While you're online shopping for those bras, try softsurroundingsoutlet.com for clothes. They have a regular store, too (softsurroundings.com), but the outlet kicks a$$ because you can get serious deals. I have no objection to super clearance - live for it, actually - but only on the good stuff!
SS has regular and plus sizes, but the reason I'm fond of it is because of the fabrics and styles they carry. Be forewarned that the sizing is somewhat inconsistent, though, since I think they use more than one manufacturer.
Thanks, but I'm too afraid to buy clothes online. Every time I try, it doesn't fit right. I find there are few manufacturers that fit my body well and I have to try it to see... The talbot's I'm going to is the outlet...I still have a budget! LOL
Melissa
Melissa, I think you are on your way 
I too was always told I could be REAL pretty if I just took off a few pounds. And even at my lowest weight I had 2 guys tell me I needed to lose some weight! I am also big-boned. I know some people laugh because they think it's another word for fat but it's not, I'm very solidly built, my muscles are under the fat 
Once you get that awesome anniversary outfit, get your nails done! It makes all the difference in the world for me to see my pretty little toenails, all shiny and painted. I used to give myself a pedicure but since I started having kids I like to have someone else do it 
Melissa, I think you are on your way
I too was always told I could be REAL pretty if I just took off a few pounds. And even at my lowest weight I had 2 guys tell me I needed to lose some weight! I am also big-boned. I know some people laugh because they think it's another word for fat but it's not, I'm very solidly built, my muscles are under the fat Once you get that awesome anniversary outfit, get your nails done! It makes all the difference in the world for me to see my pretty little toenails, all shiny and painted. I used to give myself a pedicure but since I started having kids I like to have someone else do it
OMG, I KNOW...you can see people rolling their eyes, I swear! I used to get so annoyed at my best friend in college. She kept saying she was large boned.. Umm... at her "fat" weight, she wore a 14 and was 170 lbs and 5'5"...and she LOOKED chubby... at 5'6" and size 14 and 170s I would look THIN!!!
Then, she lost weight and she was wearing a size 8 and STILL could lose another 10 or so at 140 lbs... Um.. that is not large boned.
That was REALLY, REALLY hard for me as a teen because all the charts said at 5'6" I should weigh between 120 and 140 ITHINK and I weighed like 20 lbs MORE than that!!!
It wasn't until I got to college and talked to my doctor about it did he show me NEW charts and used my BMI and the like to show how "little" fat I was (weighing about 185 at the time)... I was 20lbs overweight by the doctor and very close on my bmi to being OK, but with the charts? I was very overweight.
The ONE good thing about being large boned is that NO ONE ever guesses I wear a size 40G bra!!! My sister is TINY PETITE, wears a size 5!!! and wears a 32 E and she looks HUMONGOUS!!! EVERYONE thinks/thought she wore a larger cup size than me because hers were more out of proportion with her body..
and... um... there's a reason I was able to vaginally deliver a 10 lbs 9 ozs baby and a 11 lbs 14 ounces baby with no drugs, no vacuum, no epesiotomy - both two weeks early, both 22 inches long babies... They were 10 and 10 on apgars and have ALWAYS been off the charts tall, head, chest measurements (though thinned down) but even as HUGE as they were, the doctor said they were not fat. They were just built like 3 month old babies! LOL
Melissa
That's too funny! I wondered who my babies were going to take after, me or hubby. My older daughter is built like him but is VERY heavy-and I don't mean fat, she's the 'correct' weight for how tall she is, she's just so heavy! My younger daughter is built like me, muscles, broad shoulders, but picking her up is like picking up nothing, she's soooo light!
Oh, if I had ever gone by the charts to get the correct weight I would have literally been skin and bones, I'm 5'3" and what now is my 'healthy weight' would probably be closer to 150-160.
OK, I am on a mission now... First, I ordered two REAL bras and a sports bra (my old one is too small)... there goes $160!!!! (and they were on sale and I had a coupon - big TTs are expensive to cover!)
Then, I went to TJMaxx and after searching SOOOO many times, they actually had DECENT pants. I got a pair of jeans and a pair of black pants by Lauren (Lauren and Jones New York are the two brands that fit my body best) and three shirts that AREN'T T-shirts!!! for $110 - nwo that was a good deal!!! and they LOOOKED NICE!!! I felt so much better when Ihad better fitting and more flattering clothes on.
On the drive home I made a pledge to myself. No matter what, if I get to or below 200 by next June (thats just 50 lbs) then I will go to my HS 20 year reunion. I wasn't plannign on going as I would have airfare and hotel expenses, but if I lose the weight and get fit, that's my "prize"... Then I'll just try to maintain from there and if I lose more, great, if not? Well... i'll just be satisfied to be at a healthier weight and more fit.
it's a start, right?
Melissa
Okay - here is my opinion for anyone who is interested!! I have never had a weight problem, but my husband has. For a while I thought our intimate problems were beause I didn't find him attractive any more. But now he has lost 50 pound and is looking so much better. I have come to realise that it is not me - its the SAHM syndrome. Bored and stressed with keeping house, chasing after kids, picking up after dogs, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. Basically - it may seem that the problem is the weight, but maybe it isn't. As to your child's sleeping issues - have you had him checked for sleep apnea? My friend had the same problem with her little boy and they discovered he was waking up because his tonsils were causing him to stop breathing. Tonsils were taken out and now he is ssooo much better. It took them 2 years to work it out!!
I personnally think you need to stop trying to punish yourself over this matter, Your weight might not be the main issue, have you not thought that your husband might be Jealous because he now has to share you with the baby. Have you asked him why he is being like this!!!!.
Take some time for yourself, even if it is only 10 minutes a day, sit down make your self a coffee, and relax, forget about everything else, the world will not cave in just because you are having time to yourself, and who would know, eventually you will become stronger and will be able to sort things out
And think positive, you can do this
If you need to lose weight fine but I doubt that is the problem. Women always blame everything on their weight. There have been a lot of good suggestions for YOU here but because of my own situation I wonder about your husband. When I went off the pill I gained 100 lbs in 8 months. Needless to say our love life all but ended. Of course I blamed it on my weight. My DH said that was not the issue but like I would believe him becaus I KNEW it was the weight. so things were pretty tough for a long time. I have a hormonal imbalance and it makes it impossible for me to lose the weight. Anyway when I was having a bad day all of our problems were blamed on the weight. On a good day I would become certain that he was having an affair. I am sure I was tons of fun to live with! So anyway here we are 8 YEARS later me still feeling bad, DH has to have a physical when our insurance changed. Turns out he has a low testosterone level. With medication, he has lost weight and his libido has returned to normal. He is less depressed and has fewer angery outbursts ( such as road rage) Like most men he won't see a doctor unless he has to. But short of that we never would have known there was a problem. The only symptom was loss of libedo. I assumed it was me ands he didn't know what the problem was and was too embarrissed to address it. Anyway just something to think about. I don't know if this applies to you but good luck.
So here's a question. I think you said in on eof you posts that when you first met your DH that he said he would love you if you were 20 lighter or 20 pounds heavier. Do you try to initiate and are rejected or just because you go to bed at different times it's just not happening?
So here's a question. I think you said in on eof you posts that when you first met your DH that he said he would love you if you were 20 lighter or 20 pounds heavier. Do you try to initiate and are rejected or just because you go to bed at different times it's just not happening?
Well, I have initiated and been rejected SOOOOOO many times (even before this..) that I don't initiate any more. I try to be "pleasant" and open to invitation, but I don't initiate any more. You can only do that so many times before you feel beyond dejected. THAT problem has persisted on and off for about half of our marriage and I gave up altogether before this last draught.
Our sex life has been "shaky" for a LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time... Like, most of it. and I do think DH has a lower than normal libido, but I also know he, um... takes care of things for himself too... I'm not naive, but I know that doesn't happen very often either. I also know there is no other woman, but I'm not certain that will remain that way if we don't get back on track in ALL aspects of our relationship.
Your story is so similar to mine. I was underweight all of my life until I had two kids in my mid 30s. Believe it or not I went from 99 pounds to 160 at delivery. After the babies, I dropped to 140. I have dieted a couple of times and lost 30 pounds, but I have always put it back on because I love sweets. I can go for months without any sweets, but then one bite sends me over the top and I may eat sweets for the next 6 months. My husband does not understand this. He almost never eats sweets and has been working out since he was a teenager. I just started an exercise class with tae bo so I am slowly working on getting it off again. I am tired of my husband nagging me about my weight. I am not my weight. I am a good, faithful wife and an awesome mom to my kids. That is what really matters, not how much I weigh. Why are men so freaking blind?
My husband seems to be total opposite... he is really supportive of me, especially since I've had our second son. He tells me I am so beautiful and he loves how I look, but there is so much that I still want to change about my body. When we got married, I was a size 2, weighed 107 pounds. After having two kids though, I now weigh 125 pounds, and am a size 4. (Stop booing me from your keyboards!!) I know that some people don't understand how "Skinny" people don't feel good about themselves, but I have to say, that it is SO hard to go from having NO bodyfat, to being squishy/flabby and not being able to get rid of a baby belly. I don't feel good in my clothes, and always want to hide my body. I feel like if I wear a form-fitting shirt, I am going to be asked when I am due! (My husband swears it doesn't look bad at all, but my thought on that is would he really tell me if it did?! I've been dieting for a couple months now, and I did drop about 10 pounds to get where I am now, but I seem to be at a standstill. I basically just want to lose about 10 more pounds, but would settle for 5. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I don't want to disappear and be "movie-star thin", I think that's disgusting. I'm really short, so any extra weight on me really shows, I'm 5'3, and just turned 24. And it doesnt help that I have this picture in my mind of what Im "supposed" to look like. My husband tells me he doesnt care what I do, but please dont touch my butt or thighs! LOL. I just want to get my body back and not have flab on my stomach. I've been told that's just what happens when you have kids and to get used to it, that it's not going away. ...I support and encourage anyone trying to get their body back, whatever body that may be. I never understood how hard it was to lose weight and inches before I put them on. It used to just be so easy.
I just feel so blessed after reading how some people's husbands dont support them or make them feel even worse about themselves. I cant imagine what I'd feel if he just agreed with me one day when I was complaining about my stomach. So good luck on whatever journey you're on, whether it be 5 pounds or 100!
Carrie
ok..I'll chime in one more time...
my husband is very supportive of my extra weight from the twins... 
......he says he likes the new butt and boobs......he's told me many times its not the weight that he would ever have issues with...its the complaining about the weight thats a turn off....of course that doent stop me from obsessing over it....ask ge or spotty....Im always fighting the Nabisco and Keebler factory! but ...I have to say this......since reading this and several of the posts....Ive seriously let the weight issue drop around here....I havent brought it back up to my husband or complained about it ....I can see what he is talking about now....and he was right.
Loving myself and going on with life is much much more appealing than sitting stuck in "Im fat" mode ...in fact he's even mentioned noticing the change ...so have I my mood is ten times better.....and now doing it is ten times more fun than fidigiting over the sheets to cover this or that....not to mention a new daily activity!
If I may chime in...forgive me for a long post.
A few years ago, I put on about 50 pounds. It was a very rocky time in our marriage and we were NEVER intimate. I blamed it on my weight. I felt bad about myself and uncomfortable with my weight and I figured he wasn't attracted to me because I was so fat. This was NOT our only problem and we ended up separating.
Fast forward a year...I had lost all the extra weight and then some, and DH and I had reconciled and were living together again. Then I had a back injury that required LOTS of steroids and I put on 40 pounds. Here I am feeling fat and unattractive again, but having no problems whatsoever with DH. One night when I put on my nightgown, he said "hey, sexy" and I jumped all over him because I thought he was making fun of me. Of course, he wasn't, he truly loves me for who I am, extra weight or not.
Moral of the story? Our problems didn't have anything to do with my weight. We had bigger and deeper issues that we had to work on, and once we got that resolved, our marriage is plenty strong enough to handle an extra 50 lbs or so.
If you want to lose weight for YOU, then by all means, do so. I'm at that place too. I'm overweight and I feel unhealthy and unhappy. But don't do it for anyone else, because marriage should be about SO much more. Appearances change, we get older, we gain or lose weight, we get a bad haircut, whatever. If your marriage is being affected by these things, then it's time for a closer look at what the REAL problems are and how to fix them.
Well, today was a good day. First, I had gotten myself some WOMAN clothes and not mommy clothes at TJMaxx on Friday, so i dressed as I USED to do and DH saw me come down and said, "Wow, you look nice." I haven't heard that in AGES. Oh, and I put on makeup and earrings too.
We had a lovely day and I felt great. At dinner (I could see Dh is feeling good too) I asked, "We are getting better aren't we." and I think I heard the first "real" answer in a LONG time because I think he felt it was safe. he said, "Well I think today we are better, but taht's because you aren't as sleep deprived as usual and you aren't as grumpy as usual."
Now, I'm NOT a "grump"/BI$$$, but... I probably smile less, laugh less, listen less, and have less patience. I REALLY try hard to be 'reasonable' but getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep nearly every night of my life DOES make me pretty unhappy and grumpy. He understands it, but that doesn't mean that it's "fun" for any of us.
Maybe our real problem of EVERYTHING is my lack of sleep because of DS. I'm almost positive this weight gain was to cope with the lack of sleep (eating carbs for a boost to survive the day).
On days he sleeps better, I feel better and I EAT better... go figure.
Now.. if I could just get him to sleep REASONABLY... that would be great.
Melissa
How many hours of sleep does he normally get a night? My 5 yr gets 10-12, my 3 yr old gets about 12-14, and my 9 month old gets 11, then up to feed, then back to bed for another 2, plus she gets 2 naps a day. None of these kids would sleep this well if it weren't for the Ferber method, doesn't work for all parents but it has for all 3 of our kids.
First, let me say before tons of advice starts pouring (and believe me, I appreciate the effort and the help people are trying to offer) but... we have tried EVERYTHING.
We did the attachment parenting thing for the first 23 months and he woke 5-7 times a night (btw. during this time DH and I were not doing "much" and not even in our room, but a spare room, but it was HAPPENING). I finally couldn't take it and had to CONVINCE DH that Henry needed to learn to sleep on his own. He went from going to bed at 8:30 pm and waking 5-7 times a night and waking for good at 7 am, to going to bed at 8:30 pm, waking once for a few minutes, to sleeping until 4:30 or 5 am. I make him stay in bed until 6 am, but he's AWAKE.
He has napped until just these last two weeks, about 2 hours every afternoon between 11:30 am and 1:30 pm. We have a routine, we make sure we're ALWAYS home for naps and so on. He goes to sleep on his own and everything.
So, what does that give him for overall sleep: 10.5 hours a day now.
AND he's fighting that nap now and I think he's about to give it up. He did TWICE this past week - found him playing in his bed twice after an hour. Then the next day he crashes for 3-4 hours.
DH, MIL and a cousin ALL gave up naps at 2 years old and my DH runs on 5 hours of sleep almost every day of his life and he refuses to believe all people need that much.
My older son is very similar. Around this age he would sleep about 11 hours a day and now at age 11 (and very active with TKD 3 days a week now and swimming during the summer) he sleeps about 9 hours and we have to fight him on turning off the light a LOT these days.
NEITHER of them EVER slept the amount the "books" say they should - always by about 2-3 hours less no matter what method I used, they are just wired for less sleep needs and I think it's genetic. Too many babies and adults on DHs side of the family seem to need less sleep that it can't be because of bad habits and believe me, we probably have the best sleep enducing habits that people CAN follow because I WANT them to sleep.
The biggest problem is that "I" am not sleepy when Henry goes to sleep. I'm WIDE awake for sometimes the first time of the day!!! So, I don't go to bed until like midnight, so that means 5 hours of sleep or less. For waht it's worth, DH doesn't go to sleep until about 2:30 am daily. We are both natural night owls. Though I can do mornings too... just not 5 am mornings! LOL
Melissa
lol-Sorry, I had debated about whether to pm you that question but I think you're right, sounds like genetics at work-if only you were wired to run on 5 hours of sleep too!
Oh, I love sleep, I used to try and get 8-10 hours a night, sometimes more before I had kids and I STILL felt tired! Come to find out, in my first pregnancy they told me I was anemic and put me on iron. After I miscarried I continued taking iron and in my next pregnanct they did some blood tests and told me I was anemic. I'm like, 'I've been taking iron for a year now!!' Further testing showed that I have something called beta thalessemia minor, kinda like anemia, inherited from my mom. After doing some research I found that everyone that has this complains about always being sleepy-even after a good night sleep! I wonder sometimes if my kids have it, particularly my 3 yr old who loves sleep and would take a nap every day except for the fact that if she did, she wouldn't sleep until 9pm at night.
By the way, glad to hear things are going better for you! Feels good to get compliments from our hubbys 
OK, I am on a mission now... First, I ordered two REAL bras and a sports bra (my old one is too small)... there goes $160!!!! (and they were on sale and I had a coupon - big TTs are expensive to cover!)
if ever you want sexy for big ones, here's a web site
http://www.bravissimo.com/
the models 
might be little but the bras come BIG up to a 40L
Back to your original post...I can honestly say I know what your going through. I've been battling my weight for sometime. We ourselves know what we have to do to get where we want. We know it takes exercise and control. But we have to have that will power and support. I for one have no will power and my support is my 11yr old yelling when I go after the junk. (hey, it helps). So, if you ever need some support I'm here, maybe we can all help each other.
Hey imagine76-I had 3 c-sections too! My favorite comment during the 2 week period after birth was from my younger brother who had just started a job on the back of a trash truck (he's long since quit that job!). I said I was tired and he said, 'There's no way you could be more tired than me! And my whole body hurts!' It took everything in me not to clobber him!
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