My 4 yo goes to preschool 3 hours a day; 3 days a week. That's all! I asked my mom to pick him up in the afternoons before I even signed him up for preschool if she could pick him up everyday because she lives exactly 1 min. away from the preschool.
No problem she said.
Well, the preschool just called me.....no one came to pick my son up. The teacher asked if she should call my mom. I told her yes. She called, but got no answer. So, she called me back. While we were on the phone, and as I was telling her to give me 15 min. and that I would be there.....my step-father walked in the preschool to get him.
This man is not allowed to pick up my children...he's not the best with children, he doesn't know how to watch them very well. ( when this son was 18 mo. old, my step father left the oven door open and my little boy put his hand on the open door...burning his hand!!!!! My step father said"well he'll know not to do that again". He just doesn't grasp the concept that children are not small adults) Anyway, I told her that it was ok for him to go with his papaw. I knew he'd take him right over to my mom....and (now here's the kicker)................WAKE HER UP!!!!!
Some days, she sleeps in until 2 PM. She stopped going to church b/c she has to 'get up to early to go'......my mother is so late all of the time and I was quite pleased b/c she had been picking my son up with no problems whatsoever.....................I just don't know what to do. Am I allowed to be mad at her???????
The reason I don't pick him up is because we live in the country......I take my oldest to elem. school and then take my youngest to preschool. I also pick my oldest up from elem. school....I will not let him ride the bus....so to avoid 3 trips to town..........I asked her to get him, so after I pick my oldest up I can just go to her house & pick him up.
I can see why you would be angry, but it also sounds like your mom has a medical problem. I've heard of an illness that causes someone to sleep too much, but I can't remember the name.
I wouldn't be too thrilled about the step-father either, but at least your son was picked up.
Does the pre-school have a but route that could drop him off at your mom's? This might be a viable alternative. Another alternative is maybe a friend whose child also attends the school could pick up your son. You might ask, and offer to pay for some gas or provide a snack for them a couple of times a week.
Other than those suggestions, I don't know what to do. Do a little investigating about your mom's sleep habits and go from there.
Michele
Of course you're allowed to feel upset but my thinking is all this might not be worth avoiding an extra 3 trips into town a week. It sounds like you are a protective parent like me and I'm not sure I would want my little one in a house where grandpa isn't going to keep him from getting hurt. It also sounds like something might be going on with your mom-could be like my aunt-retired and has a different routine than most of us-up late, sleeps late in the day, or maybe she's not up to watching the little one and isn't sure how to discuss it with you. I could very well be way off base because I'm not there and don't know the situation personally but just some random thoughts off the top of my head.
I hope it works out though! 
Sugarflowers,
There are several medical conditions: sleep apnea, narcolepsy and depression for starters...
I suffer from sleep apnea (which is now being treated). I used to fall asleep while driving home from work, or whenever I was sitting on the couch at home...
mmdd,
You certainly have a right to your feelings!
However, it appears, for whatever reason, that your Mom isn't able to help right now.
Getting more upset with your Mom isn't going to help her, either.
I hope some of the suggestions offered are a viable option for now, or you think of something!
Sorry all I can offer is moral support -here's a big HUG for YOU!!!!!!
okay, so i'm gonna be the b*tch here & say
YES!!!! you can be mad at her, heck you can be pissed off.
But after you calm down, go talk to her, ask her what happened today, "The school called me mom, what happened, are you sick?" If she says she was just asleep, ask her why she didn't set the alarm. After all of this, if you are concerned with her answers, you may want to suggest she go to a doctor. You may want to start picking your son up yourself - this may make her realize that if nothing is wrong with her, that you no longer find her reliable. I don't think I'd mention the step-father so that her feelings (& her marriage) aren't hurt.
Thanks for all of your responses!!! I truly appreciate them!!!
His preschool gets out @ 11:30, she woke up @ 11:40. She called me right away apologizing. My son was fine, he wasn't worried or anything. She just thought the best thing to do was to send her husband after him, since he was already dressed and doesn't sleep in. LOL! She blamed her alarm not being set on her husband.....I said, why can't you set your own alarm?
He has been better with my children, my mom has got on him a lot, but I just do not want another burnt hand accident or similar!!!!
There is no bus, this is a church's preschool. I don't really know anyone that attends here, there's only 3 classes, totalin 31 students in all.....we don't go to this church.
One of dh's fears was that she'd oversleep and/or forget to pick him up, so do I tell my dh about this??????
Getting more upset with your Mom isn't going to help her, either.
Exactly!!!!!
3 1/2 yrs ago, we lost my younger brother, he had only been 22 for a month when a drunk driver killed him, his fiancee, and his best friend instantly....since then my mom has been a wreck, oh btw....I also lost a sister before I was born, so yes she's lost 2 children. She was on depression pills, and everything else.....she wanted to change her life around, but she just can't seem to grasp everything, she goes to a therapist, but I don't see where that's helping any......she gives my mom things to do, but my mom won't do them.
Oh, did I mention that she told me that she didn't go to bed until 3 am....she's always been a night owl, always worked 3rd shift, etc., that's fine, that's her life, but I just don't want to be busy cleaning or something having to wonder if my son will be picked up.
Thanks again, to everyone. I truly appreciate it.
I'm just glad my son wasn't older, b/c then he'd be very upset.
cheer up mm 
(((big hug for you)))) my parents forgot about me at school a few times and never answered the phone when I called. I was in sports at the time so after practice I needed picked up at around 4:15, well my dad sleeps weird hours because of being on 3rd shift and my mom was working till 5. Around 11:30 one night they realized I wasn't home yet and they forgot to pick me up. The school was locked up and I was told to walk home, I was about a mile into my walk home that night with practice gear and heavy school bag when they came and got me. They felt awful about it....but I still felt worse. I now drive 2 of my kids to different schools and am always there to get them, since I don't want them feeling the way I did. I know how you feel about driving everywhere, but if your mom is unable to help you may have to make another trip just for your sons sake, you are a good mom for being concerned--I know your son is young still so he probly don't care right now or possibly remember---but better safe than sorry.
Around 11:30 one night they realized I wasn't home yet and they forgot to pick me up. The school was locked up and I was told to walk home, I was about a mile into my walk home that night with practice gear and heavy school bag when they came and got me.
OMG - no one from school drove you home??? My husband (HS teacher/coach) has driven kids home many times because they have missed the activity bus or - get this - one kid called home to ask for a ride and his mom said no! This kid lived 10 miles away from school and his mom wanted him to walk. The teachers/coaches are not supposed to drive kids for liability reasons, but they can't in good conscience let them walk either.
-Lisa
mmdd - I agree with those who have said there may be a medical issue with your mom. I mean, I like to sleep in too (but with 2 kids that ain't happening!), but unless she has a valid reason for not going to bed until 3am, she should be able to get up before 11! I don't blame you for not trusting your step-dad 100% either. He may be getting better, but you need to know your mom is going to be completely present, alert, and responsible for your son. If your mom isn't responding to her present therapist, maybe it's time to look for another one with a different approach.
-Lisa
OMG, mkolmar!!!!! Did you end up hating your parents??? I think I would have! LOL! We're always early for everything, since I grew up being so late for everything...I wanted to make sure my children didn't have to go through what I went through.....we're 1/2 hour early for all school events. And, in the mornings, ds has to be at school by 8:15 or he's tardy, I get him there by 7:45 - 7:50. I can't stand being late.
My Mom was always late for everything, she still is....that's why I made it a point to ask her if she could pick him up before I even enrolled him!
I remember, when we were younger, we all went to the movies one time and you know how they always have like 10 min. of previews before the movie? Well, when we got into the movie, we'd already missed 15 minutes of it, so 15 min. of the movie + the 10 min. of previews = 25 min. late!
I've talked to her about her husband, she knows how I feel: that he's not capable of watching a child...she completely understands. I don't her I didn't want any hard feelings, but after that burn incident......well, I just didn't want anything remotely close to that happening.
She's hard to talk to b/c if you say somtehing *bad* about her, she gets mad and just, well...she wants to fight, it's like she can't talk. Only fight, so I try to avoid that at all situations.....this woman has brought me to tears so many times b/c of her tardiness/lack of empathy, etc., etc.
It's funny, every afternoon that I stop at her house to get my 4 yo, she tells him"I'll see you tomorrow morning." Morning?????? 11"30 is almost noon, mom, not morning, lol!!
Oh well, anyway, thanks to all for the kind words!!!
I know gas is expensive and all, but he's YOUR responsibility..NOT YOUR MOMS. Sorry, but that's how I feel.
Your child, your problem.
Especially if you KNEW that your mother already has a problem, you set yourself up for this to happen, and thank goodness that her husband was available to pick him up.l
If you don't want to make the 3 trips into town, this would be a very nice way to visit with your mom, maybe then you can figure out what's wrong with her..
drop him off, and go visit mom, take her to do some errands, visit with her..just spend quality time with your mom...she's not going to be around forever.
I know a dirty house will not clean itself, but, the dust is NOT going anyplace.
I know gas is expensive and all, but he's YOUR responsibility..NOT YOUR MOMS. Sorry, but that's how I feel.
Your child, your problem.
Especially if you KNEW that your mother already has a problem, you set yourself up for this to happen, and thank goodness that her husband was available to pick him up.l
Yes, I know he's my responsiblility...this is why I asked her if she could pick him up BEFORE I even enrolled him.
My child, my problem? What's my problem? Sorry, don't understand that one.
I set myself up for this to happen? Maybe I just try to look for the positive in everything.
Wow....thanks for adding to the "family feel of CC"! Have you read any of the *nice* and "rude* threads started by fellow CC members & Heath?
I know gas is expensive and all, but he's YOUR responsibility..NOT YOUR MOMS. Sorry, but that's how I feel.
Your child, your problem.
Especially if you KNEW that your mother already has a problem, you set yourself up for this to happen, and thank goodness that her husband was available to pick him up.l
Yes, I know he's my responsiblility...this is why I asked her if she could pick him up BEFORE I even enrolled him.
My child, my problem? What's my problem? Sorry, don't understand that one.
I set myself up for this to happen? Maybe I just try to look for the positive in everything.
Wow....thanks for adding to the "family feel of CC"! Have you read any of the *nice* and "rude* threads started by fellow CC members & Heath?
Look, sorry that you feel that way and you took my answer out of context also...Let me rephrase that...
Maybe instead of being angry with your mom, you should enjoy the time you have left with her, stop stressing out weather is she or isn't she going to be picking you your son. He is YOUR son, YOU pick him up...do not rely on someone that has the potential of flaking out on you and making you crazy with worry.
I HAVE been in your shoes...when I finally was able to return to work, the only kind of job I found was working Midnight to 8 am...( 11:30pm to 7:30 am) I used to drop my daughter off in the evening at my mother's house...put her to bed..take a short nap and then go to work. I didn't have a car. My Mom made it perfectly clear that my daughter was MY responsibility.
She could've done me the favor and taken my daughter to school in the morning for me, but she refused.
I used to have to take the train from Brooklyn Bridge all the way to E. Tremont and EIghter the Grand Concourse or Jerome Avenue in the Bronx...pick up my daughter...get on 2 more busses to get her to school..then eighter take the long walk to my apartment or take another bus.
Then turn around at 10:30 and take the bus or walk to pick her up...get on the bus home. wander around in a sleepy fog until it was time to take the 2 busses back to my mother's house. Make dinner so that when my mom came home she wouldn't have to and that's how I paid her for baby sitting. Then take the bus to the train to work.
That was my day....
I know we each have our burden or crosses to bear and I'm sorry that you took some statements out of context and felt bad...but....if you give the same attention to the rest of my statement...
Drop off your son....and go visit your mom....it's only 3x a week for a few hours, You just may find out what's happening to your mom, rule out a possibility that she is over sleeping due to illness or depression and better yet, you may enjoy the time you spend with her.
Believe me, Even though my mom was super strict with us, I never missed an opportunity to spend time with her.
When I had my second child and I was afforded the luxury to be a SAHM, I'd pack the kids in the car, drop off my daughter and head across town to pick up my mom...eat breakfast with her and then drop her off at work.
It was a nice way for both of us to spend 30 or 40 minutes, and I appreciated that time that I got to spend with her.
so my apologies..
I did give a lot of attention to the rest of your statement, Risque, I'm glad you pointed out that she won't be around forever. That's a thought many people don't ever stop to think about.
But she agreed to take that tiny bit of responsibility for my son and she should uphold that.
Thank you for rephrasing and the apologies, I too apologize in case I said something I shouldn't have. 
I did give a lot of attention to the rest of your statement, Risque, I'm glad you pointed out that she won't be around forever. That's a thought many people don't ever stop to think about.
But she agreed to take that tiny bit of responsibility for my son and she should uphold that.
Thank you for rephrasing and the apologies, I too apologize in case I said something I shouldn't have.
Sweetie, that's quite alright! YOU didn't need to apologize to me. I do have a bit of a harsh way about me and I came at you like the MOM that I am! and tired of being BLAMED For everything that happens...from lost keys to the kids sucky life..lol
I spent all night thinking about this one...do you realize that knowing what you know about your mom...if this was a neighbor you would NEVER let them be responsible for your little one? But as family, we want to think the best of them...and it hurts 2x's more when they let us down.
And think about it, NOTHING you own or possess is more precious than your son..we BOTH know that...lol and we are FIERCE when it comes to our children!! lol
When I was a few months married, my new hubby was on his way from someplace and agreed to pick up my daughter ( who was about 8 at the time, quite older than your boy..) HE WAS 15 MINUTES LATE!
ALL of his stuff was packed and out in the hallway..lol I was NOT having it!!!
He was NOT GOING TO JEOPARDIZE my child! lol so you see I KNOW exactly what you're going through..lol
soo....forgive your mom, don't count on her...just love her and find out what's wrong with her....
And....ENJOY YOUR LITTLE BOY! ( believe that they don't stay little too long!!!) 
{{{HUGS}}}
I have a 4yo boy & a 5 yo boy and a 14 yo step-son!! They really do grow up before you know it!!
We always want to think the best of our family and it always hurts so much when they let us down. This is the reason I didn't really listen to dh when he said: I wonder how long it will be before she forgets to pick him up.
I did tell him about the incident....2 days later. He was upset and told me I need to pick him up from now on.....which will ofcoarse start something else with dm.........anyways......I do forgive her.
You're telling me to enjoy my little boy.....well...I'll try but sometimes..............................lol, he is so moody! My 5yo isn't moody, he's a go with the flow type, but 4 yo.........lets put it this way.....when he wakes up, you wait for him to say good morning!!! LOL!!
So....tell me, what's up with your avatar?!?! Mines the rock and, well that speaks for itself, lol: YUM! edited to add: I just changed my avatar, lol
bluehen, just though I'd let you know that all the teachers were gone at that time of night and the janitors were locking up. One offered to give me a ride home but he was mondo creepy so I decided to walk instead.
mmdd, I was more crushed than anything that they could forget me for THAT LONG!!!!! unfortunantly, this happened more than once, until the last time they forgot me, I hitched a ride with one of my friends and she flipped the car going 70 mph and I didn't have on a seatbelt at the time (which is weird because I always wore one) I almost died. In the hospital my parents were brought in to say their last goodbyes and when I woke up for just a few minutes I was asked why I didn't wait at the school to be picked up? My sentances were messed up but they peiced together that my parents were late picking me up again and that they were locking up and said I had to leave so I found a ride. My parents are good people just always late and really forgetful, if I did this to one of my kids they would have a heart attack. Needless to say they never forgot to pick me up again! In fact my mom went crazy and lost her mind, becoming psychotically overprotective....it actually was almost better being forgotten than having her up my @$$ every 2 minutes, she still is overprotective and I've been married for almost 10 years 
I hope everything works out for you and I'm glad you did tell your DH because he did need to know, but that had to been hard for those words to come out. Best of luck with everything, melissa
yes, I'm fine other than a lot of scars (but no one ever notices them, even though some are on my face and in my hair line) and some minor nerve damage in a small spot in both my inner thighs (about the size of a 50 cent piece on one and a quarter in the other) I have some memory loss and a harder time learning things and retaining them (boy, that makes it fun since I'm back in school ) and my toe nails MUST be painted at all times since they are scared too --my shoes came of in the accident when I was thrown from the car and I landed on my tippy toes, subconscously went in to my old gymnastic stance the doctors said, which pushed my toe nails back. Can honestly say I had skin missing on my face and back since I busted the windshield out with my face and the car battery hit me when I was flying in the air, I was a mess ---I'll spair you the really gory details--out of all of those injuries I could only feel the pain from my toe nails---that's how bad it hurts! I have pictures that they use now in my old high schools driver ed class, plus my blood stained clothes that they had to cut off me -----they say it REALLY GETS THE KIDS ATTENTION! my mom is overprotective of my kids too, she's actually still worse with me but it's slowly starting to trickle down to the granbabies now she tries to be helpful but still accidents happen with my kids, funny thing is they are ok and she is tramatized for the next 2 weeks!
I hope things are going better for you now, I can understand why you would be so worried. and yes, my name is Melissa too!
I use to work at a daycare center and there usually someone that would need help with staying with their child until the parent could pick them up. There were a couple of workers that would take the child home with them and tend to them until the parents go pick them up. Of course they were paid extra for this service. Maybe there would be somebody that you could intrust your child to that would not charge too much for taking them home with them. If you trust them to stay with your child during the day, they should be okay to watch them for a little while. I am worried about the safety of your child not only from your stepfather but also your mother. If she is depressed or sick and taking medicine it could impare her judgment of safety for your child. People that are depressed usually don't think that anything is wrong with them. My mother-in-law always drank and I knew that an accident would happen if I left my son with her. She had also offered to help me take care of my son, but when I saw how off balanced she was I could not risk my sons safety. I hope you find your answer.
mmdd....
I'm so sorry that what you thought was going to help you out, turned out not to be such an ideal situation. You must prioritize at this point. Your child first, of course. Try some of the mentioned suggestions, if possible. If not, and you can't pick him up yourself, then take him out of pre-school. Spend the time with him, teach him yourself....or look around town for a day care or private school that will pick him up for the afternoon hours. We have that kind of stuff here in my neighborhood, in case parents work or are unavailable till late afternoon.
Second, your mom. It sounds like she needs you. The poor woman has gone through more than her share. My condolences to you and your family. It certainly sounds like she's still depressed. Visiting her while your child is in school will take away a couple of your hours, and God knows mothers NEED those hours, but Risque is absolutely correct when she mentioned that mom won't be around forever. Nobody needs to tell you that after your experiences.
Of course, nobody know you better than yourself. We offer advice, but unless we are in your shoes, we probably cannot really grasp your situation, so, really, you must do what your heart tells you to do.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever your decision.
mkolmar ....I swear I was in total disbelief reading your story. I don't even know what to say except that I hope you are a stronger person because of this horrible set of circumstances. I've told my priest about a few incidences (near death) that happened to me that left me questioning why God would let this happen to me. His answer clicked the light on over my head. He said I must have a Guardian Angel that loves me dearly, because after each incident, I really was ok. I am totally NOT a preachy person but I hope you feel that way now, too.
adven68, I am a very strong person because of the car accident but more because I know my family does love me just makes mistakes and I learned that my best friend who was driving the car really wasn't a good friend after all. She told me in the hospital "sorry, I almost killed you, I'll never forgive myself"--and then went on to say "I can't be friends with you anymore, I can't even stand to look at you" She wasn't kidding either! She made the rest of my time in High school a living hell! But I digress....I am a stronger person from this and I learned many valuable lessons from it. I was out of church for a while and this was just the wake up (or gentle slap ) from God that I needed to get my life back on track. I also learned about family and love on a deeper level and who my true friends were and are, something that has to be learned. I also learned I am a fighter and don't give up easily! I actually woke up next to my body bag which freaked me out!!! The state police where there and setting everything up since they knew I wouldn't make it more than a few minutes. HA!HA! I PROVED THEM WRONG! I'm like a roach, I'm hard to kill off! I questioned God why he was doing this to me before and never got an answer--I just didn't get why I was still alive. Well, it actually is a great testimony I've found out, and when I had my kids I knew why I was spaired! My parents were told to say there last good-byes to me in the emergancy room which they tried to do but all my mom did was scream at the top of her lungs and my dad actually cried and couldn't even look at me. My brothers were not allowed in and rammed through a small group of guards blocking the door to see me,which really suprised me, since I always thought I was in their way! When I started to black out again I closed my eyes and could hear what the doctors were saying but could no longer speak.. they told my parents that I would most likely die unless a miracle happened which they just could see ever happening! my dad asked "..and what if she lives?" They told them that I would be a vegatable for life and they would need to take off my left leg and it looked like I was going to loose an eye plus I might need graphing done because of missing skin. If I somehow managed not to be a vegatable than I would be severly retarded and hardly able to move. Well 2 days later I painfully walked out of that hospital. I had no broken bones, no stitches and no skin graphs done! I still have my eye and my leg too! I too questioned why I lived, but years later I had my 4 kids and I think I know why now. God has been good to me and other like you too. I'm blessed, no matter what happens in life when it comes down to it ---I'm blessed.
sorry this is so long and mmdd I didn't mean to hijack your thread!!! I truelly hope that your mom gets the help she needs because it sounds like she is hurting from a slightly broken heart. I can understand why you would be upset---I too would be angry at the whole situation--but risque is right in the fact that your mom won't be around forever. Not to sound sappy but it sounds like your mom may need your help more than ever at this point in her life, unfortunantly I don't think she is reliable enough to help you right now. Melissa, Best of luck to your family, I hope it all works out for you.-----Melissa
mmdd....
Second, your mom. It sounds like she needs you. The poor woman has gone through more than her share. My condolences to you and your family. It certainly sounds like she's still depressed. Visiting her while your child is in school will take away a couple of your hours, and God knows mothers NEED those hours, but Risque is absolutely correct when she mentioned that mom won't be around forever. Nobody needs to tell you that after your experiences.
Of course, nobody know you better than yourself. We offer advice, but unless we are in your shoes, we probably cannot really grasp your situation, so, really, you must do what your heart tells you to do.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever your decision.
Thanks a lot!!! I really appreciate your kind words. I can tell they're coming straight from your heart.
I appreciate all advice given from everyone.
sorry this is so long and mmdd I didn't mean to hijack your thread!!! I truelly hope that your mom gets the help she needs because it sounds like she is hurting from a slightly broken heart. I can understand why you would be upset---I too would be angry at the whole situation--but risque is right in the fact that your mom won't be around forever. Not to sound sappy but it sounds like your mom may need your help more than ever at this point in her life, unfortunantly I don't think she is reliable enough to help you right now. Melissa, Best of luck to your family, I hope it all works out for you.-----Melissa
Ok, first off, you didn't hijack the thread, lol!! I'm just glad you're still alive today!!
My mom won't ask for anything and I've always been there for her to fall on. Sometimes it's almost like a child, with her, you can tell them over & over & over not to do something, but they'll still do it anyway! I've had to call her & remind her of all kinds of things. We're all they're for her, but sometimes it's hard to take care of a parent, I guess.
Thanks!
mmdd, is everything working out with you driving both kids now to school and picking up? How is your mom handeling it, more importantly how are you?
Glad you asked...listen to this.
Wed. morning we go into the preschool and the preschool president is there. She asks to have a talk. Ok, so she told me that my son could no longer come to preschool. He threw a temper tantrum last week and another one about 3 weeks ago. They have had parents complaining and threatening to take their children out of preschool if my son didn't get removed.
Now, please keep in mind that this is a church's preschool and these are all christians that go to this church...99% of the children that attend the preschool are also attending the church.
So.....we're very upset b/c I wanted him to have some pre-Kind. curriculum, but I can do that at home! I have been ever since they could hold a pencil. My oldest could write his name at 2 years old!!!
So...maybe it was a blessing in disguise!
Thanks everyone!!
I know gas is expensive and all, but he's YOUR responsibility..NOT YOUR MOMS. Sorry, but that's how I feel.
Your child, your problem.
Especially if you KNEW that your mother already has a problem, you set yourself up for this to happen, and thank goodness that her husband was available to pick him up.l
If you don't want to make the 3 trips into town, this would be a very nice way to visit with your mom, maybe then you can figure out what's wrong with her..
drop him off, and go visit mom, take her to do some errands, visit with her..just spend quality time with your mom...she's not going to be around forever.
I know a dirty house will not clean itself, but, the dust is NOT going anyplace.
there is nothing wrong with asking for help, she is taking care of her child by asking someone to get them. i ask my parents all the time to help and maybe having that responsibility will help her get through whatever it is she is going through, it may not be tha answer, but it may help.
ok i am taking my foot out of my mouth now sorry 
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