Okay my wonderful ladies, I've decided that what I continue to go through on a monthly basis just isn't what's normal. I mean I know everyone gets moody and feels bad during that once a month assault on our poor bodies (which just isn't fair), but mine has seemed to get progressively worse. I noticed it had gotten worse after having two kids 13 months apart. But then after my baby 5 years later (who's almost 3 now) I can tell a serious difference. I have at least one day, but usually several, that I'm beyond sluggish. Barely have the energy to move. And I get severly obsessive and easily depressed. And then there is always one day that has a severe melt down that can last hours, if not all day. My eyes are puffy and swollen today after a complete melt down last night. And I mean it was BAD! And in hind sight today, it was over something so little. But before I finally just crashed out, I was contimplating divorce and wishing I was dead...seriously...not just being a drama queen. Seriously thinking life would just be better without me in it. Now some months DH is kind and empathetic, and some months he's just not, like last night, he was down right mean in return to me, which just fueled the fire and made things worse, much much MUCH worse. Now today I'm better, but tired from the melt down. And of course my biggest concern is with the kids. (Okay I think I might melt again right now) Luckily last night, they were asleep when all this happened. But the times when they aren't are the times I feel the worst afterwards. I just know it has to have an effect on them to see mom loose it so badly. But I honestly feel completely out of control when it does. Almost like I can step out of my body and see it all, but can do nothing to stop it. I don't even feel like myself, as I know the true me to be kind and loving, reasonably rational, and at least somewhat patient. And this new me is none of the above. It hurts me to see may family walk on eggshells around me. And I feel like such a freak, so abnormal. My grandmother raised me, and I NEVER saw her have days like this. Someone PLEASE, tell me I'm not completely crazy. Does anyone else out there go through this? Is this what the doctors call PMDD? What do you do to make it better? Should I just go and see about getting some medication? I will be honest that the times that my husband is compassionate with me, I do seem to be able to control it a bit better. Maybe I just need to reach out for better support from somewhere? Maybe that's what I'm doing here....
Nikki
With the feelings you have been having, you need to seek professional counseling immediately. The doctor can prescribe you an antidepressant, your feelings are not normal. Please, for the sake of yourself, and your family, pick up the phone and call your doctor for a referral. NOW.
I would agree with the person who posted above me. Whenever there are thoughts of suicide you should seek help. I can relate to what you are saying on a smaller scale. My husband keeps track of things and knows when I get moody. Usually he just retreats down to his hobby room (which often makes me more irritable!) I get extremely tired, moody and sad. Since I'm aware of it I try really hard not to make any decisions during that time but it's hard. Now here I'm going to give some advice that I should take myself but here goes...I've heard that some birth control pills can help and I would have to imagine that a balanced diet would help too (I'm not lecturing here...I'm the worst when it comes to healthy eating) I'm glad you're husband is mostly sympathetic but I know it can be rough on a marriage. I don't think they can truly understand a woman's cycle. I say you should go to your doctor and ask for suggestions on how to manage the symptoms. Good luck and let us know what happens. The people on here are very caring. Know that you have friends here!
I agree-- medical and/or counseling help is needed. I was on antidepressants for several years, and am now successfully off them, but I'd do them again if need be. Also, it may all be hormones-- and not just female hormones. Sometimes our cycles are messed up due to thyroid issues, and thyroid is very easy to fix if it's wrong. The meds are no problem, no side effects. Good luck.
Thanks ladies. I've been on antidepressants before myself. So I'm not afraid of taking them. I cannot take birth control pill though, due to side effects I've had with them before. This is something that I can directly link to my monthly cycle. I mean, I flip every now and then, but not like this, and what wife/mother doesn't. This is different though. And I wouldn't say I get necessarily suicidal, I have deep seeded religious beliefs that direct me immediately away from those thoughts, but I still don't like the idea of just wishing to not be here. And, no I haven't had my thyroid checked, but have made the decision that I'm past due for some check ups. I haven't been to any doctor, well with the exception of cracking my ankle, since the birth of my baby. Just so little time, but I know it's time to take care of myself, for my family's sake as well. I will let you guys know and I appreciate the advice and support. I knew I could get it here.
I have been wondering if I might have pmdd, too. I have the same kind of feelings, and talk about RAGE! I've started running, and that seems to help, but not a lot. I usually stop hating my mother after 1.5 miles. 
When I was pg with my ds, I was very, very depressed. I know that I was a loony tune and begged my OB to give me Zoloft, and he wouldn't. He told me that the only thing that would make me feel better was to have the baby. Mind you, this is the man who also ended up making me have a vaginal birth of an 11# baby, and I'm small!
I have done some very unreasonable and bad things when I have had my period. When I go for my annual I plan to ask for something. I really do believe that I need an antidepressant. They say that Yaz bc pill helps, too.
How do you ask your dr. for antidepressants?
Ohhh Nikki!!!!
There is a type of chemical that your brain lets out all the time...produces what is called serinonim (SP big time) this is the chemical that causes emotions. Sometimes the little flap that lets out this chemical gets stuck and we feel depressed...SOMETIMES we need medications to help. SO...it could be hormones or it could be that you need a regulator. I take something for this. I went and talked to me priest about it. And he actually referred me to a physichiatrist (SP). In turn went through my feelings and pretty well knew I needed to be on this medication. I had to go through a few. But..when we found the right one then I felt a hundred times better. You still get sad but not so sad that you can't control it.
DONT EVER get to the point where you even mention the S word...If you do that is toooo far...
remember what we just went through this weekend! 
luv ya girlie!!!
I have been wondering if I might have pmdd, too. I have the same kind of feelings, and talk about RAGE! I've started running, and that seems to help, but not a lot. I usually stop hating my mother after 1.5 miles.
When I was pg with my ds, I was very, very depressed. I know that I was a loony tune and begged my OB to give me Zoloft, and he wouldn't. He told me that the only thing that would make me feel better was to have the baby. Mind you, this is the man who also ended up making me have a vaginal birth of an 11# baby, and I'm small!
I have done some very unreasonable and bad things when I have had my period. When I go for my annual I plan to ask for something. I really do believe that I need an antidepressant. They say that Yaz bc pill helps, too.
How do you ask your dr. for antidepressants?
You just ask. When I was on them before, I had a severe mental break. It was not quite a year after the birth of my 2nd child. I think it was a combo of being extremely overwhelmed with 2 babies under 2, childhood issues that had NEVER been dealt with, maybe a little Post Pardum depression, and DH just not giving a crap (thank goodness THAT has changed). I was almost hospitalized for severe depression. Probably the only thing that stopped it was my insisting that I just couldn't leave my children. So we medicated and I started therapy 3 times a week. Now the issues I had have been successfully worked through (after a couple years of therapy) and that has made me such a stronger person. But now it's these, that like I said above I can link to what really seems to be the hormone change. Michellenj, I'm so glad you said you feel this too. Yes, rage is a great way to describe it. See funny thing is, that I had a completely reasonable discussion about all of this (including the thing I lost it over) with DH last night. Seems like I get a spike in the hormones that one day every month and it's chaos, then I begin to balance out and feel in control again. Michelle, I'm convinced that's what it HAS to be. Now I'm a bit edgy and grumpy for a few days, but it's just the one that seem to loose it on. I hope that my talking about this helps you and maybe others along with me realize that we can do something to make us feel better. I'm calling my Dr. today to see about getting an appt. I'll keep you informed of what she thinks. Luckily she knows my past history and hopefully will be able to use that to make an informed decision about what I may need.
Christi, I agree about the chemical (I'm not even making a spelling attempt there). And I do believe that there are those of us who just get too much of it. I'm easily effected by emotions all the time. I always joke and say crying is my favorite form of expression, whether it be happiness, anger, or sadness. I LOVE a good cry, as long as it's a controllable one.
hang in there.......Zoloft worked wonders for me (but I have Generalized Anxiety disorder)......I usuallly have to take it 9 months and then I am good for about 2 years....then repeat cycle..difference is now I know when I need to go get a script from my Doc....I dont wait and suffer needlessly. I think we are all too ashamed sometimes to get the help we need because mental illnesses are not as widely understood, we dont realize its just like getting cancer.......we didnt cause it, we cant help it, but we can fight back!!!! My Doctor even described my GAD as like a cancer, we treat it for 9 months it goes into remission but it could return..........I just have to be sensitive to the warning signs!
I am one who couldnt take BC pills at all.......totally made my GAD worse.....
hang in there!
I just started taking Paxil myself. I have anxiety issues and I truly believe that we're just starting to scrape the surface on what female hormone issues exist. Back when I was little, my mom had SEVERE PMS but of course, no one acknowledged PMS back then and she was brushed off by her doctors. A few years back, I saw my OB/GYN and said I thought I must have PMS, too, and described my symptoms but my symptoms, while cyclical, were not confined to the two or three days before my cycle so my idiot doctor (a WOMAN no less) said that it can't be PMS if it isn't just those few days and she brushed me off. I'm with an awesome doctor now (male - I always figured it would be a woman doctor who would understand and be sympathetic more but I was wrong) and he spent the past year trying to talk me into taking something to make me feel better. He said the same things - if it were physical instead of mental, we'd take medications immediately to help the problem but because it's mental so many people hesitate. I know I hesitated because I wanted a test that would show exactly what hormones were doing what and that if my seratonin levels were off or something, I wanted to see proof of that. Of course, no such test exists so I finally bit the bullet and got the Rx so I could see if it works. It's been less than three weeks for me but so far (aside from it making me really tired all of the time) I do feel like I'm more balanced.
Good luck to everyone - it isn't fun to not be yourself!
Ohhhhh how I can relate.I have been on Paxil now for a year and a half and I am currently in the process of weening off.I sought the help of a Homeopathic Dr. 4 months ago for my anxiety issues as well.This was the reason for paxil but I suspect that there was some Post Pardum Depression mixed in from the birth of my now 6 and 4 yr old!! I can tell you the Paxil helped tremendously but it only masks the problems.I wasn't emotional at ALL when I should have been 
and my Dr said that isn't healthy also..Not to mention I gained 50lbs on Paxil 
Yes....50 lbs but the Dr. didn't tell me that either but that's another never ending saga..Losing Weight! 
I had all the emotions everyone talks about..I felt like a caged animal trapped in a body.I can't explain it....I would cry all the time over silly things and worry about my kids not having a sane mother.I could barely function.I guess it was good that the kids were only 3 and 1 at the time and I didn't have to go out alot.Please seek help!! This is a female hormonal issue that affects many of us women and many just think it is stress or over whelmingness of having child,family obligations,work etc.I have since had everything checked like thyroid etc.My B12 was severly low which directly realtes to energy..Maybe that is why I have none and possibly because I look and feel like a giant beachball.... No kidding!! 
The homeopathic Dr. has helped tremendously and I feel alot better.Now I need to tackle the weight issue since I have gotten the hormonal/emotional/anxiety issues under control but it took nearly 2 yrs.Please get help..It is out there but insist they listen to you and check everything out.Good Luck!!
Laurel 
I actually used to have very similar symptoms. After many doctors, tests, and much researching on my part, we came to a diagnosis of Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, or also known as Polycystic Ovarian Disease. There is so much that is not known about it, and it took 5 years for me to get a diagnosis, but I've been taking estrogen and glucophage and feel back to my old self finally. The common misconception is that it only affects your ovaries, when in fact, it's an endocrine disorder, so it affects your pancreas, thyroid, pituitary, the whole nine yards. It's worth looking into, but whatever you do, just know we're here for ya. 
I actually used to have very similar symptoms. After many doctors, tests, and much researching on my part, we came to a diagnosis of Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, or also known as Polycystic Ovarian Disease. There is so much that is not known about it, and it took 5 years for me to get a diagnosis, but I've been taking estrogen and glucophage and feel back to my old self finally. The common misconception is that it only affects your ovaries, when in fact, it's an endocrine disorder, so it affects your pancreas, thyroid, pituitary, the whole nine yards. It's worth looking into, but whatever you do, just know we're here for ya.
I have PCOS - was just diagnosed with it this past spring. My doctor didn't mention any connection between that and my anxiety / emotions. The only thing that I was told was that it might be harder to get pregnant if we want more babies and that I just need to keep my cycles in check (they're all out of whack now - just have to make sure I don't go four or more months without one). Please describe the connection between PCOS and all of the emotional / hormonal / anxiety symptoms!
Ladies, I have to tell you, I was so unsure about posting this. And even after I posted it I thought that maybe it was just a bit to personal and almost deleted it. I AM SO GLAD THAT I DIDN'T. I've seen some ugly times and hard words on here before, but this is a testament to how well we can all pull together and support one another when we REALLY need it. It's just so nice to have others to relate to!
ckkeber -
It has something to do with the cortisol and serotonin levels in your brain. These are hormones, too. My doctor said when one hormone is out of whack (like estrogen), it can be a domino effect, and they can all get out of whack. Some of it is also blood sugar. When my blood sugar gets low I get grouchy and emotional. Higher androgen and testosterone levels can also make you go into a rage! 
And when the pendulum swings one way, it often swings the other way with a vengenace.
Google it and see what you come up with. PCOD is so much more than infertility. They are actually looking to change the name to take the focus off the ovaries and look at it as a whole disease.
Oh, and check out www.soucysters.com.
AJ'sGirl - thank you so much for the information. I'm kind of surprised that my doctor didn't tell me all of that. In fact, I went to the doctor because my cycles started getting all out of whack and an ultrasound found the PCOS (ironically enough, I had an ultrasound about a year and a half ago and the lab tech doing the ultrasound said it looked like PCOS but my doctor didn't think so at the time and then a year later, I guess it was more prominent). Anyway, I didn't even talk to the doctor afterwards, it was a nurse practitioner who called and said it was PCOS and just cautioned against infertility issues and told me to keep an eye on my cycle. My doctor is usually so good and so in tune so I'm surprised I didn't get more info than that. I have to go in for a follow up for my Paxil in about a week and a half so I'll grill him then. Thank you so much for the info. Isn't it scary that so much can go on with your body that you have no idea about???
I have PMDD also. If you don't have pmdd it is hard to understand how it feels. I was diagnosed after my last child was born. I thought I was going crazy. I didn't understand because it would last only a few days. I got where I hated for my monthly to come because getting through those days was so hard. If you don't have PMDD, its hard to understand. I was already on an antidepresent for anxity, so my doctor just increased my meds one week before my period. The rest of the month I take a normal dose. I still have symptoms but I can handle everything now. Good Luck with everything. PMDD is something that can be managed.
What is the criteria that you have to meet to have pmdd?
michellenj here's a website I found....
http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/
Lets just say that there should have been an all the above on the checklist for me!!!
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