I'm there, I think.....You know it is about the hardest thing in the world, we've had issues on top of issues, we've been together 3.5 years, I feel more married then just living together, he's certainly my "first." But you know, I don't think I even like him anymore...Part of me feels like if I leave I'm just giving up, the other part feels like if I stay I'll miss out on better, and another part of me wants to just have a mental break down either way.
He has "helped" me accumulate so much debt I can't breath, he keeps promising he'll give me some money/has money just has to sell his condo. But there has been so many lies.....
SO WHY CAN'T I JUST LEAVE???????
I know a big part of me keeps wanting to believe him...How can I be this wrong about someone? Then the other part says, if he does have the money, you need to stay until you get it or you'll never see it (which he swears "I could never do that to you"). We've talked about breaking up, for about 2 years now....one always talks the other out of it, but here lately hes been talking me out of it....
I just want to do what's right. I don't want to leave if it could be as good as it once was, but if it is gonna keep going as it is, I want OUT, now. And while the bills stand there and scream at me, for some reason it is easier if he's there. Stupid right, when he doesn't contribute. I'm facing them alone whether he's there or not, but 15,000 is a lot for someone with my job, trying to start a business.
He makes me so mad because he says I'll always be his, and he loves me, he'll never regret it. I'm like "sure, because I've bent over backwards to be good to you. How can you not appreciate it."
needed to air out. I told him to "get the F out" this morning, but I'm sure he'll find some reason to come back...thing is, he's condo "suposedly" closes on the 6th of this month.....but, he's done this to me before, told me "I'm going to get the check, be back in a bit" no money...blames it on ex wife, she didn't tell him it didn't close...I don't know if I even believe that it really exists....
just based on your post, it sounds like it's time to get out. I have not read one reason why you should stay, except for the promise of the return on the debt but honestly, I don't believe that's coming. Someone who loved and respected you would not run up the debt and then string you along. He'd be busting his ass to pay it back and would make small token payments to let you know he's serious. You aren't being treated well and guilt / habit / fear of the unknown has kept you stalled in your tracks. You will truly be so much happier if you can cut loose and BREATHE again. It sounds like he's in the habit of weaseling his way back in over and over - close the door and lock it tight. Don't let this guy take any more advantage of you than he already has. Even if you're left to pay off the debt yourself (which, face it, you probably are already) you are better off on your own with the chance to rebuild your life and start over again. Down the road, you'll be so glad that you did!
Even the few years it may take to pay off a debt would be better than living a lifetime with someone you don't respect or trust.
If you do break up, don't keep in contact with him, for like 6 months. There will be times when you feel horrible, sad, lonely, missing him and want to see him again, even to be "just friends". Trust me, give yourself 6 mos. with no contact, then if you want to be friends it won't be so raw and emotional, and you will have healed and moved on.
After I borke up with my fiance, I would lie in bed at night with my heart aching and my mind racing, almost like a panic attack (maybe it was), but I knew that it was the right thing to do.
Spend time with your girlfriends. Or make some.
Clean your house.
Read some books.
Go for runs or walks to clear your head.
Get a new haircut.
Allow yourself to obsess and be sad. But don't wallow in it.
I wish you luck.
Time to scadaddle. I can understand the feeling of giving up but I don't think that applies here. A relationship, not just marriage, is a partnership. That doesn't mean, I'll be your partner in piling up debt and I'll think about paying it back when I can. . .Chalk this up to a learning experience. DON'T MARRY him if you already feel this way. You can't start a marriage with disrespect muchless maintain any kind of relationship. JMO. Keep your chin up and be tough!
Elle
All I can say is that using 3.5 years together as the basis for continuing the relationship isnt a good reason to stay. Sometimes things just dont work out. Doesnt make you a bad person for leaving. Staying just for the sake of staying, or for wishing things were how they were doesnt generally turn out for the best. Good luck whatever you decide.
He's a mooch. That should piss you off enough to dump his sorry a**.
I find it interesting that you want to "do what's right," but he doesn't.
He's slick. He's a pro. He's such a disgusting con. You're an easy target; he relies on your goodness so that he can take advantage of it.
Your heart AND your head should say, "stay!" I don't see this here.
I don't want to sound mean, but wake up and smell the coffee, honey. A real "man" does not do this to a woman!!!!
Listen to your head.......not your heart. "Love" is not enough. Get the hell out of that situation and find yourself a real man!
I truly wish you all the happiness that you deserve! Now.........go get it!!!!
I agree with everyone else, I hope you get out now. Pay off his debt or go bankrupt, whatever it takes to make yourself a new start, but get away from him, unless you can happily picture yourself at 40 with three kids to support, a cheating husband, and probably $100 grand in the hole. He will never change.
There is a reason he is an EX husband. Get out now. Don't use excuses, just cut your losses. It will be much cheaper than your own divorce down the line. The most important reason to dump him is that if you don't, you are passing up meeting the person you should be with rather on wasting your time on the one you shouldn't...
How to do it...meet OUT for coffee in a diner. This way there are people around and you are on safe ground. Have a game plan. Keep it short and simple. Explain you are not happy, this isn't working for you and that you need to be on your own. Ahead of time work out some kind of arrangement on paper to cover how you are going to get out of debt. Give him a copy of it. This won't be easy especially if he is a master manipulator. This is where it helps that you are in a diner. Be strong. Get up from the table and leave. Go home. Lock yourself in. If he has a key then have the locks changed before you meet him. Have all of his stuff packed for him. Set a time for him to come pick it up and leave it outside your door, OR have someone at the house with you when he comes to pick it up.
You will feel miserable. You will cry. You will question yourself. Somedays you will have to take one day at a time, somedays one hour and really tough days take it one minute at a time. You are not married, so it will be easier for you to break-up as there are no continuing legal attachments. Life is too short to be with someone that you don't respect. It's even shorter to be with someone who does not respect you. HTH.
Pack your bags and run like h*ll. Staying isn't an option if you have nothing left to look forward to except more debt.
Honey, your man sounds like my dad! He's going on 70 next year, and still hasn't changed one iota! You can't change him, he likes who he is and will continue to prey on a woman and live off of her and use her until she gets smart and leaves, or he has drained her dry, physically, emotionally, and financially.
It's been 6 years since I've spoken to my father, and I've never been more content. I miss him now and again, but I know that my family and I are better off without his lying and manipulation.
You don't want your kids to have a dad like mine!!
Cupcakemom's advice sounds right on. And whatever you do, change your account numbers, put a lock on your mailbox or change the lock, and protect all of your important papers by storing them somewhere where he cannot get a hold of them. My dad put my mom into some serious debt by using the info he had to get credit cards in her name, and got money from her bank accounts!!
Somewhere out there is mister right. This ain't him!!
Horselady, are you ok? I hope that you listen to the little voice in your head telling you you're right to bail now. It is not giving up! It's giving yourself a chance! I did this for years and years with the ex and then realized that a better chunk of my youth was gone by the time I did get out! I hope you decide that you are so valuable and need to find someone that knows that, even if it's only you that finds out at first 
Have you ever heard that song by Ashanti (can't remember the name of the song because I'm not like her no. 1 fan or anything) but this one line stung me like a wasp because it is so TRUE:
"All the things that we accept become the things that we regret..."
Don't accept and don't settle 
Lynda
Send him a text
Write him a note
Change the locks
Chuck his stuff out on the lawn
Post a notice in the local newspaper
It doesn't matter HOW you dump this guy - you just make sure you do! He's hopeless. You're only with him because you're feeling like he might be better than no man and because he occasionally throws you a bone along the lines of 'I love you.' Anyone can say that. Get a dog - they mean it without saying a word.
Good luck Horselady. It's hard to dump someone - think of it as dumping a great big bundle of problems in one go.
Emma's right.
You'll need to get ahold of every creditor and explain the new situation. Say that you will no longer be accountable for debts that occur after this date. Wouldn't put it past him to try to run up your accounts even futher to hurt you.
Better tell your landlord that he no longer has the right to be in your home either. He doesn't live there anymore.
mommachris
How are you feeling? Any decisions / action?
Thinking of you,
Emma
I'm with Emma . . . hope you are doing well(better) . . . (((HUGS))) if you need'em!!
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%