Does getting something off your chest mean you don't forgive?
Because the pastor gave a strong sermon on forgiveness this morning (ouch!)
Anyways, you are the only guys I know who understand.
So, I'm telling my sad tale (poor little me) here, then I'm dropping the subject for good.
I have learned something though. I DON'T want to do cakes for anything more than an occasional hobby from now on.
God bless you all that go through this for a living!!!
Well, a woman from my church orders a cake for her reception.
She agrees to pay me. I say "Just for the ingredients, the labor is a gift." I have known her hubbie for a long time and he has done much for the church.
OK. So she also wants a groom's cake. OSU. I get a special pan that spells it out.
She orders a different flavor for each letter.
So, while she's at it...let's have 3 flavors for the wedding cake too. Now we're talking 6 flavors!
She wanted chocolate on chocolate with chocolate strawberries on top. I used the finest ingredients. Real butter, whipping cream and special dark chocolate.
Other than trouble with the new cake stand (do NOT buy the three tier from Michaels - a Wilton...cost me $30) and ending up having to stack it on books and covering those with tule...the cakes were beautiful!!!!
Look on my photo album for a peek. My album is under Doleta.
They were delicious and scrumpy. (Sorry to ask you to search for my pics, but they were loaded on another computer and I can't get them to show up on this particular post)
She never offered to pay me. Never said thank you.
At church today she never said thank you, kiss my foot, those were good, or nothing.
For only being a 3rd wedding cake, and never doing a groom's cake I thought they were quite excellent, if I do say so myself.
I got lots of compliements from the guests.
I busted my hump for her. My back was killing me...as you guys know how much work it is.
I was so proud that the chocolate turned out so well. All my cakes were scrumpy and I even threw in 3 dozen very pretty twinkie filled cupcakes in case there wasn't enough cake.
OK, 'nuff said. 
I'm done, stick a fork in me.
I'm just letting her have it for a gift and thanking my mother for raising me with better manners than some people have.
Thanks for letting me cry on your collective shoulders!
Honey you have alot more going on here than forgiveness. I consider myself a Christian woman, but I don't believe that means I am a doormat either.
Did you discuss the cost of ingredients? Have you given her a bill or itemized statement? If you haven't done either of those things, you need to.
I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that she is simply caught up in the whirl wind of it all and is so tired she has forgot her good manners.
Doleta,
your cakes made my mouth water. Wish I had been at the reception. 
I'm with newtodecorating...give her a list of what it cost and leave it in her hands to do the honorable thing.
She may have been wiped out from the part and forgotton to take care of her responsibilities.
You are a sweet soul.
mommachris
Well, yes we did discuss the cost of the ingredients. I still have the emails in which everything, including cost was discussed.
I don't believe it is the just getting caught in the flurry of everything because they are already married and the honeymoon was last week.
This is a 3rd wedding for the both of them.
They barely dressed up for this afternoon reception.
It seems to me that she is hoping to get the cakes for free.
I do think it hurts my feelings the most that it doesn't take but a moment to say, "Thank you."
I could give a bill formally.
But she knows I don't have this as a business, therefore I have no contracts or bills. That is why we just discussed it in emails.
It would mostly be nice to hear an acknowlegement.
So, it is just lesson learned. Oh, well.
Your cakes are beautiful!!!!! And the bride is being very DISRESPECTFUL!!!
The cakes look soooooo good!
I definitely think you should say something.
I'm not very good at 'confronting' people, even in a nice way. So I usually say something that makes me look like I've forgotten or makes me out to be the dizzy one!
If it were me, the next time I saw her, I'd say something along the lines of 'I don't know if you've received my e-mails, because my email has been playing up?' or maybe 'Did I remember to send you a total of how much the ingredients came to?'
OK, so it's not *exactly* the truth. But it's a nice way of saying 'pay up, lady!' I haven't forgotten about it and I'm not letting you do so, either!
I'm sorry to keep replying to these...I'm really not trying to bump myself and I said I'd shut up...but yes...we DID discuss the final cost in emails and she did reply by email so she knows my emails are correct.
She paid the other people at the reception.
I all really wanted was this morning when we saw each other in church was for her to acknowlege something, but she looked right at me and said nothing.
OK, OK I'll shut up for real.
I'm just getting to sounding stoopid now.
And thank you all for the nice complements.
if she paid everyone else but you and you discussed the cost of ingredients as her share, write her AND her husband a card saying thank you for letting you contribute your time and energy for her wedding cake and that you hope she really enjoyed it. Then write her share for the purchase of ingredients is $... Finish with I'll meet you after church next Sunday. in His love, doleta you shouldn't be upset with yourself when you are wronged. just because you are a christian and you forgive, doesn't mean you forget.
Ok, I know you are tired of talking about it now, but I've been thinking about this and wanted to try to encourage you...
I am a Christian also. 
About saying "thank you"...
People should say thank you! Your friend is rude and ungrateful to have not done so. I'm sorry 
It hurts to not be told "thank you", especially when something was done as a labor of love and you were kinda proud of and excited about the job you did and hope the recipient was blessed by it. It is especially hard when it is something so personal like a cake - it brings up all my insecurities! Did they not like it? Did it not look like they wanted? Did it not taste good???
But... I have to admit though that often when I let my feelings be hurt about something like this, I am also being too focused on myself. Did I do this thing for the other person with a pure motive, solely for their benefit and blessing? Or did I do it (even partially) so I would get praise, attention, appreciation, respect, etc.? Would a lack of those things mean I wouldn't bother doing it next time? If I am disappointed by the lack of those things afterwards, then perhaps I need to reexamine my own motives. I'm not saying this is true of you in your situation, I am just mentioning it because I know there are times when I have struggled with it myself.
On the positive side, you can use this experience as a reminder to yourself of how important it is to be thankful to the Lord and others who do many things for us all on a daily basis... we all need to say "thank you" more (especially to the Lord).
And now about the money...
If you had an agreement that she would pay you for ingredients and she has not done that, it is definitely not wrong of you to ask. It was a business agreement, even if it was not formal. It isn't unChristian or unforgiving to (graciously) remind someone of an agreement that was made. If there is some legitimate reason someone has to go back on their word, and tells you that, then that may be a great time to apply the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matt 18:23-35).
I'd email her back (continuing your thread from before the wedding) and say something like,
"... I haven't had a chance yet to talk with you about the cakes - did you like how they turned out? I was so honored you asked me to make them for you and be a part of your special day. I really hope you enjoyed them. The final total for the ingredients and supplies came to $--. Please do let me know how you liked them; I've only done a few wedding cakes and feedback is so helpful..."
If she never responds or gives any money, that is when you need to think about what to do. Again, Matt 18:23-35 is applicable, I think. Personally, I would only mention it once, and then completely let it go. If she does not ever pay you, just let "love cover a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8 ), kwim?
A PP said " just because you are a christian and you forgive, doesn't mean you forget" - I would actually stronlgy disagree with that. Remember that as a Christian, it is the Lord who is your example of forgiveness. Hebrews 8:12 says "I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more". The Lord does not "forget" our sins - rather, He chooses to not remember them (see also Isaiah 43:25, Hebr 10:17, Jeremiah 31:34)! "Forgetting" is passive - "choosing to not remember" is active work!
If you choose to forgive this debt, then you also must choose to forget about it. Otherwise your forgiveness is inadequate, because it is not Christlike. It is easy to say you forgive it, but then dwell on it in the back of your mind when you see her at chruch, etc. Dwelt upon, it will soon become bitterness and resentment. So I would suggest that if you choose to forgive the debt (either now, or after asking once and she still doesn't pay), then you need to be gracious and also choose to "remember it no more". That is not a passive "forgetting" but an active choice to never dwell on it in your own mind, and thus to never let it affect your interactions with her, and to never mention it to anyone else either.
A couple more good verses...
Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
Proverbs 17:9 - He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
I'm sorry to have written so much, but I could tell from your original post that you are a sister in Christ and I just wanted to try to encourage you, especially because this is a situation with a woman in your church. The Word of God has much to say about forgiveness, and that is especially important within the Body of Christ. 
You had an agreement with her that she would pay for the ingredients, so there is absolutely nothing wrong with marching up to her & reminding her of this fact...religion has nothing to do with it, neither does colour , age, sexuality, where you live or how many times you shower a day....don't let her get away with not paying you !!!
I would do exactly as a few others have suggested. Since the whole thing was rather casual (emails...no formal contract). Then email her again....something along the lines of
"Hi xxxxxxx, hope you had a great time on your honeymoon and I hope you enjoyed the cakes. My ingredient cost in making the cake was $xxx.xx, and as we discussed earlier, my gift to you was the labor. Please let me know when we can get together for payment. It was a pleasure making your cake!!"
She needs to pay up.... don't roll over on this. She's getting a heck of a deal for what you did as it is.
......Then email her again....something along the lines of
"Hi xxxxxxx, hope you had a great time on your honeymoon and I hope you enjoyed the cakes. My ingredient cost in making the cake was $xxx.xx, and as we discussed earlier, my gift to you was the labor. Please let me know when we can get together for payment. It was a pleasure making your cake!!"
That sounds perfect to me! Friendly, but letting her know that payment is expected!
Suzanne x
I'm so sorry you're going through so much stress for something that is supposed to be a beautiful gesture on your part!
I'm with itsmylife - send an email to her that way it's less confrontational and if I were you I'd reply to one of the many emails that she sent you, so she can see her own email trail.
Just a thought.
I wasn't raised a religious person, but I am all for kindness and what you did is absolutely was a kind thing. Take solace that what you did was the right thing and not everyone can be as great as you!
The best thing to do is to confront her about it. If you don't resentment will built up. The good book does say that if you got a ought against one to go to that person. That ought is that she owes you for the ingredients. Then is you go to her and let her know that she owes you and she refuses, then you take some witnesses. If she still refuses, go to your pastor. After all you do and she still refuses, then count it as a loss and ask God to give you the strength to forgive you. I at times have to track down what is owed me, and belive me it is not fun.And you don't expect that from a fellow christian. But people tend to forget that scripture that says"Owe no man no thing"
I agree with the suggestion from itsmylife. This is the perfect way to remind her of the payment. This lady is obviously taking advantage of you. She's using the religious setting to her advantage and as an opportunity to scam you. Many of us here are Christians, but that doesn't mean we are less deserving of payment for our services. Keep in mind that an email can be a binding contract. If she committed to the cost of the ingredients via email, a contract was formed, and she should pay up. You may want to state in your email, "as you agreed in the email contract, the cost of the ingredients is..." There is no justifiable reason for her to pay everyone else but you. Please do not feel bad about seeking out what is owed to you...compensation for your incredible cakes. You seem like a wonderful person, and I hope you receive a resolution soon.
maggiev777 so well said--you have a gift for putting into perspective what many are thinking. Great advice to follow from that post doleta! Make sure you've made every effort to collect what you are owed and then if you haven't received payment walk away--and forget about it--you have shown every person that attended that wedding what a great caker you are! By the way, where did you get OSU pans? I'm in Oklahoma too and occasionally have to make a pokes cake. Chin up!! We all think you did a great job!
[quote="maggiev777"] I'd email her back (continuing your thread from before the wedding) and say something like,
"... I haven't had a chance yet to talk with you about the cakes - did you like how they turned out? I was so honored you asked me to make them for you and be a part of your special day. I really hope you enjoyed them. The final total for the ingredients and supplies came to $--. Please do let me know how you liked them; I've only done a few wedding cakes and feedback is so helpful..."
The entire post by maggiev777 was beautifully written. I think this part (highlighted above) is a great way to ask her for the money without coming right out and asking about it. I agree that it's really hard to spend all of that time and effort in a labor of love and not be acknowledged in any way. Has her husband said anything to you?
I can tell you that those cakes were beautiful!
I did a wedding cake for a lady in my church the end of July, she paid for it in advance, but I did give her a very good discount. She looked me up in church Sunday morning to tell me that her and her husband was still enjoying my cakes! They had asked someone to freeze some for them since they were busy at the reception and they had thawed them out when they got back from their honeymoon. That was the best payment of all!
I wouldn't stop posting here hun it lets us know you're still with us reading what info and advise we're giving you .
I would simply email her or even call her and ask her about the cakes, if they were how she invisioned and did they taste how she expected/wanted and then let her know the final cost and something simple like you can drop your payment in the mail at XXXX your address blah blah blah...
I haven't had any non paying customers except my own mother but now I think I've gotten one lol. My best friend always orders her daughter's birthday cakes from me and she normally pays when we finalize the order or at least 2 weeks in advance so I can get the materials if needed. Well the party is on Sunday and her husband is the one supposed to pay this year (he told her "you order I'll pay just get it ordered") and she's reminded him many many times and he still hasn't made any effort weather leaving the money with her or calling my husband to meet him at work or anything lol.... But I know they are good for it he's just forgetful so I let it slide. I'm sure she'll give it to me either right before or right after the party.
But I would simply be nice about it and just let her know that she entered into an agreement and you have the emails to prove so, and she is obligated to make good on that agreement as you did. You provided her with a service, and with 6 beautiful cakes!!!!! that everyone ate and regardless of weather she liked them or not she served them they ate them and enjoyed them and now she needs to pay for them.
I'm in agreement with itsmylife. Friendly but upfront.
I guess I wouldn't ask her how she liked them because 1. at this point, I wouldn't really care since she hadn't said anything; and 2. it could just be opening up a whole can of worms with her telling you what she may not have liked so she could get out of payment.
*We* think you did a great job on the cakes!
Ok Doleta...I'm a fellow Okie...let's get down to business and let her know...face to face what her part of the cost is. Leave the religious debate out of it and do what you know you need to do. I probably live close...you need a buddy to back you up? OR if you're chummy with the hubby send him the bill.
if it were me i would simply ask her "How did you and your guests/bride/groom enjoy the cake? Was it moist enough...blah blah blah" and see if anything is said then.
I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. May be just MAY BE she forgot or thought she already paid you.
Please, send her a new email w/ the agreed to cost of ingrediants and a nice comment about the opportunity to do a grooms cake or something.
Give her a chance to right this. It's better than letting this seed take root or put a bad taste in your mouth for doing future cakes.
I would send her a bill for the ingredients itemized and make a point of putting on there xx hours of labor--free! Don't let her get by with not paying you. She agreed to it and you have the emails as proof in black and white. Make her make good on it.
BTW--I'm a Christian too, but I wouldn't stand for that. Thou shalt not steal. And that's exactly what she's doing to you.
I am in agreement with those here. She owes you the money!!
Gather a list of ingredients purchased, with total due, and hand it to her.
This has nothing to do with 'being in business'. Don't let her use that to scam you.
She made an oral contract. She needs to stick to it.
For next time, we ALL need to remember, get the money up front before the cake is delievered.
I agree with the others about e-mailing her about payment. Whether she is trying to stiff you or not, a timely reminder of her debt is in order. Don't make it easy for her to sin against you in this way. There's more involved than your ability to forgive. Her soul is also in question here. It's like letting a child get away with something- you let it slide once they will just repeat the same behavior.
I think i would call her and just let her know your coming over and picking up what she owes you for the ingredients. Thats what i would do. You emailing her might give her the opportunity to say, "oh i didn't get the email" good luck
i don't do cakes as a business. i do it for pleasure. i get a lot of enjoyment and fulfillment from it. having said that, what i do at my church is usually a gift to the bride and groom. and this is only for those who attend the church. on a rare occasion i will do it for an extended member of their family or maybe a friend; as God leads. i talk to them about what they'd like and then go from their. this may sound crazy to some, but i leave the design to the Holy Spirit. i pray and ask Him what would be perfect for the couple. every time it comes out better than they dreamed and is unique to them. apart from this scenario, i do charge a small amount for those outside the church and i get it up front. they get it back if there is a cancellation in a reasonable amount of time and if i haven't purchased the ingredients yet. this is what works for me. this is my ministry. Prov. 3:5,6 TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND WILL DIRECT YOUR PATH.
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