to be perfect". I was embarassed and so was he, but she went ahead and did it and I was soooooo stinkin' mad. I had told DH that morning when he left for work she would do that and he said NOOOOOO way... When I called later to say she did, he was flabbergasted!

And for our future living arrangements. The plan is (DHs plan) when MIL can't be on her own anymore or it's more work for us to have her away from us than it would be to have her with us, we will combine resources and buy a house with an inlaw suite or create one. She has NEVER lived on a ground level home and HATES it and says she can't sleep if she's on the ground, so we would probably have to install a stair lifter or such because she would need the upstairs. I've been OK with this idea, but the closer we are getting to that eventuality, the more I realize we'll be beyond miserable. Yet, he's from Middle Europe and you just don't put parents in an old folks home - you take them in and take care of them. we would hire help for her, but for meals and driving and such, we would take that on... I know it sounds TERRIBLE, but I hope she dies before it comes to that, you know? That's awful to say, but I just can't see her being happy with us and two kids, yet I know she expects it of us, but I think she thinks it will be TEN years from now... Well, she has TERRIBLE osteoperosis (and I MEAN REALLLLLLY BAD) and she already needs us to change her bed linen, take boxes out of the closet, open jars, carry heavy things up to her apt. etc. That's not even counting all the driving I do for when she has a doctor's appt. that's not her normal driving path.

UGH!!!!! When I told DH what happened today, he just looked at me like, "Well, what can I do?" MEN!!!!

Melisssa

[quote="berryblondeboys"]I like "everyone loves Raymond" because the MIL is SOOOOOO like my MIL> her son can do no wrong, her DIL can do no right and they have no privacy, but no real help either. The only difference is my MIL is a thrice divorcee, tall and thin fashion follower (though not so much any more).


TOO FUNNY! The first thing I thought when I started reading your post was this woman sounds like Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. LOL
I say change the locks and tell her don't come over invited. I don't have in law problems as my hubby is much older than I and his parents are both gone. Which is a good thing because all of my hubby's siblings tell me that there would never be a woman good for him in his mothers eyes no matter who she was. My folks live an hour away (we live in the boonies) so they have to call before coming over, they won't waste an hour trip with the chance that we wouldn't be home.

Hi,

Here's my 2c worth about you MIL living with you. I have my MIL living with me and it's not nice at all. Your privacy goes out the window to a point where DH and I can only discuss things behind our bedroom door. Thank goodness I work full time or I would have gone mad. I too come from an environment where you are expected to take care of the elderly but sometimes it's just too much. Living with someone sounds easier than what it is.....trust me. I suggest you really think long and hard about your MIL coming to live with you. If I knew then what I know now I would have made some or other arrangements.
Good luck

I know, if we live here, it will be difficult. Actually, if we combine resources, it will be better for us both financially. Right now we are paying a fortune for our mortgage (as we bought just 2.5 years ago) and she is paying high rent for a 1 bdrm apt. She has some money that DH invested for her, and if we combined resources, we could have a very nice house - overpriced? yes... but a nice house in Fairfax (nothing fancy).

Maybe she has changed her mind about a retirement home, but they are too pricey and I think she would be desperate to throw money at such an arrangement, because what happens if she runs out of money? She doesn't have a TON saved up, so she would burn through it pretty quickly if she were paying these home prices. That would then leave a medicare nursing home (which she would rather die) or us taking her in eventually too, but at more of a financial burden.

Healthwise, she's mainly falling apart in bone and muscle, but her heart and organs are doing fine. She'll probably survive 10-15 more years, but will need assistance with daily chores within 5 years FOR SURE. She's 71 with terrible osteoperosis, had polio as a child and her weak leg is getting less reliable and her "good" leg is finally showing signs of being overtaxed after all these years, and to top it off, she has a torn rotary cuff that needs surgery, but she's trying to avoid it as that would mean an immobized arm for 6 MONTHS in her condition - she would have to live with us and so I think she is tryign to see if not using it helps (even though all books say it won't)... so, she basically has a useless left arm...

I've known this was comign for all 13 years of my marriage and I've always thought we would be fine, but the older she gets, the more disagreeable and unreasonable/rigid she gets and I'm not so sure we'll survive any more... Ugh.... I'm beginning to panic!

Melissa

Well, things have come to a head. Today, MIL walked into our house (just a couple days after I asked her to PLEASE call before she comes over as she can never know when Henry is sleeping or even when I am sleeping, for that matter the way our lives have been.) So, in she walks when I'm upstairs trying to persuade Henry to go back to sleep. I know DH is downstairs sorting through his books, and older DS is on the phone (just on) with a friend. After a couple minutes, I come downstairs and I see MIL is downstairs. She says Hi to Henry and says she needs to go that she just wanted to tell DH what happened and to drop off a train ticket she had borrowed (like two months ago). I was clueless as to what had happened, but I soon found out. When MIL arrived, she had startled DS since he was talking on the phone. So, out of being startled, out of him knowing I was annoyed the other day that she just walked in the door, he said, "Leave. Mama said that the next time you didn't call before coming over, you should leave." WHAT?!?!?!?!! I said WHAT????

So, what did she do? She didn't stick around for DH to figure out what happened or even me. She left. She didn't even go home, she went to the bookstore to cool down, then she went home. DS had called to apologize and we asked her to come back over.

Since she wasn't there to talk this over with (now how childish is that??? An adult runs out when a KID says something rude and obnoxious?) We were very angry with DS for what he said and went over with him that it's not appropriate and where did he get such ideas? He said that he was just so startled to see her standing there, then he got mad and just "spoke" using my "twisted" sentiments. He admitted I had never said such a thing (and I NEVER would)...

So, she comes (FINALLY) and you can tell she's been crying. We try to sort out what happened in what order and it was agreed that DS was rude and impolite and shouldn't have said such a thing and that he didn't understand what I had said and twisted it to what he perhaps thought I meant... How he got the message she was to leave our house immediately if she didn't call, I have NO IDEA. DH and I had been discussing the issue and I had said the next time MIL came over that I wanted us to talk about her not calling before coming over, but especially, her just walking into the house without knocking. She has scared me TO DEATH a couple times (remember, once she was sneaking up the stairs to check if I was sleeping (now how creepy is that to wake up to - the creak in the stairs of footsteps!).

And MIL's reaction??!?!?! She said, "I'm not mad at Adrian (DS). He is just a child and he repeats what he hears. I'm mad at Melissa."

YOu have GOT to be kidding me???? How old does she think DS is???? TWO??? He's TEN!!! He has a mind of his own. We spent TWO HOURS hashing over this (with DH). I totally lost it and I NEVER have in the 13 years I've known her. She at one point said, "Melissa I've only done good by you." and I told her that wasn't true. That she has only been bad for me. I let it all out - that she thinks I'm too fat, that I'm a terrible houswife, that she doesn't agree with how I raise the children, etc. She said, "Now I see that's what you think I feel." and I said, "Sonja, I don't "think" you feel this way, I KNOW you feel this way. You have SAID it to me, to Adrian, to your friends (and ours) and to Sven (DH). It's not a secret how you feel." She didn't deny it from there, but I think she was in shock that DH and DS didn't correct me and I think she is shocked that I KNOW how she feels about me.

But I will say, for the first time like EVER, DH really stood up for me. Saying that her behavior was ridiculous. And I fought back and didn't wait for DH to do it for me. It was terrible, but relieving as well. Two hours of sleep probably loosened my tongue too. I wasn't mean and didn't say things just to hurt her, but I didn't let her jump all over me and try to smooth over like I always do.

She started by saying that she loved all of us and that's why she criticizes that she wouldn't criticize if she didn't love us. I lost it there too and told MIL that she didn't love me and never has and I don't want her telling me that as it's not real. She says she loves me because I'm her son's wife and her grandchildren's mother.... She didn't say she loved me because she found me good or nice or caring... but because she "had to" basically - that's not love -that's obligatory dealing with each other. She wouldn't bat an eye if I disappeared tomorrow except that it would hurt DH and the kids - she would happily take a replacement.

The FUNNY part, was that to show how she thought we were ridiculous, and to prove that NO ONE calls ahead of time if they are family and NO ONE needs to wait for the door to be answered if the door is open. (She ACTUALLY BELIEVES, that if she tries someone's lock, and it's unlocked, she is welcome to walk right in. She CALLS an unlocked door as an open door... this might be the root of the problem!!!.) She said she did that to our neighbor the other day. They've only met a couple times and she's walking in THEIR door unannounced? (She hadn't called ahead). I told her that she could get shot for scaring someone like that. When DH told her that no one walked into their home growing up, she denied it, but then later she admitted their door was always locked so it wasn't possible for people to walk in. Her defense was, "I always say 'I'm here!' when I come in." When I told her that's too late, and unless someone is standing RIGHT THERE, they would never hear her as she just says it quietly.

It went on and on. She kept saying that she has to treat our house like stranger's and so on... and she still needs to think things through to see if maybe, perhaps, it's possible that DS came up with this response on his own or heard it from me.. UGH!!!

So, in the past year, she has walked in while I'm sleeping, walked in while I'm on the toilet, walked in while I was half naked, what CLUE does she need that maybe I would like to have a chance to get decent? PLUS, I told her straight out that I know she hates mess and our house is quickly cluttered and that if she were to call, that would at least give me the opportunity to tidy up a bit so that I'm not embarassed about something.

The funny thing???? DH was warmer to me afterwards and I think it's because I didn't "take it". I stood up for myself in front of MIL. I've always been played to be the one in the middle, the one trying to get DH to calm down or MIL to listen. I don't usually voice my "issues" until MIL is gone, and then only to DH and he HATES that. So, today I did it. I put my foot down and my MIL may want me to rot in he$$ right now, but who is more important to make happy??? Her or DH? I've been choosing to be quiet thinking it wasn't my place to tell her how I felt about things.. I mean she isn't my mother, but when youve been stepped on as much as I have by that woman, you would snap too.

LOL My "snapping" is pretty mild - no real yelling, no cursing, no throwing - just tense voices and controlled "rage"... So, sorry to disappoint you if you think I flew off the handle!

Who knows maybe she'll treat me better now too!

Melissa

Kudos to you. Your DS might have spoken out of shock, but it is probably how he really feels and felt that he also needed to vent even though he is young. Now, things should be perfectly clear with your MIL and if she continues to intrude into your home, she is needs be told she cannot come back to your house unless you invite her. Since you have spoken up for how you feel I think now your DH will back your decision about how to handle her. Is there a way to install automatic locks on your doors? If so, I would definitely add them to your doors and don't give her a key.

Good for you, I hope she starts leaving you alone.

I almost got into it yesterday with my MIL, over the fact that she seems to feel that she needs to put her 2 cents into everything we do and we should do what she says.

Good for you! Bottom line is your MIL is way out of line here! It doesn't matter what her home was like when your DH was younger or how she grew up. This is YOUR house and this is how you want it, end of story. Your poor son got caught off guard and blurted out I am sure what he felt too, not his fault he's a kid. I think it is great your DH stayed on your side, we all know how scared they can be of their mommie Take her key back and put an end to any chance of this happening again! You should be proud you stuck up for yourself, it is not alway easy

I know I've been longwinded and I'm sorry everyone. DH and I process differently. he doesn' t like to discuss it again or hash it over to sort it out. So, he basically doesn't want to hear any more. For me, I need to talk with someone about it so that I can wrap the loose ends up in my head.

While the arguement wasn't nice and DS needs to be more thoughtful, I think it was probably a good thing to happen.

I don't know how I got so lucky. I grew up with a Mom who wanted me to be perfect. My entire life I tried to please her and it was only with a counselor that I was able to close that door to her negativity. I would try and try to make her happy, but couldn't. So, I married a man with a Mom who also expected me to be perfect and I didn't match up to her ideal. I think she would agree I'm very giving, and warm, but her #1 criteria is thin and beautiful (I'm not kidding - she's that shallow). Her next criteria is that the wife be a good housekeeper. Doing the dishes should come before spending time with the kids. sorry... not how I prioritize - dishes come after kids go to bed and if I'm too tired after they go to bed, I do them in the morning after two of them are off for the day. She HATES that.

I just have to remember that she is alone in the world - we are IT. She is thrice divorced. Her sister closed the door to their relationship (which I think her sister is actually in the wrong) and she has no friends here (her only friend moved).

I at least have my husband, two children, one best friend, and lots of warm people around me who would help me if I asked and we are meeting new people all the time (we just moved to the area 2 years ago). I have to believe the person who has others around her must be OK, even though she isn't thin, and isn't a good housekeeper.

Melissa

I'm so proud of you. I'm glad your dh supported you. My relationship with my mil is also strained and dh wants to just ignore it. (he isnt close to her at all) But i tell him all the time, she is YOUR mother. It is YOUR job to put her in her place!!!! I really believe that. I would tell your dh, "ok, the issues are out of the bag. It is your job to make sure YOUR mother follows thru on this." I mean, would we expect them to deal with OUR mom if she was being a brat? If my mom was upsetting my husband i would have a serious talk with her. Men like everything to be happy, they dont want there mommies unhappy, and they certainly dont want their wives unhappy. The problem is that they cant just pretend these problems dont exist!!!!! I hope things get better. Hang in there. I'm sure it's not easy having the cat out of the bag, but it's good for your soul!! LOL

BTW, my mil had a perfect house to. I dont!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to clean everytime she comes over. But i'll tell you this, my kids and i love each other way more than she and her sons love each other!!!

I agree with you that my MIL would take it A LOT better if DH would voice issues instead of me, but since he won't, I either had to keep sucking it up or finally just let it out. he doesn't believe this "your mom, my mom" thing. If she bothers me, I take care of it and not use him as a middle man... I agree with you, but????

Do you know how HARD it was to swallow every time she would say, "Oh, Melissa, you are my daughter that I never had. blah, blah, blah..." well, I would sure hope she would treat her real daughter better than that compared to her son - talk about preferential treatment "brother" gets!!!

Which leads me to this question - and I'll probably ask this on another post, but... how should in-laws handle presents for their kids and their spouses. I grew up believing and doing that if you spend $$ on one, you should spend about the same $$ on the other. MY dh and I have birthdays 1 month apart with Christmas smack in the middle of that. Well, one bday MIL bought me covergirl mascara in a color I don't wear. A month later, she bought DH a new sportscoat at a nice upscale store.

Older DS has commented the last two years that Dh gets more for christmas than I do, but it's not my MILs fault that my mom and I aren
t "talking" (Well, if you can call her disappearing again for the last 6 months talking - didn't even get an email for my bday which is usually when she reappears) She moved...

But it jsut feels wrong to me to be so lopsided... then within the same morning saying I'm her "daughter"... What, her daughter cinderella who she treats as a servant?

Her taste in things is awful, so I'm not jealous or anything, but I think it sends the wrong message to the kids - that Mom is a second class citizen, you know?

Melissa