Hi everyone,
My husband and I are seriously thinking about adoption. We've been married 7 years, and no luck having a baby. So my questain is, Has anyone had experience in adoption, steps to take, where to look. Thanks in advance to anyone who answers....
Tana,
I'm so sorry you and your husband are having trouble trying to conceive. My DH and I have trouble too and it is a painful journey for us. We have investigated adoption a lot but are not quite ready to take that step ourselves yet. However, I'm happy to share with you anything I have learned along the way.
Are you considering domestic or international adoption? I will paste here a bunch of info that I compiled for a friend not too long ago. While it emphasizes international adoption, a lot of the same agencies and resources are applicable for domestic adoption.
Adoption forums / Yahoo groups
There are so many things to consider when contemplating adoption (particularly international and transracial adoption). Process, process length, cost, age and situation of children available, family requirements, common health issues of children from that area, how to help children and families adapt, etc. I have found adoption forums to be a great resource for learning the true ins and outs of adoption from various countries. Also they are a great place to pose questions you might have as you think about whether to pursue adoption. Lots of different websites can host forums, but most of the ones I am on are Yahoo Groups - the way they work is that you Join the group and then can see all the messages that are posted (or have them emailed to you individually or in daily digest form). I have "lurked" (read messages but rarely posted anything) on several groups for years, and I have learned so much from them. Groups can be formed by adoptive parents who all are adopting (or have adopted) from the same country, or have children from a particular orphanage, or live in the same state, or whatever. Some are much more helpful than others, it is just kind of hit or miss. Go to http://groups.yahoo.com/ and you can search for Yahoo Groups that interest you based on your state, country of interest, agency, etc.
Agencies
Some countries offer independent adoption programs where you do not have to go through an agency. I don't know anything about independent adoptions, and not all countries permit them. They are sometimes less expensive (which is why people choose them) but personally I would prefer to use an agency with a solid reputation, since an adoption is a complicated process, there are frequent changes occuring on both the US and the international side of things, and a trustworthy agency can help you avoid some of the nightmares that occasionally do occur (baby selling, corrupt officials demanding bribes in-country, etc.).
There are MANY agencies out there, and credibility and reputations vary considerably. If you Google "how to choose an adoption agency" you will find several articles that can give good tips on this decision. In the course of my own adoption research, I have heard good things about the following agencies.
Christian World Adoption - http://www.cwa.org/ - I don't know a whole lot about this agency, but I had a wonderful exchange with a woman who adopted two children through them who now does monthly informational seminars for them. They seem to be a solidly Christian agency with a good reputation.
Children's House International - http://www.adopting.com/chi/chi-country-programs.html - This is a small agency out of Utah. I have been on a Yahoo Group for their China Children with Special Needs program for many years. I have heard so many wonderful things about this agency, and I would completely trust them myself. Now, all my experience is with the China program, but I do think that their love for the children and diligence in the program in China would likely be replicated in their other programs as well.
Holt International - http://www.holtintl.org/adoption/criteria.shtml - I have always heard wonderful things about Holt. However, I do think they can be on the more expensive side sometimes. But they have an excellent reputation
America World Adoptions - http://www.awaa.org/ - This is a Christian agency I have often heard good things about.
Children's Hope International - http://www.childrenshopeint.org/ - This is a larger agency than Children's House, and if you hear of "CHI" in adoption forums or conversations, people are usually referring to this agency, not Children's House. I have heard good things about both agencies.
Journeys of the Heart - http://www.journeysoftheheart.net/index.html - International and domestic - I know a friend who adopted through them and loved them.
Bethany Christian Services - http://www.bethany.org/ - International and domestic, excellent reputation.
My DH and I have been confused time and again about why we meet requirements for a country with one agency but not with another agency. Some requirements are set by countries, and some are set by agencies. Also, some country programs are more centralized than others. In other words, some countries have requirements for the entire country, but others (like Taiwan) leave a lot of the requirements up to the individual orphanage. If you find you do not meet requirements posted by one agency, I would encourage you to keep researching to see if there is another agency whose requirements you do meet. It also could be helpful to call individual agencies to talk about these things since sometimes their requirements are more flexible than they initially appear (and sometimes there are waivers available for certain situations, like parent age or family size).
Adoptive families
Another good resource for learning more about adoption is getting to know families who have done it (especially from the country you are researching). Sometimes there are organizations for families who have adopted from specific countries; a local agency like Carolina Adoption Services might be able to connect you with an organization like that, or even with specific local famlies who have adopted from Ethiopia. Also, in the countries I have researched (mainly China and Kazakhstan so far) it is not uncommon for famlies to keep an online blog of their journey to go and get their child. Reading those blogs can be so incredibly educational, as you get to witness the true day-to-day experiences of the adoption process, the travel, receiving the child, and the child's adaptation (or sometimes lack thereof) to their new family. Occasionally those blogs can be hard to read - I have more than once read of disrupted (failed) adoptions - but I think there is great value in seeing a wide variety of experiences so that you really understand what you are undertaking and what the risks (and rewards!!) are. Also, in my opinion, seeing families work through a difficult first few weeks and then seeing them a few months later with a happy and well-adjusted child is so encouraging. I think it is good to go into something like this with a realistic expectations of various scenarios that can happen.
Here are a couple of examples of blogs:
Ethiopia - http://www.kevstac-ouradoptionjourney.blogspot.com/ - I think they traveled in August to meet their son
Ethiopia - http://bringingdestahome.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_archive.html - I think this adoption occurred in May '06 or so.
Kazakhstan - Adoption occurred in April '07 - http://2kaz4sophie.blogspot.com/2007_04_01_archive.html
China - Adoption in Aug '05 - http://homepage.mac.com/socheltree/Kai/page4/page4.html
There are many more blogs out there - check out http://www.youbelong.net/ and click on Read Journals.
Books
Unfortunately I can't personally recommend any particular books, but there are many out there. If you just get on Amazon and follow the "Customers who bought this book also bought..." and similar links, you can find a treasure trove of adoption books out there.
I truly love adoption, and I hope and pray that the Lord will bless us through adoption some time in the future. My love for it has grown over these years as I have learned more about it and have witnessed children and families being blessed (both through easy adoptions and through difficult ones). But I also know that actually making that decision to do it and starting that process and bringing home a child is HUGE. It is easy to be enthusiastic for adoption when it is a distant future daydream, but when it becomes an imminent reality for me, my heart jumps and my mind gets clouded with all the scary questions. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed by all my doubts and fears. But if there is anything that I have learned over these years of researching adoption over the years, it is that any adoption is truly a leap of faith. As you research adoption, you will likely hear things you may not like about the country, process, agency, etc. Every country, every orphanage, and every agency has its share of "adoption nightmares". Doing good research is important, but in the end, we just have to make the best decisions we can based on what we know.
Sorry for this being so long, but I hope it helps 
Maggie
maggiev777,
Thank you for posting all of that information. My DH and I are currently looking into adoption as well and these resources will be very useful as we travel down the long road that I pray leads to our dream of having a child. Best of luck to both of you on this journey.
Melissa
maggiev777, thank you for this useful info. My hubby and I are also looking into adoption.
tana, thanks for starting this thread. You are not alone. We've been married for 14 years and have'nt had any luck either.We decided to look into adoption about a month ago. I hope & pray it works out and that our prayers will be answered soon. Best of luck to you
I am an adoptive mom. We adopted through children services. There are many children available, just not many new born babies. Also, here in Ohio, if you adopt through children services, the state will help with the costs of the adoption and also some monthly support.
I can tell you that we have 3 children, one is adopted. I am so blessed. I wish you well. If you have any questions please feel free to ask or pm me.
maggiev777
Thank you so much for posting that information. And I hope all are dreams come true as we want to become parents. I hear alot of the adoption process being so expensive. Maybe theres a grant or the agency can help, just like Ohara said.. Do they have a link Ohara, where we can get more information.?.
We adopted through children services here in Ohio. We are also foster parents (not a requirement). I did a search for Illinois here's a link for DCFS
http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/adoption/index.shtml
some information at the bottom of the page on assistance that they give.
Maybe some information there will be of assistance.
We adopted through children services here in Ohio. We are also foster parents (not a requirement). I did a search for Illinois here's a link for DCFS
http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/adoption/index.shtml
some information at the bottom of the page on assistance that they give.
Maybe some information there will be of assistance.
Thank you very much. I'm going to take a look at that...
How long does the adoption process take? From start to finish or does it vary?
I haven't done this, but we had IVF since I have blocked tubes. I have a friend who adopted from China. They were the first couple in our group to have a child, and that child had more people anticipating her arrival and excited to greet her than she will ever understand. (This became even more true while they were in China getting her since the twin towers were hit while they were there.) I also have a cousin who was actually at a doctor and 10 minutes into giving her "family medical history" when she suddenlt said "Wait-- this doesn't matter-- I'm adopted"-- had totally just blanked it out. Whatever happens, I wish you luck and happiness.
This is slightly off topic but still about adoption.
My oldest son was friends with this girl he knew from school. She was a few years younger and a few grades below him in school.
Anyway she became pregnant by this guy. Needless to say he took a hike as soon as he found out. My son stood by her during her pregnancy and after she had the baby. After they became involved. When she gave birth to Nick she gave the fathers name on the birth certificate. My son filed for adoption of Nick when he was 3 1/2 so that he would have his last name. Now Nick has always been ours in our hearts. It took 1 1/2 years and countless torment for this to happen. The judge pretty much demanded that they get married, they had to go through a background check and they had to be observed interacting with each other while being observed by a social worker. Was it worth it? YES. As my son told the judge -
"Wheather or not you grant this adoption Nick IS MY SON. I haved loved him from the day he was born and I will love him till the day I die". She granted the adoption and NICK is legally ours.
As Doug said:
"Not made in the womb, but made in the heart"
thanks so much for this we are too considering adoption but i am afraid we are too poor . does anybody have any experience wioth grants or adoption loans.
I have a very close friend who went through the adoption process and was able to adopt a newborn baby girl within a year of starting the whole thing. Unfortunately, four adoptive mothers pulled out on them before they finally got a baby.
They got an adoption lawyer who instructed them to get an 800 number and place advertisements around the country. The state had to do some sort of a home inspection, and I'm not sure what else was officially required.
I know that certain states are more friendly to the people adopting, so my friends tried to get the birth moms to have the baby in NJ. I think in NJ the period of time that the mom can change her mind is pretty short.
My husband and I have been "on the waiting list" to adopt for over 2 years now. We chose to go thru Bethany Christian services (bethany.org). With Bethany, in the state of TN, we had a lot of paperwork to do, we had to be finger printed, had to have letter of references from friends and our pastor. We also had to write statements of faith, that was just to get us to the home study portion of the process. Our home study consisted of us going to the agency twice and interviewing both as a couple and individually. THen they came and inspected our home (which was not as big a deal as I had made it. I had my poor hubby on his hands and knees scrubbing all of the floors). At the home study they just want to make sure that the house is sound, no chance of the roof caving in, that there are no exposed electrical wires, and that you have smoke detectors and fire extinguishers.
After they approved our home study, we put together an adoption profile which is kind of like a mini scrapbook of us, our family, things we like to do etc. The birthparent(s) (there is a whole adoption lingo that you will quickly learn) then look thru all of the agency's profiles to pick the family that they want their baby to have.
It took us about 6 weeks to do the paperwork and homestudy process, they said that we were the fastest that they had ever completed. (We had already been in prayer and made our minds up that this is the path we wanted to take before we started.) Now we have been waiting over 2 years. (We specifically want a newborn and that is where the long wait comes in.)
If you do decide to go with adoption, my advice is to get the word out to everyone you know. We have had several of the "I know someone who knows someone" kind of things come up, but so far they haven't panned out. If you do happen to find a baby that is not with Bethay, they will work with you on getting the adoption, you can use their lawyers and they provide counseling if needed.
Please PM me if you have any other questions I can help you out with.
jo_ann - loved you story!!! Congrats on your little grandson 
I'm so glad the info I posted seemed helpful to many of you!! As I said, I haven't been through the process yet myself but have researched it so long that I've learned a lot of good resources along the way. I'm glad to share. Here is some more info based on some questions above.
Adoption Expenses
Ask a LOT of questions when comparing expenses for similar programs between agencies. One agency might quote you $15,000 and the next might quote you $22,000 for a similar program. While it is tempting to then choose the less expensive agency, it is likely that they are not including ALL of the adoption expenses in their quote, if it is that different. Sometimes they leave out things like the expenses you pay directly to the govt for things like fingerprinting, which can definitely add up. They also might leave out something like travel, which is a major expense, especially in international adoptions. We have found it hard to really "compare prices" between agencies, but the main thing we have learned is that expenses rarely vary between agencies (for similar programs) as much as we originally thought, and that the more questions we ask about what is included in their estimates, the better we can really understand the true costs.
As a PP said, if you are open to adopting an older child, adopting through children services can be very inexpensive.
Tax credit
Don't forget that in the US there is an adoption tax credit for adoption expenses!! It is applicable for both domestic and international adoptions, and I think it is up to almost $11,000 per adoption Some in high income brackets may not qualify, but I believe the cutoff is pretty high. You can read more about the Adoption Tax Credit at http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html and http://tax-credit.adoption.com/ .
Employers
Some employers offer adoption benefits. Even if you think your company doesn't, definitely ask! Sometimes it is something they have thought about, and the more people inquire, the more likely it can get approved. Also, Conceive, a magazine about infertility, published a list of the 50 Best Companies for infertility and adoption benefits. The article can be found in the Library at http://www.conceiveonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=9&Itemid=147
(you may have to register to read it, but it is free).
Grants
There are many places that offer grants to assist with adoption expenses. Shaohannah's home is a major one I have encountered many times - it can be found here - http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer?pagename=homepage . Also this page lists a bunch of different organizations that offer grants for adoption: http://www.affordingadoption.com/grants.php . In fact, her whole site http://www.affordingadoption.com/ has tons of great ideas for saving/raising/finding money for adoptions.
Adoption Timeframes
There are two things to consider when asking questions about timeframes. First, there is a period of time at the beginning when you are filling out paperwork, getting things authorized, getting a homestudy done, fingerprints, etc. Then once you submit all of this, there is the period of time when you are just waiting for your child. You have some control over the first part, since you can either dawdle or hurry through all the paperwork you have to do. The govt can sometimes delay you though, by (for instance) giving you a fingerprinting appointment 90 days after you requested it. In my experience, agencies are usually pretty good at telling you which parts take the longest and should be started asap.
Unfortunately you have very little control over the second part. It varies hugely depending on country, as well as the child you are hoping to adopt. For domestic adoption of infants, it can be fairly quick if you are open to a child of a different race, or biracial, or has known issues (like significant maternal drug use during pregnancy). It also tends to be faster if you are willing to have an open adoption. If you are wanting a caucasian baby with no maternal issues and you want a closed adoption, it can take a long time (a year, two years, sometimes longer). It just depends how specific you are about the child you hope for.
For international adoption, the timeframes vary by country and by agency. Some countries are faster (Kazakhstan can be as little as 4 months from receiving the paperwork from the US) and some are currently extremely slow (China is taking a couple of years right now, I have heard). Agencies can usually give you very rough estimates of the countries they work with, but remember that sometimes political situations within a country can suddenly cause long delays in their process.
I hope I'm not overwhelming you all with this info. I'm just so glad to be able to share what I have learned and I hope it is helpful to you!!
Maggie
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