I used to LOVE this time of year. With Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even as a child my happiest memories were of this time. We would get all of our family together and just have a fun time. Now over the past few months my family entered a severe crisis. And our family has been ripped apart. My sister (who has been my best friend for years) and I don't even speak. My parents moved away because of this crisis (my dad did something horrible to my daughter and my niece). One of my brothers and I who were never really close avoid each other all together. And my other brother and I have been shunned from our family. My mom and I still talk, but there is alot of animosity because my brother and I filed charges on my dad.

I can't even take down my normal decor to put up my christmas decor without crying and feeling so depressed. My birthday just passed on the 8th, and I didn't even have my mom here to cook my dinner like she has always insisted on doing. Thanksgiving was just horrible for me and my children and husband. For the first time in our lives we didn't have my family surrounding us. And my husband has had no family to really speak of for years. I know that eventually I will get out of my funk. But I am struggling so hard to even decorate cakes (which I love to do). I just want these holidays to be over with. It's just so over whelming to me.

I am sorry for bothering you guys with this I really don't have anyone to talk to. Everyone I used to talk to is gone now. I just needed to vent I guess. Thanks for listening (or reading I should say). I do hope that everyone has a good holiday season.

Ann

We all go through bad times in our lives and you are going through one of the worst right now. I think what I would suggest is you try doing some kind of volunteer work, work at a food bank when you can, gather together donations from neighbors for non perishable items and donate them to the Salvation Army or local food bank. And have your children be a part of it so they get the idea of helping out others. Invite a member of the armed forces to join you for dinner some evening, it could be male or female. See if they have a MOMS (Mothers of military service members I think) group in your area, they are an organization that packages up items for service people overseas, things they can't get over there. It is a fun way to spend a few hours and it brings so much pleasure to people over there.

Then think of something you can do as a family of your own that is new but can become a tradition just for you on the holidays. Go to a tree farm and cut your own tree, make cookie packages and leave them on your neighbors doorsteps from a secret Santa. December 1st is World AIDS Day, see if your area has a candlelight march you can join. Do you have friends who have no family in the area? Have a get together, a pot luck or just simple cookies and coffee type thing with maybe games for the children. Put some Christmas music on the CD player or watch the movie "A Christmas Story" that should get you laughing.

Try making your own wrapping paper! It's less that $5 ($2 for brown kraft paper in the Walmart office supply by the foam board) including paper and paints. It's something kids can do, and I'd bet you'll end up with a (washable!) paint fight. Then curl up with cocoa and a mushy movie with dh.

Holidays are difficult without family, and so is what you are going through at any time of year. Remember that you did the RIGHT THING for your family, and the kids need to see that. Remember that it is tough for your daughter and her cousin as well, so make extra efforts on their behalf, and save the rest for times they are not around. Not easy, but you want her to know it's not her fault, and she may not understand that if she thinks she let you down or caused you sadness.

Big hugs to ya, I know you need them.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I was mutualy disowned by my family for close to 2 years so I know how the holidays loose their luster in times like these. You are doing the RIGHT thing for your family and it times like this remember that you are!

Just spend as much quality time with your DH and kids making great holiday memories or even your older brothers family and you can do something special with the -- we won't talk about the past and family who has hurt us, but just look forward to the future rule-- while making your holiday memories. I also like the idea of having a military man/woman there who does not have family to go home to for the holidays.

Also, a lot of people in group homes and nursing homes do not have a sole who comes and visits them during the year let alone a busy holiday... you could really brightn some of their days.

I wish you the best and if ever you need a keyboard to cry on, us at CC are here for you.

Thank you so much for listening. Also, I wanted to let you know that I will try the ideas that were given.

Ann

Ann,

I am so sorry for all you and your family have gone through. This will surely be a tough holiday season to get through but like someone else mentioned, it sounds like your household needs the Christmas spirit more now than ever. So follow the suggestions given or come up with new ones of your own. You may have to recreate the holidays (and many other occasions) as you find that your now celebrating with just your immediate family but at least you have them and together you can all make some beautiful traditions together that can bring you all closer.

Good luck to you and if ever you need to talk, you know we're all here. You can PM me if you ever need a shoulder to vent on!

Carol

Does your brother live close enough that you can get your families together? If so that can help make it less painful for both of you.

To start the season out right celebrate St Nicholas day (the 6th of December) by filling your childrens boot with some candy and maybe a small toy. It sounds like they need a little something special right now and can be a wonderful tradition.

Make some ornaments with your children and invite your brother's daughter and any other kids he has over for it.

Find a single person who doesn't have any family around and can't get home for the holiday and invite them to spend Christmas Day with you. My family was military and my dad always signed up to take in a couple single soldiers, we didn't even know the guys but it was always fun.


I'm sorry for what you're family is going through right now, I'm sure that it's tough on everyone but it sounds like you're doing what's best for you children and that's the important part. I promise that you can make traditions that your children will cherish that don't involve the extended family, I still miss the lazy Christmas of my childhood when we were far from grandparents and just stayed home.

Ann,
I am sorry that those children had to experience that and I know that it must be hard on you also. I totally understand about being in a funk. My lil brother is in prison for drugs, this is our second Christmas without my MIL, my grandmother is really depressed over my uncle passing away and she has alzheimer's herself. I haven't even put up a tree and I told my hubby that I didn't know if I wanted to. We have two teenage boys and they could care less. I am sorry if it feels like I am dumping on you. But I just didn't want you to feel like you were alone. I would just like to stay at home with the covers pulled up over my head. Keep your chin up and stay strong for those babies. If you ever need to chat or vent, you can pm me. Good luck and Keep in touch.

BIG HUGS

Becky

Hi, I just wanted to say No you are not the only one. I am sorry you are going through some of these hard times with family. This time of year is really hard for me to. Everyone says its' christmas, you have to love it! No you don't I hate trashing the house with decorations, getting them out, moving eveyrhting else, then putting it all away again. Its just more work, I don't have time for the regular stuff. Christmas for me has been a very depressing time since my daughter was born. She is mentally and physically disabled and Christmas presents for her are difficult. Everyone tries to get her stuff appropriate for her not her age and I really appreciate everything, but its hard to see your 24 year old (this year) get a toy for a 3 year old. It just serves to remind me what she will never have. Birthdays are hard too, so are playgrounds. I hope you can get past this funk and find something wonderful in the family you do have around you. The holidays really are great times of the year. Try to pass on the good things to you kids. Good luck and love to you.

I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. But just remember that picture on the television of the perfect family all enjoying each other's company with lots of presents is not realistic, nor is it what actually goes on in real peoples' lives, as you can see from all the posts.

We live all the way across the country from our family - and to top it off, my husband just left for Iraq. So it's me and the kids for Christmas. But rather than look at all we are missing... I look at what I do have. I have two wonderful kids and we will make our own traditions this year. For us, Christmas is a time to remember how much God loves us and how he gave so much to us. It's a time to think of others. Sometimes this is the best medicine - when you give to others, you get joy in return.

Wishing many unexpected blessings to you this year!!!

I really feel for you for what your family is going through now. My teenagers are giving me problems (plus extended family stuff also) and I haven't really been in a holiday mood either. Just hang in there. Also read my signature on my posts.

Thank you everyone who answered. I now know that I haven't been alone. For all of us who are having a hard time this holiday, May we keep each other company and form many bonds that we have never had before. Also, May God Bless us all.

Ann

Oh Ann, I am sorry all this is happening to you. I hadn't read this post, I just saw your more recent one about "encounter" at the hobby lobby. Now that story is even more unbelievable. This is a hard time of year to begin with. I know I always have this "Norman Rockwell" idea of what the day should be like and more often than not it never it My grandma died 7 years ago on Christmas day and that is not something you forget too quickly.

Anyway I find what helps me the most is making new traditions with my immediate family (my DH,DS&DD) My kids are young so I feel like now is the time to make is special for them and carry that on for years to come (I hope). keep your chin up and know there are people out there who are willing to listen if you need to talk ( or should I say write). Hang in there it sounds like you were looking out for the kids and that is admirable to say the

Sue

Ann, reading your post brings tears to my eyes. The holidays are so very stressful when things are going well, I feel so badly for you. The great folks on here have some wonderful advice for you. You did the right thing for your children ~ don't worry about the little things right now. Focus on healing your family and work on making NEW traditions for you and your children. Buy some special new holiday books to share, downsize the decorations and such this year (Less stressful that way) Do some simple things with just your hubby and kids (bake cookies, cut your own tree, watch some cute movies together) I think it also helps if you can adopt another family - that helps to get your mind off of the worries that you have, and helps instill what Christmas is all about to your children - giving to others.

I wish we could all give you a big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to help you get through. Time heals a lot of wounds ~ and I hope having your CC friends here to "listen" if you need to talk will help you.

some of us have had difficult times during this time of year. Try not to focus on what has happened, instead put your focus on your immediate family and make new memories for them that are positive. If you don't feel like decorating the inside (or outside) of your house for the holiday then don't! since you have kids at home you may feel the need to still have a tree, let the kids do all the work of decorating it even if it is a mess, they'll enjoy it, you chose the size ( 1 foot is still ok). Another focus diversion is to give up your christmas day for others... volunteer your family to serve dinner to the homeless at your local shelter. We did this one year when our daughter was getting too selfish and spoiled. We gave up christmas that year, no dinner, no tree, no decorations, and no presents that year. In my memory it was a great time (no hassle for me!). She ended up with a greater sense of appreciation of what she has and awareness of what others do without. Now as an adult she works in public service (police officer) helping others. That experience may have influenced her choice of career.

The holiday season is only what you want it to be. Don't buy into the hype. Not everything is Hollywood perfect. Spending the holidays with the out- opps in-laws is pure hell for me and the kids! So that part of the family can stay home this season. Our christmas will just be my hubby, my single adult daughter, my 9 yo son, and my single divorced biker brother, and me. The only decoration in the house will be the tree, nothing outside for decoration. Oh, potato head will be decorated with a beard and red hat. That is it, we haven't done any of it yet, don't know when the tree will go up either. Oh well but I'm happy with it.