Earlier this year I had an ectopic and a miscarriage with 3weeks (preggie with twins) and it doesn't seem that I can fall pregnant again. Has anyone else experienced anything like this and then fallen pregnant naturally? I'm really trying to sound positive.
Well, pregnancy is a difficult thing. It seems when we DON'T want to get pregnant, it's way too easy and then when we want to get pregnant, sometimes it's easy and other times it's not. There's just a lot of luck to it. First, you have to time things correctly, then all things need to go smoothly with development AND it has to stick. The older you are, the longer it takes because there's more "mistakes" with conception as you age, so success comes less frequently.
For a woman in her mid twenties her chances of conception every month (if everything is perfect) is a little less than 30%. So, every month you get a chance and you have 30% chance for that month. The next month - the same chance. Everything could be PERFECT and you still might just be plain unlucky.
Now, by the time you're my age (36) your chances are about 15-20% each month you will get pregnant.... so on average it takes longer.
Of course, things factor in besides age - weight, health of mother, toxins in body (drinking too much caffeine can lead to lower conception rates).
So, that's if everything is perfect...
Now, if things are amiss, how do you know? First, for some people recovering from a miscarriage takes awhile. Some people's body's bounce right back, other people's bodies take longer to regulate. I had a miscarriage after trying for 7 months... After that miscarriage it took us another 2 years to get successfully pregnant. I could tell things weren't quite right for about a year after the miscarriage and the second year, I was getting chemical pregnancies (where egg and sperm meet, but don't attach properly) and then finally I got pregnant. My case is extreme and I'm sure my weight and my age slowed us down too.
My biggest recommendation, besides relaxing about it (and yes, being too anxious can lower your fertility rates) is to arm yourself with information. The best book on the market for fertility is "Taking charge of your Fertility". It shows how and when to temp, how to recognize your fertility patterns and fertile days and how to recognize any problems with your cycles. Taking a few months of these charts to your Ob/Gyn can give them a lot of information as to what is going wrong - too short a luteal phase, no ovulation, etc. If your doctor is unfamiliar with charting? GET RID OF HIM/HER and find someone who can help you.
THEN... if you still have no success, start doing some bloodwork. It's not a one shot deal either. They need to test at various times in your cycle to see hormone levels, they should check DHs sperm for motility and count, and so on. There are levels of more and more invasive checks starting from simple to complex.
There are lots of infertility boards out there too, but being infertility for a period, doesn't mean you won't or can't get pregnant now or in the future.
One other thing you might want to find out is if you have Endometriosis as that condition can lead to eptopic pregnancies and difficulty in getting pregnant. There are drugs that can help with Endo and conception, so no hope is lost, OK? Do a web search on endometriosis for further info. Common complaints of people with endo is strong cramps, but I can't remember more than that.
Good luck and don't despair! Knowledge is your friend!
melissa
I am having fertility troubles also.Beat of luck to you. I know it can be depressing and very hard.
after a miscarriage and 3 horrible surgeries to fix the botch job the DR. did to her my best friend tried to get pregnant again and it took her almost 2 years to get pregnant again when it was really easy with the one she lost. It was horrible watching her go through this and with all the drugs and (ahem) schedules that she and her DH were on. Well, finally the week she said forget it and they just did their own thing she became pregnant again. Just wrote this to say don't give up and stay positive! Best wishes, Melissa
That is one thing I totally don't understand.... how that "relax" thing works. Of course, it doesn't always work and sometimes there really does need to be intervention, but there are WAY too many anecdotal stories of pregnancies FINALLY happening when the couple gave up, that it can't be coincidental. I really think our anxiousness can interfere with conception. I didn't believe that at ALL until it happened to me.
I mean, we had tried for 2.5 years for #2. We were moving and it was going to be very difficult for me to stay at home in our new locale, so we said we would try up until we were tied into our mortgage. So, we stopped trying officially. I sold EVERYTHING at a garage sale before the move.
We move and the time was so stressful (I was starting a new job that was HORRIBLE). I was so stressed I got hives - never happened to me before. We were working till late at night to lay the wood floors before the moving truck arrived and just barely surviving. Sex? What was that. I think it was basically pure lack of sex that led us to the bedroom the night Henry was conceived. I wasn't paying much attention to my cycle at all, but I was sure I had ovulated already. We had decided in the middle of all the stress not to worry about making "big decisions" about long term contraceptives and I specifically remember DH saying, what would the chances be anyway with everything going on?
Well, wasn't I surprised at the big fat positive pregnancy test two weeks later! The other thing different that cycle was that DH said to me that he was somewhat nostalgic for the toddler years and was a little sad at seeing a little one and realizing we were done. I think something in me relaxed when "I" realized that he wanted it as much as me.... up until then I felt I wanted it more and he was like, "It would be nice, but I could live without it too."...
Funny how things work sometimes. But now???? NO MORE BABIES! I'm done and factory is closed. At soon to be 37 and soon to be 40 thoughts of doing it again are WAYYYYYYYYYYYY out of our minds, but our little "surprise baby" was a nice surprise and as you can see in my avatar pic, there is quite an age gap - 8.5 years, but my older DS LOVES his little brother to pieces and even tried to persuade us to have another one! So much for our worrying he would resent a sibling! LOL
Melissa
Randel, I am sure my preg problems are nothing like yours, but I'll tell you what happened to me. My mother was given a drug called DES to stop her from miscarriaging me. The problem with that was it caused me to have complications with getting preg, and carring to term. The first preg was a tublar preg. I almost died from hemoraging. My DH has a bad memory and forgot something for work, came home and found me passed out. We had talked about adopting and were in the process of finding a child when I became preg again. The second preg, I was extremely sick. Lost 30 lbs in one month. Had to be vary careful throughout the preg. Had a baby boy. The next preg, the baby hour glassed out in the third month. Was sewed up and put at complete bed rest for one month. The fifth month the doctor decided to sew up high so that I would be allowed a little bit of walking. That surgery put me into full blown contractions. The baby lived for 30 hrs. I mentally could not handle anymore losses of babies so I chose not to try anymore. I solved my baby fix by opening a infant nursery. I did this for 15 years and loved every day. I am now hoping to someday become a grandmother. Until then I play with grand niece and nephews. My son was an only child and never complained about not having any siblings. I wish you and your family a happy future with whatever happens. Just make each day the best you can and don't take anyone for granted.
don't know much about this, but I can tell you that a friend of mine had a miscarriage and became successfully pregnant immediately following the waiting period. And then had no troubles a second time.
Good luck!
I was very fortunate to never suffer a miscarriage. But, I totally believe in the stop worrying about it, and let things happen naturally.
DH and I tried for almost 6 years to have a baby with no luck. It can be very depressing and stressful, to watch friend after friend have babies, some of which didn't even want them in the first place. I cried myself to sleep many a night over not being able to conceive, and nothing was wrong physically with us. I had an irregular period so it was hard to get "timing" right, but that was our only issue.
After a long time, I finally made peace with the situation, and was sitting down to lunch with a frien who happened to have the same issues...I commented to her, "You know, I think I'll be okay if it doesn't happen for us, I know it's not the end of the world." And, for the first time in my life I meant it, and was totally relaxed in saying it.
Three weeks later, on Christmas eve, I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. A year and a half later I felt like we should try again, because it had taken so long to have her, and within 8 months I was pregnant with my son. I guess once I figured out it was possible, it just didn't take as long the secong time around.
If you do have health issues that are contributing to your problems, by all means talk to your doctor. By from our situation, I firmly believe that the less stress you have from worrying about it, the better your chances will be!
I had an ectopic pregnancy our first try at having a baby. I thought I had a 50% chance of getting pregnant again but it's really more like a 70% chance. My doctor put me on Lupron Depot for five months because during the surgery he discovered I had severe endometriosis. He said Lupron makes the uterus more "sticky" to keep an embryo... I got pregnant the first day we were allowed to try (after the Lupron) and our beautiful daughter is now eight years old.
I found out later I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and hypothryroidism, so even with all that working against us, it happened anyway! Best wishes to you.
Cheers, from
SwampWitch
Thanks SwampWitch that's exactly what I think I needed to have somebody tell me. (Especially after experiencing it themselves) That it is really possible to have a successful pregnancy after what's happened.
There is a WONDERFUL website that I used to go to while we were trying to get pregnant. It's www.tryingtoconceive.com There are man ymany people there who chart temps, and there are many success stories there too. Check it out! When I was last there, the site was free.
My DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 5 years now. I've always been of the attitude "if it happens, it happens". Until recently it never really bothered me, but now I'm getting closer to 35 and things aren't looking so good. Finding CC has provided me with much need distraction and keeping busy helps me deal with it. It's nice to know, though, that others out there are going through the same thing. For now I'll just keep on hoping for the best!
Melissa
I too had troubles getting pregnant and carrying to term. I had two miscarriages and it took about 3 and a half years before I finally had my baby boy. I went to all the doctors, did all the fertility drugs, did the artificial inseminations, nothing worked. There was nothing that the doctors could see that was wrong with us. I ended up going to this awesome natural medicine dr and I got pregnant two months after seeing him and when he turned one we started trying again because it took so long the first time and I got pregnant right away with twins! With NO fertility drugs! I truely believe in him and am very thankful for my three babies! I know how very hard and stressful it is going through this, if anyone has a question, feel free to pm me! I know it's hard to believe that he actually helped, I was very skeptical about him too, I was very desparate and would try anything! I live in Minnesota and that dr is in Arkansas! But it was well worth it!! I wish all who is going through this hard time the best of luck!!
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