Sticking up for the husband, I say decorate the cake and be happy that your making your husband happy!

Now, I gotta say this quick as I can hear a sea of cake decorating women walking up to my house with pitchforks, torches, and buttercream frosting.

Seriously, how often does he ask you to decorate a cake? If it's a once-in-a-while thing, I say do it. If he asks you once a month, then I'd charge him. I would make him clean up after you either way.

Joe

Well, the theme seems to be let the dh offer up a free cake and you bail him out. Okay, if he knows how to bake, let him. If he wants it decorated, teach him. You then can show him how much work it is and that your time is worth something. If the cake comes out decent the he will be happy and take credit, if it looks bad you can have a small back up cake that you are working on the side while teaching him. I to would be upset if I had my services advertised and my dh was giving away my service. My dh would never offer a cake without asking me first, he knows that he would have to help. What if you had another cake orderd for the same time? It would be a nice thing to bail him out, but he has to understand that you are not going to keep bailing him out. I'm sure he has done things for you and that's great and maybe it's his way of bragging on you, but why not ask first. You just have to figure out what you are willing to do to keep the peace. I'm sure if this is the first time he has done this, he has learned his lesson. Make it a positive experience for the both of you. Have fun laughing at how he tries to imitate your methods of decorating. If he sits down or takes a break, you sit down and take a break, he'll get the message that it's both of you or just him. That's my 2 cents worth. I'm sure others won't agree. Pick your battles carefully and try to make it a learning experience for him.

Now, I'll probably get flamed, but uh uh, no way, you are right on not making it! Is he your husband? Yes. Is he also an adult? Yep. If it were for him personally, or he asked first, of course you would do it. However, HE took the responsibility, so it is HIS responsibility to fulfill. You married him, and take care of him, but this is different. Even if he said "my wife can make it" it would be different. As far as your reputation, they will KNOW it isn't your cake, plus you work there and can stop by to see how HIS cake went over. You already said he isn't helpless in the kitchen. He can figure out or ask how to do the decorating part, and you can teach him beginner lessons. But DONT DO THIS CAKE!

Someone said "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
Well I'll tell you if I made that cake nobody is gonna be happy.

I thought the husband was just asking for help in decorating the cake...

I don't want actual money from him. He has asked me to do a christmas cake for his department but the difference is he asked me first. He offered to pay but i said if he just bought the ingreediants I'd do it.

with this birthday cake he didn't ask me cos he knows I would have said no I don't do free cakes for work.(that applies to my department as well as his). He volunteered to do it so I think thats what he should do. I know if I start helping him he just leave the full thing to me and won't do anything.

I thought offering to let him watch me do a cake would give him a good idea of what he needs to do. He knew when I was doing the cake (10.30 the following morning). He agreed that was a good idea but then when he didn't come downstairs the following morning I went up about 11 cos I really couldn't wait any longer and was told he felt tired so wasn't getting up.

If he had watched me and then tried to do ice his cake and couldn't manage then I would step in and help but at the moment my attitude is you volunteered not me. you won't make an effort to help yourself so why should I do it for you. you volunteered you deliver. If it's not as good as mine well what do you expect I did the training which took time, money and effort.

My time is precious so why should I use it bailing you out when you're obviously not willing to help yourself.

I had my hubby read this thread and he said yours "should stew in his own juice"...

Ok here is my 2 cents. First off my hubby would never say he would make a cake for someone. Cause that is to FUNNY He burns everything. He doesn't even tell me to bake for him.
I on the other hand have friends or family that always need a mans help(single moms with no money) Usually car related to help out. He always helps and they always buy him some beer or something for helping them out. ALOT CHEAPER than taking to mechanic who wants alot of money that they can't pay. My DH is a softy and helps out.
I always try to make my DH feel special as he does me. YA he can be a big pain at times. But we have each others back. If I need something he is there. If he needs something I am always ahead of the game. I usually know what he needs before he does.
I can't tell you what to do because it would NEVER happen to me. All I can say is I would help my hubby in any way. And he would be so greatful he would do whatever I needed him to do. Just my 2 cents.

Stick to your guns - let him learn the hard way

I think it really depends on past history. If my husband needs to take a dish...or cake...to work, he asks me ahead of time if I would have time to make it. He doesn't know the first thing about cooking. He would NEVER volunteer me to do something without asking first, nor would I volunteer him. If he "knows you don't do free cakes for work", then he's trying to manipulate you into doing it anyway. That's the decision you have to make.

Well, he should have got your okay before offering but I think you should help him.

Marriage is a partnership, therefore I think you are obligated but you need to stress the point to him that your time is limited and he really needs to always check with you first, just out of common courtesy.

In my marriage, I do A LOT for my husband. I'm talking I cater to his every need and desire! Yes, that is what I said. I feel that that's the way it's supposed to be. BUT in return, if I need something or want something my husband will work the overtime, sell something of his, or whatever it takes to get me what I want or need. We're a team like that.

I hope you two work it out and learn how not to step on eachother's toes. lol

Well, I dunno. My husband volunteers me for cakes in the indirect way, dropping hints like ''There's a potluck at work and...'' On Wednesday, he told me he needed a cake or cookies to take today. So, I agreed. I agree because I stay at home with the kids and I can bake a cake and decorate it in the evenings. In return, I volunteered him to go help move my grandmother's furniture.

I don't mind doing stuff for him, sometimes it's a pain and I don't want to... But I know that in the end, he's my cheer leader. He helps out with dishes and child rearing when I'm busy. He lets me sleep in on the weekends, and we share all the money.

As long as he appreciates my efforts, then I'll do it. It really has to be a give-and-take relationship.

Make the cake. Teach him some decorating techniques. Ask him for help with cleanup. And enjoy the time you have together. Rather than let this cause a problem, let it turn into quality time.

What did you decide to do?

Well.....I made a cake and cupcakes for my nephews birthday in Nov and on the day of the birthday my husband says " uh those cupcakes weren't for the party were they?". I told him they were and he said he had eatena few....well about 5 to be exact . So...I said..."you will have to make some more and i don't have time to do it". So I told him how to do it , ingredients etc and how long to mix it ( of course I was in the kitchen decortating a cake while he is doing this") Then I made him ice the cupcakes too. I fiqure if he can eat them he can make them...and he did and they turned out good.

So tell him what to do and make him do it. It will give him a better appreciation of what you do and he will actually be proud of his accomplishment.

Well I went away for the weekend (which has been planned for a while). He baked the cake today while I was away. He's asked me to buy his fondant and cake board tomorrow which I can do but only cos I have to go to the supermarket anyway. He's going to decorate it tomorrow night and I've decided to let him get on with it. I'll wait until he's finished and see how good/bad the cake is before I decide on my next move. If it's really dire I might step in and redo the cake the next day but it will have to be really bad before I do. Once he's spent all that time trying to decorate it he might learn some sort of lesson about either asking me or making sure he has the necessary skills before he volunteers for anything like this again.

I can't imagine letting him do all the work on it and then telling him it wasn't good enough and making a new one. Why not just help him out in the first place instead of wasting all that time and energy deciding whether or not he should have to do it himself, then when he does it, deciding it's not fit for human consumption? I would never refuse to help my husband do something if he asked me, no matter when he asked me (before or after he offered something.) I love that man more than anything, and I wouldn't turn my back on him needing my help over something as little as a cake.
JMHO

Because if I don't he'll take advantage and do this sort of thing regularly. I don't have the time or resources to do free cakes on a regular basis and he knows that . As well as my cakes I hold down a full time job and care for a disabled parent. My time is precious. If I let him struggle with the cake hopefully he'll learn to either ask me before he volunteers or to make sure he has the necessary skills before he does. Please also bear in mind when he offered this cake he said he would do it not that I would. He's made no effort to help himself get the neccesary skills beyond assuming that I would do the cake for him. I have several cake orders for Christmas and I've decided enough is enough I'm putting ny foot down now. Also I'm not the one who's going to decide if the cake is fit to take in. If he comes in the living room and tells me he can't do it or it's no good that's when I'll step in the following day. If he's happy enough to take what he can produce into work then he can. I have no worries about the cake not being edible. He is actually quite a decent cook. He just has no decorating skills and doen't have a clue what he's doing.

sorry but it sounds spiteful. letting him fail, you're not his teacher, your his wife and i can understand where you are coming from not wanting him to take advantage of you. but its still sounds harsh. i would hope that he doesn't do you the same way.

I just had to run this scenario by my husband...

"Hey, I gotta question for ya"
"I ain't got an answer, just a suggestion"
"let's say I advertised cakes for sell on a bulletin board at your work." "You say to your buddies, "I'll do the cake!"
HE QUICKLY INTERRUPTED ME AND SAID....

"HAHAHA I BASICALLY SAID YOU WOULD DO THE CAKE!"

then added, "kinda like you send me to your friends' houses to work on their cars, and appliances( I swear, the man can fix anything!!!)"

I said , "but you don't advertise your work for sell"

"oh wait, should I be upset if I was going to show you how to do it and it was 11 and your a$$ didn't want to get outta bed because "I'm tired and I don't feel like it"?"
he said..."ooooooh, I don't know 'bout that"


We do things for each other especially when there's other people's feelings or well being involved.

We rely on each other in such a big way.

I truly wouldn't have it any other way!

I'd rather him volunteer me to do a cake than to hurt my feelings by getting one at the grocery store! oof...that would hurt!

I am so going to be hated for this but here goes . . .

I think you are being incredibly unreasonable and a little childish. It's your husband for goodness sake!!! Be glad that he is interrested and wants to take part in something that is important to you. Don't be so petty. From the sounds of it, you have bigger issues to deal with than who is going to do a cake.

Why would you even post such a question on here? You had to know that you sounded pretty immature

WHy cant you simply TELL your husband that that you dont have the time/resources to do cakes at the drop of a hat? It takes time to plan how you are going toconstruct a cake and then have to assemble specific ingredients, etc.
My DH would never offer to do a cake himself OR volunteer me. But, in the event that he did volunteer a cake for work, I would do it in a heartbeat, with his help and input. He cant bake but, he has gifts that would b useful..... engineering, ideas, etc. I would be honored that he is so proud of what I do. He would also be the biggest advertising for me! as i was reading these posts, some of them sound ike how you treat your childen, which can be paralell, i guess. we have five kids and the oldest often has get togethers with her friends and they usually involve cake. NOT ONCE has she asked me to do one for her. Her and a couple of friends will plan on being at our house the day before a party and they bake and frost and decorate here NEVER asking for help. They know that the tools for making an extra special cake are all here and as long as they ask, they are free to make whatever their imaginations want to do. BTW, as i was typing this, my DH made a pitstop at home before taking off for work again with a Gingerbread Latte for me! we've been married for 15 years.

I don't mean this to be mean, but you sound like you are acting like roommates, not spouses. You'd make a roommate fend for him/herself but you should pitch in and help each other out if you are married!

If my husband volunteers me for something I do it. Not to do it just makes HIM look bad, and me too. If I don't like it, I just explain that I felt awkward and could he please talk to me first next time, and he gladly complies.

Its not a huge deal to make a cake for a coworker. I enjoy the opportunity sometimes to make a free or discounted cake for a friend or loved one. Its not always about the money. Its about love and showing love with a unique talent.

If your hubby went to work with a cool cake for the guys, they will all be like "Your wife is so cool and you are so lucky" but if he has to struggle while everyone knows he has a cake decorating wife, they are going to look at you like this: That you didn't want to have any part in it.

Its ok to give in sometimes!!! There's a time to be stubborn and get what's due...but IMO this is not one of them.

(Dh and I have been married 10 years! Its a team...)

Ok I've gotta add something here. After reading 90% of the posts here I've come to one thing....

Me and my husband have been together for going on 10 years this february. I've been doing cakes for a very long time but just got into decorating them about a year ago.

He's helped me with EVERY cake by making the icing and sometimes that means staying up until 2 or 3 am on a work night... but he does it because he loves me.

Recently we were at a friends house and she wanted her christmas lights put up on her house... her husband is a slack jerk who won't do anything he doesn't want to do no matter how much you ask so instead of asking my husband I told her he'd do it no worries.... Well he couldn't do it that night because it was too cold and too dark, so finally HER husband stepped in after being **tched to all week and did them last night with the help of my husband... I volunteer him for so many things without even asking him first... so when he does it to me I don't get upset...

He calls me from work and says "Babe so and so wants a cake, how much work would it be to have it ready by such and such date and how much would you charge them for it" At that time I have the choice to do it for free or charge them, he hasn't told them yet that I'd do it for free but has told them I'd probably do one. I know a little different but still basically the same concept.

Like others have said we don't know your personal relationship situation but in most marriages it's a give and take thing... you do for me I do for you. And even though you don't want him to walk all over you in the future by doing this again just tell him plainly "Honey this is the ONLY cake I'm going to do for free and I'm not going to do it all by myself you are going to get your lazy butt down here and watch and learn and help me in any way I see needed" That way he gets the tips he needs and learns a thing or two and helps out gets his hands dirty and can actually say "Yes I helped make it"... That way it's not so mean and rude saying no I'm not going to help you but when you screw it up I'm going to redo it so MY reputation isn't killed at the office. Because I'm sorry but thats what it seems like you're worried about here, him making a really nasty looking cake and YOUR rep being on the line. I understand you're spread too thin with all you have going on but helping him out would save more time in the end... you wouldn't be up all hours of the night wasting your precious time fixing his mess up... I mean if you truely feel he can't do it then stop being so mean and thinking you're the queen of the castle and help him out some.

I know harsh and I'm sorry but in every marriage there are problems and no matter how we look at it we all volunteer our husbands to do one thing or another no matter how time consuming it may be, my husband is handy in EVERY way possible, carpenter, mechanic, plumber, electriction, you name it he can do it... We tell our friends and family "oh yeah John can do it no problem" then when he comes home he's either happy to agree or he's a little peeved because we didn't actually ask him first.... but still goes and does it because they are our friends or family... I'm sure the same is with almost every marriage.... we do favors for each other all the time weather it be "Honey check my oil" or "I have a flat tire and I'm late for work" whatever they do for us and we should do for them.

I read through all the responses and this is how I see it. I try to see things from all sides, so with trying to look objectively, this is my "conclusion".

"IF" my husband just wants to give something to his friend for whatever reason (he's helped him out, it's his bday and they're close, etc), then I would be annoyed that he didn't ask me first (like what if I had something else planned) and I would just ask him to ask me beforehand next time. Or, if he hasn't TOLD his friend, I would say, "Can we do a raincheck for a time I'm not so busy Honey?" I would do it, but just explain as nicely and clearly as possible that you like to do nice things for friends too, but now things are just too tight financially and emotionally. Most likely he'll "get it". It was just him not thinking things through. "IF" and only if he has a habit of this behavior would I refuse, but ONLY if I said the last time, "I won't do this for you again. Next time you're on your own." They would have fair warning then.

Now, if his friend came to your husband and ASKED for a free cake because, 'you know, we're friends" THEN I would be mad at DH as he knows the rule. That friend is being a boob and DH fell for it, but again, I would probably do it (Unless I "REALLY" didn't have time for it), but again remind DH that NEVER AGAIN and that his "friend" is using him and not being a very good friend. Again, next time he's on his own.

My "guess" is that your DH just didn't think things through. Times I don't think you should consult are like times the company is having a potluck and it's expected everyoen bring something. If you're the cook in the family (like most women) then your husband didn't volunteer you, but his company did, so I wouldn't be mad at DH, but a quick call asking is the courteous thing to do, but on the first "wrong turn" you refuse out of principle, I think that's unreasonable. I think for most things a warning should be issued first - for kids and adults. Now he knows the rules, knows the consequences if he doesn't follow them, THEN and only then is it appropriate, imo, to lower the ax. Before then, just be annoyed and explain the situation and then suck it up and do it for DH.

Just my 2 cents though!

Melissa

Everyone has strong opinions about this, I can see both sides. I spent several years with a slack, lazy husband who expected me to do everything for him, giving nothing at all in return. I became very bitter and got to the point that I wouldn't do anything at all for him, because he took advantage of my love and generousity. Our marriage almost ended, then luckily he grew up enough to realize he needed to change his behavior and we were able to save our relationship. In our relationship now, I would do anything for him, and vice versa, but 2 years ago, heck no! Please don't be too hard on MissBaritone, it becomes very difficult to keep giving to your spouse if he's never there for you.

The thing that makes it very reasonable not to help him out is that he was "too tired" to get out of bed and watch her, even after he agreed it was a good idea. I tend to agree that if he isn't willing to help himself, you shouldn't do it for him.

Maybe other issues are there, but still . . .